Disclaimer: I am a fan of The Office, as well as the works of Steven Spielberg. I do not intend for any disrespect to either. This story contains a lot of questionable behavior to which I do not condone. This is simply a work of fiction, and always will be.
Chapter 1
Michael Scott sat in his office as he was finishing up his movie script for 'Threat Level Midnight 2: Tokyo Sunset', which was due in Steven Spielberg's email by tonight at the latest. The first Threat Level Midnight was such a hit that he was contacted by all the biggest names in Hollywood to do a sequel and the one Michael chose to work with was the one and only Steven Spielberg. Speak of the devil, Michael's phone rang and Mr. Spielberg himself was on the line.
"Yello, mon?" said Michael in a Jamaican accent "How ya doin', mon?"
"Michael," said Steven Spielberg "I've talked to my associates about Threat Level Midnight 2 and we've got the budgeting done. Are you ready to hear these numbers?"
"Born ready, sir!" said Michael now talking normally.
"We're gonna give you three hundred dollars to shoot the whole movie."
"That's it?" asked Michael "But all these Hollywood films take millions of dollars!"
"Yeah, but this is a Scranton film, not a Hollywood film. The low-budget charm is what everyone liked about the first film. Now get filming!"
"Get filming?" asked Michael "But this script contains tons of action of violence! How am I supposed to pull this off?"
"Same way I pulled off most of Saving Private Ryan," said Spielberg "Make it real."
Spielberg hung up. Michael put the phone down on the receiver and stared through the glass window at all his employees.
"Pam!" he yelled out "Paaaam!"
She stepped into his office a moment later. "Yes?" she asked.
"Set up my studio. Threat Level Midnight 2 is a go."
"Set up your studio?" she asked "How am I supposed to do that?"
"Pam, that's three questions too many. I'll check up on you in twenty minutes."
Twenty minutes later, Michael walked into the parking lot and was pleased with Pam's accomplishments. The parking lot looked like an actual movie set- cameras and lights were all set up, extras and set assistants were hard at work and a director's chair was setup with Michael's name on it. Tons of Spielberg crew members were walking around and all dressed the same with blue overalls and white sweaters underneath.
"Pam, this is perfect!" yelled Michael as he sat in his chair "Are we all ready to film?"
"Yeah, we're ready. What's the first scene?"
Michael took a glance down at the script "It's the scene where two members of the Japanese Yakuza try to kidnap the robotic Catherine Zeta Jones II and her boyfriend. They succeed in kidnapping her, but they horrifically murder her boyfriend."
"Good thing I already knew that," said Pam as she glanced around the parking lot at all the palm trees and grassy fields she had setup for the scene "Who plays who?"
"Well, we don't have any Japanese people in the office, so I chose the next closest thing- Stanley and Oscar will play the Yakuza. Erin plays the robot daughter of Catherine Zeta Jones, and Toby is her boyfriend who gets slain."
Oscar, wearing a fancy suit for the role of his character, then approached Michael and Pam with concern over his role of the film.
"Michael, I read my part of the script and I'm a little confused. Stanley and I take turns hacking up Toby with a machete. How exactly do you plan on pulling this off?"
"Oscar, do you know who is producing this movie?" said Michael "Steven Spielberg! He's gonna insert some CGI right before your eyes as you shred up Toby. It's gonna look so real."
"I don't think it works like that, Michael."
"Trust me," said Michael into his megaphone "Places, people! We start filming in two minutes."
Within the next two minutes and everyone was in their place and got prepared to recite Michael's script. The cameras were then rolling...
Erin and Toby exited their building of employment and entered the grassy, palm tree movie set.
"That was such a lovely date!" said Erin, as Catherine Zeta Jones II.
"Anything for the robot daughter of the greatest actress in the world," said Toby, as the nameless boyfriend.
"My mother is so lucky for getting to marry the one and only Agent Michael Scarn!"
Oscar and Stanley then approached the two of them while holding machetes. Oscar was in his spiffy dress suit with sunglasses and Stanley was in full classic samurai apparel.
"Hold it right there," said Stanley "We're from the Japanese Yakuza and we're here for the daughter of the world's number one movie star- Mrs. Catherine Zeta Jones."
"Not without a fight," said Toby as he stepped in front of Erin.
Oscar and Stanley raised their machetes as a look of fear came over Toby's face. He knew those were real machetes, but he assumed the movie magic of Spielberg would save him somehow. The two machetes struck him at the same time- one slashing into his face and another into his neck. Toby fell over and yelled in fear.
"No, stop!" he begged "This is real!"
Michael sat in his director's chair and looked down at the script. He knew Toby was going to do this, so he wrote improvised begging for life under his dialogue in this scene. Michael simply smiled as the machetes came in and out of Toby as he was stabbed and hacked apart. Stanley and Oscar then pointed their machetes at Erin.
"Come with us, or else you're next," said Oscar.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"Tokyo," said Oscar as he removed his sunglasses "Tokyo, Japan."
"And cut!" yelled Michael into the megaphone "That was perfect. Let's get this fake test-dummy Toby out of here."
Two of Spielberg's assistants approached Toby's corpse and prepared to load him into a bag. His body was all mangled and hacked up with his brains leaking out, but that didn't stop them from picking him up with their bare hands. Michael's cellphone rang again and he answered it.
"Talk to me," said Michael.
"Mikey, it's Spielberg. I have good news for you. We're giving you a small budgetary increase, but it's for one purpose only."
"Yeah, and what's that?"
"Bring your entire cast and crew to Japan for a more realistic film shoot. I'll send a private airplane via Spielberg Airlines and we can have you there by tomorrow morning at the latest."
