AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am an American. No offense to other Americans. I just talked us down to thicken the plot. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!
The door to the TARDIS burst open, and Rose Tyler was showered with rain as the Doctor hurried in. He had a large, greasy take-away bag in his hands and was glaring directly at her. She didn't notice; her eyes were locked on the heavenly-smelling bag the Doctor was holding. She reached for it and he held it out of reach.
"Ah ah. What do we say?" He teased.
"We say 'I'm hungry and I want my chips," she growled playfully.
"No, Miss Tyler. Proper young ladies say 'please."
She managed to snatch the bag and dove it, moaning with pleasure as she munched on the golden chips. He watched her and shook his head.
"I don't know why you all are so hooked on those things. It's simply potato fried in enough grease to drown you."
She swallowed and spoke. "It's a human thing. I suppose aliens don't have any vices."
He was momentarily startled by the statement but hid it with a teasing smile.
"That's right. Us aliens are perfect beings. Unless you count the millions of races bent on world domination. I guess that could be considered a vice."
She laughed and continued eating. He always made her laugh with that wonderful, biting wit.
He strode over to the controls and started pressing buttons that Rose knew had absolutely no function. She honestly believed that he put them there simply to make himself look clever when he had nothing else to do. She jumped when he began speaking out of the blue.
"You know, you apes do have a lot of vices." He contemplated this a moment before continuing. "You lot, so consumed with telly and music. Oh, and food. Don't forget food. I don't know how you've evolved this far." He smiled to let her know he was teasing, but it still bothered her all the same.
Her temper flared up. "Like you could do any better under the circumstances! We are fed all of those things every day. Music plays everywhere. Tellys are in every restaurant. If you were surrounded by all of it, you would be just as fascinated as we are!"
He laughed a genuine, hearty laugh. "Not likely, Rose. I have self control!"
"Self control?! Oh really?! What about bananas?"
"Bananas are a super food! It can't be a vice if it's a super food!"
"Sure, sure." She was quiet for a moment, knowing he had won that particular round.
"Are you feeling lucky, Doctor?"
"How do you mean?" He cocked his head slightly and stared at her, waiting for the explanation.
"It's quite simple, Clever Man. If you're so sure that you could resist the temptations 'us apes' face every day, prove it." She wore a satisfied grin, the tip of her tongue just poking through her teeth.
"How would I prove that?" Not that he would ever admit it to Rose, but he wasn't entirely sure he liked where this was headed.
"What I propose is this: One year on Earth. We rent a flat, get normal jobs, and live the normal Earth life. If you can resist all the temptations and come out completely unscathed, you can have anything you want."
He only had to think a moment before his eyes lit up. He knew exactly what he wanted.
"If I win, I want you to make Jackie promise not to hit me for an entire year."
Rose giggled. "Deal."
They shook hands and were quiet a moment before the Doctor spoke.
"We should settle in another country. Somewhere out of our element where I won't be tempted."
"Where did you have in mind, Doctor?"
He tried to think of the least pleasurable place he could. Quickly, he spun around to face the main computer and did a little research. He needed a place that was cramped and unhappy. Somewhere Rose would be miserable and call off this ridiculous bet early. A grin crept slowly across his face. Perfect.
"America. The Capitol. Washington D.C."
The distaste on her face was not even remotely hidden.
"America?"
"Yes, yes, America!" He widened his grin and spoke excitedly. "Don't you want an adventure, Rose? New people to meet, new places to see!"
"Um, America. Yeah! Let's go for it!" She threw fake enthusiasm right back at him, but he saw through it. Oh, delicious. She was going to hate it! Serves her right.
"Now, let's talk about a flat. How will we secure one? Or, I believe Americans call them apartments. How quaint."
"I have some money saved," Rose began slowly, "and it would probably be enough to get us though the first few months. It's about two thousand pounds."
His eyes widened slightly. "Are you sure you want to do that, Rose?"
She grinned. "For the chance to say 'I told you so' to the Oncoming Storm? Absolutely."
He rubbed his hands together. "Perfect! I will figure out our work visas and secure an apartment."
"How will you handle the work visas?"
He waved a hand impatiently. "Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey." He then turned to the console and began rapidly typing. "You should start packing. I want this started as soon as possible."
She hurried along to her room and pulled her ratty, red duffel bag out of the closet. As she piled her clothes into it, she began to doubt herself. What if the Doctor could actually do this? He sure seemed confident. 'No,' she thought, 'there was no way.'
It didn't take long for him to find an apartment for them. With the help of his faithful TARDIS, he had wonderful references and a great employment record. His only moment of hesitation was when the landlord asked if Rose was his wife. He managed the word "fiancé" and that seemed to go over well. The apartment was theirs!
'That will show Rose,' he thought.
The night before their departure to Washington, they both lay awake in their beds. Rose was thinking about America. She wasn't excited. She had heard nasty rumors about Americans. Fat, lazy, vicious. Ah well, maybe she would be pleasantly surprised.
The Doctor lay awake for two reasons. The first being his superior Time Lord biology and his very small need for the sleep. The second was worry, plain and simple. He had a dark past that Rose knew nothing about. No one knew, really. Well, he supposed the hospital in New New York still had records, but it had been so long he doubted anyone could recall his stay with them. He could be careful this time. He would do it right.
In the dark, he shook his head. Who was he kidding?
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