AN: Two urban fantasy shows set in a California high school and spiced up with predictable shipping, angst, and cliffhangers. They go together like peanut butter and jelly; like Finding Nemo and Shark Tale; like Antz and A Bug's Life.
Walter Strickler took up a career in teaching at Echo Creek High for three reasons: One, he loved to talk about battle strategies, and giving history lectures was stupendous excuse to do so, despite the measly paycheck. Two, parent-teacher conferences allowed him to see if someone's mother was expecting, and that was just asking for the baby to be replaced. The third reason depended on who asked him about it. If it was a human, he would tell them that molding young minds gave him purpose in life, and the more children knew about the past, the more they could change the future (one dad even cried after hearing that). If it was a GummGumm, he would tell them that the best way to keep up with human behavior was to study the latest generation, pointing out how fast human civilization could change. But if Walter was talking with some that he could be honest with (a condition that had yet to occur in his short life), he would tell him that he found solace in the social hierarchy of a high school. Nobody knew what to do with their life, the beautiful shunned the ugly, and everybody hid their true character when they thought that they were being watched. It was poetic on how many things teenagers had in common with changelings. In fact, if someone were to tell him that a high school student would be the next Trollhunter, he would walk up to that kid and tell them that they would be the worst Trollhunter ever. They'd sympathize with the enemy too much.
Hypothetically.
"But in the words of Billy Joel: Do what's good for you, or you're not good for anybody," Strickler finished.
"Hey, thanks for the advice," Jim said sincerely. "I like talking to you."
"Always."
Jim turned his back, revealing a dreadfully familiar object poking out of his bookbag. Strickler felt as if he could jump out of his skin and turn to stone instantly. The blue glow was like a jumpscare out of a horror movie, only that it stayed in view, like it was nothing more real or mundane as the chessboard on Strickler's windowsill. From what felt like a million miles away, the public announcement system crackled to life.
"Marco Diaz, please report to the principal's office."
The giant moth Star created made the news that evening. Animal control needed the cops' help to take it down. The fire department had its hands full as well. Consequently, Jim had a few calls from his mother to see if he was unharmed, despite that, as Jim pointed out to her, she was already at the hospital. Barbara didn't appreciate the joke.
"I'm just checking in to see if you're okay," she repeated.
"Perfectly safe," Jim reassured, his responses getting shorter and more impatient. Except this guy named Bular wants to tear me limb from limb in order to properly declare war on humanity. Other than that, I'm just peachy. He hung up the phone and faced his houseguests; Blinky, Aaarrrgghh, and Tobias.
"So, is the girl that set my school on fire a bad troll or something?" Toby thought out loud. "Because that sounds like something somebody evil would do."
"I doubt so," Blinky countered matter-of-factly, "If a changeling had that kind of magic, they'd attempt a more discreet, direct approach, and Master Jim here would be dead already."
"Enchant your lunch," Aaarrrgghh added. "Make it go boom inside you."
"Thanks for the visual, Arg," Jim said flatly.
"It's Aaarrrgghh," corrected Aaarrrgghh.
"We'll work on that later," Jim dismissed. "Is there any possibility that she should've been the Trollhunter and not me?"
"Oh no, the amulet makes no mistakes," Blinky tisked. "Besides, the Trollhunter is supposed to work in the shadows, and this girl (Butterfly, is it? Swear I've heard that before) has made it quite clear that she doesn't care how much ruckus she makes."
"Well, she can't be all bad," Jim pressed his point. "Maybe she could help me out in the 'not getting killed' part of my new job that I never agreed to."
"I'm sensing a lack of enthusiasm from you, Master Jim."
"Never. Agreed."
"Master Jim, if I may: Destiny is a gift. Some go their entire lives living existences in quiet desperation-"
I am fighting literal monsters, Marco found himself thinking, burying his fist into one of a red devil's two faces.
"-never learning the truth that what feels like a burden pushing down upon our shoulders-"
I could die tonight. I could die in five minutes.
"-is actually a sense a purpose that lifts us to greater heights!"
I could die tonight, but I also could spend the rest of the year this way. I could spend all of high school this way.
"Never forget that fear is but the precursor to valor-"
What if I stuck with this new girl after graduation? What's the place that she came from even like? Could I get a job there? Do they have college?
"-that to strive for triumph in the face of fear is what it means to be a hero."
Stop thinking about the future, Diaz. These things are trying to kill someone. They're trying to kill Star. This isn't some kind of thrill rush. This is a battlefield.
"Don't think, Master Jim. Become."
I guess that's what makes the thrill matter, doesn't it? Marco finished, unable to stop the ear-to-ear grin on his face.
"MEGA! NARWAL! BLAST!"
"I'll get you next time, Star Butterfly!"
Oh, we're not killing them. Good. That would've been grisly.
