No.
It's one simple word. A single syllable. A word of its own individual cause. A meaning of refusal causing upon denial. A simple definition. No. Veto. That one word can inflict anything. It can be used in a negative way, or used as a positive choice. Like an offer of drugs, you can say that one word and make the right choice. Or someone can say, "I love you," and therefore, using it as a cause of heartbreak. Is that user of the word's fault for the person's sudden depression? Do you blame it all on that one person by that single word? In a way, no. It's better than lies being told endlessly to the person who expressed their feelings on you. But also, he is at fault. Instead of using such a simple answer to such a serious question, he could've used something a bit less drastic, something that won't put the asker in such a mild state of shock. But it's not the answer that really imposed anything. It was more of the question that was asked that caused it.
I thought I've suffered, endured, and put everything behind me. I lived happily, believing all my sins and torment were left at my back forever, and that it was going to be a breeze from then on. But then, it was suffering all over again, and I'm afraid the agonizing pain won't be able to be put in storage this time. Nothing will ever be the same again, and I'm afraid I'll end up with the same fate as hers.
It wasn't actually that serious of a question. Just a silly request, originally as a sign of friendship. Except the response was unpredicted, and it was used so coldly, that it made her start to think about the deeper meaning of it all. She was always such a thinker. It was a talent. The young woman made herself exceptional by what wonderful and dreadful things that went through that unique mind of hers. If I could've only had the chance to look into her thoughts: it would have been a whole other experience, another world.
Whenever I was at her house, she was casual, I would never believe the things she's endeavored. Near-death experiences, fatal injures, and lethal training sessions. She would always modestly smile at me, settle back into her comfy chair, and dunk her spoon in her low-fat yogurt. Every time she would offer me a container of my own, and each time, I said that one word. With a nod, she'd put the dollop in her mouth, and slipped it out from her lips, the spoon a glimmer of clean silver She seemed so happy then.
I never had a real relationship with her, although I wished for it. I was young--starting the academy--when I laid my eyes on her for the first time. I believed she was a goddess, the most elegant living thing I've ever seen. And in her gorgeous eyes--a shining brown the was brimming with strength at heart. When I watched her, her gaze never flickered in my direction…never. I doubted she knew I existed. Being as brash as I was, I walked straight across the courtyard to her, I was small in my youth; I hadn't an idea about the female anatomy. I was curious about girls and their origin. Boys my age told me never to get mixed up with them, and that they are nothing but trouble. Although I was gullible, I never fell for an unbelievable fact as that.
So as I walked up towards her, she turned from the friends she spoke to and, finally, gazed in my bearing. It was like an abrupt sensation unlike any other I've felt before in my lifetime. When our gaze touched, I knew then our thoughts were connected, as one person. But, perhaps, it was just I who felt this way. Because as soon as I was in her path, standing no less of a foot from her, I told her she was beautiful, and without thinking, I kissed her. A kiss. It was my first kiss. Like every average person, I always imaged my first kiss. Although I wasn't average, seeing usually once someone hit puberty, they would start thinking this through. But I was daydreaming this way before that occurrence. I always pictured it to be with the most gorgeous girl in the village--the world--and when I saw her, I was satisfied. I believed it would be pure love at first sight and that she would feel the same. Anyone around would loathe and envy us for our romance. But we were young, very young. Adding to that, I was an untalented loser.
When I pulled away, her response was completely unexpected, yet…probable. She turned a bright red, which I was not familiar with until I felt a burning sensation in my own face as well. From the corner of my eye, I witnessed the sight of the dropped mouths of my peers, and the soft shades of pink across their faces. I had to wonder: why were they embarrassed? It's not like they locked lips with the most attractive female on the planet. But it was only later in my life when I realized that they were embarrassed for me. And they should be. Because when I looked straight into her eyes, they were wide with horror. Eventually, she began to scream out and scrambled away, squealing something about "cooties." The young girl ran to the security of her girlfriends, a safe distance from me, who was standing shocked beyond belief. At a short moment of time, I went through the possible reasons of her rejection towards me. Was it the ponytail that went down my back. People told me it didn't suit me, and that I should find a different style other than the girlish braid. Perhaps it was the eyebrows? That could probably be the most predictable solution. My abnormal brows scared a lot of people away. Or maybe it was the fact that she simply wasn't interested.
