A – Akuma

There's a fine line between 'never giving up' and 'kamikaze fighting'. Sometimes, I swear, I think that Allen is doing both. He battles so hard, putting everything he has into saving souls and destroying Akuma, which I fear he might be slowly (or quickly?) killing himself. I heard it said that someone with a parasitic anti-Akuma weapon has a shorter lifespan than someone without a parasitic type, and this worries me. Allen doesn't know about this. I don't think any of us have the heart to tell him.

Still, with his determination all fired up every time a new Akuma shows itself, I get the feeling that Allen is throwing his life on the line and might not make it one of these days. He's already been near death two or three times, and I don't think I could handle it if he actually died. I never want to say anything, but secretly I have some unspoken feelings for him.

I know, I know, I should focus on my job – being an exorcist and bookman and all that – but I can't always be thinking about those cold, distant things, now can I? If I do, I won't be human anymore. Where is your humanity unless you love? I love a lot of people, all in different ways, but Allen is special.

Sometimes, though, I get the notion that Allen cares more about Akuma than me. Or anyone else. Not in the way you're thinking, but… Well, I guess you could call it an obsession. Part of me knows that it's that damn eye of his that makes him act that way, simply because it warns him about active Akuma from all over the place. The poor guy never gets any sleep most nights.

And it's on those nights that he drifts away from the Akuma problem – at least for a little while – and visits me in the library. I'm there almost every night, filling out a book or paper or simply reading. We talk in hushed voices to one another over the course of hours, and a couple times we chatted until the sun came up. It's moments like those that I remind myself that Allen isn't too terribly die-hard, or suicidal. It's moments like those in which I can indulge in my feelings and show them openly, even if he's too tired to catch my subtle flirting.

Sure, the Akuma are a nuisance we can't escape, especially since we're exorcists, but I'm trying to teach Allen that there are other things, too. If I'm lucky, the younger boy will pick up on what other things I'm referring to, but I highly doubt it.

After all, we don't have too much longer, do we? What with the Earl and his level four Akuma recently evolving and popping up, and my bookman duties (even if I don't follow all the rules), and Allen's parasitic left arm. It sucks, because I want more time; but I know I can't have it. Fate isn't so kind. Nor are the Akuma. So I'll deal with it, and make the most of what I can. The small things, you know? Like those nights in the library.


A/N: So I made a poll not too long ago. It had the title, 'If I do an alphabet-themed collection of drabbles, what pairing/category should I do it for?' There were 52 choices, but only about seven were picked. Getting restless and bored, I cut it off and chose four out of those seven. Oddly, all the choices we either vague or gay, so the four I picked out were MelloXNear (Death Note gayness), AllenXLavi (D. Gray-Man gayness), NaruGaa (Naruto gayness), and SatoDai (D. N. Angel gayness).

I already picked out what each letter will be for all of the pairings, which makes 104 planned drabbles that I have to write. No pressure, eh?