Marco apologized to Star for yelling at her and walked her to her new home.
This is where my life starts, doesn't it? Ow, muscle cramp!
"There," Toby muttered to Jim as they waved the trolls goodbye. "I gave you a night to think things through."
"A night?" Jim blustered.
"Yeah, you're the one who's always saying that he wants a little more adventure than the field trips we go on. The choice is easy: Be a BA Trollhunter, or go back to ogling Claire like a creep until Bular catches you after during one of your mom's night shifts."
"Field trips don't involve mass-murdering warlords."
"And now they probably will. See? Adventure!" Toby said with a pat on the back.
Toby was less supportive the following evening.
"It's not working!" Jim panicked. Bular was all business and a showoff at the same time. The way he sneered with all of his teeth took centuries to perfect. He threw trucks with precision and practice. He bellowed how sweet his victory would be, jabbing insults at Jim's expense. Jim and Toby's legs burned under the stress of pedaling their bicycles. Bula ran after them in a manner similar to a rampaging gorilla, stopping only to hurl any car that he deemed big enough to squash them. With that combined with his reptilian scales, goat-like horns, and feline roar, Bular act less like a trained killer and more like a Frankenstein of Earth's deadliest animals.
"RADIOACTIVE BOUNCE HOUSE DOOM-CANNON!"
Since Bular was last blasted off the ground, it had been seventy-two years, four months, eighteen hours, twenty-five minutes and approximately half a second. The sensation was blurry in his memory, but it was not brought back with welcome. His arms flailed in the air, trying to grasp something to break his fall. Lucky for him, his trajectory directed him into a third story window and not directly towards the ground again. Unfortunately, his impenetrable skin couldn't protect against the shards of broken glass that passed into his open mouth. It hurt to scream, but he made sure he did it anyway.
"Are you okay?" Star asked Jim. Jim had already stopped looking back to where Bular fell and went back to doing everything in his capacity to fleeing in the opposite direction.
"I think you made him angry!" Toby screeched. He followed Jim in suit. Bular followed both boys in pursuit. Summoning her aptly-named cloud Cloudy, Star took to the sky.
"WALKING DEATH KITTEN! WARNICORN STAMPEDE! ULTRA DOLPHIN SLAP!" Spell after spell, Star subdued Bular with fighting magic. But after each time he was knocked down, he kept leaping back up to chase Jim. After ten minutes of watching Bular run at full speed with a limp, Star decided that she had made enough distance between him and the boys to sit down and talk strategy for a quick second. But when she descended down, Jim and Toby were ambushed.
"Master Jim! I knew you could do it," one of the ambushers proclaimed. Star was already casting her next spell.
"HYPER DESTRUCTION RAINBOW-"
"Wait! These two are on our side!" Jim interrupted. "Seriously, they're cool."
"Or so they say," Toby heaved. He pointed to Blinky. "Your voice is nice, but you bring death with you."
Star's wand didn't lower.
"I assure you Miss Butterfly-" Blinky started.
"It's 'Your Majesty' if you're so formal," Star shot back coldly.
"-that we mean no harm to Master Jim."
"Welp, your friend running across Burgundy Avenue doesn't share your opinion. You wanna prove it the B-Fly that you're not evil?" Star said, pointing a thumb towards herself at 'B-Fly.' "Help me fight off Tall, Dark, and Grumpy."
"Oh no, I could never measure up to Bular. He would slay me in an instant," declined Blinky.
"What about you? You look like you lift."
"Pacifist," Aaarrrgghh put simply.
"My dad says that's just a three-syllable word for a wuss," Star said in a hoity tone.
"Thank you," Aaarrrgghh replied genuinely.
It was then when Bular caught up with the group by landing a huge leap. His boiling red eyes were locked on Jim, but his body was positioned to duck and roll in either direction to avoid incoming fire. Star whipped up her wand once more, but Aaarrrgghh swept her under his arm like an American football and joined in the escape with the others. Star struggled, but Aaarrrgghh's hold was like a cold blanket of iron.
"We can be safe at Heartstone Trollmarket," Blinky gasped in between waddling his stubby blue legs.
"Heartstone wha-what-what?" asked Jim,
"No, we gotta stand and fight!" Star snapped back. "Running away is not this princess's style dude. Don't make me bust this arm open with magic."
"Well, keeping everybody in the vicinity alive is the earthlings' style," Toby panted, "particularly mine!"
"We're almost there, it's under the bridge," said Blinky, fumbling a glowing gemstone out of his pocket. When they were under said bridge, he reached as high as he could to trace a wide arc with the stone in one of his six trembling arms. With a loud crunching of concrete, the arc opened to a beautifully blue spiraling crystal staircase going downward. Everybody, including a still reluctant Star, rushed inside. At the last minute, Blinky closed the gateway, forcing Bular to presumably slam his head into the reappeared wall.
