This is for Camp Potter- Arts & Crafts (Week 4)
Prompts: Higher, ink, and before
Also for Allie because Moxy
It won't be long now, Roxy, love.
I promise I won't make you wait.
I promise I won't be cruel.
I've known for too long that this is how it will end.
I've been selfish; could you ever forgive me, dear?
My lungs are rebels without a cause and I'm drowning.
(I always said that when I go it'll be my lungs, didn't I, love?
Said the nicotine would finally take them out,
thought the menthol would take the edge off.)
I tell you it doesn't hurt but I'm lying.
I think you know it.
Perhaps we'll just feed each other lies until I'm gone.
We'll pretend it isn't happening,
pretend this hospital room is just another game of make believe.
We'll pretend that we can be eight years old again
playing princesses in the treehouse,
flying brooms higher than we should,
and bribing Lucy not to tell.
We'll pretend we're young and naïve
And that [things like this]
don't happen
to [people like us.]
I've seen you watching me every day when you think I'm sleeping.
I open my eyes a crack and I see your ink stained fingers inching towards mine
like a child tiptoeing down the bedroom hall,
like a couple of cousins walking on eggshells
at every family gathering.
(I bet the next reunion will be awful without me.
I'm sorry for you even now.
Tell Uncle Charlie I miss him.)
You hold my hand like you're afraid,
afraid my skin will soak up all the angry words you've written
for the sake of saying all the things you'll never speak aloud.
You were always a better story teller than I was anyway
and I'm glad it's me instead of you.
But Roxy, love, before I go…
before I go…
Remember me the way I was
when we were happy,
when we didn't care what anyone thought.
Remember me when I was whole
and you were the only one
stealing the air from my lungs,
and our fingers weren't stained with
ink or =nicotine=
because they were too busy holding on to each other.
Remember the way I love(d) you.
Because I do love you,
and I'm sorry if I didn't say it enough
because I thought I wasn't allowed
and I swear I'll say it
twice over
for every time I didn't when I wanted to.
I swear I'll never stop until I…
stop.
We all stop sooner or later.
It won't be long now, Roxy, love.
I promise.
