She instantly felt guilty as her fingers traced the outline of her own breasts. She felt dirty as well as intoxicated and well aware that it was the alcohol making her do this. She rocked herself on his large and hard member that was fully erected lying across his belly under her. She didn't feel ready to take him inside her just yet but she wanted to tease and have him keep looking at her like he did now. His deep blue eyes were eating her like a lion liking it's pray for the sweet drops of blood before the actual meal. She sighed to herself closing her eyes. He wasn't the one she wanted. Far from. He was somebody, a nobody to her but right now a warm body under her. He had made her feel beautiful, complimented her on her looks. She still looked 20, he'd said. She knew he was lying to get into her pants. She knew she looked every day her 25 years of age. Not in a bad way of course but she looked like a young and attractive woman in her prime youth.
She was here in New York. It had been unreal it first. Exciting and dramatic. School had her busy and occupied unthinking of what she had left in Lima. She had left them all behind. Finn and she had lost contact over the years. Last she heard was he married Quinn and they had their second child coming. The only other person from Glee she really talked to was Brittany which was odd. Brittany had moved to New York and was a dancer. She had long ago married Artie who had given up on singing and had instead got a job as an IT consultant earning enough to let Brittany play and dance as much as she wanted. Brittany was a good dancer no doubt but she didn't have to struggle.
Tina and Chang had split and Tina had a job as a music teacher in Washington. Chang working in PR in the same company as Artie. Rachel didn't really talk to either. Only to Brittany on a regular basis because was her oldest friend in town, knew all the good gossip and Brittany did give her insights on the latest moves in the dancing world that Rachel used for dance classes.
Rachel the star-to-be hadn't made it yet. She was sorry to admit. She had tried hard and many times but it seemed whatever role she auditioned for they were looking for something else. Someone taller, other vocal range, blonde...mostly blonds. She had considered colouring her hair but felt it would be an attack on her integrity so she made it by writing a column every week about the ups and downs of a star to be as well as teaching on the side. She wasn't well-off but she had what she needed and rent was paid every month on her small flat. She had what she needed. Except fame and a regular boyfriend. No matter how hard she tried she always lost them. "It's not you, it's me," was her cue to run now. She had never leant to pick up on it still wanting things too much. One guy had manned up and told her she suffocated him and he only told her for her own sake. She had wanted to puke or hit him. She had settled for walking out.
"oh God baby, you're driving me crazy," he moaned under her and then lifted her up to position him inside her. She felt empty when he filled her and part of her wanted to cry, scream or hit him. He was going to tell her the exact same thing as all the others. She wanted to get it over with and done. The passion or hope of it that had made her say yes to come up with him, was gone now. She flipped them over so he was on top.
"But, babe," he breathed hard into her neck. "You're so hot on top." She wiggled and grasped him with her inner muscles and he groaned. How could he find this good when she wasn't? Why didn't those two seem to work together? Why did she feel so empty when she was with someone? It wasn't like he was prick or an ass, well yet anyway. He had taken her to dinner and he had been fun and witty. She'd had a good time. But now she was the one feeling suffocated.
"You're so big and make me feel like a real woman when you fuck me," she settled for. He stopped and she knew she'd said something wrong.
"I'd never have pecked you as a dirty talker." He stated flatly but then began moving with long strokes. It should feel good but she found herself being bored and thinking about how nasty his sweat made her feel, how his cock was doing it all wrong, his kisses were sloppy and without character. She wanted this to end now so she could make the excuse to leave. It had been a mistake.
He finally finished and she felt relieved when he retreated to the bathroom to clean himself off. She sat up and looking around to find her clothes. She stood hurried determined to be dressed when he came back. She had found her bra, panties and skirt when he came back.
"What the..? Rachel?" She turned around with a guilty look.
"I'm sorry, I have to get going. Got an early class," she was lying. She didn't. He nodded slowly. "I'll call you, okay?" She wouldn't. He smiled and walked over to her still naked and gave her a kiss.
"Sure, babe." She hated being called babe.
Rachel had slept like crap that night when she had finally come home. Restless and worried. She didn't know why and decided to go see her best friend the next morning. Sid was sitting her office with a mess of pictured, magazines and food around her. Her dog, Krumme, was on the floor but sprang to life when he spotted Rachel. Sid looked up from her work with a huge smile.
