Title: Unexpected Salvation

Rating: NC-17 for bad language and sexual themes. It isn't terribly graphic but it has some talk of sexual acts.

Chapter summary: This chapter is mostly about their pasts together in high school.

Spoilers: All aired Episodes to be safe. I have taken liberties with certain story lines and changed some things up a bit though.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, Fox and Ryan Murphy do. I only own the weirdness in my head.

A/N: For the purposes of this fic, While Lauren is around, Kurt never left. The Cheerios never left the squad. There will be Finn bashing. No beta so mistakes are my own. Thanks to Dylandahlgren for all the input and help.

Chapter One/A- Back Where We Began

2022

She was getting ready to leave the office after finishing up with her last appointment of the day. She'd barely gotten the office door open when she heard it. The Latina was startled to hear the voice she hadn't heard in nearly six years. At first she was convinced her mind was playing tricks on her. This hadn't been the first time she'd imagined being near the other woman once again. But when she saw that oh so familiar frame from behind she knew it had to be her.

"Rachel Howard is here to see you," Santana heard Lydia, at the front desk say. After a brief pause the woman continued with, "Go right on back, third office on the right."

"Thank you," Rachel returned, sending chills up Santana's spine as she backed herself into her office once more, closing the door behind her.

She dropped her briefcase and tossed the jacket she'd just put on back onto the little couch in the corner and preceded to sit back down in the chair behind her desk. Her heart was racing a million miles a minute and she couldn't stop the memories from flooding her mind. They were always there under the surface and they came out at will every so often, but never like this. She could usually keep them at a minimum but now; it was all exploding around her. "Why fight it?" she spoke to herself. "What's the point? She's actually here." Most of the memories were good ones so that wasn't why Santana didn't care to have them. The problem was that they were all she had left of them, with the exception of a few photographs, some class memorabilia that she hid away in an old trunk, a little note, and a charm bracelet. Okay, so for someone who was so against reveling in what once was she had a lot of reminders. On top of all that she sure played the masochist when it came to that damn bracelet. She rarely wore it anymore but she always kept it near. She knew it was pathetic to hold on to a trinket from a teenage love that you haven't actually spoken to directly in ten years, but she didn't much care.

She'd never have sex with another woman after Rachel but whenever she'd engage in some random one-night stand with a man, she'd find herself wearing it during the act. Once it was over she'd get away as quickly as she could so that she could curl up in a ball and sob pleas of apology to the object on her wrist. It had been two years since she'd done it. After an STD scare, which she luckily tested negative for, she applied all of that education she had received over the years and decided it was too risky, condom or not.

Santana marveled at the piece of jewelry that she'd removed from the confines of the inner breast pocket of her suit and thought back to the day Rachel had given it to her. They were just nearing the bridge between tentative friends and pretty close ones. Somewhere around January of their junior year, they both decided to call it a truce. Truth be told, the Cheerio had gotten a burst of a conscience over the whole Finn situation. It wasn't that she felt bad for having slept with him as far as Rachel was concerned. It was that she rubbed the little diva's nose in it and went out of her way to be mean about it. She'd flirted with the idea of telling Rachel about her little tryst with Finn but she backed off when he'd spouted a bunch of stuff about not wanting to hurt his girlfriend. After Brittany turned to Artie due to her disregard of the blonde's feelings for her, she understood. But then he had the nerve to say that she wasn't worth it. The girl had picked that very moment to let the camel's back break. She'd been sick of being considered a play thing and was also a bit annoyed at herself for having treated the one person that actually wanted her for more than just sex like crap. So yeah, she blurted it out in front of everyone in glee to knock Finn down a peg or two. She hadn't meant to hurt Rachel by that specific action, however, the shorter girl started throwing words like slut around and Santana couldn't have Berry of all people acting as if she were somehow superior. So she went for the jugular.

2011-Jauary

The day after New Year's they ran into each other at the mall. Santana was minding her own business enjoying a rarely indulged cookie when Rachel marched right up to her.

"Lopez," she said with less malice than the last time they'd hurled insults at one another.

"What do you want, Hobbit?"

"I would like to talk to you."

"And I would like you to quit visually assaulting me with the terror that is your wardrobe. I guess neither of us gets what we want," Santana spat as she got up to make a quick getaway, only to have the shorter girl block her escape.

"While I do not appreciate that you had a romantic entanglement with Finn, I realize that I have no right to be angry with you for having done so when he and I weren't even together and I was involved with someone else," the little brunette prattled out pretending as if she hadn't just been insulted. "And I guess I'm not exactly innocent in the situation either."

"Romantic entanglement? Seriously, Berry? It was just sex, meaningless sex. You heard it yourself from his lips. I wasn't even worth it," the sting in Santana's voice was apparent even though she'd tried to cover it up.

Seeing the attempt to cover up the hurt, Rachel replied, "I shouldn't have called you a slut, or any of the other names that I said and thought. I apologize."

"I've been called worse," Santana brushed off.

"I've been called treasure trail, Ru Paul, tranny, stubbles, and countless other names for a long time. That doesn't make it right when it gets repeated."

That's how it started. It wasn't exactly a hang out at lunch and after school sort of thing, but Santana's name-calling had toned down a bit, and the slushies had subsided. The slushies had been stopped for everyone in glee because Santana couldn't bear to admit that she was doing it for Rachel Berry of all people. When Quinn asked why she even cared Santana merely said, "Slushies, are for losers and the only reason they are considered losers is because they're in glee club. Well, so are we and I know damn well that we aren't losers." Quinn left well enough alone. Later that week Rachel slipped an envelope into Santana's Cheerios bag with the bracelet and a note. The note simply read,

You can throw this away once you've read it. I'd like to express my deepest appreciation for stopping the slushy attacks on myself and our fellow glee club members. I am quite certain that it was all your doing. Please accept this token of my highest gratitude.

