CHAPTER 1
The Epic Quest Begins :D
AN: This might seem like an exceptionally random story with no common sense whatsoever, but bear with me here, this will all make sense in the end. Or, y'know, don't. Your choice, really.
The sun rose on another completely ordinary morning for young Kasumi. She got out of bed, got dressed, braided her hair and almost fell into a magma-pool because a hole in the ground leading into the earth's core had opened in her floor overnight. She pulled a carpenter out of her bag that holds everything and asked him to fix it.
She then went into the kitchen and had a completely ordinary breakfast consisting of three helpings of roasted ice cream and some coffee-flavored orange-juice. Then she left the house to go to school.
Her two best friends, Kiyoshi and Steve? were waiting for her outside.
"'sup guys?" she said.
"Not much," Kiyoshi said. "My mom was wondering if you could spare a TV for us though. Our old one exploded last week."
"Sure thing," Kasumi said and pulled a 50-inch 1080p TV out of her bag and gave it to Kiyoshi.
"I found five diamonds yesterday!" Steve? said excitedly.
"Really? That's awesome!" Kasumi said.
"So what about you?" Steve? asked.
"Not much… Dad didn't come home yesterday though, so I'm kinda wondering where he's been," Kasumi said. "Ah well, you all know how he is. Comes and goes as he pleases… It's nothing too unusual."
They continued chatting as they walked towards the school, until suddenly the entire population of the town came running straight over the three friends. This would normally have been a cause for alarm as getting trampled by every man, woman and child in an entire city might be somewhat lethal, but thankfully Kasumi was able to pull some band-aids out of her bag, and put one each on Kiyoshi, Steve? and herself, so they were completely fine.
"What's all the commotion about?" she said as she saw the entire population of the city running into the town square.
"Let's go check," Kiyoshi said.
When they reached the town square, they saw that everyone was staring at the giant TV-screen hanging on the town hall. There was a news-report being shown.
"Breaking news: We have just confirmed that our mayor has been kidnapped by an evil clan of books. The book-clan has given the following demands," the news-lady said, as Kasumi and her friends looked at each other in dread.
"Oh no! The mayor's your dad, right?!" Steve? said.
"Why yes. Yes he is. Why ever would you feel the need to ask that question, it's not like his status as the mayor has changed at all in the past two years," Kasumi responded.
On the TV-screen, the image changed to a video of the evil clan of books. The book-leader spoke up and said "Citizens of Boardville! We have your mayor, and if you want him back, you have to pay us one hundred zillion dollars!" The book then pointed to Kasumi's father who was chained up against the wall.
A citizen said, "You know that zillion isn't actually a number, right?"
The book then flipped through its own pages till it reached a page containing a picture of a basilisk staring straight at the reader. It then shoved said page right up against the camera and the citizen saw the picture and died because that is what happens if you look a basilisk in the eyes, boys and girls!
The rest of the city were smart enough to look away though.
"So as I was saying, hand over one hundred zillion dollars or you will never see your mayor again!"
The broadcast then went back to the news-studio.
"Oh no, this is terrible, what are we going to do!" Steve? said. "Even Kasumi's bag that holds everything can't possibly provide us with one hundred zillion dollars!"
"Yeah, there's a limit to how unreasonable you can be," Kiyoshi said. "At least if they'd asked for like a hundred quattuordecillion dollars or something, then we might have been able to solve this peacefully, but we can't give them a sum that doesn't exist."
"Well, I see only one solution to this problem," Kasumi said, and pulled out a map that showed where the books were holding her father captive from her bag. "I'm gonna go rescue him!"
She then ran off on her own to rescue her dad. Two minutes later she decided that going it alone would be boring and so she pulled Kiyoshi and Steve? out of her bag.
"Why am I not surprised," Kiyoshi said in a completely deadpan voice. "You know you could have just asked us to come along two minutes ago.
"Yeah well I didn't think that far," Kasumi said. "So do either of you guys have any weapons?"
"Well I have my bow," Kiyoshi said, and Kasumi pulled his bow out of her bag and gave it to him.
"And I have those diamonds I found yesterday, I guess I could craft them into a diamond sword," Steve? said, and Kasumi pulled the five diamonds out of her bag.
"Alright then, now that we are all armed and ready to go… LET'S GO SAVE DAD!" Kasumi shouted and ran off again.