It was the most embarrassing, most amazing moment of my life.
After that, she never spoke to me. In other ways, things returned to normal. Neither I exchanged words with her; I was much too mortified. I was afraid she would reject me for a second time. I just dwelled on the hope that I would have no reason to interact with her ever again. But heaven does not smile down at me. Of course, the fates would bring us together, nearly for most of my life. When they said our names for the squad gatherings, I sucked in my breath, doubting I'll ever exhale or inhale properly again. I was afraid that she was staring--glaring--at me. With the most hesitation, I brought my gaze towards hers, trying so hard to make it look like a simple glance than a gawk in the search of reaction. I was wrong, partly. She wasn't looking at me. But put a knife through my heart. Her face was buried in her hands, a slightly visible shake of the head. Depressing. But then they said the third member, and her face popped out, and she nearly glowed. She spun around, nearly all the way in a 360-degree angle to stare at the associate. At that moment, I knew I wouldn't matter in this squad; I'd be the same always. Just another "other." I'll be the weakling, just the ornament to the cell.
I was surprised, though, when we gathered an she didn't bounce into her seat next the admirable teammate. Instead, she sat beside me, but keeping a good distance across the cushion from me. I was staring at her in disbelief and shock even as she announced her goal, her dream, and I was even more struck with admiration by her determination. Of course, her ambition was never reached. She never got the chance to learn medical techniques.
I realized that she was even more beautiful ever since our little incident, although her style hasn't changed. Her mode was similar to the Chinese traditional outfit for girls. Including her most infamous choice in individual style: her buns. They were flawlessly rolled up on her head. I've never seen her without them. I loved her choice in color: pink. It blended well with her dark hair, and the sleeveless blouse showed her attractively slim arms. I wish she left her style that way.
I began to worry about how I turned out, and how I must've looked to her. Was she thinking that I cleaned up well, with that braid gone? Was she believing that she may have judged me and that I must be more than she thought? Or did she think I was the same unattractive dork as before?
Things got worse when I lost useless battles with the prodigy teammate of mine. The efforts and the cocky retorts of confidence were all futile. Though it never showed, I was torn inside whenever the weapons genius lectured me on how my attempts at victory were all a waste of time. I could never yell at her, so I always waited for the smart-mouthed Hyuga to respond, and let all my burning feelings out, shouting all the effects I've been holding in. It hurt to know that she doubted me, and she thought I to be weak. At that precise moment, I knew her opinion on me didn't change.
Only then, when my inspirational master came to my aid, and taught me not to worry about what other people thought, I really put my feelings for the lovely teammate of mine behind me. I earned myself a ridiculously many hairstyle, and chose the fashion of a green, skintight jumpsuit. I pranced around the face that I worked even harder, and my muscle began to flex and show through the soft fabric of the thin outfit. I grew proud of myself, and I could see I wasn't the only one who felt that way. Soon, the incident between her and I was nothing but a distant memory. We put it behind us like an old photograph and I looked on to our future. Eventually, we were friends, and in her eyes, I saw the admiration for me that I always dreamt of. I saw her true colors of personality, and how we acted towards each other, like siblings. Sometimes I freaked her out, and I laughed inside. Things were so perfect.
All good things must come to an end though.
When my long wait was ended in finally putting all my hard work to use for a certain exam, another one of my prayers were answered. Someone impossibly more beautiful than my teammate, with a rare, silky color of hair, and eyes that burned even brighter than my former interest. I found the chance to speak with her, instead of making the same mistake I did with my other girl, and tried to woo her with my skills before meeting her. Without being so brash into kissing her, and instead admitting my feelings directly. I was so sure that it would make her fall head-over-heels for me.
But of course, I was very, very wrong.
Her rebuff wasn't as humiliating as my first attempt, but it wasn't all that pleasant. I was laughed at by a fellow hardworking shinobi, and scoffed at by a worthy rival. I realized she had her eyes on another peer and a second one had his sights set on her as well. But hey, what beautiful woman doesn't? I tried so hard to impress her, because I was different. Better than before. With my attractive teammate, I could only walk away, because I had nothing to prove. But now, I had something worth showing off. I worked too hard to be denied like this. So, even though I lost the battle, I endured on, never taking the rejection offensively, because I knew--all for the reason I didn't give up on her--Sakura liked me. I never lost hope with her, and I saved her life. I was close to earning the love I longed for.
