Hi everyone. After having read many of the stories here online, I thought I'd give it a try to write a Merlin- fic of my own. I've tried to maintain the humor of the series in this story, but unlike the series I've added a slash- twist to this story. (because I know many people like to read these) The slash is only mild, because I want to make Merlin's character bisexual. It starts as Arthur/Merlin, but there are other pairings later on. (Merlin/Gwaine, Gwen/Lancelot)

Personally, I think there are a lot of great (male) characters in the series and I tried to use a few of them in this story. So, I hope you like it. Please R&R. xxx


A night at the bar

I woke to the sound of a very annoyed familiar voice coming from someone towering over me. I didn't have to open my eyes to know who it was.

'Merlin!'

There's only one person I know who pronounces my name in that way and when he does, it usually means he wants me to do something for him.

Maybe if I lay still he'll let me be?

'Merlin! Merlin, for God's sake! Merlin, if you don't open your eyes this very second, I'll make your day miserable!'

'It already is', I reply in all honesty, cracking one eye open to find a half dressed Arthur, his royal prattness, leaning over me with his face much closer than I thought he would be.

'Well then, I'll make it even more miserable.' He instantly puts his words into action as his fist punches my arm immediately leaving a red mark. Instinctively my hand reaches my arm to rub the sore spot. As I turn my head to examine the damage my eyes settle to my surroundings, finally realising that I'm not in my room. Instead, I'm laying on the floor next to Arthur's bed. My head is resting on a few of his pillows which have been spread across the floor. But the weirdest part is his cape, which is draped around my body.

Shocked, I jump to my feet but I do it too quickly and as a result I almost end up back on the floor, if it wasn't for two strong arms holding me up. For a meaningful second our eyes meet. Then my head starts pounding. Not thinking clearly, I scream at him the first thing that comes to my mind.

'What did you do to me last night?'

Arthur chokes, surprised by my exclamation.

'What did I do ... to you? You must be joking, right? You were so wasted last night, and loud, you clearly didn't know what you were doing anymore! You harassed people in the tavern and in the streets. Gwaine, who's got his own drinking issues, of all people, came to me telling me my servant was doing and saying INAPROPRIATE things in public! I had no choice. We had to drag you here with a few knights! If we hadn't, my father would have heard you, or worse, seen you and you would have been released of your duties on the spot! And probably worse; expelled from Camelot!' Confused and not knowing what to say to these accusations, my mind searches for memories of last night, but I can't find any.

'You don't remember anything, do you?' Arthur asks me amused with this satisfied smirk on his face.

Embarassed, I feel my cheeks turning red.

'What inapropriate things might that be?'

Arthur is about to answer my question, when a knock on the door interupts us.

'Quickly, hide! I don't want people to see you like this. Not that I care for what people think of you, because I really don't, but your actions reflect on me. Now hush, hide.'

'Yes your PRATTness, but where?'

Scanning his room, Arthur only sees two options; behind the curtains or under his bed. But the person at the door seems to be rather impatient and as the door is already half opened, there is only one option left. With a thud, I am pushed to the floor, quickly rolling underneath the kingsized bed.

'God, what a wake- up call', Merlin exclaims to himself.


Awkwardly, Arthur comes face to face with Morgana.

'Ah, it's you!' Arthur says.

'Soooo ... where is he?'

'He's hiding under my bed.' Both start laughing.

For the second time this morning, Merlin pulls himself up from the royal floor.

'I'm glad my misery is entertaining you', I exclaim sarcasticly, surprised by the hurt sounding in my voice.

'I'll leave you to yourselves so you can freely discuss the agony and shame to which my existence has been redeemed to.'

Morgana chuckles a bit more, but Arthur seems to regret his actions as he looks at me sadly.

But then his expression changes back to its usual look.

'Merlin, where do you think you're going? It's time for my dressing. And I have a few chores for after that too, like cleaning this pig stall you turned my room into, and cleaning my armour ... Oh and I also have an errand for you. Morgana, could you please leave us?'

'It's okay, Arthur. I was just about to leave anyway. One of us should have breakfast with Uther or he'll suspect something.' Almost at the door, Morgana turns around to face me.

'And you Merlin, I'll see you later. Grrrrrrr'

After she winks at me with a devilous smile on her face, she dissapears of our sight.

This morning keeps getting stranger and stranger. I need to know what I did yesterday.

'So Arthur, you were saying.'

'What?'

'Inapropriate things?'

'Ah yes!'

