A/N: This is probably a close runner-up to being one of the most crackiest-sounding things I have ever wrote about, second only to Motif. This is based on a tumblr post by FlamingAnakin where an anon suggested an AU in which the entire SW universe is changed simply because Padme and Anakin show up drunk at her parents' doorsteps and it happens to loosen Anakin's tongue to reveal some pretty crappy things about the Jedi Order and how creepy Palpatine is.
But anyways, if I can actually be productive for once in my life, i might be able to churn out more than just a single chapter on this fantastic mess that reveals how messed up inside both the jedi and Palpatine is.
Disclaimers: Mentions of Palpatine being a pervert, nothing too graphic.
Anyways, please leave a comment at the end of the chapter to let me know if you enjoyed reading it so far :)
"Where have you two been?" Jobal asked, her eyebrows knitted together in worry as she caught Padme from collapsing onto the ground.
The two were seven hours late—they just about to call the police when the two came lumbering in. Wherever the pair had been, it had been well stocked with liquor.
Her youngest daughter laughed, her cheeks rosy red. She wore a blue poncho over a dress suspiciously done in the style of a bridal dress.
"Me and Ani," She said between breaths, "We got married."
"Married?!" The adult members of House Naberrie exclaimed in unison. Sola's children were already tucked sound asleep in bed.
"Shhhhhhh," Anakin hushed before leaning into Padme, "It's supposed to be a SECRET."
"When did you two do get married?" Sola asked, a small frown tugging at her face.
"This evening on the setting sun," Padme smiled dreamily, "It was so beautiful! I—I wanted you to be there, but Ani wouldn't let me."
"Not fair." Anakin pouted, "Its' a-ah-upposed to be a secccret. You promised."
"I know I did," Padme pulled away from her mother to clasp his hands, "I'm sorry."
The Naberries exchanged looks with one another, as equally as surprised and disturbed by the news as the other. All of them had been in favor of Anakin Skywalker. The kid was awkward and shy, but his genuine care for Padme was evident. Padme herself seemed fond of him; several times she was caught staring into his eyes, lost in thought.
Padme possessed a beautiful figure and many suitors flocked to her. But none of them seemed captivated by her kind and witty personality; they were only head over heels for her beauty and status. This was the first time they had seen a suitor enchanted for Padme as a person.
The only problem was the two moved around each other like planets stuck in orbit.
"Those two need a push," Sola had said with a gleam in her eyes, "Perhaps we could invite Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome to a family dinner when Padme's visiting. Only it wouldn't be a family dinner, but a table set for two…"
None of them never imagined the two eloping by themselves. What appeared more disturbing was Anakin's insistence that it be kept a secret. Were the two afraid of how they would react? Did they really believe they would be angry at their actions?
"Padme, dear, did you get married before or…after you consumed alcohol?" Johol questioned, attempting to get to the bottom of this sarlacc pit.
"We got married before, whwhy'd—" Padme's eyes widened, "Oh no, no, no isn't like that, we love each other!"
"Love each other," Anakin repeated.
"After what happened on Geonosis," She continued, "We couldn't be separated anymore—we had to be together!"
"Be together," Anakin agreed, squeezing her hands.
"Anakin, do you know it's Naboo custom to ask for your beloved one's father for their hand in marriage?" Juwee questioned, crossing his arms.
Anakin paled.
"Nooo'sirr," He garbled his words together, "But had-a be a secret, just had too!"
"Why does it have to be a secret?" Darred, Sola's husband, spoke up.
"Jedi can't marry," He averted his eyes, "Not ah-upposed too. No attachments."
"No attachments?" Sola asked skeptically.
"No attachments." Anakin confirmed, swaying.
"Let's go sit down in the living room," Jobol suggested, catching the young Jedi before he fell.
Anakin and Padme readily agreed, although the two insisted on sharing a love sofa together. Once Jobol prepared a pot of tea to relax everyone's nerves, the discussion resumed.
"Anakin, Padme. We're…glad to see you are happy together. But it's unhealthy to keep your marriage a secret. Do the Jedi…not accept any form of love?" Jobol carefully asked.