Why didn't my angel do the same?
When I recovered from the battle in the dreadful forest, my pink-haired maiden thanked me with passion in her expression. I thought I was hallucinating, after the common treatment of my other girl, trying to wake me from unconsciousness. But it was really happening, and I felt myself at the peak of victory. I was overcome by such joy that I began to weep. But even through that, I felt certain brown eyes staring upon me, engulfed with a hint of jealousy.
After my female teammate's shocking defeat, I was at a loss for words. I was consumed with unfamiliar fury to the disrespect her opponent showed her, how the Sand kunoichi tossed her aside like an overused toy she grew bored of. I felt no need to cheer on anyone anymore. Although, I figured there was no one left to encourage. My obstinacy was defeated by the unbelievable victory of a certain golden-haired goofball. My passion was in flame again.
But then, when my other teammate's battle turned up after, I felt the same as before. I saw his battle mate. How I wanted to be his adversary, to finally prove to him I was strong. To finally put the aloof state in his personality at permanent rest. But instead, he received his weak cousin. I began to question: was she the opponent that he's been longing to face? I've heard of his hatred across the clan, especially the Main House, and this girl was at the top of the list beneath the head of the clan. An heiress. And for some reason, he blamed her for his suffering; his class. I didn't know why he was so passionate about this single battle. Anyone could see this shy girl was feeble and fragile. No way in matching strength to my teammate. I grew desirous over her when her confidence kicked in, and when the blonde-haired conqueror actually cheered her on over the obvious victor.
I never believed he would waste his breath on such a shy girl. Perhaps there was more to her than I thought. And when they finally fought, I saw her true colors, and proved her a challenge to him, which I could never achieve. I didn't know whom I should cheer on: my rival teammate, or the ninja with similar goals as myself? The evident answer would most likely be my coworker, not his own rival. But I felt no reason to encourage anyone. I began to wonder: which person would my other female teammate root for? But when the second Hyuga lost, I felt my legs buckle and found myself jumping off the balcony with the rest. She was a worthy opponent, a real victor. She put my eternal, unbreakable rival on the spot. Therefore, I admired her.
Then it was my turn.
That Sand shinobi was always so mute, I never would've thought of his skills being so threatening. I was seriously naïve. Of course, it was always the quiet ones. The Uchiha was quiet, and he's a prodigy. My own team member was wordless most of the time, and I could barely touch him in our matches. Not to mention that one bug user, he impressed me no doubt. And how could I forget the lazy one; he's a genius.
But when I found myself facing him, I was overwhelmed with confidence and glee. This boy insulted my beloved idol, and I couldn't let him get away with that. Plus, his own sibling pummeled my dear teammate, into a dreadful state. He was the closest I could get in revenge, and perhaps if I win, after defeating her own brother, I could have a chance to avenge my trounced teammate in the Third Exam.
But my confidence was beaten with sheer force, sending me into a comatose condition. Now, after the battle, peers of mine tried to explain that even in unconsciousness, I was amazingly able to stand with a battle stance even with a crushed arm and leg. But it was just too amazing. Unbelievable. I refused to deem that I was that splendid of a ninja I had hoped for. My greatest technique couldn't even defeat the crazy boy; no way I could gather the strength to stand. No, it was a lie. They were just trying to make me feel better.
My female colleague didn't visit me in the hospital. At first, I supposed it was her that delivered the beautiful lily to my aid. But when I asked for information, it was precious Sakura that sent the gracious blossom. Not my beloved teammate. I remember two young ladies at my visit, but my vision was weak at the time; I only remember voices. Two female guests; neither my lady teammate. I thought it was probably because she too was busy recovering herself. However, I later learned from the medic nurse treating me that she left the hospital days before with a full recovery. I was torn to pieces. Only one piece of my heart was left in perfect shape, until I figured out that she was spending her time with the genius rival of mine. The single piece shattered.
My heart recovered as my injures did. When the fifth village leader showed up and explained to me, in all her years of wisdom, that if I were to go through the surgery for revival, I'd have a less than fifty-fifty chance of surviving, my soul broke down just as my body did, and it was healing all over again.