Rachel Barbra Berry*

Santana thought it was so cheesy and unbelievably Berry. She actually smiled at the sight of the gold star. She appreciated being appreciated and never did throw away the note. That evening she found herself texting Rachel to come over and watch a movie. Between Quinn being occupied with Sam and Brittany spending more time with Artie, she'd felt a bit lonely for a while. The little diva excitedly agreed and they would carry on that way for a couple more months. At school they played things off as if they tolerated one another for the sake of glee. They still exchanged negative words from time to time to keep up appearances, but in private they truly had become friends. (This is when apologies were generally made about implying that one was less than female or the other would be working a pole in the future.)The cheerleader wasn't quite sure why Rachel would agree to a secret friendship, but she took it at face value.

In early March Santana found herself more depressed than ever. She had finally gotten up the nerve to tell Brittany that she loved her and wanted to be with her, but Brittany was adamant that while she loved the dark haired girl, she wouldn't break it off with her boyfriend because she loved him too. The blonde simply refused to hurt Artie like that. The Latina set about pushing everyone including Brittany away, but Rachel wouldn't let it happen to her. The diva was not the kind to give up so she kept showing up no matter how much Santana backslid into her former roll. She reverted back to name calling and yelling at Rachel whenever she showed up, but in the end she'd always end up crying in the shorter girl's arms. Rachel didn't force dialogue and surprisingly she didn't insist on running her mouth. She only spoke when her friend asked her to. Santana was shocked at what a good listener the singer could be. While Santana was sure anyone else would tell her that the whole situation was her fault, all the little brunette did was hold her and assure her that Brittany still cared. The smaller girl didn't even scold her for entering in a relationship with Sam even though she'd only been using him as a prop. Eventually Santana began talking more, and in turn Rachel was able to convince the other girl to at least try and reclaim her friendship with the tall blonde, which proved to be for the best.

Somewhere in the midst of all the relationship dramas the club managed to win regional's. Santana really enjoyed the quest for an original song, even though she had pretended to be against it the first time Rachel had suggested it. She knew the song that she'd written for Sam was mean at best but she really liked what her voice did with the melody. The song they had written as a group was therapeutic for all of them. Loser Like Me said everything that all of them had thought at one time or another. She certainly had and she thought that Rachel should take the words more literally than the rest of them. She was the most likely to get out of Lima and become something great, leaving all of the haters in her dust.

While the group song had wowed the Latin girl, Get it Right floored her. It was beautifully written and the other brunette sang it with all the passion in the world. Listening to the words, and the emotion that was put into singing them, however, made Santana (Not for the first time or the last) want to punch Finn Hudson's lights out. She hated him for making Rachel feel like that. He was the one that made her feel like she wasn't good enough to make him love her again. She hated herself a little as well because she knew that she had been the source of many of Rachel's doubts.

RSRSRSRSRSRSRS

2011-April

"What's up with you, Berry?" Santana asked one night. Rachel was obviously upset, but wasn't talking about it. It was in those times she wished Rachel would lay her feelings out like Brittany because Santana could always tell when her best friend/ex-bed buddy was hurting and she always knew how to make it better. Rachel on the other hand could be dramatic as all hell, but when she truly wanted to hide something she usually could. Their friendship had gotten to the point where the raven-haired Cheerio could almost always tell when Rachel was upset, but it hadn't quite made it to the point where she knew how to make it better.

"Nothing," Rachel said as she feigned interest in Funny Girl (Yes you read right).

"You're so full of shit. You've been acting weird ever since you got here. I was even willing to watch this god forsaking whatever, hoping that you'd get over whatever it is that has you all upset. But apparently it didn't work because you don't have that look in your eye."

"One, the language is unnecessary. Two, what look are you speaking of Santana?" Rachel asked with a look of annoyance.

"You know, that 'I'm totally in my happy place and there isn't anything you can do about it' look that you get whenever I let you torture me with one of these things."

"It's called a musical and it is by far the most momentous musical that has ever graced the earth. Plus the great one, meaning Barbra, is the headliner." Santana rolled her eyes at the little rant just displayed and Rachel chuckled for the first time since she stepped foot in the Lopez home that evening. "So I have a look, huh?"

"We'll discuss that later," replied the cheerleader. "You aren't even acting the least bit interested in this and it's freakin Funny Girl !" She watched as the other girl's face slumped. "Really though, what's up?"

Rachel took in a deep breath. "It's Finn." Santana suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. She'd thought that they had gotten over the Finn drama. He hadn't been openly hostile to Rachel until his little tryst with Quinn was ended because she decided that Sam was the one she wanted to be with. Feeling the sting of the rejection sent him toward Rachel at one of Puck's parties in search of a hookup. When she told him that she wasn't ready to jump into bed with him when they weren't even a couple, he took it to heart. Afterwards he managed to make out with one girl after the next, usually in strategically chosen locations such as, near Rachel's locker or the music room at the most inconvenient times in order to get a rise out of the short brunette. If it worked Santana never saw it. She knew Rachel had been hurt by the displays in the beginning but she never harped on it. Now it seemed as if she hardly even acknowledged it. Never once did she manage one of her diva storm outs as a result. "He's really mad at me."

"It's been almost four months. Frankinteen should get over the Puckerman thing by now; or you telling him that you weren't going to put out just because he decided he wanted you again, or whichever thing he's whining about these days." Santana growled "It isn't like he hasn't worked his way through Quinn and any other girl that shows any interest."

"It isn't that. It's well…..You know how Jesse called to apologies last week?"

