Been a while, right?
Their first fight happens when it's all about to get real.
Their bags packed, their hearts pounding with stress and their eyes heavy because of sleepless nights it's not a surprise one of them cracks. Blaine can't find his iPod and all hell breaks loose. Because "don't ask me, Blaine! I don't know everything!" and "don't let it just lie around!" and "it's your own fault it got lost, you find it!". It's kind of like a wave of stress washes over them both and they yell about the little things because the bigger things are too big right now. Their worries are an underlying issue they both don't want to discuss. In the end the fight ends just like that, the flame blowing out and leaving things eerily quiet. They sit side by side on the bare floor and look at the New York City poster in Kurt's room that hasn't been taken down yet and their hands find each other without looking. "Sorry I yelled," Kurt whispers. Blaine squeezes his hand and New York City hangs in its frame. "All our dreams are going to come true." Blaine says and both of them smile because yes, yes. They are.
Only they're not.
Three months in and no dreams are coming true and Kurt is this close to giving up and Blaine is this close to leaving. Their apartment is not big enough for them in this situation, there's not enough room to breathe separately and there's not enough air to share. Kurt's auditions go horribly, his hopes rising and falling every time and Blaine's two jobs don't make enough money. And dreams have faded and it seems there's not that much left. Both are so on edge they clash like a thunderstorm on a hot day. Their second fight is much like the first, only harsher and a bridge in their relationship. It is not so much filled with irritation, but mostly spins around the ache they have both been withholding and yes – this is possibly what they both need. And it's horrifying and it's real. They spit out words they can reach without thinking. "Why can't you be more supportive, Blaine?" and "I'm working my ass off and I get nothing in return, Kurt!" and most of all: "I'm starting to think this was a mistake."
Blaine walks out during the second fight and doesn't get back for a whole day. Kurt calls and he gets voicemail and when he stays awake all night he's just shedding hopeless tears, praying to a God he doesn't believe in because Blaine is all he's ever wanted, all he's ever needed and he's let him walk out of the door. When the lock clicks and the door swings open and Kurt sees him with his red-rimmed eyes they don't even pause before falling into an embrace, kissing each other as if it's the last thing they will ever do. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Blaine repeats as he pulls his boyfriend closer and they don't realize they're supposed to be fighting, instead Kurt kisses Blaine and thanks everyone, anyone, anything for bringing back the one thing he holds closest to his heart. "I love you," Kurt says and he means it so much it hurts.
Things start looking up when Kurt lands a minor role in Rent, finally able to sing on that stage and Blaine is there whenever he can. He watches him shine twice as bright and claps his hands until they're bright-red and aching. Kurt's happy and so Blaine's happy and perhaps it's all they need.
After two long years, Kurt breaks through and gets the role he's always wanted. He's so caught up in everything thrown at him that he doesn't realize Blaine is still standing by, watching from the sidelines as he works and works. And they love each other, they really do, but New York is not Blaine's dream. It's Kurt's.
Their third fight is the one that changes everything and it's not even a real fight. There's no yelling involved, no accusations. There's only tears and hopes and heartbreak and the sudden will to change everything even if it means giving up dreams. "I can't stay," Blaine says. "I don't belong here. I'm happy for you, Kurt. But this is no place for me."
And Kurt tries, because he can't let go of this. Because, "you belong with me." and "your place is with me." and even: "I'll give it all up for you." And he's not lying, he's not, just desperate to keep Blaine with him. But Blaine knows him more than anyone and just shakes his head and kisses everything away before pulling back with defeated eyes. "I love you," Blaine tells him. "but you love New York more." Kurt wants to tell him he's wrong but the truth is, no matter how much he loves Blaine, it will never be enough and it will never compare to this feeling of finally being seen for what he is.
Kurt stays behind in an apartment too big for him and there's too much room for him to breathe and it feels like all he can do is crying. But he has a job and he has a stage and he has a voice. And so that night, he turns off the lights and locks the door behind him while fighting tears and a broken heart. He sings that night and gets a standing ovation. Blaine is gone.
New York is still there.
Reviews? I like hearing your digital voices.