And so it was, that the three set off on their epic quest to rescue Kasumi's father the mayor. On their journey, they would encounter many trials and tribulations, but with their brains, bravery, Kasumi's magic bag, Kiyoshi's bow and Steve?'s blade of diamonds and possibly some other things starting with B, they were sure they would be able to overcome them.
The first trial they encountered on their first night, for Steve? insisted that they take shelter for the night lest they be blown up by Creepers, but all the carpenters Kasumi had pulled out of her bag were either asleep, exhausted from a long day's work or didn't speak English and a few of them were ponies. So clearly building shelter would not be an option.
"So, what else can we do to avoid those Creepers?" Kasumi asked.
"Well they're deathly afraid of cats," Steve? helpfully informed her.
"Well why didn't you say so sooner?" Kasumi said and pulled a cat out of the bag. And so they were safe from Creepers and the first trial was overcome. Incidentally, she named the cat "Cat". She's not all that creative I'm afraid.
Kasumi, Kiyoshi, Steve? and Cat's epic quest continued with little incident for the next three days, until they stumbled upon a mountain with a gate, guarded by an adorable little white rabbit.
"D'awww, what an adorable little bunny!" Steve? said.
"Don't get too close! That's the Killer Rabbit. It might look adorable but it is a bloodthirsty beast!" Kasumi said, applying her Flawless Logic(TM).
"Meow," Cat boasted and walked over to the Killer Rabbit regardless and was promptly annihilated by the Rabbit's laser-breath. Also it was night so then they were immediately surrounded by fifteen Creepers.
"That'ssssssssssssss a nice bag that holds everything you got there… Be a shame if something were to happen to it…" one of the Creepers said menacingly to Kasumi, who proceeded to pull out a rubber-band from her bag, because that was her weapon of choice.
"Alright, there's nothing else for it now! We have to fight off both the Creepers and the Killer Rabbit!" she declared, and shot her rubber-band at one of the Creepers. The Creeper then exploded violently, leaving behind a mushroom cloud.
Kiyoshi drew an arrow from his quiver and started firing at the Creepers as well, but the ones he hit died in a much less spectacular fashion.
"Hey, how come my Creepers die in a much less spectacular fashion?!" he said angrily.
"Because rubber bands are way more effective than arrows when it comes to Creeper-fighting. Duh," Kasumi said, applying her Flawless Logic(TM) once again.
Steve? also killed some Creepers with his diamond sword, but while cutting down one he failed to notice that there was a second Creeper standing behind it. The Creeper ignited and blew Steve? up.
"STEVE?! NOOOOO!" Kiyoshi screamed.
"Oh, don't worry, he'll just respawn back in his bed," Kasumi said with even more Flawless Logic(TM). "He'll soon be back."
And so they continued shooting the Creepers until there were none left, and then they turned their attention to the Killer Rabbit. Kasumi fired a rubber-band at it but to her horror, it did nothing.
"Damn it! The Killer Rabbit is immune to my rubber-bands! I should have known… Only the Holy Handgrenade can kill the Killer Rabbit," she said, once again applying her Flawless Logic(TM).
"Uh-huh…" Kiyoshi said and shot the Killer Rabbit with an arrow. Proving Kasumi's Flawless Logic(TM) right, the rabbit did not die.
"Told you so," Kasumi said and pulled the Holy Handgrenade out of her bag, removing the Holy Pin and counting to three before throwing it at the Killer Rabbit and blowing it to bits in God's mercy.
"The battle is won… But at great cost," she said gravely.
"Yeah… Poor Steve?," Kiyoshi said.
"What, Steve? Didn't I tell you he'd just respawn? Actually it's a pain waiting for him to come back so…" Kasumi said and pulled Steve? out of her bag again.
"I figured you'd do that," Steve? said.
"But no, I mean that we lost Cat!" Kasumi said and started sobbing over the loss of her dear friend.
"Never has there been a more loyal companion… His or her name shall go down in legend, and I shall raise a memorial for him or her right here," She continued and pulled a grand memorial with a life-size statue of Cat out of her bag.
Steve? put a flower bouquet in front of the statue, before praying that Cat's soul find peace in the afterlife.
Kiyoshi didn't care because seriously, they'd only known that cat for three days. Also it bit him that one time which he was still bitter about.
"However, we must press onwards despite the loss of our dear companion. It is what Cat would have wanted us to do!" Kasumi said, and opened the gate into the mountain, with no idea of what awaited them within…
