Severus Snape flew toward the enemy's face, hoping to send an abracadabra between the eyes of the abomination who had murdered his unrequited love, the same creature which every force in the galaxy had teamed up to defeat. It had long ceased to be a man. It was not even truly a machine. It was simply Voldetron, and its relentless power could swipe through whole universes with a fury that would make entropy piss itself.
As Severus arrived at its face, he saw that behind the haunting cold eyes of the galaxy-sized robo-wizard was nothing but miles and miles of circuitry, an endless maze of life-consuming confusion. Severus jumped right into that fucking eye, determined to kill it.
Losing his power to fly, he fell several miles and when his feet shattered the surrounding floor, he noticed a red guardian wielding an axe and a gun with incredible speed, courage pouring from its every orifice, fighting off the security Batmen, thrice damned Sith clones of the once-proud Bruce Wayne.
"Fucking Gryffindors" muttered Severus, but hurried to his feet and aimed his wand at the guardian's fuel tank.
"Identify yourself, mothertrucker!" He cried like a mad President Reagon.
"I am Optimus Prime, and I am the only way you'll get to Voldetron's human heart to kill it! I have waited here for decades to meet someone with the sheer goddamn balls to come kill Voldetron's human heart! Now with your magic wand, we may get close enough to finish the fight! Now quickly," the guardian added, "Get inside me!"
Severus nearly began to rape the Autobot before realizing its meaning: it had become a big stupid truck. Severus jumped inside the passenger seat and buckled up before they plowed through the Batmen like Cerberus plows down Les Miserables with impunity. The edges of Severus' vision began to blur from moving at hyper-speed, and he saw several Sith Batmen age into death even as millions took their place.
Optimus' voice sounded over the radio, guns blazing from all sides of its body, splattering the room with Bat-Blood.
"When we get to the center of Voldetron's head, there will be a massive force field that destroys anything inorganic and rapes the organic parts to death if they get through. Prepare your orifices." Severus was launched through the truck's flaming windshield as Optimus abruptly slammed on the brakes. Crashing to the ground, he found himself naked and his wand, he realized, was back in the truck. Before he could return to Optimus, he found himself molested from every side, ugly vines penetrating his ears and eyes and other places, killing him instantly as they secreted into his brain.
Severus Snape was no ordinary fucktard, however, and had had the foresight to carry a bezoar inside his appendix, which instantly cured him of any death. This was, in fact, his seventh death that month, and had almost no effect on him whatever. The tentacles, however, were so shocked that they all jumped from his body and scurried away at the sight of his ghoulish walking corpse. Severus didn't think. He knew what he had to do.
Sprinting at the shriveled carcass of a man he'd once worshipped, Severus punched it in the face over and over, feeling its nose shatter, sending shards of cartilage into its snake-brain. The man-monster's shriveled eyes opened up, a fierce speckled red, and hissed a final message to Severus.
"At last," said Tom Riddle's zombie, "at last you are strong, Severus Snape." With that phrase, The war was over and the scourge of worlds passed from existence. The force field collapsed and the tentacles fell over. The remaining Bat-Clones found themselves without purpose in their life.
