Dead to You

No matter what I do, you're always right there. You build me up, then you tear me down…. I thought you would understand me I thought you were different, turns out, you did nothing but lie. You made it seem like it was all my fault, you made it seem like I hurt you. Yet all I did was try to help, why do you push me away? You say I shot you in the heart yet you're dagger is to my throat. You say you love me but you just cant take the way I treat you all the time. The more you tell me all of this, the more I want to cry. The more I realize how cold you are, the more I want to die. You blamed it all on me, pinned nothing on yourself. Now that you're gone I have to do without? I know I am better off I know I cannot stay. So why then why do I have this urge to stick around in darkness and despair? All I wanted was your kind words, you there when I fall, now I am dead to you. You say I shot you in the heart… Then why did your burning arrow just pierce mine?

To R.M. Thanks for opening my eyes and making me realize what a jerk you are.

A New Awakening…

When I first started talking to you, I never realized how much I liked you. You said finding the right girl was like finding a needle in a hay stack. I made the comment about it being like finding a blue rose in a red rose garden. You think it would be easy to find, but it is the most difficult challenge. You told me I am your blue rose. You could so easily take advantage of me, yet, you don't… Why? This feeling I have is so strange… You and I have built our own world together, time is erased here, we are at our happiest here. You hold me close, you tell me I will be the only one. Yet… You hesitate. You say you have been lied to… Been hurt too many times. I want to heal you, heal your heart, remove the scars… So why does it feel like the closer I get, the more scars I turn back into wounds?

Thank you for loving me and erasing my fears TC.

Crumbling

The world we made together seems to be crumbling, I'm reaching for your hand as the walls crumble around me… But you refuse to even so much as look at me, why? Have I really hurt you that much already? I'm supposed to be a healer… So then… Why can I not heal you? I cannot heal you because all I do is hurt you. This is the truth.

Tell me what I can do TC…

Falling

The only person I ever really loved, is now in great agony because of me. Can I do nothing right? You hurt worse than when we first met. You, weren't lying when you said I hurt you. Unlike the rest. You have a genuine smile you no longer show me, only half-hearted ones at best. I felt the same pain, but it doesn't mean I know what to do or how to heal you or what to even think. And so, what's remaining of our world now crumbles beneath me, and I fall, your face appearing before me making my heart squeeze within my chest. You let me fall for hurting you. I deserve it…

TC…. I'm so sorry…

Dead Again

Your words cut like a knife, your emotions strangle my heart, when you stop breathing, so do I. I lie in darkness with the feeling of my heart being crushed from within my chest, then being ripped from it. All my scars, which you had erased, open back into bleeding wounds, along with new ones that go with being alone. This is how I will spend my eternity, dead to the world. Dead to everything around me…. Even… Dead to you… I'm sorry TC, for once someone has a reason to loathe me, and yet you don't and it only makes my heart bleed more.

…. T.C…