'Yes, well ...'

'What? You don't think I'll give you that information after what you said to me last night ... And than just like that without getting anything in return? No no, my dear Merlin, I suggest you be really nice and helpful for me the next days and if my better judgement decides you deserve it, I'll tell you all about your outburst of last night at the end of this week perhaps.'

'Oh bloody hell, this is gonna be a loooooooong day and week!', I curse inwardly.

'Arthur.'

'Yes Merlin.'

'I hate you.'

'No you don't. You loooove me. You see your whole future by my side. Well, that is, to put it into your words, 'if I stop being this spoiled royal pratt- prince of Prattlot mistreating you and harassing you with chores that even the dumbest cow of Camelot could do herself'.

Or at least that's how you saw things yesterday, if things haven't changed in a night's time.

'...'

'Merlin?'

'I'm not responsible for what I say or do when I'm drunk or in this case delirious, 'cause I don't drink often and certainly not to a point where I make confessions of this kind ...'

'So you don't deny you've said these things, that you love me?' Arthur asks me smugly.

'... You interrupted me, Sire. But I will find out what happened yesterday and how I got like that and if I don't get it from you, I'll get my information somewhere else... And for your information, I will deny everything you accuse me of having done yesterday.'

At this, Arthur pats me on the shoulder.

'Fine, but here's a bit of advice from a friend; try to keep away from the tavern and the knights for a few days, would you?'

Suddenly my throat feels dry and I swallow what's left of my dignity.


After Arthur finally lets me leave his chambers, I hurry up to the only man who I can trust will never keep things from me: Gaius.

When I get there, Gaius is busy preparing Uther's daily dose of medicine for his old battle wound.

'Ah Merlin. There you are. Where have you been yesterday and last night? I was worried something might have happened to you.'

'You mean you don't know? You haven't seen me since then, AT ALL?'

'What, no I haven't seen you, Merlin. What are you talking about? Have you been drinking?'

'Brilliant. Just brilliant. Apparantly I have, but I can't remember anything.'

Gaius lays his potions down for a moment and turns his attention to his young apprentice.

'Well that's strange to say the least.'

'YES IT IS! And I've said and done horrible things and that stubborn dollophead won't tell me what! You need to help me Gaius. Isn't there a spell to help me remember?'

'First I need you to calm down, it won't help your situation if half the castle hears you yelling.

Now, I think I know a spell that might work.'

Gaius walks up to the other side of the room and takes a book from the top shelf.

'Ah, here it is. How to get ones memory back. Memory loss which is caused by a surplus of liquor or other numb- making drugs bla bla bla ... Ah yes yes ... Etcetera ... Okay, here it is.

'Vidae memoralis perdidos lostros le unte que mae esta retornos.'

'Merlin, Merlin, wake up. Merlin.'

'Gaius, is that you? What happened?'

'Well, it seems it's a rather powerful spell. You fell right to the floor, like a sack of patatoes. It was quite amusing to see actually. So, how do you feel?'

'My head still hurts.'

'I think I know what may have caused that. You smacked your head to the table when you fell.'

'Oww ...'

'But do you remember things now?'

'Hmm ... Last thing I remember is Arthur sending me to the market to fetch him a pineapple. He'd better skip a meal or two if you ask my opinion.'

'And then ... What do you remember after that?'

'That's it. Than it's a big black whole. Oh Gaius, you mean it didn't work?'

'It seems not. That can only mean one thing; whatever may have caused your amnesia, it certainly wasn't caused by anything natural. Which means ... someone used magic on you.'

'Seriously? But who would do that?'

'It may have been someone who wanted you to forget something ...'

'Something I did maybe? Oh God! And do you know a way to help me remember if this is the case?'

'On top of my head? No. I think you may want to pay a visit to the secret magic division in the library.'

'Okay, than I'll do that.'

'But be careful Merlin. Whoever did this to you, must have had a very good reason. He may still be around the castle.'

'Okay, I will be careful. I'll see you later.'


In the royal hall, halfway to the library, an arm roughly pulls me to a sidewall.

Ready to knock down my attacker with a wooden bench, using my magic, I manage to hold it back just in time to see it's Arthur.

'Arthur, if you want some private time with me, all you have to do is ask.'

'Very funny Merlin. I've pulled you here, out of sight of the guards and every else, because you leave me no choice. What did you do to my father?'

'Hmm I'm sorry, what?'

'Stop playing dumb, Merlin. You did something. And now he's summoning us all.'