Santana placed a doctored smile to her face and replied, "Yes and I haven't told anyone, not even Britts. You did that all on your own."

"Oh this isn't an accusation. I know you wouldn't betray my trust. While a year ago I would never have believed that you would be able to comply with an agreement to keep a secret on my behalf, I certainly have a greater respect and trust where you are concerned now an…."

Rachel was cut off by Santana cutting in, "Get to the point, dwarf." While she'd come accustom to Rachel's rants, the Latina still didn't enjoy sitting through them when there were other matters to deal with, such as why Finn was all pissy.

"My height is nowhere near the size of dwarfism and I'll have you know that you are not much taller than me," Rachel said with a huff.

"Okay, anyway just spill already," the Cheerio spat.

"Okay, well Jesse and I met for a cup of coffee at the Lima Bean last night. Finn and that freshman Cheerio, Delia I think her name is, were there together too. They saw us. So today after glee he asked to talk to me in private. We talked in my car and he was absolutely livid at my conduct." Rachel began to explain.

"I'm not a very big fan of that Saint James kid either, but where does that overgrown oaf get off telling you who you can and cannot be around?" Santana seethed, not so sure why she cared quite this much. The only other friend she ever got herself this worked up over was Brittany, when some bitch at a cheerleading competition made Brittany cry by calling her an idiot for carting around a stuffed duck for luck.

"I tried to tell him that I was in no way romantically involved with Jesse. I told him that we were just trying to put the past behind us. He felt guilty and for some reason wanted to reach out so we met up. It isn't like we are going to even be friends or anything. We both agreed against that, especially because he's in love with a very aesthetically pleasing red-head that attends UCLA with him and she is most definitely the jealous type." Rachel was on a roll and though Santana thought it was kind of cute, she was annoyed at the fact that Rachel felt the need to explain herself to Finn of all people.

"Berry, even if you were hooking up with St. assh… er I mean St. James again it wouldn't be any of that man-mountain's business," the taller brunette hissed as she stumbles over the mistake she'd almost made. The songstress had learned to accept Santana's cursing to an extent; however, the taller girl was not ready to risk another lecture on bad language in the middle of the current conversation.

"He was so mad, San. He acted like I'd cheated on him again but he never got that mean before," the shorter of the two looked down to her lap.

"Mean how?" Santana questioned with knitted brows.

"Just, he said some things. I mean he wasn't completely incorrect in his assessment, though hearing it made me feel rather dreadful," Rachel said in a near whisper.

"What did he say, Rach?" Santana was fuming and in that second didn't care if it was noticed.

"The words whore and stupid may or may not have been uttered, however, they were said in the heat of the moment." Santana went to open her mouth but her friend continued talking "He reminded me of all the less than pleasant things I've done to him and whoever else. Hearing it all laid out there like that made me realize that he had a point. He was the sweetest guy and I threw it away out of stupidity." Rachel leaned against the back of the sofa.

"Rachel, you haven't done anything that bad."

"Oh really?" She started while toying with the gold star necklace Finn had given her as a belated Christmas/ Valentine's Day gift. The one he'd handed her just before he shattered any hope of her getting back with him. "Let's see shall we. I pursued him while he was with another girl. I told him about Noah being the baby's father just so I could have him. I dated his best friend to make him jealous. I forced him into a relationship without even asking him what he wanted. I refused to take him back because some other guy displayed affection for me and then I lied and told him I was having sexual relations with the new guy, who I might add ended up betraying the club because I was too stupid to admit that he was using me. I also used all aforementioned boys in an attempted to make myself look more intriguing. When we finally got together I freaked out over him sleeping with you when we weren't even together. So in all of my brilliance I decide to make out with his best friend, knowing how insecure he was about that kind of thing. Who does that?" Rachel gasped because she hadn't allowed herself to breathe throughout the tangent. She soon found that she'd failed at keeping the tears in her eyes concealed as they were now running down her cheeks.

"Quinn does that?" Santana smirked in an effort to lighten the mood. More for herself than Rachel's sake because she wanted to deliver a major beat down to Finn. Though seeing the hurt in her friends eye's was kind of the cause for that feeling.

"Completely different circumstances," replied Rachel as she rolled her eyes and tried to put a stop to the tears. "Santana, I got a teacher fired because I didn't get a solo!" Rachel said as if she couldn't believe it herself.

"Okay, you got a free pass on that one because I'm almost sure that we'll be seeing Mr. Ryerson on an episode of To Catch a Predator in the near future." The cheerleader cringed at her own words, as did the other girl. "But if you insist on taking responsibility for all of your wrongs, you forgot about Sunshine and the crack house," Santana joked while assisting in the wiping away of the liquid coming from Rachel's eyes.

"Thanks," said Rachel dryly, "I almost forgot about that. Oh and let's not forget my attire, lack of a filter, and those other annoying habits everyone hates me for."

"Not everyone hates you. You can be a bit abrasive at times. Dare I say self-absorbed? But if anyone takes the chance to get to know you they'd see that you aren't so bad. The majority of us are pretty self-absorbed too." The truth was while Rachel was all those things, as well as manipulative at times, she was one of the kindest people in the world. She would go out of her way to help anyone that needed it, provided they weren't her competition. And though Santana wasn't admitting to it quite yet, she thought the Sunshine incident was the most badass thing Rachel had ever done and it kind of turned her on.

"Thanks," was Rachel's reply.

"Look, we all make mistakes but you and Finnessa both are being way too hard on you." Rachel leaned into her companion and let out a large sigh.

"I wish I believed that. I've felt so guilty that I couldn't even let myself throw a temper tantrum whenever I saw him being romantic with other girls."

The cheerleader huffed before saying, "He makes out with random skanks. I hardly call it romantic."