"Love is forbidden. No attachments." Anakin's jaw clenched, "But we are encouraged to be compassionate—thaaat's unconditional love, right? I'm deeply compassionate for Padme."
"And as I am for you," Padme giggled.
"No…love?" Sola whispered, scarcely believing this.
The Jedi Order were renown throughout the galaxy for their peacekeeping, kindness and generosity. She was floored. She couldn't imagine such a noble order would forbid their members from denying a basic part of themselves; to love. If she was forbidden from loving Darred…she'd go insane.
Jobol and Juwee shared a look with one another. They couldn't transmit thoughts and feelings across a mind bond, but they were married long enough to have something close to it. Both had taken Anakin's aloof personality as a sign of teenage awkwardness. They hadn't the slightest clue that it was the sign of a person deprived of love.
"Anakin," Juwee said slowly, "every sentient being desires love. It isn't shameful to admit you love Padme."
"I do love her!" Anakin declared, his hand wrapped around hers, "I unconditionally love her."
The poor kid beamed, oblivious to the point Juwee was making. He was so starved for love, that he stretched compassionate's definition to justify his feelings for Padme.
"It seems hard living in the Jedi Temples, not being allowed a basic right to marry," Darred pointed out.
"Marrying…is a basic right?" Anakin frowned before shrugging, "S'okay. Better than being a slave."
"You were a slave?!" Jobol cried out.
Padme reassuringly placed a hand on his shoulder, worried for his reaction.
"No, no, it's okay," He mumbled to her, stroking her hand, "Yeah I was. Only for a little while. The Jedi discovered I could use the Force so they freed me. They wouldn't free—my mother though. I—I don't know why, I just—they wouldn't—"
His voice cracked, as he stared into the ground.
"Anyways, I still got a tracker on my body."
"It's still on you?" Padme asked, startled.
Anakin wrinkled his nose, "S'okay, the transmitter and bomb is deactivated."
"A bomb?" Padme murmured, "Ani, dear, that is not okay."
"She's right," Juwee said, "Deactivated or not, it shouldn't still be there."
"Really?" Anakin looked up shaken, "I asked Palpatine about it and he said it was okay but—he says a—a lotta things are okay."
"Anakin," Jobol asked in a motherly but stern tone, "what does that mean?"
Anakin shifted uncomfortably in his seat as his cheeks reddened, "Don't wanna talk about it."
"Supreme Chancellor or not, if he's harming you in any way—"
"You'd laugh." Anakin huffed.
"We won't laugh." Sola promised.
"You—you're sure?" He hiccuped.
"We swear under the moon of Naboo we won't laugh." She stated solemnly.
"He—he does weird things," He said in a small voice, "like touch me in places where it makes me feel uncomfortable. He says it's okay, but I don't think it is, is it? He—he sometimes reactivates my tracker. He says he does it so he can check up on me to see if I'm safe.
"W-when I was still taking courses, he'd want to visit me during class and the—the teachers would just let me go. They didn't do that for anyone else. He's nice sometimes. I like when he's nice. But then he does weird things and—"
Anakin cut off his sob-racking words as someone enveloped him in a hug-then another and another—until the whole Naberrie family was wrapped into a group hug with Skywalker in the center. He could sense their love in the Force, it was stronger than he ever imagined it could ever be. He felt…completely and utterly safe in their embrace. The realization caused him to cry harder.
They remained entangled for almost an eternity until they slowly detached. As each person glanced at one another, not a dry face was remaining.
"Anakin, you may have believed you were only marrying Padme, but you were also marrying into our family today. Family loves and looks out for another, Anakin," Johol said softly, "What Palpatine did, what the Jedi Order did, is not right."
"It isn't?" Anakin asked hesitantly, as the room was starting to spin.
"No, Anakin."
"Palpatine does weird things, b-but he's a friend. He means well! He wouldn't hurt me on purpose—"
"Anakin," Juwee placed a hand on his shoulder, "We will do everything in our power to make sure he won't even lay a hand on you ever again."
"Nev'er ag'ain?" Anakin mumbled, growing increasingly drowsy.
"Never again." His father-in-law promised.
"Good." Anakin said as his eyelids fluttered shut.