'Dear lord.' I swallow the lumb in my throat.

'I swear to you Arthur, I don't know anything.'

I close my eyes, prepared for whatever way Arthur will make me pay. But nothing happens. I open them again, and I can tell he feels sorry for me.

'I'll believe you on your word Merlin. But if you lied to me, you will regret this, I promise.'

His threats used to intimidate me, but in time I've learned to laugh them away. Only, this time I can't supress a shiver running over my back.


'What happened to me today, is OUTRAGEOUS! The action done by this individual shows of total disrespect to Camelot, this kingdom and worse of all, its king; myself! Whoever did this will be punished according to what I think is a fair sentence. I will give the offender in this room the chance to come clear with his actions, before the knights make him.

Nervously, I glance at the people standing close to me. Gwen looks back at me, questioningly, as to suggest 'what have you done Merlin?'.

A few metres before me, I spot Lancelot, Gwaine, Leon, Elyan ... all trying very hard not to look at me.

Arthur can't help his curiosity and asks his father what crime has been done.

At this question, I see Uther shuffling his feet looking down as if embarassed ...

'This ... person ... entered my room last night, while I was sleeping, somehow passing four of my guards and left me a note on my bedside table.

At this Uther hesitates before continuing his story.

'The note said ... hmm ... well ...'

'God, don't keep us longer in the dark here, dad, what did it say?'

'It said to go ff ffuck mmyself.' A few hummffs and giggles could be heard.

'I'm sorry, it said what?' Arthur asked once again.

'It told me to go FUCK MYSELF!'

Now, everyone in the room understood and almost immediately a few amused people shot a glance at me, including Gwen (who looked like she was having a hard time containing herself), Lance and finally Arthur, who patted me on the back as if to let me know he was glad that was all I did. I, myself, could not suppress my laughter much longer and while looking around, I noticed everyone else was sharing my problem. Inwardly I was counting the seconds 'till the laughter would turn into mass hysterics. Finally, at seven seconds, Arthur broke down into sobs, his back trembling. It looked like he was crying, but we all knew it was because he was trying to hold back the fit of giggles that was quickly taking over him. It felt as if Arthur gave us permission in some way, because as soon as he set off laughing, the rest of the room joined in. Even Uther had difficulties keeping a straight face.

'For this once, I will leave this be. I suppose the offender intended to be funny in some way. But if this happens again, I will hunt this person down and have him hanged for all Camelot to see. Thank you, that would be all.'

Making my way to the door, my eyes cross Gwaine's. I don't like the uncomfortable way he looks at me, it unsettles me. I guess I'll have to talk to him later, against Arthur's better judgement.

When people seperate to go their own way, Arthur grabs me by my shirt and drags me along back to his room. The pressure on my collar is firm and when he doesn't immediately release me once inside, my heart and mind start racing, going through all possible reasons for him dragging me here. It's as if he reads my mind, because as soon as he sees my face, he releases the hold he's got on me, quickly looking the other way. But than instead of removing his hand completely, he keeps it on my chest rubbing it a bit and pulling my shirt back to the way it was. I stand frozen on my spot, unable to move fully aware of our close proximity and this intimate moment. Eventually, he removes his warm hand and cold air touches my skin instead. I expect him to start a lecture, nothing prepared me for the fit of giggles that follows.

'Oh my God, that was H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!', he says bending down clapping his hands on his knees.

'Oh oh ... That must have been the best meeting I have ever been to!'

I can't help but laugh along with him. I've never seen Arthur having this much fun.

After a minute or three, the laughter finally comes to an end.

'Merlin, if this is the result of you drinking, than by God, I will pay for your next drink!'

'Arthur, that is just something I wanted to tell you. I don't think I was drunk last night.'

New laughter follows.

'Really? Than you said and did all those things fully aware that you were doing them? Are you an IDIOT Merlin?'

'No, I am not. But I know for a fact alcohol doesn't make me loose my memory. Someone used magic on me, and I'm going to find out who.'

'Merlin, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but YOU'RE FULL OF CRAP today!'

'Fine, than don't believe me. I'll find proove and you will apologize later!'

I stomp my way to the door.

'Merlin, will you stop wining? Where are you going?'

'To someone who believes me.'

With a bang, I shut the door to a very sexy looking Arthur staring at me with a new look of interest in his eyes.


In the following chapter, learn about what other people Merlin insulted during his blackout and find out who is behind his memory- loss. Stay tuned for ... Merlin.