The sun was bright and blue in the sky that day. That seems almost universal before major catastrophes. I've done a lot of research here, apparently that seems to be the case with disasters here as well. Part of me fears the day when they finally let me outside. I hope its stormy that day. I like storms. Probably because.. Sorry, I'm getting off topic. Where was I? Oh yeah, bright happy days. I had just turned twelve. My brother, Aidyn, was chasing me through the woods. We used to run through there all the time. I always ran faster, he could never keep up. I lost him and I hid in a tiny little cave. No one knew it was there but me. I was going to jump out and scare him. I saw him walk up slowly, calling my name. At that age I could not hear the fear in his voice, how frantic he was. He stopped suddenly and that was when I heard the screaming from my village.
I looked out to where Aidyn was and I saw three Jaffa surround him. Aidyn was a small young man, three years older than me. He was never much of a threat. They did not have to kill him. The least they could have done was make it quick, just snap his neck or something, but they didn't. They beat him, stabbed him with his own knife, then left him for dead. When they left I swear one of them saw me, looked right at me. I wanted to run to him, to do anything to save him but I was so young, and I was terrified. I stayed in that cave for days, listening to the screams coming from my home, watching my brother's dead body, hoping that he would get up. He never did. When I finally left the cave, I stood over Aidyn's body. His eyes were still open. Those blue eyes that matched mine. He was staring up and me and I stood there for a long time waiting for him to blink. Finally I looked away from him and up towards my village. That's when I saw the smoke.
I ran back as fast as I could. When I got there I saw about two dozen bodies littering the ground. Then I looked at my house. It was nothing but smoldering ash. Its kind of ironic since that's my name. I searched through the bodies around town looking for my mother but I never found her. I still don't know the truth but I can only assume she was killed in the fire. My home was the largest in the little village and almost the whole town could fit inside. They way I figured it, though I never knew if I was right or not, those that were not killed in the initial attack were rounded up later and killed in a fire. Over those first few days I buried the bodies spared from the fire. It was a distraction, something to keep my mind off what had happened. Eventually I finished, burying Aidyn's body last. When it was over I realized that I was alone. Completely alone at twelve years old.
A lot of those first few years were a blur, almost like a dream. I taught myself how to live. Some things I had learned as a child from Aidyn, like how to hunt and what to do with what I caught. I taught myself how to make my own clothes. In comparison my people were rather primitive. From what I have seen and read in my time here I would say we were most like the Europeans in what you called the Middle Ages. Like I said, I don't remember a lot about those first few years. I think it was defense mechanism. I know I spent a lot of time near what we called the Stone Circle. It had not been used in years, generations. No one knew what it was or what it did. I know now, but then I had no idea. The Jaffa came from ships hovering over our planet. We all knew about it. The Goa'uld had been ruling over us for thousands of years. Long ago though, we stopped believing them to be gods. I suppose that was when the trouble must have started.
Anyway, I spent a lot of time distancing myself from what happened, pretending as though nothing was wrong. I was happy, or so I seemed, except when I had my dreams. I had been having those kind of dreams since I was very young though so I thought little of it, until the attack on my home. I remember for months before the attack I saw it in my dreams. Sometimes I blame myself. If I had said something maybe everyone would still be alive. Then I remember that no one would have believed me, I was only a child, what did I know? More than that though, I realized that the past can't be changed. There was no point in dwelling on it now. It was easy then. It became much more difficult not to dwell on loss years later. That's a story for another time though, and if you don't know what I'm talking about you're not as smart as I thought Daniel.
Back to my story. I have no idea how I kept my verbal, and social skills for that matter, so sharp. I remember continuing to teach myself to read. I had been learning before my mother and Aidyn died. I frequently held long conversations with myself. I was fully aware of what I was doing. It was not as if I had multiple personalities. I had to stay sharp, in case I had to negotiate with the Jaffa if they returned. They never did, at least not while I was there. Everything changed the day you showed up. I knew, the second I saw the Stone Circle moving and you in my dreams weeks before you actually showed. I knew everything would change. I just had no idea how much my life would change. When I look back on it now, I don't think I was quite prepared for what happened. I was only twenty-five years old. I had been alone for half my life. Part of me still acted, still thought at times, like I was twelve years old. You knew that though. Things have changed since then haven't they? It's been a slow change though. I owe my survival to SG-1, to you. Thank you, for everything. Now it's time for things to change again Daniel. You told me once that change was a good thing.
Ash
