Author's note:
Oh, no, an Amazing Race fic! Paper Mario, to boot. The characters span the first two games. The locations will be everywhere though, so I'm pretty excited for that. I'll update when I can, and try to keep the chapters reasonable in length. Huge props to j-cag for inspiring this. I'm writing Paper Mario characters because I have played those two games so much, I almost personally know these guys. It's a K+ fic. Have at me, fools! Apart from this chapter, each leg will be one chapter btw.
The camera clicked on suddenly, panning swiftly across and down a bustling street in broad daylight. Cars drive through, honking loudly at one another as they race past buildings, and smaller, more natural areas. The accompanying music is almost as buoyant as its surroundings that are shown, with loud trumpets and brass synthesizers pulsing in rhythm. The camera panned through a tunnel and panned swiftly over to a tall bridge across a river. The view panned up the bridge girders and arches, to the very top on one side, where a solitary Toad is standing. The camera then zoomed in on the ordinary-looking Toad, who began to speak.
"This is Mushroom City. It is a bustling metropolis, where thousands of citizens choose to make their living. While not the largest city in the Mushroom Kingdom, it is right up there, just like I am right now. And this loud city is the starting line of a race around the world, for one million coins."
The camera panned off of the Toad, and down below the bridge, into the river. Twelve speedboats can be seen making their way towards a docking area, which has been blocked off to regular traffic. The Toad's voice interjected over the scene, "The eleven teams are,"
(****)
"Bow and Bootler. A rich young playgirl, and her fretful mentor, from Forever Forest."
The scene showed two Boos disembarking the first boat to land; the more elderly of the two floating out to help the other one out. The younger, clearly a female, wore a red bow on her head, and had a light-blue colored windbreaker on. The older, a male with a handlebar mustache, wore a heavier red jacket with green stripes.
"This race is a chance for me to prove to silly old Bootler that I can take care of myself! Sweet old guy, always worrying about me," Bow teased, elbowing her blushing partner.
"This race is, in my mind, something that may very well help young Bow to mature. Needless to say, I accompanied her to keep her safe," Bootler said primly, as Bow looked on with an expression of embarrassment.
Bow and Bootler are shown playing cards; winning the round, Bow laughed as Bootler frowned. Bootler shuffled the deck, and dealt a new hand of cards to the two.
"If we win, I think it'll be awesome! But I know I'm here to see the world, and prove myself to Bootsie," Bow giggled.
Bootler gallantly carried a parasol to cover Bow from a light drizzle as they walked around her mansion. She proceeded to pick up a rock, which she tossed at her gardener. A frowning Bootler shook his head.
"Yes… I seek maturity for the Lady on this race," Bootler said.
(****)
"K.P Koopa and Shellshock. Professional fighters and friends, from Glitzville."
The scene cut over to a pair of Koopas hopping out of their vessel. Both were wearing sunglasses; one had a lavender shell and shoes, while the other wore yellow instead. Both had matching black hoodies with the words 'Fight Never Stops' written in red across the front. The one in purple had no hair—but his partner had a bright yellow mowhawk on top of his head.
"Dawg, this race is gonna be a freaking rollercoaster for me and 'Shock over here," K.P, the yellow-garbed Koopa said confidently, running his fingers through his hair.
"We've got a total advantage, baby. We're in top shape, physically and mentally. We never give up, man," Shellshock voiced.
The two are shown in a gym, with K.P spotting Shellshock as he lifts a weighted bar. After Shellshock finished with his reps, he turned and gave the camera a thumbs-up.
"I've been at the pit for years now, and I'm good, but I don't make much, dawg," K.P complained. "This race will give me some precious dough when we cross 'da finish line in first place!"
Shellshock is shown kicking an opposing Hammer Bro in the face, and on a split-screen, K.P is shown shell-spinning into a row of Goombas and knocking them out. Both raise their hands to the sky in victory.
"We got what it takes, man." Shellshock said eagerly. "We're gonna win this, baby! Started from the bottom, and we're going straight up!"