"They're the kind of girls he should be with anyway," Rachel broke in.

"What kind of girl would that be?" Santana asked, in confusion.

"You know, pretty girls," Rachel motioned to her friend, "with a higher status on the food chain."

"Okay, so you aren't exactly popular, but I know you've been told that you're beautiful," Santana nudged.

"Well that's something that my dads are kind of obligated to say as parents. And as far as boyfriends go, they have to say it if they ever expect to get in your pants," Rachel sing songed.

Santana let out a giggle, which she rarely ever did "Well take it from me, Berry. Puck was right when he called you a hot Jew."

"So I don't need a nose job, bigger boobs maybe?" Rachel laughed.

"You're perfect, Rachel, really."

The tiny diva smiled up at her friend, "You were too you know? Not that you aren't perfect still, but you certainly didn't need new breasts to be hot."

"Thanks for saying so, Berry."

It was weird that she gave a damn about the other girl's feelings. Up until recently she had actually obtained a kind of joy in tormenting her now friend. But now she found that every time she saw just how hurt the other girl could be; now that she could see that part of Rachel that the diva tried to hide away from the word, the one who blamed herself for the cruelty of others, she just wanted to beat the crap out of assholes like Finn high horse Hudson. "Hey Rach," Santana reluctantly said.

"Yes Santana."

"I'm really sorry about the crap I put you through. You never deserved it. I'm a bitch and sometimes I get carried away and you get most of the crap I spew."

It took everything in Rachel's little body, not to gasp at the apology. It was so far from the Santana that she'd once known. "I appreciate your apology Santana; however, it is most unnecessary. I am well aware that I am an acquired taste for most people and I have a tendency to behave in a manner that inspires that kind of treatment." The little brunette smiled up bashfully at her friend.

Santana's guilt only grew at her friends words. She had had a hand in the Rachel feeling as if she deserved the treatment she'd received. "I'm not going to say that you're never annoying as hell," Santana started, "but like I said before, if people would give you half a chance they'd see you aren't quite as crazy as you seem. You should be treated better. People are just really jealous because you have what it takes to do anything you want after high school is over, while most of us will end up Lima losers."

Rachel looked directly into Santana's eyes. "People should give themselves more credit," She smirked to convey the belief she had in the Latina, and then went on to say, "Even though this is the first time you're saying it, you show how sorry you are for all of that all the time now. So there isn't any reason to bring it up again, okay?"

Santana nearly protested but thought better of it. "Sure thing, Berry."

Those moments in time when the two of them could shut the world out, allowed the girls to be vulnerable with one another. The Latina didn't have to hide behind the ghetto bitch façade she always found herself using in public and Rachel didn't have to be so high strung, always striving for perfection at almost any cost. The two fell into a comfortable silence and tried to finish the movie. It was that night that Santana was finally willing to entertain the thought that the physical attraction she long since admitted to herself she felt for the Broadway star to be, may be more than just that.

RSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRS

Santana figured that the weekend would give her some time to cool off when it came to the Finn situation, or at least it was the lie she told herself. In all honesty she knew that the weekend was merely going to give her more time to get even angrier with the football player. So when Monday rolled around she entered the school building pinkie linked with Brittany's and strolled up to the jock. "Music room, five minutes," she said simply. She suspected that he thought he was going to get lucky because ever since he and Quinn had officially broken up, he had been trying to get a repeat performance from Santana. The fact that Brittany was there was a bonus.

"Yeah sure," he tried to say nonchalantly but the eagerness crept into his voice.

"Five minutes," the Latina repeated before walking off in the direction of the music room. Santana half expected Brittany to tell her not to go crazy on the guy, but after hearing that he'd reduced Rachel to tears, she was all in. Santana took in to account that Rachel probably made the encounter sound better than it had been so she didn't feel bad about what needed to be done. Rachel rarely actually cried in front of people, she reserved that for when she was alone so whatever Finn had said to her must have been beyond cruel. The cheerleader wasn't going to hurt him physically, that would only upset the tiny brunette and get her a lecture on violence, so she made sure Brittany was there to keep her from laying some serious hands on the boy.

Finn entered the music room he had a big goofy grin on his face, already fiddling with his belt buckle. "So we have like twenty minutes before the first bell rings," he chimed.

"Woah, put it back in your pants Finnocense," Santana scowled. "Brittany's with wheels and she's not a cheater."

"So she's watching," the boy questioned?

"Yeah, she be watching to make sure I don't bust your ass." Finn looked at Santana confused.

"You made Rachel cry," Brittany spoke up. "That wasn't very nice."

"Whatever goes on between Rachel and me is our business," said Finn ignoring Brittany and looking at Santana. "Why would you care anyway?"

"I know I joined glee so I could screw it over, but I love it now. Rachel was the first one to believe me. We may not be close but even I have to admit that her voice makes this club a powerhouse. If she's all weepy and shit over you, she can't deliver and I can't have that." She took a quick look Brittany's way and continued, "Plus Brittany says she doesn't like to see Rachel sad, and I don't like to see Brittany sad." Brittany smiled at that.

"Rachel always bounces back with a smile no matter what," Finn replied. The comment made Santana feel a pang of guilt for all the times she'd tormented Rachel and the girl would plaster on a smile anyway.

"I'm not taking chances," Santana said flatly. "Apologize to her and beg for her forgiveness."

"She was the one who tried to sleep with Puck," Finn defended as if that situation justified his resent confrontation with his ex.

"You gotsta be kidding me. You really wanna go there Jolly Green? Fuck you and the high horse you rode in on," the brunette Cheerio hissed. "You aren't exactly blameless."

"We wer…."