"Whoa," Star breathed. "And I thought Marco's microwave was magical." She paused. "Uh, you can put me down now, we're done running like pansies." Aaarrrgghh complied. Out of breath, Jim and his friends made their descent.
"So, what's stopping Bular from getting out his own stone and meeting us at the back door of this place?" Jim said, trying not to slip on the smooth, luminescent stairs.
"Simply put, Master Jim," grinned Blinky, "Bular doesn't have his own Horngazel. Heartstone Trollmarket is a powerful stronghold against the GummGumms."
"GummGumms?" giggled Star.
"It means 'bringer of horrible, slow, painful and thoroughly-calculated death,'" Blinky informed.
"You are just a ray of sunshine, aren't you Blinky?" Jim groaned.
"I'm assuming coming from a race that lives in sunshine, that's a compliment," smiled Blinky.
"Heh, GummGumms," Star still giggled. "Anyways, I'm all for making trolls explode, but that's not why I went into town tonight. I'm supposed to go to this store called Emilio's to pick up a pizza, so is 'Heartstone' on the way to there?"
"What 'pizza?'" Aaarrrgghh wondered out loud.
"A mystery for the ages, my friend," Star shrugged. "I'm just doing this to prove to Mr. and Mrs. Diaz that I can go out in public unsupervised."
"Yeah, we passed Emilio's a while back. It's across town by now," Toby ho-hummed. "After this is over, I could show you the way the back. All it costs you is a slice of mushroom and your phone number."
"Tobs, c'mon," said Jim with a roll of his eyes.
"What? I got to find a date to Spring Fling sometime this decade."
"Phone… number?" Star mumbled.
"Okay, so what do you use for long distance communication back home?" Toby said.
"Magic mirrors."
"Sounds like a hefty payment plan."
"Big time. I know it's racist to say that pixies are stingy, but-Whoa."
Three teenagers walked down the final steps and first glimpsed the sprawling city of Heartstone Trollmarket. Buildings were chiseled out of the caverns of rock. Gems shone of so many colors, it was difficult to tell whether the rest of the market had colors of itself, or it was a trick of the light. Trolls of all shapes and sizes scattered and lumbered about, the smaller ones not even bothering to walk around their larger colleagues, and just hopped from shoulder to shoulder. Jim let out a low whistle.
"Indeed, Master Jim," Blinky nodded. "This is essentially the troll capital of the planet, a safe haven for all trolls who want a life of peace and prosperity, instead of war and destruction. This is the place that you'll spend your life defending. It is worth defending."
"Hubba-whaaa?" Star said, turning to face Blinky.
"Do you think it is not worth defending, Your Majesty?"
"No, no, it's not that," Star defended, "Peace and prosperity, blah blah blah, that's good for you. I'm just kind of lost here. Why do you want specifically Jim to defend it? I mean, no offence Jim, but you kinda have this big black troll hunting after you. It's like having a bodyguard with a bounty on their head."
"You misunderstand," Blinky said with a wave of his finger. He looked like as if someone asked him the plot of his favorite book. "Bular is targeting Master Jim because Jim is already defending trollkind. He has become the legendary Trollhunter, a legacy that goes back to humanity's dark ages. It is my job to train Master Jim, Aaarrrgghh's job as public servant, and Bular's job to fight Jim to the death."
"Ohhhh, I was wondering how you all knew each other," Star said in realization. "'Cept for Toby here. Not really sure what he does."
"Same as Aaarrrgghh," Toby said with hands proudly on his hips. "Morale support."
"Follow-up question," Star said with a raised finger. "You're Aaarrrgghh, right Big Guy? How'd you get a name like that? I mean, nobody's parents hate them that much."
"Long story, short on time," explained Aaarrrgghh. "Draal is coming."
Before you could say 'Aaarrrgghh spoke a complete sentence,' a pale blue troll pushed his way through a crowd of onlookers. He had so many horns, it looked more akin to a frill made of ivory rather than something growing out of his skull. A nose ring swayed forward and back to punctuate each time he let out an angry snort. His back was more of a mismatched collection of darkly-shaded spikes than any suggestion of a spinal cord.
"Fleshbags," Draal hissed. "Fleshbags in Trollmarket!" His voice was low, deep, and British. "You've always rebelled against Vendel's wisdom, but this time you've taken it too far, Blinky. What's stopping these humans from telling the rest of the surface-dwellers? Look, the fat one is already storing pictures on the weird rectangle humans always carry!"
"Uh, the word you're looking for is thicc," Toby replied smugly, sneaking in another photo of the Heartstone. "Get with the times."
"There is a simple explanation for this, Draal" stammered Blinky before anyone in the crowd could produce a sharp object. "These humans are taking refuge from Bular, and one of them is our new Trollhunter." This only further angered Draal, and trolls listening in looked shell-shocked.
