Closer
When I woke up, I realized that I was no longer in our bed in Alexandria. I laid on the ground, deep in the pure white snow. My body hurt of coldness when I stood up and tapped on my clothes, but it was useless: The snow was all over my body, in my clothes, my hair, my shoes. Even my heart seemed to be full of cold snow.
Wrapping my arms around my chest, I took a look around.
I was in a big, foreign town. It surely had been a nice place, with all those cute little houses and open spaces, but now, it was all ruins. The atmosphere felt cold, not just the air and the falling snow, but the town itself, too. So lost, so lonely, so... forgotten.
The shimmering glow of the moon made all seem so fake, like a ghost town … and I was the only citizen.
Wind came up and brought more, heavier snow. I shivered and made a few steps forwards but the snow was like a barrier, too hard to walk through but I kept trying nonetheless. I was searching for something, something dear to me and I wished I could remember what it was.
While walking through the crackling cold snow, my feet became numb and the only thing that kept me walking was my will. It was so strong, so desperate that it ignored my hurting body.
I knew this condition. It was like the other day, when the Eidolons got extracted from my body: Numb, painless but without any hope. I felt no different: There wasn't a chance to find him, to save him. But as long as I didn't thought about it, my will kept me walking.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I looked up. I was still far away from the houses but that wasn't the reason for me standing still. No, it was something different: I've heard a jingle. Very quiet, like it was far away but yet so distinct that I couldn't move any longer.
I turned around, trying to see from which direction the jingle came, when I suddenly saw a person.
It's body was all black, like a shadow of a forgotten dream, but the outlines reminded me of someone.
When the person stopped moving forwards, I raised my voice:
"Who are you?"
The person chuckled, but it was a low, evil chuckle, only giving away that the speaker was a man.
"You don't remember me? That's too bad, princess. But don't worry: I remember you well."
I wanted to take a step forwards but realized astonished that I couldn't. There was no fear yet but I knew it would come soon.
The man pointed towards the ruins.
"Can you see that, princess? Don't you recognize it?"
I slowly shook my head.
"No, I've never been here before."
The person gently shook his head.
"You're sure? Well, you were here, as far as I know. To be honest, both of us were here, some time ago. You still don't remember?"
I shook my head once more, while I felt the upcoming fear.
"No...," I whispered scared.
The man sighed.
"Well, that's too bad, princess. May I give you a little tip?"
The voice acted so nice and friendly, but I knew it was nothing more, just acting, and I sensed something terrible to come.
"Please..." I whispered as the person came closer and while doing so, it got clearer, so I got aware of a tail behind his back.
The man laid one arm around my shoulders and it was cold like ice. Now, I could even see facial features.
He was smiling, and his smile felt like comfort and familiarity.
"Take a look once more, sweet princess."
Though I didn't want to, I followed his words – and I had difficulties in forbearing a scream.
All the ruins had begun to burn, while the snow hadn't stopped falling. Everything was red and golden and suddenly, some of the flames were so near to me that I could have touched them.
I winced and stared at the man next to me. The colors finally returned to his previously shadowy figure, blond hair and blue eyes became visible.
The man smiled at me softly and if he hadn't terrified me a few moments before, I would have trusted him with my life.
I made a few steps backwards.
"Who are you?" I asked again, but louder now. "What have you done to this city?"
The man shook his head.
"I've done nothing, princess. This," and he pointed at the burning houses (and I swear I heard some screams from further away),"this was all your work, sweetie."
I felt how my body began to shiver in fright.
"You're... You're telling me lies!" I screamed, but he laughed.
"Why should I lie to you? You already know, that it's all your fault, don't you?"
While telling me that, he came closer and the smile on his face, so familiar, so beautiful, was gone.
"Tell me, Dagger, why should I lie to you when you are the one who has betrayed me?"
I shook my head while tears fell from my eyes.
"I didn't betray you, I begged you to stay with me! I tried my very best and-"
"If you'd tried your very best I wouldn't have died, Dagger!" he interrupted me and I winced, as if he had hit me. All the guilt which I had felt welled up again, oppressing me.
"Please," I whispered and tumbled towards him, "I tried everything. I believed in you because I love you!" I wanted to grab his hand, but he turned away.
"Nice love," he snorted. "But I don't care anymore, Dagger. Look around. You've lost everything. Your real mother and father, your false parents, your kingdom and now me."
He turned around and a brutal grin formed on his face.
"Poor poor Dagger. All alone, forgotten by everyone."
Then, he started to laugh, so loud and evil that the ground began to tremble, like an earthquake.
Slowly, the ground began to divide and a big slot appeared that grew bigger and bigger within seconds.
I screamed and ran towards him, trying to reach his hand, but he jumped down the slot, still laughing and I fell with him.
Screaming his name, I felt like going through hell. I saw the whole time we spent together crossing my mind, the good times and the bad times and the tears didn't stop falling.
In the absolute darkness, a bright light appeared, flowing right to me. First, I wasn't sure to reach out for it or not but then I saw it was a dagger, and it was as if a tiny bit of willpower, a dwindling ray of hope was rising in my chest.
With all my strength. I managed to grab the dagger and I held it close to my chest while I repeated one sentence again and again.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love...
I woke up by Zidane's snoring. It took me a while to realize that everything had been a dream and when I did so, I burst into tears.
This dream haunted me since Zidane had left us at the Iifa Tree. Though it'd been a year since he came back, I still went through this dream at least once a week. And even though I knew that he won't leave me again, I couldn't let lose of the thought that everything had been my fault. That I should have convinced him to fly away with us on the airship, to leave Kuja behind.
While I cried, Zidane awoke. He looked at me for a few seconds in confusion, then embraced me. Usually, he didn't ask any questions, for he had realized that I was deaf to his words, trapped in my self-doubt.
But tonight, something was different.
After hugging me some time, he looked into my eyes.
"Dagger," he said in a very calm voice, "it's not your fault. It's never been your fault. You believed in me, the same way as I would have believed in you. And I do not blame you, for nothing. I love you, more than anything else in my life."
First, I didn't knew what to say but Zidane caressed my cheek lovingly and smiled.
"It's alright," he said once more. "I love you."
Then, I finally burst into tears.
I think I cried all night long and Zidane kept hugging and calming me until sleep finally embraced me again.
We never talked about our conversation of that night again, but just the same, I never got one of those terrible nightmares again. It was like everything was finally at the right place.
Author's note
I wrote this as a one-shot for my friend Kairi. It's been revised in October 2014 to ensure a slightly better readability, though I was happy to see it didn't require that much of a clean-up.
Below is the original second chapter, which I will put here since it doesn't make any sense to have an extra chapter for these few lines directed at Kairi.
- Ruska
Dear Kairi,
I'm sorry I couldn't edit a video for you and to give you a present at least, I imagined this fanfiction. I first got a longer idea but that would've taken a few months to finish and then, yesterday evening, this idea popped into my mind. It's a very sad story actually but also a metaphor for trusting each other and for becoming stronger after some time. =)
You're a great friend and a better one than some of my friends here in Germany actually, since I can always talk to you and know that you won't laugh at me if I say something stupid ^_^
Talking to you is always fun and I'm glad to be a friend of yours.
And, last but not least...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
*huggles*
Alina