"I know you weren't together then or whatever," she replied. "Once you got with her, you should have told her the truth about hittin' this" the dark haired girl ran her hands along the sides of her torso and past her hips to dive her point home. "And let's be honest here, you weren't exactly always the most faithful either. I know you took Berry out and kissed her a couple times when you had a girlfriend; one you thought was preggo with your spawn. And to add insult to injury you used her feelings for you to get her back to glee. Oh and she even gave a pair of panties over to her creepy stalker so Jewfro wouldn't tell the whole school about you, Q, and the kid because she wanted to help you out. She should get a free pass from both you and Juno for that alone." Finn went to speak and was again interrupted by a fierce Santana. "And it's not like you hadn't dumped her before."

"To go out with the two of you," Finn finally got a few words in edgewise.

"Your point?" she seethed. "You were the one with her. Then you went and threw a hissy fit over some video because boohoo she used you to make a video that had other boys in it too." Santana mocked. "Oh and we can't forget that little make out sessions you had with Q knowing damn well she was with, guppy face. I'm glad she wised up and went back to him."

"After you took him for a ride!" Finn defended. Truth was, Santana only hooked up with the guy to cure her loneliness and prop her rep back up, after Puck had apparently decided that his type of woman had changed drastically. Puck being with Lauren was odd and even an ego basher at times, but the Latina had to admit that the wrestler kept him in line more than anyone else and that was what Puck needed in a girl.

"Well Puck was too busy trying to ride the great white whale," Santana did her best to sound disgusted. "Besides Q needed to see what she could be throwing away and she did." Sam and Quinn's relationship made her cringe a bit as well, but she knew that even though the bleached blonde wasn't the best match for her friend, he would have her back, which is something Finn never did well when it came to his girlfriends. Either way, she took pleasure in the two boys and the little blows they took. Hey, she was trying to be nicer about things, but she was still Santana. "Look, regardless of the way I feel about the hobbit, we all know she is way too forgiving. If people were to pull all the shit on me that they pull on her, I'd kick their asses all over the place. But to our credit, we never claimed to actually give a damn about her when we were screwing with her. You were a lot sneakier about it. You said you cared about her and constantly tore her down. It turns out that it wasn't enough for you because as soon as you did, you found ways to make her feel even worse. You stung her and baby mama along for months you ape!" Santana took in a deep breath to calm her nerves. "And now I, Santana Lopez, bitch who barely gives a shit about anyone else in the world is lecturing you on being an asshole. That should tell you something."

Brittany giggled before it gave way into a huff. "Go tell Rach you're sorry for making her cry. She's nice, even if she talks too much and confuses me sometimes." Then the blonde girl's face lit up, "Her sweaters don't scare me anymore and she watches ducky cartoons with me sometimes because even though Artie and Santana pretend to like them so I'll be happy, they don't smile and laugh with me. We sing along together too. 'Ducktails' is the best." Santana's heart swelled at the revelation. She knew Rachel and Brittany were hanging out every so often, sometimes with her, but she hadn't really heard Brittany talk about Rachel in such a happy go lucky way. She didn't know why it surprised her. Brittany liked nearly everyone that was nice to her. All the times that Santana and Quinn spent tormenting Rachel, Brittany was hardly ever directly involved with anything malicious. She'd laugh along, though Santana suspected that she was just going along with it all to stay on Quinn's and her good side.

"Fine," Finn said dragging himself to the door. "I'll tell her I'm sorry or whatever."

"She best believe you or I'll be busting some freakishly large kneecaps with a golf club," The brunette called behind him as he exited the room.

"Rachel wouldn't like it if you hit him with a golf club," Brittany furrowed her eyebrows.

"I know, B," Santana smiled. "I just wanted him to understand how serious I was."

"Oh," said the Dutch girl before scurrying to the open door and looking to the direction Finn left in. "And I'll hit you with S's car." Santana smiled and linked pinkies with the other girl once more.

"Right on Britt."

"Why didn't you tell Finn the real reason you care so much about Rachel's feelings?" Brittany asked wide-eyed.

"People don't really know I'm hanging with Berry. She doesn't exactly kick it with the same group as us. But she says she doesn't mind being friends outside of school instead." Santana found her logic a bit faulty but she pretended it made total sense.

"I know that you don't want to be with one person, or tell people you like girls, but that didn't keep you from being friends with me at school." Brittany looked confused.

"That was different B. We're best friends and we had a different kind of thing going than I do with Rachel."

"We're always going to be besties, silly. She can't have pinkies because that's our thing but she can hold your hand. You look at her like you used to look at me but kind of different. That's the way she looks at you too."

Santana nearly choked on the words that were about to come out of her mouth. "Really? I do? I mean, she does?" Once she stopped tripping over her words she continued with "I don't think so Britts. Rachel and I are just friends."

"So were we," Brittany chimed. "We still had fun. I bet Rachel is a really good kisser. You should totally find out." Santana couldn't help but get a visual of what a kiss between her and the talkative brunette would be like. "S?" she heard, breaking her out of her thoughts.

"Huh?"

"It's okay if you don't love me in the same way you did. I won't be sad if you care about Rachel that way," said the dancer.

"I'll always love you Britt."

"I know but you love me like a best friend again, not like a girlfriend. I get it. That's the way I feel about you too. But I'm in love with Artie," Brittany smiled. "But don't worry. I won't tell anyone about Rachel. I won't even write it in my diary. Charity is being a bad kitty again and she's gone back to reading it."

The bell rang rather loudly and the Blonde began to swing their arms. Santana just shook her head with a little grin and said, "Come on, B. That was the warning bell." While people may have considered Brittany to be a dumb blonde (the cat reading the diary being an example of why) the girl was truly receptive and seemed to know people better than anyone. Rachel once told Santana that she suspected that Brittany was actually a genius and people just didn't allow themselves to see it.