The pink-haired mistress and my twin teacher came to my comforting aid, which helped me a little, but not enough to be close to comforting me completely. The Hyuga teammate I rivaled against spoke with me like a friend for once, therefore doing most of the healing. But it was right before he was sent on a very important mission in which I could not attend all because of my injures. I was frustrated. Most of the time during the exceptional team's absence, I placated the heartbroken pink-haired kunoichi over the one she no doubt loved, while I still adored her. Not just that, but she also panicked towards one of her best friends She once began to hyperventilate in tears on how something could be happening to the Uzumaki right then. Like the possibility of the "Curse Mark" consuming the single Uchiha and forcing the golden-haired shin obi's arms out of his sockets, "again." And then killing him with description I cannot come to repeat. Who knew the sweet little Haruno had such a gory imagination?
But then, something unexpected occurred: my strong teammate drew comfort from me. Her buns were messy, barely appropriately tied up. For some reason, she believed I would have the right words to say towards her worries of our fellow comrade, in order to soothe her troubled mind. Somehow, the right words came out, that put a weak smile her face, and eased her deep breathing. And then, the unforeseen happened when she rested her head gently on my chest, gesturing me to wrap my seemingly-permanently severed arms around her torso, tightly. I did so, and her heart decreased in speed, obviously, in the midst of her pressing herself against me. Besides, her heart was drumming so hard against her chest that I could feel it when she was barely brushing against me. Almost as if her heart belonged to me…
It was one of the longest moments of my memory, and she didn't even seem to hesitate. I began to wonder: did she do these kinds of things with Neji? Maybe over me? I could never know for sure. All I could discern is that she needed me, and I squeezed tight for what felt like hours.
All the begs for comfort stopped when the team returned after I did from my encounter, nearly every single member in fatal injures apart from the team leader, with only a couple scratches and broken finger. What I couldn't understand was the fact that most the unit were in critical conditions, while the weakest member--accounted the leader--could get away with a single crick of a finger?
Anyway, it was good to know that my maiden comrade was at comfort for once, that our teammate was safe, and, what pleased me the most, was that I was back. My ability had returned and I could be a successful shinobi again. Eternally grateful with the Hokage for going through all that medic study for me only, I was proud with my bravery, but what else could I do? If I didn't go through with the treatment, I wouldn't have any reason to live, and I would've ended up like…
I'm beginning to get too far into the story.
Moving on, my sensei couldn't be in any more glee, and neither could her--my comrade. Our precious team was back together. Although, I was rather embarrassed that I was tricked by the visible similarity between a bottle of medicine and an urn of sake. I knew very well that I should be careful with what I should drink. My tolerance level was extremely low, and I ended up drinking an entire container of alcohol. I made a fool of myself in front of a worthy challenge, and nearly got myself killed. What was I thinking? Jumping from bed after a deadly surgery and running out of the hospital with a bottle I wasn't sure of which it contained? Stupid. And it was all a useless attempt, because Sasuke slipped from our grasp of his own doing. Completely, I was supposing Sakura would run to my arms again for console, but that never happened. She didn't really speak to me. I realized that I was a temporary rebound, like as a metaphor, she was sure her boyfriend would dump her, and once he did, she was tattered to pieces, and could not get over him. Instead of crying, she went to our own Hokage and requested training form her. How bold! I could only admire her as she continued in progress.
But, when I did return from the battle, after being saved by whom I thought as my enemy, my dear lady companion confronted me. Instead of a warm greeting, I received a loud scolding, towards how idiotic I was--as usual--when I just went off into an extreme battle as that when I was barely healed. She also mentioned how I should've been in the village cooing her as an alternative. But all that fury escaped her when we received news of our teammate's deadly damages. She was put in need of comforting once more.
I'll never forget how she nearly jumped into my arms, beginning her sharp labor breaths. But finally, we learned that our comrade was going to live, just as she endured. It made me question her reaction towards my injures at the preliminaries. Wee all made a full recovery, cheerful in many ways. But the most cheery was actually her. Her encouragements increased towards our training and missions. She endeavored even harder towards exercises, although, she barely made much progress to win any serious battles. But her passion was still in full flame.
