"Welcome Aboard" Episode Rewrite

A/N—Sherwood Schwartz was not the one who insisted putting Cousin Oliver into the Brady household; that was some of TPTB at Paramount. I'm not a fan of Oliver either (but no, I don't believe he was the reason why there was no sixth season), so he doesn't exist in my Brady Universe. I really like most of the episode "Welcome Aboard." I think the writing is clever, especially at the beginning of the episode, so I'm rewriting the rest of it. This takes place about six weeks before Greg's graduation, so it would be mid-April. Also, I'm writing this is script form. My apologies to those who don't care for script form. Enjoy!

A/N1—I am redoing some of the chapters in this story (minor additions and revisions) because I've written a prequel, and I added a couple details not present when I first wrote this story and I want to incorporate them (it'll make more sense now).


Mike drives onto the driveway after a long day of work. It is a clear, sunny day, as they generally are in the Brady universe. Work at the architecture firm has been going well, but he is glad finally to be home. He can't wait to see his six kids and beautiful wife. He gets out, walks to the family room sliding door and enters the house. He sees Bobby and Cindy playing a game of checkers. Cindy's brow is furrowed in frustration. He supposes Bobby is winning.

Mike: Hi kids. Hey, who's winning?

Bobby: I'll give you a hint….Me!

Mike: Yeah. Hang in there, Cindy.

He walks into the kitchen and Carol walks in from the dining room. He can't help but think how beautiful she looks, dressed in a white blouse, pink vest, turquoise necklace and peppercorn slacks. Pink is a good colour on her. Her hair is no longer in the flip style she wore for two years, but is cut short.

Carol: Hi honey!

Mike: Mmmm! He embraces his wife and they kiss.

Carol: Did you have a good day?

Mike: Oh, about the same as usual. How 'bout you?

Carol: Well, not quite as usual as usual.

Mike: That's unusual. You gonna tell me what made it not so usual as usual?

Carol: Grinning from ear to ear. Well, I merely found out that we're gonna have an addition to the family.

Mike: Stunned! We're gonna have a what?

Carol: Well, six kids plus one kid, equals seven kids! Smiling.

Mike is flustered and tongue tied. His head feels like it's spinning. What did she just say? Did I hear her right? Seven kids? Boy, this tie is tight!

Carol: Looks at his quizzically. Well, aren't you gonna say something?

Mike: He stammers, trying to find words. My, my mind is willing, but the rest of me is too numb to cooperate. I mean, honey, are you sure? Are you really sure? He puts a hand on each of her shoulders.

Carol: Positive! Laughing. Are you sure that a man in your condition should be carrying that heavy briefcase?

Mike sighs. Still stunned, he allows Carol to take the briefcase and lead him into the living room.


Meanwhile, Bobby and Cindy lose interest in their game and listen in from the bar, unbeknownst to their parents.

Cindy: Did you hear that? Mom's gonna have a baby!

Bobby: Wow! Hey, wait 'till the other kids find out!

They race off to tell the other kids as Carol leads Mike to the couch.


Carol: Kinda shocked, aren't you?

Mike: Yeah. I didn't even see a jar of pickles in the refrigerator. When are we expecting?

They sit on the couch.

Carol: December. I'm about six weeks' along. Her smile widens. Remember the long weekend we were supposed to take…

Mike: …but couldn't because of Jan's senior night? What about it?

Carol: Takes her husband's hand and puts it on her abdomen. We have a little souvenir of that weekend.

Mike laughs nervously and shakes his head as he is having difficulty finding words. Carol tries to make eye contact, but Mike is focused on her abdomen.

Carol: I know we hadn't planned on having more kids. She is getting a concerned look on her face. Mike?

Mike: Looks his wife in the eyes and grins. I think I'll get some cigars to pass out at the office!

Carol: Oh, Mike! She embraces her husband.


Cindy bursts into the girls' bedroom. Marcia and Jan are sitting on their beds doing their homework while Alice is emptying trashbins. She is about to burst with excitement. She runs into the room and slams the door.

Cindy: I know the most fantastic secret in the whole world!

Marcia: Cindy, we're doing our homework.

Jan: Can't your secret wait?

Cindy: Only for nine months.

Alice: What's that supposed to mean.

Cindy: Grinning from ear to ear. It means… that mom's gonna have a baby!

Alice: A baby?

Jan: What? Moving to Marcia's bed.

Marcia: How'd ya find that out?

Cindy: Well, my ears just happened to be at the right place at the right time. I heard her tell dad.

Jan: That's really wild!

Marcia: Super! Both sisters are grinning from ear to ear.

Alice: It'll be like old times. Looking a bit dreamy. I used to be a pretty good burper. Patting the bin as if it were a baby.

Marcia: Hey, we better not let mom know we know until she wants us to know. You know?

Jan: Yeah, you understand, Cindy?