Finn apologized and Santana was happy about it for all of day. The situation had revitalized Finn's affection for the singer in more than a suggested hookup sort of way. He started to become obsessed with getting back with Rachel. She spurned the boy's advances for the most part, but most of the gleeks figured that he would wear her down soon enough. Her prospects weren't exactly coming out in droves.

RSRSRSRSRSRSRSRS

Friday night rolled around once more and Rachel and Santana were hanging out at the Berry home.

"I'd understand it if you'd rather go hang out with him," Santana lied.

"Why on earth would I do that? We had plans. Shame on him if he expected me to jump into his waiting arms just because he came to the conclusion that I am now worthy of his affections once again," Rachel said giddily. "I'd much rather banter with you in between explosion and dance numbers on the television screen."

"Really?" Santana asked a little too excitedly for her own taste.

"Yes, most definitely," Rachel answered. "Even with all of my extracurricular activities, this is by far the best part of my week."

"Mine too," the Latina grinned.

After the sixth explosion in some movie Santana had insisted on watching just to get back at Rachel for making her sit through Easter Parade, Rachel broke through the comfortable silence.

"I know everyone thinks I want him back and I'm just playing games to see how far I can push him."

"I don't think that. I know Britt doesn't," replied Santana.

"I really don't though," said the little diva. "I told him that my feelings had changed. I explained to him in no uncertain terms that we are not now, nor in the future getting back together."

"Good for you. He never disserved you in the first place," Santana said encouraging along with some level of relief.

"The thing is, it's wrong to be with someone with whom you don't return feeling, and still pine away for someone else entirely," Rachel said cryptically.

The cheerleader's heart wrenched in her chest, "So Things didn't work out with Saint James and his girl huh?"

"What? No," was the singer's reply. "As far as I know, they're fine. I haven't so much as spoken to him since coffee that night."

"Someone new, or are you taking Puck for another spin?" She didn't mean to be so catty but she couldn't seem to help it. "The rhino could crush your tiny ass with one blow."

In typical Berry fashion Rachel ignored the snide comment and persevered. "It's just, well Brittany and I had this conversation a while ago and I cannot hinder its appearance from my thoughts. Did you know she's brilliant?"

Santana smirked at that and nodded for Rachel to continue.

"Well she may have possibly said something out loud that I was afraid of saying and she said…." Rachel stopped talking and pounced on Santana, crashing their lips into one another.

"What the hell, Berry?" The other girl screeched having been thrown off guard. She had no complaints about the kiss because, wow she was pretty amazing at it, but a little warning would have been nice.

"Brittany said that I should see how well you kissed because she knew from experience that you were great at it. I apologize profusely for that inappropriate gesture and it will nev…." She was sent into silence with the feel of Santana's lips once again on her own. The taller girl's tongue sought entry and the diva gladly allowed it.

The heat Santana felt surpassed anything she'd ever felt during a kiss. She wanted to stay like this for as long as possible before she had to tell the Jewish girl that they didn't have a chance because there was no way she was ready to have a public relationship with her and she was sure that Rachel would demand it. Placing one hand on the smaller girl's hip and the other on her behind, Santana closed what little gap that lied between them. She hungrily deepened the kiss, causing a slight moan in the other girl. "Rachel," Santana stated through heavy breathing as their lips parted. "I really like you but this can't happen." She watched as the girl before her slumped back in into her seat a little dejected. "I just can't do the whole out and proud thing at school. That's pretty much what ended Brittany and me. Well, that and because I was still sleeping with Puck at the time."

"You haven't had a sexual relationship with Noah in months," Rachel declared, before throwing in, "And Sam and Quinn have rekindled there romance once more."

"Right but I still can't go around school holding your hand and all that stuff. I'm just not ready for all of that. I'm still not comfortable with us like eating lunch together, or whatever, much less anything else."

"Then we won't," Rachel stated bluntly. "We'll do what we do now but we can add multiple make out sessions to our hangout agenda."

"You deserve better than that and…..Wait…..You don't mind?" Santana asked in disbelief.

"We are perfectly capable of pulling this off," the small diva assured.

The Latina cupped the other girl's face before bringing their foreheads together. "I'm not ashamed of you. I'm just scared. I thought I was ready with Brittany but now I'm not so sure that I would have been able to give her what she needed from me."

"I don't need everyone to know about us. I just need you," Rachel assured.

"I don't want to hurt you but I probably will from time to time," the Cheerio admitted.

"I don't want to aggravate you but that is more than likely to happen here and there," Rachel chuckled.

"Can we forgo the relationship colander thing? I'm not a fan of having my head on animal bodies" Santana laughed.

"Only if you kiss me right now."

Santana gladly obliged. Seeing as Rachel had been willing to hide their friendship, the taller girl shouldn't have been so surprised but she was. While a major part of her felt relief, she still had a feeling of disappointment linger inside of her.

Chapter One/B-Back Where We Began

2011-September

It had been five months of sneaking around and stolen kisses. Santana was genuinely happy, but something was missing. She knew exactly what it was and it had taken her a good month to admit it to herself.

She could handle Jewfro's creepy little eyes being pinned to her girl for now because let's face it; Rachel wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole. But Hudson finding any and every reason to grope Rachel was getting on her last nerve. She'd been taking it out on every guy jock dumb enough to cross her path with a goofy smile on his face. She couldn't take it out on the boy she really wanted to cause pain to without the risk of exposing herself, so the rest were made to suffer.