"He only makes a racket like that when you come," she said and got up to hug her small friend. Sid had been a model when she was 18 till she was 22 and had at that time decided she was done with being on front of the camera and had taken classes in photography where she has met Rachel. She said, now, that she was offered a more permanent spot of slavery. She was a photographer working for all the big magazines and as well as the rest of fashion industry. She had even been on Topmodel shooting them in one of her style shoots. Sid did style and simplicity like no other and she was famous for it. She was however unaffected with it and most days looked like a slob. A beautiful slob but still a slob. Like now she was wearing yoga pants and a grey washed out sweater that read 'I 3 Copenhagen'. Rachel was surprised this one didn't have a spot of sauce or whatever Sid was good at getting on herself.
Rachel returned Sid's hug. Despite her dishelved look Sid was always clean.
"I know. He's such a sweet boy," Rachel said as she scratched the pooch's ear. Krumme leaned into her touch and she envied Sid the freedom to take her dog to work.
"What brings you by? You look like hell." Sid was always honest in her own concerned way. Rachel shrugged and sat down in the only other chair in the room.
"How did the date go?" Sid had her eyes back to her pictures but Rachel knew nothing was slipping by her friend.
"It was...nice."
"That bad, hm?" Sid put the set of pictures to the side into a pile about to drop on the floor. "What did he do? Just boring? A jerk?" Rachel sighed again.
"No, he was nice and all but," she stopped looking at Sid. "Do you ever feel like you're missing something? I mean being single and all?" Sid furrowed her brown and finally looked up.
"Yes why do you think I have a dog I take with me everywhere?" Rachel smiled.
"I mean seriously, Sid? Like the race is for through breeds and you're a zebra?" Sid gave her a lopsided grin.
"I never feel like a zebra, Rach." Rachel was getting frustrated. "I have too long legs."
"Stop deflecting." As well as Sid knew Rachel, Rachel knew her just as well. Sid was brutally honest about most things but hardly ever about her own feelings.
"No I feel like I am a though breed they forgot to teach how to race," she finally gave in. "You're a different breed all together, Rach. Don't worry. It'll all work out." There was a haunted sadness for a second in her friend's eyes. Sid had seen most of the world, unlike Rachel, but it had had its price.
"You think?"
"I have to." Sid's smile was small as she focused back on her pictured. There was a comfortable silence as both women thought.
"Don't you have work today?" Rachel stretched lazily.
"Yeah I need to write my column but that's not due till Friday." Sid let go of yet another set of pictured and this time the stack did fall to the floor.
"Lort!" She hissed in her typical way. She used her native language to curse saying it was exotic when people didn't know what she was saying. Rachel was inclined to agree having picked up a fraises or two herself.
"You organize your office..." Rachel said slowly. Sid huffed.
"When hell freezes over." Sid in a nutshell. "Uh, I have an invitation to some party tonight. Don't remember where or why but it's a party. We should go. You need to get out with a friend and not some stupid man." Rachel mused it over. She could really do with a night out and with Sid it was always fun. "Come on, Rach. I need to get out as well. I'm a dried up old maid. Almost 30." Rachel grinned.
"Okay. Find out where and when." Sid nodded. She probably already knew where, when and why but wouldn't tell Rachel.
"Sure thing."
Rachel spent the morning shopping for something to wear as Sid had texted her with the details. It was a party for Vogue which was most likely why she hadn't told her in the first place. Rachel wasn't too keen on the fashion industry always having felt like an outsider. Through high school she had been called a freak and what not and it had left a scar of insecurity. Mid-way through and endless hunt for a dress Sid texted her she didn't need a dress after all. Sid had stolen a couple from a photo shoot – with shoes. Rachel had nothing to do but work so she went to her office for a few hours writing a random but funny anecdote on dating. More her dating. She made the guy from last night seem more funny than he had been and she, the helpless heroine, trapped under his sweaty boring body with too much hair. A little lie goes a long way in writing a column.
By the time Rachel made it home, she was tired. She had taught two ballet classes from 5 to 7 and she wasn't too keen on the party but hell come high water if Sid was going to take no for an answer. Sid was sitting on her doorstep as she came up the stairs.
"Hello girlfriend." Sid stood with two dresses over her arm. "You are not getting out of this one." Rachel knew it as well when she saw the dress in Sid's arms. She never could refuse a beautiful dress.
