He was nervous the first time they made love, but not afraid. He could never be afraid of Ludwig. He may have seemed rough on the outside, and he yelled at him whenever he slacked off during training, but no matter how many times he got pushed or smacked around by Ludwig the larger man had never hit him with intent to hurt him. And during every day tasks, like cooking or cleaning, when there hands would brush, sometimes the other would take his own hands in the man's much larger ones and cradled his fingers as if he were the most delicate flower. The soft kisses, the gentle brushes, holding hands, and even when this got a little heated, Ludwig was always gentle. Feliciano wasn't sure the larger man could ever hurt him, the way he acted you'd have thought Feli was made of glass!
That's why it had taken so long for the final step.
He'd grown tired of waiting, impatient and irritated. He loved Ludwig, and Ludwig loved him! they'd been together in this sense for over a year now, when would they finally make love? Sure he was nervous, he was still a virgin even after a thousand years of being a live, but love in the mental and physical form meant far too much to him to simply be a fleeting meet and greet. So why did Ludwig hesitate? Feliciano had tried to initiate it, his hands desperately seeking the friction and heat he had so long denied himself, but Ludwig would always press a gentle hand against his shoulder and push him away, giving Feli an excuse, or saying not right now!
What was he so afraid of?
That's what Feliciano wondered at first, that Ludwig was afraid to go farther. In the end his first guess was right, even if he didn't know that, but many more reasons often times flew through his head.
Maybe Ludwig wasn't attracted to him?
Maybe he didn't want to make love to him.
What if the other man didn't feel everything that he did?
Was there someone else?
Was that it?
As soon as the first self deprecating thought passed his mind many many more followed, each swirling and twisting, coiling and strangling his thoughts till he couldn't set himself apart and look at it for what it really was.
He soon realized he was crying.
Not just crying but sobbing.
He prayed to God that Ludwig wouldn't find him in this state...
His prayers were unanswered.
Immediately the other man came to him, wrapping him up in a tight hug and petting his hair soothingly. He asked him what was wrong. Was he sick? Did someone hurt him? Did he need help? Italy didn't answer, he just buried his face against Germany's neck and cried and cried.
When he stopped crying (how long had he been crying anyway?) Ludwig asked him again what was wrong. Italy looked away, avoiding his eyes and brushing the question off, but Ludwig was insistent, he wasn't about to let this go. He'd never seen Feliciano cry like that before. Italy cried at the most simple things, stubbing his toe, accidentally killing a butterfly, and even when he got scared, but that was different. Somehow... this was different. And he knew it.
Feliciano refused to look at him, and that irritated Ludwig. He shook his shoulders and demanded he tell him what was wrong. Feli's eyebrow twitched and he looked at Ludwig, his eyes were brimming with tears and his face red with anger, "You want to know what's wrong!?" Ludwig was taken aback, blinking and opening his mouth to reply but Feliciano cut him off, "Why won't you make love to me!?" He demanded. His eyes clenched shut and he wrapped his arms around himself tightly, "Am I not good enough?! Is that it? Or is there someone else? I know I'm weak... but you don't have to lie to me!" He sobbed out brokenly.
Ludwig opened his mouth... and then closed it. Feliciano was that upset by it...? He saw irritation, and sometimes a bit of disappointment, when he pushed the other away, but he'd never truly considered how it made Italy feel to be rejected like that, "... Italy... no, Feliciano, I'm sorry if I've hurt you."
Feli scoffed softly and screwed his mouth up in a sneer, "I mean it!" Ludwig insisted, wrapping his arms around the smaller man and pulling him close, "I never meant to make you feel rejected... I'm just..."
Feli blinked as a short silence enveloped him, when Ludwig didn't continue he asked, "You're just what?"
Germany sighed and nuzzled his cheek against Italy's neck, "I'm afraid Feli."
"Afraid...? Afraid of what?" his eyebrows rose dramatically. What could be so bad that even Ludwig was afraid? Surely it couldn't be Italy, right?
"I'm afraid of hurting you. I've never..." he cleared his throat with a blush, "I-I've never had s-sex before... I'm not experienced, even though I've read books, and I know how easy it is to make a fool of myself... I'm afraid of screwing up. I'm afraid you won't like it, or worse that you'll be hurt badly. That's what I'm afraid of." his blush deepened and he swallowed thickly, tensing when Feli wrapped his arms around him.
"Oh Ludwig... Ludwig. You could never hurt me."
"But what if-"
"No," he pulled back and pressed a finger to Germany's lips, "Listen. I know you could never hurt me. Luddy, you treat me like I'm made of glass, but even if you get rough (which you should know better than anyone can also be fun!) you could never truly hurt me. I know it. I trust you." Taking Ludwig's hand in his own he pressed the man's large palm to his cheek, "I've loved you for so long."
"I love you too." he said automatically.
Feli smiled, "I know. And I'm so thankful for that, but sometimes Luddy..." he giggled softly, "As smart as you are, sometimes you can be so silly." he kissed his palm, "I've been waiting too long, WE'VE been waiting too long." Ludwig gulped, heat rising to his cheeks and splashing against his cheeks, "Please, make love to me Ludwig, make me yours."
With a soft groan and hazy eyes Ludwig leaned forward to press their lips together in a passionate kiss.
He was nervous, but he was not afraid.
The sun was bright and the crisp morning air rustled the curtains as a breeze rolled in. Their legs tangled under the sheets, lazily wrapped up in one another after a night of love-making. Ludwig moved his arm from over his eyes, glancing to the side at the still sleeping Italian. Or at least he thought he was sleeping...
Feliciano giggled and shifted, fingers trailing lazily up Ludwig's side and making him jump, "S-stop that, i-it tickles." he complained, making Feli giggle again.
"Good morning sunshine~" he teased, opening his warm brown eyes. Ludwig couldn't help a blush. Those eyes... so beautiful. They were always filled with such life, such innocence, he sometimes thought to himself that Italy was too precious for this world. Leaning forward with eyes closed he kissed the smaller man's forehead, making him giggle again and tilt his chin up to kiss Ludwig's neck, "Ve~ I'm kinda sore~ but who wouldn't be after a night like that!"
Ludwig pulled away and frowned at him, his face subconsciously falling into a (super manly) pout and blush.
Feliciano sat up, wincing slightly at the ache in his bum, "Ve... now don't be mad but... I think there's a little blood on the sheets," he said, his own blush matching Ludwig's.
Germany sat up straight and pulled the sheets back. There was indeed blood, not a lot, but it was enough to strike horror in his heart, "F-feli... why didn't you tell me I'd hurt you?" he asked, looking up at him with guilty eyes.
Groaning and rubbing his head Feliciano whined, "Luuuddyyyyyy... don't you start this with me!" he pouted, "Ve, I know you're smart Luddy, I'm sure that you know not once was I in pain last night. Actually, quite the opposite." he grinned deviously at him, leaning over to kiss and nip at his neck. Ludwig gasped and pushed him back gently by the shoulders, causing the other man to pout.
"B-but the blood-"
"Is normal. Ve~ I am, well I WAS a virgin after all. Of course I was going to bleed slightly, plus you're so big," he grinned, making Ludwig sputter slightly, "But it didn't really hurt! It felt very very good, and I wouldn't mind doing it over and over again! Ve~ Just not right now though, I'm still kinda sore."
Ludwig sighed and shook his head, "What am I going to do with you?" he asked, tilting his head and giving him an amused smiled.
"Ve~ I don't know, but hopefully it will involve more of that. Oh! And pasta too... speaking of pasta..." his tummy grumbled, "Breakfast~"
Really now. Somethings never change.