(****)
"Kooper and Kolorado. An archeologist and his young assistant, from Koopa Village."
The new scene showed a Koopa with a blue shell and a red bandanna climbing out of his boat, falling into the sand in his haste. He wore a black tee shirt and nothing else. His partner, an older Koopa with a small mustache, leaped straight out and also fell in the sand. He had an odd-shaped white hat, to go with his sandy-green shell, hiking boots, and tan khakis and shirt. Laughing, they both brushed the sand off of their bodies.
"We're kind of immature, and we know it. But the prof's got such a quick mind on him, that I'm sure we'll do well!" Kooper exuberantly claimed.
"Heh, well, as my young chap has spoken, I believe we'll do fine and dandy on this here race! Winning the money would be excellent, tally-ho!"
The two are shown digging in a patch of sand, when Kolorado leaps out of the pit, holding an artifact. The two high-five, and Kolorado places the artifact safely inside a container.
"I'm so totally psyched! Although as an archeologist, I've seen tons of places before, I have no doubt I'll see new ones on the race," Kooper said eagerly.
The two are shown in a library, scouring the shelves for history books. Both grab at the same book at the same time.
"I have no doubt in my mind, we will be crossing the finish line in first, wot!" Kolorado exclaimed.
(****)
"Screamy and Hayzee. Actor and theatre manager, from Rogueport."
The footage showed a pale, cream-ish colored blob, with crescent-shaped pink eyes slowly climbing out of their boat. An exuberant green-colored Crayzee Dayzee hopped out after him. Neither were wearing anything apart from their shoes.
"…Sometimes, I need a break from acting. I always play dramatic roles." Screamy said tonelessly.
"Sheesh, man, lighten up! I am Hayzee! And I believe that this race will be an adventure unlike any other!" Hayzee said dramatically.
The two are shown walking through Rogueport, hanging up flyers for one of their plays. Hayzee skips around the town, while Screamy shuffles slowly behind him.
"If we win… perhaps I can retire to peace," Screamy intoned.
"Agh… He better get excited, 'cause we rock, man!" Hayzee claimed excitedly.
More footage of them is shown, this time of Screamy acting, and Hayzee raptly watching from the audience. The play ends, and the audience begins to clap and cheer.
"Race foes, here we come!' Hayzee threatened lightly.
(****)
"Stewart and Conductor. Blimp and train attendants, from Glitzville and Rogueport."
The scene showed a Cheep-Cheep wearing a green tie and a light blue shirt bouncing out of the boat, and a red-spotted Toad, wearing a black leather jacket and black slacks climbing out.
"Well, we both met at a union meeting for attendants. We hit it off, and now whenever we're both in town, we go and get drinks, and have fun together," Stewart said, a bit nervously.
"I think that we both understand that we have a massive advantage on this race—we both know how to travel fast, and we've both been a lot of places. We'll be able to keep way ahead of other teams," Conductor confidently predicted.
The scene showed the two of them stamping tickets on their respective forms of transportation, and then taking off their work clothes and collapsing in exhaustion.
"We're used to long, frustrating days, so we should be able to… um... keep ahead, I think," Stewart said.
The footage showed them both relaxing on the streets of Glitzville, eating hotdogs. Conductor gives Stewart a poke, and Stewart sprays him with a stream of water.
"We'll stay on this race until Phil calls our name… not that he ever will," Conductor said with a grin and a shrug.
(****)
"Russ T and Tayce T. Dating scholar and chef, from Toad Town."
The scene shows a blue-spotted Toad, sporting glasses and a heavy blue coat slowly hauling himself out of the boat, and a slightly older-looking Toad with orange spots leaping out in joy. She was dressed in an orange and yellow windbreaker, and black athletic pants.
"Well, my lovely partner and I met at a ball hosted at Peach's castle… and from the moment I saw her, my heart was swallowed by those gorgeous eyes. She was, and is, the only thing that can take me away from my studies," Russ said proudly, as Tayce blushed.
"Oh, he's such a sweetheart. But he doesn't really know what an adventure is like! He needs to get out once and a while, and that's why we're on the race.