Cindy: Hmm, mmm! She shakes her head.

Alice: I'll sum it up in two words, sweetheart…

Cindy: What?

Alice: Don't blab.

Cindy: Oh!

They all laugh.

Jan: A baby!

Marcia: I can't believe it!


Bobby races up to Greg's attic room where he and Peter are playing guitar. He, too, is bursting with so much excitement, he nearly trips up the stairs.

Bobby: Hey you guys! I've got great news!

Greg: What?

Bobby: Mom's gonna have a baby!

Greg: A baby?!

Peter: Are you sure?

Bobby: Raises his right hand as if to swear an oath. May I never read a comic book again!

Peter: He's sure!

Bobby: Don't tell mom I told ya, huh?

Greg: Okay. Puts his hand on his head. Whaddya know?!

Peter: Wow! A baby! Hands the guitar to Greg. Here, I can't practice at a time like this, I'm an expectant brother! He runs off laughing.

Greg laughs and rocks his guitar as if it were a baby.


Alice is cooking and Carol is humming, carrying the salad bowl to the dining room. Alice intercepts it.

Alice: Oh, don't do that, Mrs. Brady.

Carol: Why not, Alice?

Alice: Well, salad for nine is a lot and I used a very heavy dressing.

Carol looks at her strangely as Alice takes the bowl in. Carol shakes her head and begins getting dishes out of the cabinet. Marcia and Jan come in to stop her.

Marcia: Mom, you shouldn't be doing that!

Jan: Let us set the table. Take it easy. They take the dishes from their mother.

Carol: Are you two…volunteering to help?

Marcia: Mmm, hmm.

Carol: Puts her hands on her daughters' cheeks. Are you sure you're feeling alright?

Marcia: That's a question we should be asking YOU. They take the dishes to the table.

Carol looks off, very confused at what's going on. She asks Alice about it.

Carol: Alice!

Alice: Hmm?

Carol: Is there something going on that I should know about?

Alice: If you don't know about it, Mrs. Brady, nobody does.

Carol: What do you mean?

Alice: Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! She tries to brush it off.

Bobby and Cindy bound into the kitchen and surround their mother. They're so excited that they're having a hard time keeping it to themselves.

Cindy: Hi, mom!

Carol: Hi!

Bobby: Hey, you look great!

Carol: Thanks!

Cindy: Better than you ever did!

Carol: Looking at the kids skeptically, she puts her index finger to the side of her face. Okay. This is beginning to sound like "Operation Snow Job." Did report cards come in today?

Cindy: Hmm, mmm! She shakes her head.

Bobby: We just want you to know how happy we are about you looking so good.

They leave. Carol decides to change the subject.

Carol: Alice, what's for dessert?

Alice: Why? Did you have a craving for something special, like…watermelon a la mode maybe?

Carol: Gets a sick look on her face. Ugh! Watermelon a la mode? That is a weird combination, Alice.

Alice: Yeah, but did you have a craving for it?

Carol still confused, quizzes Alice, a bit exasperated by it all.

Carol: Okay, I demand to know what's going on around here?

Alice: Well, if you insist, Mrs. Brady. We know about the new family addition and we're all very happy about it.

Carol: A big grin spreads across her face as she realizes what's going on. Oh, so that's what all this is about. How'd you find out about the baby?

Alice: A little bird told me.

Carol: Huh?

Alice: Oh, she has blonde hair, curled in ringlets, and is about oh, four foot ten.

Carol: How'd she find out?

Alice: She and Bobby were playing checkers in the family room.

Carol: And she must've heard Mike and me talking. I assume Bobby told the boys?

Alice: I suppose so. Smiles. It'll be so nice to have a baby in the house again. Carol is beaming. Congratulations!


The Bradys, including Alice, are sitting down to dinner. The kids are trying to carry on conversation without bringing up the fact they know about the baby. Carol thought about telling Mike that Alice and the kids already know, but she didn't want to burst his bubble. As the family is finishing up dinner, Mike taps the side of his glass with his spoon.

Mike: I've got an announcement to make.

The kids sit up, almost at attention, trying to suppress the grins that are plastered on their faces.

Peter: Trying to feign ignorance. What is it, dad?

Bobby: I didn't do it! Erm, whatever it is. He pretends to blush.

Cindy: Sure, Bobby. We all know what you and Millicent were doing at Marioni's Pizza, and it wasn't eating pepperoni pizza. She makes kissing noises. Bobby and Millicent, sittin' in a tree… Bobby cuts her off.

Bobby: You're one to talk…you and Jeremy and the ice cream parlour!

Cindy: Gets indignant. Hey!

Mike: You and Jeremy? What's this? When did this? Never mind, we'll talk about it later. Gives his youngest kids a look of exasperation. Alright you two, no one's done anything. He inhales deeply. It's just your mother and I are uh, uh. We're umm. He loses his nerve and looks over at his wife. Do you wanna tell 'em?