After the Uzumaki left, things were quieter in the village. The rookies' dear friend was gone, Sakura was on her own temporarily, and I felt like it was up to our team to replace our companion's large void. So many bonds with him, but we had as many bond with everyone else, thanks to our links. Although our attempts were partly wasteful, we accomplished keeping this village from seeming boring with Genin. Even though a single Chunin of ours would be bored either way.
Time went by.
Slowly, our looks of fashion changed, except for mine. It only altered when I became a journeyman ninja, slipping a vest over my torso to completely match my sensei. My quietest cohort grew even more superior in his style--if that was possible. His outfit tightened as he grew, and he seemed to like it, there fore replacing his turtleneck top with a white robe and a low neckline including long sleeves, with no overweight, baggy torso. And I think he developed more into the habit of leaving his hair unkempt. I remember how my lady mentioned she was envious of his "fabulous" hair, and that's half the reason she kept hers up. I laughed so hard my gut pained.
As for my dear lady with buns in her hair, her sleeves grew longer, and her shirt developed shorter. Her taste with white was passed on from the Hyuga, or Hyuga's, when I saw more white on the younger, female Hyuga. (It seems that when you are a Genin as a Hyuga, you clothe yourself in a cream color, and as you get older it is changed to white. Maybe it's just because the two are so much alike.) She became satisfied with the fact that she needed to carry more of her precious tools if she ever had a chance of victory in a battle. Of course, she urbanized an even stronger sense of beauty. Therefore, I saw her almost as beautiful as my current crush. But I felt the sense that I was feeling for her again. But she was just as mulish and clingy as I was: her feelings for the Hyuga haven't changed.
When Naruto returned to the village, I found myself contained with joy, and I couldn't wait to show him my new skills, just as he did with me. I thought he would be surprised to find me wearing a Chunin jacket, but I was the other way around. The growth he's made was even more astounding than he demonstrated in the exams. Wiser, stronger, and the most amazing, taller. While our village leader gave us the permission to head to the Sand Village, and who we were to meet up with, I felt confident and ecstatic we were going to show the man that defeated me in the preliminaries, and the one I had a close friendship with who process our magnificent team made.
On our way, I commented on how my girl was "losing shape." when she suggested that we take our time. Of course, I did not mean it. She was only trying to accommodate us so we have enough strength in case something came in our way, and something did. She believed we were being hasty, and she was right, because I couldn't wait to show everyone what I could do.
If only we listened to her, because we came face-to-face with the shark-"faced" nemesis, which in reality, was more like a puppet, using a shinobi form the Sand to take his place in case of failure. Naturally, it was simply a test of our abilities, to see what we were capable of in spite of if we were a challenge to the evil organization. I could not tell if we were, because we defeated the enemy, but it wasn't really the man we thought he was. I wasn't sure if he was using all he had.
Even in the water prison that was cast upon us, I couldn't help but feel concern for my female comrade over my master, the Hyuga, and myself. She saw this coming, and we ignored her. She was choking and out of air, and all I wanted to do was rush to her aide, but I, obviously, found myself in the same predicament. When the torturing technique was finally broke, I was beaten by my other teammate to catch her from her fall. I couldn't show the fact that I was disappointed to see the comrade she dazzled over saved her, partly, so I transferred all my dissatisfaction to finding out this entire battle was a fraud.
There was only two moments in the climax of the mission where I found myself proud of her friendship. First, when our master held out his hand for a group "cheer" and "break." What surprised me was that she was the second to put her hand over, right after I did, and so her palm was over mine. And then our teacher somehow got our other stubborn teammate to put his hand over. I felt like we were the most formidable squad there, because even the blonde wanted to perform it with his team after we were gone. The second incident, which didn't show off any feeling the brunette shared with me, but when I got down after our master took off with Kakashi on his back--which everyone else found quite repulsive--I gestured Neji to get on my back, but he quickly turned me down.
Maybe I should've asked her. Would've she said yes?
Things finally altered between her and I when we were sent on extending assignments, much after the Uzumaki returned. It was a simple assignment, one that shouldn't involve any life-changing occurrences. But something did, and it had nothing to do with the mission. I witnessed something beyond belief, that most boys would completely worship me for. But I did not see what was so entertaining about it. It was utterly savage.