The two are shown in a kitchen, where Tayce is cooking, and Russ is reading a recipe to her out of a book. She turns and playfully cracks and egg over his head, and he gives her a disapproving look.
"I intend fully to use my vast library of knowledge to help us on our quest to win the prize, and I won't hold back any of my mind," Russ stated stuffily.
The two are shown strolling through the Castle Garden, hand in hand, watching leaves fall off of trees.
"I'm so excited! Russy-doodles, let's win this race!" Tayce exclaimed.
(****)
"Cortez and Flavio. Treasure hunters, if you will, and business partners from Keehaul Key and Roguport."
The scene shows a portly Beanish man, dressed in a fine coat of red and purple, hoisting himself out of the boat, where he promptly falls flat on his face in the sand. In the land of the Mushroom, physics can be changed. As such, Cortez, the once terrible and mighty pirate king, has been reduced to the size of a mortal. The walking pile of bones resembled a Dry Bones slightly, and wore nothing but a pirate's cap upon his skull.
"Flavio! The terror of the seas! The one who holds the key, it is Flavio!-"- the arrogant man's song was cut off abruptly by a sharp poke in the side from Cortez.
"Aye, amigo, I worry about him. We are here because we want more treasure. At least he does, I myself want to roam the world as I did in my glory days again!" Cortez exclaimed, with a chastened Flavio rubbing his side.
The scene showed the two of them standing on the deck of a boat, yelling orders to their crew, on the open seas.
"Flavio is not to be content with just transporting people, Flavio wants to go around the world and win lots of coins!" Flavio exclaimed with joy.
The two are shown sifting through unending piles of gold coins and precious gems and treasures.
"What skills do we have… amigo I don't know. But I am a king, and kings win. OooooOooooohh!" Cortez hauntingly whispered.
(****)
"Rip Cheato and Chet Rippo. Two complete and utter scoundrels and frauds, who alternate residence between towns."
The camera showed a strange, purple-ish blue bird creature flopping out of the boat. He was out of shape, and ugly. A small nametag he wore on his purple jacket said 'Chet Rippo'. He was followed presently by his partner, who was an odd looking, fat man, with a scruffy brown beard, and an antenna sticking out of his head. He was dressed in drab brown and tan khakis.
"Hehe… Okay, so we're both complete and awful thugs. I'm a cheater. My name says so! I rip people off. But I aim to win this race, so I can quit cheating people. It gets tiresome," Rip said with a laugh, motioning his hands for emphasis.
"I don't consider myself that bad a guy. Just a fraud, I guess," Chet said hesitantly. "I'd like to be more honest… maybe this race will help with that."
The two are shown getting run out of Toad Town by angry civilians, and jumping into a warp pipe. The civilians are screaming unintelligible gibberish.
"Hehe… So I'm gonna win the race, and get rich! Nothing wrong with that," Rip smirked.
The two are shown huddling in a dark alley, trading tricks of their 'trade'.
"Well… I'm excited, I guess," Chet muttered.
(****)
"Moustafa and Mr. E. Shop owner/secret society head, and desert drifter from Dry Dry Outpost."
As their boat landed, a green Squeek was seen leaping from it. He was merely wearing a turban and his mask. He was followed by a Toad, who was also wearing a turban. The Toad's turban and robes were blue, while the Squeek's were white.
"Aha! I am Moustafa. I am competing in this race with one of my subordinates simply because I tire of running our town," the jovial mouse claimed.
"Hi. I'm Mr. E. I guess I'm running this race because Moustafa wants me to. But I'd also like to see the world," the turbaned Toad said.
The two are shown running across rooftops in Dry Dry Outpost, with Moustafa well in the lead, Mr. E hustling to catch up behind him.
"I'm a leader for a reason. I will win this race, and further my legacy amongst my town members!" Moustafa exclaimed pompously.
The two were shown in a closed-door meeting inside in old house, with other turbaned individuals.
"He's a crafty guy, and I'm good at following directions. I think we could win," Mr. E said with some nervousness.