"Which one? Tell me which one dares to disgrace my father's legacy!"
"Amulet chose," Aaarrrgghh sternly put, and gestured to Jim. In turn, Jim fought the urge to run behind the nearest building, and looked up into Draal's eyes. The fact that they were the same combination of yellow and red as Bular's eyes was not encouraging.
"Prove it," Draal said, almost spitting at the 'p.'
Spite won over intimidation within Jim, and he drew out the amulet from his pocket. "By the power of Merlin-"
"For the glory," Blinky cut in.
"Right, uh, for the glory Merlin, daylight is mine to command!" With the incantation complete Jim's set of armor encompassed his body and snapped together like a set of battle-oriented Legos. Draal looked like his father had come back from the dead only to smack him across the face.
"You're not fit to be the Trollhunter. YOU'RE NOT EVEN A TROLL," Draal roared. "Vendel will not even let you stay another second in here. Get these humans out of our town."
Star spoke up. "Okay Draax, or Dumbo, or Grouchy-face, or whatever your name is, we need to clear some things up. One, these two over here are humans. I'm a mewman. Two, chill out, I can keep a secret. My parents brought me here because they thought there was no magic here, and since I happen to like living here, I'm willing to let them keep thinking that. Three, don't be jealous of someone else's armor. I see two blacksmith's shops down the road right now, so you can get your own set, probably with a discount if you make it yourself."
"It's more than the armor, it's-"
"FOUR, if you keep giving my friends the stink-eye, you're getting the wand. You do not want to get the wand."
Draal hunched over to look at Star face to face. "Your false horns do not scare me, girl. They will not scare Vendel either." He turned away and stormed off.
"So is Vendel like the bouncer around here?" Toby whispered to Blinky.
"If a bouncer is a position with higher authority than mine, Tobias," Blinky guessed, "then I'm afraid so."
"Star, thank goodness you're okay!" said Marco, wrapping his arms around Star. "You were gone a really long time. My dad thought about calling the cops. Where were you?"
"Star saw my bike get hit by a car and helped me out," explained Toby, peeking out from behind Star with a pizza in both hands. "I walked out okay, but then these Russian mobsters-"
"What? No," scoffed Star. "We were chased into an underground city of trolls. I think you hit your head back in the Hero's Forge, Toby."
"What?! We promised that we were gonna keep this a secret," whispered Toby.
"We're keeping it a secret from my parents," Star said sweetly, patting Toby on the head. "Marco and his family here? They're cool."
"I'm sorry, you were chased?" Marco backtracked.
"Your planet has trolls, Marco," Star explained frankly. "Bajillions of them. I'm starting to think that this dimension is where they all come from."
"Go back to the part about you being chased, please."
"'Kay, so, Jim from history class? We got chased because he became this legendary hero that defends the good trolls."
"How'd that happen?"
"A long story that I do not know all the parts to. Who wants cold pizza?"
Strickler walked out the Lake residence, absent-mindedly brushing off his brown blazer, and chewing on a mint to disperse the taste of decaf coffee. He turned to face Bular hanging from a tree, still scratched a weary from his fight.
"I'm guess it wasn't just a first-day Trollhunter that did this to you," Strickler guessed.
"The alien girl is a threat. We need to eliminate her immediately," Bular half-deflected.
"Not true," chuckled Strickler with a shake of his head. "Princess Star presents an opportunity that the GummGumms haven't had in quite some time."
"I wouldn't call a weapon strong enough to knock the likes of me off my feet 'an opportunity.'"
"I'll walk you through it Bular, and as a bonus, I'll use small words," Strickler frowned impatiently. "Star's magic is nothing of this world, yes?"
"Her strength is nothing compared to-"
"In fact," Strickler continued, "from what I've learned from talking to her, her family possesses the power to travel in between worlds, even ones as unreachable as the Darklands."
Bular's two tiny ears perked up. "We won't need the bridge."
"Now you're getting it," Strickler smirked. "Unfortunately, Star told me that she does not have the privilege to use this power, but would like to in the future. It's time to do what my people at the Janus Order are best at…"
Bular spat a curse in Trollspeak.
"…the waiting game. But until that distant day comes, it's good time in Jim's life to test how far a human Trollhunter can stretch himself."
"FLYING PRINCESS PONY HEAD!"
"GURL, WE'RE GOING OUT TONIGHT. ARE YOU READY TO MAKE SOME BAAAAD CHOICES?"
AN: Okay, maybe the bit about attending high school being like a genetically altered espionage agent was a bit too #edgy. I've been listening to the Heathers musical too much. Anyways, next chapter is about who's crushing on who, and more importantly, whether Echo Creek's mascot is a mole or an opossum. It's a strangely significant plot point in both series.