She left us when we were setting up camp, making a stomach-wrenching threat if we follow her. She assured us that she'd be back within ten minutes. Sadly, the beloved master of ours was not attending the mission to give her inspiring comment on her tough-as-nails leadership. Ten minutes later, camp was set, a fire was made, and a female teammate still hadn't shown. My only male comrade was burning a twig when he suggested I go search for her instead. His tracking abilities were suburb and he knew it. It'd be easier and quicker if he just went for her himself. But then I remembered her warning if we follow her, and felt sick to my gut. My knees started to buckle and I hesitated on turning around and lying to him that I just couldn't seem to locate her.
But I kept on, and eventually, I found myself near a mystic pond, where the crystal-clear water shimmered in the moonlight like a dozen diamonds. A roaring waterfall ministered over its edge, making it exquisitely lovely. There was a moist breeze, and the water felt soothingly chilly, with this recently hot weather. It was such a relief to my senses. I stared down in my reflection as the water trembled against the sand I stood at, and even though the water wasn't still, the constellations of the stars mirrored off perfectly.
But soapsuds floating over my view broke my concentration. Wait, soap? In a pond? Unexplainable. Unless… That was when I heard the tremor of the waterfall, a sudden change in sound by the way it hit the water. Without thinking it through, I had slowly brought my gaze across the water, and saw the reflection of a goddess. I dare not look up, for I believed my eyes would become dust to its beauty. Her cascade of hair was as glimmering as the unpolluted water reflecting the sky, and as magnificently rushing as the marvelous waterfall. Her naked body faced the right, transforming the middle of the waterfall into a small portal into something more, like nature itself making way for its divinity. Her body, I swear, was carved by angels. Angles of glorious art. I know it's dirty to stare, but just gazing at her made me feel like I was floating, like I was witnessing the miracle of a lifetime, and heaven's trumpets were sounding at her presence. Although I haven't seen many female bodies, I know there is not a one like hers.
The oracle's face was peaceful as it arched to the heavens, feeling the sensational water against her breathtaking visage. Her gentle fingers constantly brushed through her hair, letting the bubbly lather fall over her body and to the water, washing its way to me. A statue, a model, could never marvel to her beauty. Her lips were attractively pink, as were her cheeks. And…oh. I blush. I know who this angel is. While I waited for her feathered wings to break free into my view, I began to notice the similarities she shared with my dear, lady teammate. I knew my comrade was beautiful, but never have I believed of having the honor of a goddess fighting at my side.
Now I defiantly dare not to gaze up from the reflection. First, I'm not worthy. Second, I've already gone too far. Much too dirty to seek any more details, seeing I know her so well. Now I think it has just went over the charts of what our friendship is to limit to. We are more than just friends now. I kneel back into the bushes, hugging my legs to my chest, and realizing what my eyes have just witnessed in awe.
Surprisingly, I'm not nauseous of the thought of what has just--so-called--"scarred me for life." No, not at all. In fact, I feel cleansed, like all my sins have been washed away, like my gorgeous teammate. I didn't deserve such beauty. I'm not good enough to be hers, so I could see why she was never interested. But yet, she was so modest. I think…I am in love again.
Then, my thoughts was broken by a splash. Stupidly, I turn around and rise from the safety of the bushes. I have no idea what was wrong with me. Her beauty has drunken me. And there she was again, but this time, her russet eyes were in mine. My idiotic, gawking gaze. A beautiful eyebrow rose, with her glimmering hair gently hovering around her as she stood in the water. It was much more deeper than I thought, for now her entire body is hidden in the pond, except for her bare shoulders. She spoke my name in question, and I swallowed hard. I'm going to die, I had only thought. She's going to kill me. But I suppose it's time, because at that moment, my life felt complete. So smite me! I'm ready!
But she was oddly calm and casual, as she asks me what I'm doing here. I shake my head in a trance, unable to speak words. She questioned of how long I'd been there. I assured not long. Then she asked if I saw anything…graphic. I lied, of course. I told her I didn't see a thing. I smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she settled back into the water, not minding if I stayed any longer. I swear--my cheeks were burning like fire. In fact, she begged me to stay, because she still had to rinse off a bit, and she wanted to speak with someone. Quote: Until her fingers became raisins. So I nodded, trying not to stare.