"Not think: will!" his partner corrected with a smack of his tail.
(****)
"Larson and Peeka. Dating Boo and Bandit, from Rogueport."
A Bandit, dressed in blue robes with a gold chain dangling down his neck jumped out of the boat. He was followed by a dainty Boo, who had cat-ears propped upon her head, and was wearing a pink mink jacket.
"Listen, buddy. Life's hard. I'm a thief; but if we win this race, I don't have to steal anymore. And let me tell you, stealing is dangerous!" Larson exclaimed, his mask remaining in its grinning position.
"Hon, Larson is a doll. I really think we could make something good together, we just need to work together like we have been!" Peeka giggled.
The two are shown bowling in an alley, using bottles as pins, and an old cannonball as a ball. They both laughed as Peeka rolled a strike.
"Dang man… I think Peeka's the best. If we can survive this race, nothing will stop us," the Bandit predicted happily.
The two are shown rolling the slots at Pianta Parlor; and both groaned as they won nothing for the third straight time.
"Life has its ups and downs—and let me tell you, sugar, Larson is my up!" Peeka proudly proclaimed.
(****)
"Lee and Chan. Dojo students, and best friends, from Toad Town."
A blue Duplighost leapt into the air, and gracefully dived out of the boat. He had on black sunglasses as well. Following him was a green-shelled Buzzy Beetle, who wore a red belt around his shell.
"As students at the finest dojo in the world, we've trained ourselves beyond what many can even imagine," Lee said simply with a shrug.
"Yeah! Like, we're pretty darn tough, man! People don't mess with us!" Chan exclaimed. Lee rolled his eyes.
The two are shown sparring with one another, Lee turning into a copy of Chan, and both shell-spinning into one another.
"If we don't win, the Master will be ashamed of us. Therefore, we must win," Lee said arrogantly, while keeping a slight grin on his face.
The footage showed the two getting berated by the Master for some small offense, and rolling their eyes at each other.
"Don't mess with us, we're freaking crazy, and awesome! We'll kick your butt!" Chan crowed.
"Yeah, sure, what he said," Lee agreed with a grin.
(****)
The camera zoomed out, to show a panorama of the entire city, and then zoomed back in, onto a green hill overlooking the beach where the teams had landed, and the speeding highway. There was a parking lot with eleven cars in it, as well as twenty two bags lying in front of that lot. On the knoll below the hill stood the eleven teams. Facing them was the Toad from the first show.
"Hello, teams, and welcome to the Amazing Race!" the Toad yelled above the whistling wind, a huge grin on his face. The eleven teams cheered back at him some applauding loudly, before he continued.
"In a few moments, you will embark upon a literal race around the world! You'll be doing things you've only read about, and seeing things that will barely even seem real to you!" The teams all looked at him with interest, as he espoused this statement.
"Woah…. Neat man…. I can't believe it… yeah!"
"My name is Phil T., in case you were curious. The race is divided into twelve sections, titled 'legs'. At the end of each leg, there is a pit stop. The last team to check in at the pit stop… may be eliminated. There are eight elimination points, and if you are last on that leg, you will be eliminated from the race." The teams nodded, a little more serious now.
"The first team to cross the finish line on the final leg will win one million coins!" Phil exclaimed, and all the teams cheered loudly. He turned around, and looked at the parking lot behind him. About two hundred yards of grass and concrete stood in between him and the bags.
"I think everyone is clear on the rules now. Any further instructions will be explained by the form of a clue. The first clue is on top of your bag, waiting in that lot. When I give the signal, you can race over to grab your bags, and your clue, and begin the race!" The teams cheered again, heartened by this statement.
Phil looked at all of the contestants. "Good luck," he said. The contestants nodded, some saying 'thank-you' to him. As if he hadn't heard, he continued, raising his arm in the process, "Travel safe." Some of the sharper teams knew what was coming, and were prepared, as he raised one eyebrow, looked at the teams again, and swiftly lowered his arm. "GO!" he shouted! The Amazing Race was on.