But it also encouraged the Latina to solidify her relationship with Rachel by declaring that she wanted to be exclusive for real. She hadn't slept with anyone since she and Rachel had gotten together, but she needed to say it and hear it right back. With that revelation and a very interesting trip to the mall to drive it all home, the Jewish girl learned the pleasantries of sex. Santana was baffled that sweet, virginal, goody-two-shoes Rachel Barbra Berry had such a mouth on her. Rachel's mouth was definitely equally as good at making Santana succumb as it was at rambling out thesaurus driven paragraphs and belting out ballads. Her fingers were pleasantly surprising as well. Rachel was buried knuckle deep into her lover's snug core when Santana added a little surprise of her own by howling "Te Amo. So damn much mi estrella" as she came crashing down in a fit of ecstasy.

Rachel hadn't been expecting it. Though her girlfriend opened up to her more than anyone else, it wasn't really Santana's style to be talking about her feelings like that. "I love you too," she responded after removing her head from between the other girl's legs. Rather than make a huge deal of it, Rachel kissed the Latina inner thigh and proceeded to coax another outburst from her. She succeeded in her quest as her girlfriends body clinched and convulsed around her digits mere minutes later.

"Oh fuck!" The taller girl thought. "So much for the 'sex isn't dating' theory." And with that, her 'never say no," mantra was obliterated too. Rachel was her only yes from now on. She took pleasure in the thought that if she had to break her own rules, so did Rachel. She so didn't wait until she was twenty-five.

RSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRS

It wasn't until two weeks into their senior year that Santana realized that she herself might not be as cool with their little arrangement.

"I swear if I see him put his hands on her one more time I'm going to…" She couldn't even find the right thing to follow.

"Then tell him you don't like it," said Brittany.

"I can't do that without telling him why, Britt" She responded as the two girls sat in the locker room after practice.

"So tell him," the blonde girl said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

That's when Santana decided that it was her senior year and she'd be damned if she couldn't enjoy it with her hot girlfriend. She was Santana Fucking Lopez and she was just badass enough to have everything she wanted. The thought of keeping it within glee was tempting, however, between Kurt, Tina, and Mercedes gossip fits, a jock with a soon to be bruised ego, and a man whore that was surely going to try to get in on the action; there was no way it was going to stay within the confines of the music room. So if she was going to make this leap she was going to do it in style. She would give Rachel the most cliché grand gesture she both yearned for and deserved. She'd do it in glee and expect it to get around the school by Tuesday morning. She barricaded herself in her bedroom for nearly the whole weekend, claiming to have a migraine, so that her girlfriend wouldn't insist on them spending it together. It was one of the few lies she ever told Rachel but it was worth it. She needed time to find just the right song and figure out how to execute it properly.

As she walked into the music room on Monday afternoon she saw Finn's lips, fast approaching Rachel's. The little diva had a deer in headlights look in her eyes as she tried to dodge his advancement. Santana let out a yelp at the sight.

"What's the problem, Lopez?" Puck yelled as Finn quickly whipped his head around to see what the fuss was about.

"I uh stubbed my toe," she said. Brittany smiled up at her as she leaned into Artie. Rachel looked at her with relief. "Where's Schue?"

"Something went down with him and Miss Pillsbury," Quinn chuckled as she held Sam's hand.

Santana let out an incredulous scoff. "Of course." How that man managed to be late to almost every glee meeting was beyond her. She quickly recovered from her annoyance and gave way to a little relief in the fact that she wouldn't have to contend with their not so fearless leader. "I uh, have a song," she nearly whispered to the group.

"What was that?" Quinn asked. Santana rarely volunteered herself to perform extra solos to the group.

"I said I have a song," she bit out louder in annoyance. "So sit down and shut up will you?"

Rachel didn't say a word. She merely sat down and gazed up at her girlfriend with a smile, hoping not to be too obvious with her adoration. Everyone else sat down as well.

The song she had chosen was meant to be a duet; however, the Cheerio chose to re-work it so that she could do both parts. So she was worried about the changes she made along with nerves she had about singing a solo in general, singing to a perfectionist Rachel Berry, and revealing herself to the rest of glee. Santana hooked her iPod up to the boom box Mr. Schuester kept in the room then quickly scrolled to the song of her choice, grimacing inward at the thought of having any aspect of The King and I on her iPod. She started off looking straight forward at the back wall.

We kiss in a shadow,
We hide from the moon,
Our meetings are few,
And over too soon.

A smile began to play across the girl's face as she thought about all of those hidden moments she and Rachel had shared. The feeling of being in their own world that nobody else was a part of running through her veins.

We speak in a whisper,
Afraid to be heard;
When people are near,
We speak not a word.
Alone in our secret,
Together we sigh,
For one smiling day to be free
To kiss in the sunlight
And say to the sky:
"Behold and believe what you see!
Behold how my lover loves me!"

Now she thought about how much better it would be when she publically claimed what was hers. She knew it was a bit cave-mannish but no matter how much Rachel insisted that it wasn't an endearing quality in a person, Santana knew that it got the other girl hot and bothered. Sure it was annoying when some giant oaf, like Man-mountain got all possessive, but when it was Santana it was just plain sexy.

We speak in a whisper,
Afraid to be heard;
When people are near
,

She began to sway to the tempo, as she slowly propelled herself forward.

We speak not a word.
Alone in our secret,
Together we sigh,
For one smiling day to be free

Everyone with the exception of Brittany, and Rachel assumed that it was a song of declaration to Puck or Brittany. They all waited for either Puck to cut her off, Lauran to crush her, or Brittany's rejection in favor of Artie.

To kiss in the sunlight
And say to the sky:
"Behold and believe what you see!
Behold how my lover loves me!"

When they saw Santana's eyes finally land on Rachel, most thought it was a fluke, a mere accident of eye placement. But when Santana walked over to Rachel extending her hand, and Rachel took the proffered hand with sheer glee, the room was struck dumbfounded.

