Life, as they know it.
It's not like I didn't know any better because I did. I'd been raised better. But none of that seemed to have stuck that night as I crossed the field, the cold October winds swirling around me. I knew what it was going to bring me but I wasn't afraid, I wasn't dreading it, I was welcoming it, my arms open wide, heart shut cold. And now I sit here, silently watching as the cars pulled away, leaving nothing but dirt in there wake.
I'd always wondered if they would miss me if I was gone, or would it just be one burden less for them. Emma once said mum cried herself to sleep in the days after I had left, but I never believed her. I was never good enough for my parents, I could never live up to their expectations, could never be the person they wanted me to be. My leaving their house was a good thing, my leaving their life would have been even better, or so I imagined. Never could I have fathomed how wrong I was.
I didn't want to be out there alone that night, but I was starving, I was cold and I was wet. I knew that the only hope I had was to complete my business and leave, hopefully with enough money to get me a warm meal. He was standing there, huge smile on his face, alcohol bottle in his hand. My stomach turned as I felt his hands on my skin, his hot breath run down my neck. Taking the bottle from him I downed the rest of it, desperate to feel nothing. He never paid me, at least not in the way I wanted. It was a blink of the eye and I went from being alive to dead, gun still smoking in his hand.
I sat there for weeks watching my body, my face looking less like me everyday. Nobody had come looking for me, nobody had missed me. Occasionally I would check on my parents, see if they had felt a piece of their heart ripped out. But they smiled and went about their lives, completely oblivious to that fact they were now one child short.
I cried with my parents the day they found out. I cried for them, for me, for everything. I never thought it would have such an impact on them. I had never seen my mother so weak and my father so angry. I could see the faces peering round the door and I wished I could shelter them from the truth, but there is no such gift in this world. My father demanded to know what I was doing out in the fields so late in the evening. The officer couldn't say because he didn't know, Emma knew though. I wish I hadn't told her, I wish I had shut her out like I had everyone else but I didn't and now she has to be the one carrying the burden of telling my parents of my life.
It's strange being able to see yourself as if you are looking in a mirror but you are not able to feel anything happening to you. I saw the dog approach me, I heard his owner shouting for him but I couldn't feel his tongue across my face, his paws on my chest or his owner's fingers along my eyes. I sat there and witnessed everything happening to my body with no emotions at all. The placed the tarp over my face and lifted me into the truck. I turned my back and walked through the field, leaving behind the one thing that linked me to this world.
I felt the glass fly through my body as I watched my parent's reactions to the truth. My father's glass hit the wall at the same time as my mother fell to the floor. I thought no more tears could come from my mother, no more pain could leave my father but once again I was wrong. Neither could understand why I had resorted to such drastic measures just for a little bit of money they would have gladly given me. I looked deep and hard into myself and I couldn't find an answer to that question. Or maybe I just didn't want to.
My mother had asked if I had struggled. The officer just shook his head. Emma said I was probably to drunk to notice what was happening. Dad pulled mum in close, trying to comfort her. I watched as Emma walked to the door and stopped. She said that it might not be of much comfort now but soon it would be, I was free, I was never meant to be on this earth for long, it was to harsh for me and now I no longer had to suffer. She was right. I was free. Maybe that's why I didn't struggle; maybe that's why I walked onto the field even though I knew better. It was all going to be over. My existence was small, so tiny that if you blinked you would have missed it but I'm leaving behind something that is going to change the world. I'm not sad it's over, I don't regret what I did, I'm just happy that Sara will have something I never had.
I sit in the old oak tree I played on as a kid. She looks beautiful, her hair pulled up and in a dress that puts everything I ever bought her to shame. My mother answered the door, confusion clouding her face. I feel the tears roll down my face as my mother is told of Sara Booth, the one good thing I ever did in this world.
I want to thank Ashleigh for helping me come up with the ideas for this story and guiding me whilst writing it. I hope you like the ending! lol :)
Please review on your way out!
XxPrincess-LeaselxX