I sat cross-legged in front of her as she folded her arms over the rocky edge in front of me, her arms so close to my legs that they were brushing against each other. So sensually, she rested her chin on them and waited for me to start talking. And did we talk. For so long, learning everything about everything. I completely forgot about the other teammate waiting for us. I also found out the things she was going through, how she was confused about her feelings to others. Like: who does she like? Even I could answer that one, but I didn't. She was also worried about other things. I never realized she was so stressed with herself. The battle loss with that Sand sibling put her in a state of nonstop training. She was afraid she wasn't strong enough yet. She was beginning to believe the two Hyuga cousins are infatuated with each other. She was concerned that she'll never get married, or that nobody likes her. Therefore, I put a hand on her moist one. She stared up into my eyes and began to blush, for the first time I've seen her when it wasn't embarrassing for either of us…although it was. I assured her: "I doubt that."
Smiling softly, she rested her chin over my hand and drifted off into another world of happiness. But, evidently, that happiness wasn't good enough.
She and I had an eternal bond, greater than anyone else's. After she became satisfied with her bathe, she shivered to the cold water, and told me to look away. Either way, she wouldn't care if I watched her walk out of the water in nothing at all, because she trusted me at that point, and I did her. A ring of trust that could never end. What I can't understand is that she didn't trust me to take those hurt feelings away. Those painful thoughts.
That horrible day came during a training session. She was feeling a bit lonesome today, and it kind of showed. During mid-training, she skipped right past me and approached the Hyuga. Then she spoke five words in question terms. This was it. Her confession to him. I could tell by the way she blushed. It was used in such a clever way, that I thought he never fall for it until later, and realize he feels the same way too. I couldn't help but envy him. He was going to get the most heavenly girl in the world. The five words were so simple and undeniable unless you barely knew her: "Can I have a hug?"
Then, at that moment, that dreadful word was spoken to her through his mouth. A single syllable. A word of its own individual cause. A meaning of refusal causing upon denial. A simple definition. No. He said it with no emotion and just walked away, right through her like she didn't exist. I approached her, and her face was in shock. She was thinking. She was thinking depressing thought about what the answer could mean, and if her predictions of all sorts were true. I wanted to hold her, tight, like I did when our betraying teammate took on that mission, but only this time--tighter.
With a smile, she faced me and told me she was going to quit training for the rest of the day. She told me she will not be needing it anymore. No! At first, I took it in as a positive way, telling her that was wonderful. What a fool I was! No! That wasn't what I meant! Don't go.
She went home that day, and she thought about everything. The meaning of her life, what she was doing with it, and the meaning behind that question and answer. And I wasn't there. I should've been there to comfort her, tell her everything was not true, that Neji was just being a jerk. I should've followed her home, climbed through her window and tell her to let it all out. I should've let her cry, and I should have embraced her until her eyes were dry. But I didn't. I didn't want to. But, oh, God, all the tears she must've cried that night. Alone.
The next day, she took me for a walk. She seemed so cheerful that day, so I didn't see it coming. The worst day of my life. We talked like we usually did. We joked, we laughed, we were left in silence, and it all seemed perfect. I believed she put that day behind her. But she accepted the blind truth. She went through the five stages of grief in one night. She pulled me to the deepest part of the woods. She began to speak words of which I didn't comprehend, like she was saying goodbye. She mentioned the things we went through, from the first kiss I shared with her to recent times, like the moment that was going on right then.
She said I was her best friend.
I never knew she held a kunai hidden behind her back She frightened me with her words, like she was leaving me.
What scared me the most…was when she put her hand against my cheek. Her palm was cold. She said I word I could not make out, and her other hand was against my opposite cheek. At that moment, I saw the kunai in her hand, the handle being pressed against my face. But I knew her intentions weren't to kill me, for she began to lean forward, closing her eyes and leaving our lips inches apart, until I could taste her sweet breath. She kissed me. Me. This kiss I've been dreaming of. An angel kissed me so gently and beautifully. It wasn't passionate, but affectionate, and soft.
One hand pulled from my face, but I failed to notice, for I was consumed with the heat in my own passion.