Carol: I'm gonna have a baby! She is grinning from ear to ear.

The kids' grins grow larger as the realize Bobby and Cindy WERE telling the truth.

Alice: Congratulations!

Greg: When?

Carol: I'm due in December.

Marcia: Getting a bit sentimental. A baby for Christmas!

Jan: How are you feeling?

Carol: I feel fine. The doctor said the baby and I are the picture of health.

Peter: Chuckles and chucks his dad on the arm. Well, whaddya know, the old man's still got it in 'em.

Mike blushes and thinks, "Wow! I am old. I've got a son in college this fall, one in high school, and one in junior high. Now, I'm starting all over at 42. When the baby goes to college, I'll be…60." He takes a big gulp. Carol looks over at her husband with a concerned look on her face. She doesn't say anything, however.

Bobby: I think it'll be cool to have a little brother.

Cindy: Uh, you mean little sister.

Bobby: Uh, no, I mean little brother. I've already got a LITTLE sister.

Cindy: Well, I've already got a LITTLE brother.

Bobby: I'm older than you. I can't be your LITTLE brother.

Cindy: Oh yeah?

Carol: Kids! Cool it!

While Bobby and Cindy are having their spat, Alice gets up and goes to the kitchen. Shortly thereafter, she comes back with a cake. It's decorated with white frosting, pink and blue roses and greenery around the border. In the center, there's writing, "Congratulations, mom and dad"

Alice: She places the cake in front of the parents-to-be (again). Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Brady!

The kids express their congratulations and applaud. Mike and Carol are surprised. Both are grinning from ear to ear.

Mike: Thanks. Still unsure whether to be shocked, a bit frightened, or ecstatic.

Carol: Guys, you shouldn't have. A tear rolls down her cheek.

Mike: Looking concerned. Honey, are you okay?

Carol: Dabs her eye and sniffs a bit. Yeah, I'm fine. It's just a lot to take in. I'm sorry. She waves her hand in front of her face to dry her tears.

Mike puts his arm around her shoulders and kisses her on the cheek over her tears. She melts into his embrace.

Alice: Shall I serve you up a piece?

Carol nods and Alice begins cutting and serving the cake. Jan passes pieces to everyone at the table. Greg and Marcia clear the dinner dishes. Mike and Carol end their embrace.

Mike: I'd like to propose a toast. The rest become quiet. To my wife. She is as beautiful and lovely as she was the day I married her. Turns and looks at his wife. You've given me three beautiful daughters and now a beautiful baby. I'm the happiest man on earth. I love you.

Tears are streaming down Carol's face. She mouths, "I love you." The kids raise their glasses, "To mom!"


That evening, Mike and Carol are in bed. Mike is reading the newspaper and Carol is knitting.

Carol: Mike?

Mike: Hmmm? He continues to read.

Carol: Puts her knitting down and turns to look at her husband. Are you happy about the baby? She looks concerned,, and a bit worried, as she is thinking about Paige.

Mike: Still has the paper in his hands. Sure. Why wouldn't I be?

Carol: Well, you seemed a bit preoccupied at dinner tonight. Is there something wrong?

Mike: No, nothing's wrong. He thinks to himself, "Are we gonna lose this baby like we lost Paige?"

Carol: Lowers the paper so she can look at him. Mike. There IS something wrong.

Mike: Puts his paper aside. No, there's nothing wrong. It's just we weren't planning on having any more kids. Now that they're almost grown, we're starting over?

Carol: A couple tears roll down her face. You don't want the baby?

Mike: Looks at his wife and wipes her tears. No, I'm not saying that. It's just it's a lot to take in, okay? I was getting used to the fact that in a few years, all the kids would be out of the house and it would be just the two of us for the first time. I was kinda looking forward to it.

Carol: Are you sure that's all it is?

Mike: Kisses her nose. Positive. Just let me get used to the idea. He thinks to himself, "Oh boy. What an idea to get used to. Diapers, midnight feedings, I'm too old for this."

Carol: Really?

Mike: Yes, really. Inside, "She looks so happy, she's beaming. I can't disappoint her. Wow, she's gorgeous. What did I do to deserve her?"

He begins placing light kisses on her face and along her neck and shoulders. We're gonna have a baby.

Carol: Giggles. I know.

Mike: It's gonna be a girl. She'll be as beautiful as her mother.

Carol: It could be a boy who is just as handsome as his father.

Mike: No, I know it's gonna be a girl. She'll have your eyes, your smile…

Carol: …your hands, your hair…. She runs a hand through his hair.

They turn off the lamps and settle in the covers in an embrace.

Mike: He whispers. A baby.

Carol: I know.

Mike: I love you.

Carol: I love you.

They fall asleep in each other's arms.

--End of Chapter One--