To kiss in the sunlight
And say to the sky:
"Behold and believe what you see!
Behold how my lover loves me!"

She took her girlfriend by the chin and guided their faces together before planting a searing kiss upon the shorter brunette's lips. She snaked her arms around Rachel's waist for emphasis; as not to allow for any miscommunication to one Finn Hudson.

"You actually learned a song from a musical just for me?" Rachel said giddily when they parted.

"Yeah well, it fit the situation," Santana said trying not to sound like a sap. "I meant every word," she amended.

Rachel wrapped her arms around the girl and whispered, "That was the sweetest thing ever. You are sure to be thoroughly reciprocated with gratitude of a physical nature later." It took them a few long seconds before they allowed themselves to take in all of the spectators around them.

"Close your mouth Frankinteen," Santana said smugly. "If you don't keep your damn lips off of my girl, I sure as hell won't hesitate to follow through on that golf club threat. My lips are the only ones allowed on this got it?" She motioned her hand in front of her girlfriend as if to put her on display.

Brittany, God bless her, put on her best serious face and said, "Yeah, and don't forget about San's car." Then with a miss placed smile, she leaned into Artie. "So you better keep your hands to yourself."

"That's hotness," Puck broke in. "Dude the Puckzilla is all ove…."

"Don't you dare finish," Santana glared at him. "I'll bury you under the football field before I let that happen." The boy shrunk back in is seat with a frown as Lauren smacked him in the back of the head.

"How long." was all Kurt could manage?

"S and Rach have been getting their sweet lady kisses on since April," Brittany laughed.

"April," Mike and Tina both said astounded.

"Word," Artie said with a 'yeah, I knew' look on his face.

"Oh hell to the naw." Mercedes whispered. "Wow!"

"Can it wheezy," Santana glared at the black girl with slight annoyance.

"How did I not see this one coming," Kurt said to himself out loud, ignoring the Latin girl's remark to his friend.

"Broken gay-dar I guess," replied Tina.

"Or maybe it doesn't work for the lesbian kind," added Mike.

"I knew about Santana and Brittany," Kurt defended.

"Everyone knew about Santana and Brittany," Tina quietly shot back, hoping that the three girls in question wouldn't hear her "It may have well have been written in the sky." Sam took that moment to chuckle at the comment.

"Seriously, S?" Quinn spoke up. "You've been hooking up with Man-Hands since April?" The words lightly startled Santana. Quinn still had her bitchy moments regarding the little diva, however, she hadn't resorted to calling her names in over a year. She'd even surpassed the Latina's name calling time frame where Rachel was concerned.

"Shut it, Q," Santana shot at the second blonde Cheerio in the room. "Next time I'll have to bitch slap you. And trust me, these hands," she said, holding up the hand she was currently clutching, "are soft, smooth, and all kinds of talented, but they sure ain't manly." Quinn, Mercedes, and Kurt wore equally horrified looks at the implication. Rachel looked at her partner and blushed.

"Whatever," the blonde cheerleading captain muttered under her breath.

"That goes for all of you. If you have some smart ass comment or a way to put her down, you had better think about whether or not you want to deal with me. I'll go all Lima Heights Adjacent on your asses!" The Latina didn't yell, the comment was said in an even tempered tone, but it was when Santana spoke so calmly while making threats, that she was at her most frightening. She wasn't at all showboating, she meant it completely.

"Right," said an amused Lauren, remembering the last time the Latina had sent a threat her way. "That's how you do it in the heights." Everyone in the room knew damn well that Santana hardly lived in the ghetto. She had a nice upper middle-class home just like most of them did. Something about having a doctor, who specialized in endocrinology, as a father and a mother who was an accountant gave it away. The truth was that her aunt lived in the neighborhood she was so readily willing to claim as a scare tactic. Though most of the student body knew, none of them were willing to call her out on it. Lima Heights Adjacent or no, she was still pretty scary when she wanted to be.

Everyone stayed quiet for a few moments in order to gage where Santana's attitude was heading. When she didn't burst into anger over Lauren's crack or their gawking, they boldly began to discuss the situation amongst themselves. Santana took the opportunity to grab her girlfriend.

"Come on, babe," Santana whispered in Rachel's ear.

"What about glee?" Rachel quarried.

"Schue's not here anyway and we have a nerd to see."

"Santana if we go to Jacob Ben-Israel the status of our relationship is sure to be up on his blog in no less than an hour's time," Rachel warned.

"Then we better make the most of it," she laughed. "I just can't wait to tell him that he had better find a new girl to stock or I'll rip off his arm and beat him with it. Then we can go to my house and 'study."

"Santana, violence is not conducive to our situ….."

"Thank god for kisses," Santana breathed when their lips parted.

"Yeah," was all Rachel could muster. That was her favorite way of being told to shut up.

This was about the time Santana Lopez came to the conclusion that she was whipped. While the relationship had started off with Rachel giving more than she got, once the two had become public, Santana found herself doing anything she could to make Rachel happy. They fought but Santana was usually the one to apologize. Rachel's Crazy obsessive streak mixed with Santana's semi- psychotic tendencies managed balanced each other out. The Latina was still tough, but the school dealt with her wrath a lot less, which helped most of them to fall in line and not make a huge deal about the girls as a couple.(Brittany had been right when she'd told Santana that she could physically or verbally destroy anyone that said anything too harsh about her relationship.) Rachel was still a perfectionist but she didn't drive glee club as crazy as she once did.

RSRSRSRSRSRSR

2022

Santana slipped back into the present by the ring of her office phone.

"Williams, Taylor, and Dean. Santana Lopez speaking," she answered in her professional voice.

"Love your business voice," she heard Quinn's voice on the other end.

TBC