That was when I tasted blood in my mouth.
There was blood, warm blood. It pulled me out of my trance as she pulled her lips away. Her blood splattered all over me, from her mouth and then her chest. I'll never forget that awful sight. Her eyes flickered at me, wide in her own shock. That was the last living moment we shared together. They grew dull, until they were staring right through me in oblivion, and her heart, that heart I longed for so bad, the heart I loved, the one that I'd give my life for and want forever, stopped beating…forever.
Her body limply fell forward onto the ground, at least, it was destined to. But it did not. For I was able to break my shock and catch her before her torso and face thumped the ground, but I could not catch her before her knees collapsed. At first, I thought it was assassination. Someone had it in for her. Homicidal murder. But no. Not the case. Especially when I realized there was no one around. Not homicide.
Suicide.
She killed herself right in front of me. The thought of her lips touching mine was so unbearable for her to teak, knowing things would only get worse for me that I'd become so suicidal as well. So she did it as quickly as she could, before her lips got into the passion of love and a mind of their own. She did it for me…to save my life. She wanted to keep herself from loving me because she was trapped with her feelings. She thought she was being selfish. I knew her, and I knew this was what was going through her mind. We were soul mates. Were. Until her soul was stolen away from me.
I held her for the longest time, staring at her in utter alarm. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. Couldn't breath. I just sat there, alone, staring into those lifeless eyes I fell in love with as blissful children. No, she wasn't dead. No! I couldn't believe it. The thought was just too hard to bear. It went from a dream-come-true to a nightmare-come-true. My teacher always taught me to protect those who were precious to me on all life terms, and I just let her die right in front of me. I failed. Eventually, I faced the horrid fact.
Tenten is gone.
Finally, I put my bloody hand over her eyes, the eyes I treasured like a diamond found in the depths of the ocean, and shut them, for good. My hands…shut her eyes. I felt like her murderer, her killer. I never wanted this to happen. To witness it, or be the one to carry her to the village on my back, in front of everyone. Shocking gasps, tears, and resentment.
No one would believe I didn't kill her, because there were no witnesses. It was just me and her, with a kunai plunged through her heart. I was too shocked to cry. The fact that she was gone…for good, it was unbelievable. A goddess cannot die. And it was just as irrelevant that people believed I ended her precious life. But when her death was proven possible and done, I cried. Tears stained my cheeks permanently, and my heat was broken, and on one in the world will be able to fix it, not even the legendary Lady Tsunade.
Her icon.
I cried all night, for I did not cry myself to sleep. No, I spent the entire night in a corner of a dark room, hugging my legs to my chest and hiding my face between them, sobbing harder than I ever imagined. I cry a lot, and I know no on will ever compare to the amount of tears I shed for my beloved Tenten. I never even had the chance to say goodbye to her. I went through all the things we endured together, how it could be my fault, and why I loved her and missed her so bad.
I could never look at my team straight in the eye ever again, not even my own idol. The one I supposedly trusted more than anyone. And especially not that other so-called teammate of mine. He can hold his cousin all he wants for as far as I care. I couldn't look at my team because it wasn't my team anymore without her. No, never again. There is no one that could replace her, or heal my injured heart. She was mine, and I was hers. She was irreplaceable. And I loved her; I love her so much it's hard to discriminate.
At times, I think of what we shared together in happiness, and the bad. It was mostly good. Never bad. We were best friends. We were lovers even though she didn't realize it herself. There are times where I wish she would have asked me for that hug. Oh, I would. I would've put my hands on her shoulders and held her until she nearly suffocated, begging me to leg go. Say what you want, because I know, even though I told you everything, you never finished telling me everything. And I'm afraid my hear will never mend or open up. I feel so useless, and everyday, I'll go to that spot and call your name at the top of my lungs, waiting for you to answer my agonizing screams, but you never do. And you never will. Do I have to scream for you to hear me, or just whisper, maybe breath?
She was a goddess, created special by the angels, and now, she's soaring among them. She taught me everything about life, and saved me from the darkest part of my being. She turned my misery into happiness. And I'll always miss her dearly. But I know, somewhere, every time the wind whistles and make the trees dance, I know she is speaking to me, singing to me.
No matter what, Tenten will always be my angel.
