20 Things I did before I die
My name is Mikan Sakura, only 16 years old, down with a terminal cancer, last stage. I have so many promise that I have to fulfill. Especially my last, to a stranger, a stranger that I fell in love with when I knew my death was near. Will I live long enough to fulfill this last promise or will God bring me home first?
Playlist: "Slipping Through My Fingers" – Mamma Mia! Soundtrack
* I simply chose this song as this song gave me the parental protective feeling when it was sung.
Original Written: 3 August 2009
Revised Date: 13 August 2010
Chapter One: Reluctance
The doctor gave me a look of pity. My mom told me to go get a drink while she discussed with the doctor about my recent checkup. I nod at her and went to the bathroom to wash my face. It was the term breaks and next month, it's going to be spring, my favourite season – with all the blooming flowers.
Anyway, here I am - at the hospital to take my ultrasound test results. For the past few months, I've been getting pains in every part of my body. My mom told me to go visit the hospital to get a proper checkup when it got more recent and started hurting for good. Well, hopefully I wouldn't get anything unexpected.
I walked out from the bathroom and went straight to the vending machine to get a drink. I walked back towards the doctor's room and was shocked to see my mom crying and my dad trying to sooth and calm her down. At then, I knew that I had just missed an important discussion. That was the reason why my mom sent me out to go grab a drink.
"I'm sure she had been having this pain for some time now. I'm really sorry, but there is nothing in my strength can be done." the doctor said. In just a glimpse of a second, my mother broke down into sobs.
By then, I knew what exactly, he was talking about. I'm doomed with a life countdown.
"I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Sakura. It's positive." the doctor said to the woman.
"What's positive?"My mom asked - sounding really curious.
The doctor cleared his throat and then started.
"She has cancer and it's at the last stage. I'm sure you know what that means." The woman shifted at her seat and gave him a disbelief look and tears started streaming down her cheeks. After a short pause, he continued. "I'm sure she had been having this pain for some time now. I'm really sorry, but there is nothing in my strength can be done." the doctor said.
"No! My daughter...no! You're not speaking the truth, doctor! It can't be...My baby." She practically yelled only to be hugged by her husband and her sobs muffled by his shirt.
"It's okay, Yuka." He stroked the woman's back and looked back at the doctor. "Isn't there any other alternative? Is there a medical treatment out of Japan that can treat her? Money is not the main matter. I will dish out any amount as long I get to treat my daughter." my dad said to the doctor.
"As you know, cancer is a sickness that no cure had been found yet. I'm really sorry. All I would say is, let your daughter live life to the fullest. Make every day, every minute of her life meaningful."
"How many days…left?" the man asked, scared this time.
" I'm presuming that she could only live for approximately 20 days more. She...I don't think she would be able..to see the change in season" the doctor said alas.
"My baby..No..no.. I can't accept it." my mom sobbed again. "I should have taken her here sooner when she first told me that she felt the pain. Why must I be so stubborn?"
I wasn't very sure whether I should go in with a shocked face, or I should just pretend as though I didn't hear a thing. I decided on the latter. I knocked on the door and looked at my parents, which were now looking at me with unfathomable eyes. Tears were still seen beneath my mother's eyes. She tried her best to hold onto her tears as my dad quickly wiped her tears.
"Mi-chan." my mom said when I walked slowly to her. "You heard it, didn't you?"
"Mom," I started and gave her a cheerful smile. I then continued, "I know what I got. Don't be sad. It seems that God wants to see me earlier than usual. That's all."
Seems that last phrase had broken my mom's last hold on her tears. Tears started streaming down her cheeks as she stood up and placed a hand at the side of my cheek.
"Don't talk like that, baby." She said and gave me a tight hug. "You still have lots of time left."
I hugged her back tightly. My dad then stood up as well and got us all in a tight embrace. Unknowingly, even to myself, a streak of tear rolled down my cheeks. Honestly though, I am afraid…to die.
I walked to the Cherry Blossom tree – my favourite hideout – just a few metres away from my house. I sat under that tree as I hummed a song to myself.
I kept my eyes open wide, afraid that once I go to sleep, I wouldn't wake up. Night time is going to be the worse time of the day from now on. I am afraid, very afraid. I looked up towards the now-dark sky and saw birds flying by. So carefree, I envied them, a lot.
'If only I'm as free as these birds.' I thought to myself.
I was just about to close my eyes to enjoy the nature when I heard footsteps coming towards my direction.
"What are you doing here at my spot?" the gruffly voice asked. I whipped my head to find a handsome young man. Seriously, he's handsome.
"Well, I didn't know that this spot had been claimed. I had always come here since I was five and I had never once seen you around this place." I countered back.
"I should be asking you the same thing. I came here since I was six, and judging by how you look, you're definitely younger than I am." he told me.
"How do you know? Just because I'm short, it doesn't tell you that I'm younger."I shot back.
He gave out a tired sigh and proceeded to sit beside me. I turned my gaze to his face as I could feel my face flush at his appearance. Piercing red eyes, raven jet black hair, and it seems that he's working out.
"Nosy." He whispered. I grunted at him, but he didn't seem like he was going to respond to anything regarding that matter any longer. "While you're here, just keep a watch out for me," he said as he stifled a yawn and closed his eyes. After a minute or so, he snapped them open again and gave me a fierce look – "Would you mind not staring? It's kind of hard to sleep here?"
"Why do you close your eyes? Aren't you afraid of not waking up?" I ignored his remark.
"Why would I?" he rolled his eyes. "It's not like you don't sleep."
"Oh, by the way, what's your name?" I asked with a smile.
He raised an eyebrow at me then answered slowly "Hyuuga Natsume." His voice sounded so tired. It was as though that's the hundredth time he's saying it.
"I'm Mikan Sakura." I
"Why are you telling me that?"
"I don't know."
"What brings you here?"
"Nothing. Natsu- wait, is it alright if I call you Natsume instead of Hyuuga? I'm just not used to calling people by their last name but I learned that some people find it rude to call them with their first name when-"
"Anything suits fine with me." he cut me off.
"Okay then. Natsume. Help me answer this one question since you're the only one, I think, is safe to tell - If say, you only have less than a month more to live, what would you do? What would you do with that little time you have left?" I asked him.
"Fulfill all the promises I've made." he answered simply.
"Oh. I see." I thought about his answer deeply and tried to remember whether I made any promises before.
"Thank you for answering me."
"Shouldn't you be going back already? It's almost eight."
"EIGHT! Mom's so gonna kill me." I quickly scurried up and dust the back of my skirt. After taking a few steps away, I turned back to Natsume and gave him a smile. "Glad to meet you, Natsume. I hope we'll meet again someday." I told him. From afar, I thought I saw him roll his eyes.
Somehow, speaking to Natsume, makes me feel better. He made me feel calm and relax. But that was probably because he didn't know the problem I was currently facing. I'm afraid. I hate to admit it now, but I'm really scared and afraid. I don't want to die.
'I don't want to die.' I chanted in my head. Why must there be a cancer tumor in me? I thought God was fair. I'm a good girl. I always pray for my friends and family. But why does God want to do this to me? I..I don't want to die. I was never given a chance to date my school crush; I was not given a chance to take care of my parents after I work. I'm such a weakling. I don't want to go. I'll be facing Day Two tomorrow, and I'm not ready. It hurts…
