This is a parody, it is pretty much set during Ootp but it is meant to be funny not everyone will be in character actually many will not be themselves at all. I do not own Harry Potter or anything in the Potter verse I just had to take the characters out to play when the won't let me be! Also there will be references to Girl Scouts, I am not affiliated with the organization any more I was a cookie pusher for six years but have dropped the habit! This is the first time I have written a fanfare please review! Do yo like it hate why! Please let me know! I am unsure of how scouting is in England and Scotland so I have transplanted American Scout culture for my convenience, hey this is all in my head I control this sick twisted version of the story, blame the plot bunnies not me!
Voldemort Destroyed by Girl Scout Cookies
Chapter One Cookies and PMS
In Scotland there was a little thatch cottage that looked like something from a storybook. It was on an emerald green hillside. The cottage itself was bright white and stood out in comparison to the countryside in which it was located. A beautiful well maintained garden was kept to the left of the entrance, one could imagine a retired couple with loads of time on their hands to be living here. Sadly that is not the case, no inside was a Lord, not in the royal or appointed sense, this was the Dark Lord himself. This cottage was home to Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Lucius Malfoy had offered the use of his grand manor with its overabundance of room, but the Dark Lord preferred the comfort of his small cottage. What was the point of taking over the entire wizarding world if it could not be done in comfort. Surrounding the cottage was a white picket fence, with well maintained rose bushes on either side of the entrance.
In this quaint cottage, on a rather dull Tuesday morning our story starts. It was a gray and cold day, the kind of day the inspires normal people to crawl back under the covers and hit the snooze button a few times, but for the inhabitants of the cottage it was a time to plan and scheme their evil doings for another week. Gathered in the sitting room in various pink puffy chairs, or the high backed sofa sat Lord Voldemorts inner circle. Narcissa walked in carrying a tray of nibbles, but Narcissa was no chef, and no one had thought to invite the house elves, there where already fifteen of them living full time in a cottage built for two. Draco looked from his father to the Dark Lord but did not touch the tray. He could not identify three of the four no maybe there where five foods being offered. The tension in the room was growing, the feeling was uneasy and heavy. Everyone was holding their breath and hoping that this offering would not draw the ire of their oft times unpredictable master. The moment passed and all was still silent, a few in the room began to breath again. The silence was broken suddenly by Voldemort exclaiming "I want a cookie". His followers all looked at each other, Wormtail was the first to speak, "Master I your faithful servant will go to the market and fetch you whatever cookie you want" Voldemorts' eyes grew red, well redder and he in a low evil hiss spoke to Wormtail " you want to leave! You think that I am unable to go get cookies myself. Or do you not want to be with me in the house" with the end of the proclamation he promptly sat down grabbed the closest pillow and began to sob, it was clear even the darkest of dark lords could still succumb to PMS. Horror struck, the faithful gathered round and whispered that it was okay, Wormtail was an idiot and he deserved better than him, Bella was rubbing his back and saying that he was and always would be the darkest and most evil wizard. Perhaps because they became so enraptured in this molly coddling they never noticed the gate open and a Brownie Scout pulling a red wagon full of cookies skipping up the walk.
