Alona: Here I am, once again, now with a wacked parody of Lord of the Rings. This is going to be about a sixth or so as long as the actual thing, so beware. A sixth of the whole book is about... 200 pages. X_X *dies* The longest thing I've ever written is like... 14 pages. Oi vey. Anyways...

Warnings: Yaoi/slash/shonen-ai/male-male relationships/whatever. Okay? Not yet though, maybe not even until after the Council of Elrond. Another warning: Major George W. Bush and America bashing. Don't.Ask. I just hate him. And I don't like this supposedly glorious county I am currently living in. (Yes I live in America. Flamers feel free to use this against me.)

Disclaimer: Me no own LOTR. It belongs to J. R. R. Tolkein, who would die again if he found out what I was doing to his story. I feel so sorry for the dude, don't you?
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The Lord of the Bill: Prologue

Once there was an utterly corrupt and capitalist-based country. No surprise, this country was called America. Once, long ago, it was a country of high morals and freedom, but now it's just a pathetic and miserable excuse for a bunch of people who think they live in a democracy. And the ruler of this country was a creature by the name of Sauron Bush. He resided in the Black House in the capital, Washington, D.M., District of Mordor.
It came to pass that a bill was written that, if sighed into law, would allow the ruler full control over the nation's expansive nuclear artillery. Of course, this would cause a severe nuclear winter and the end of the human race, among other races, but Sauron didn't care. He wanted power, and if it took several million deaths to get that power, than so be it. Lives were expendable. But right before the bill was about to be signed into law, a final alliance of senators and representatives came to Barad-dur, in the Black House, to prevent the bill's signing.
An aged congressman by the name of Isildur finally managed to defeat Sauron, and was given the chance to destroy the bill forever. Against the advice of Secretary of State Elrond, Isildur took the bill and kept it for himself.
But this was not its fate. One night, coming home from a session of congress, Isildur was assassinated. His middle-aged son, Arathorn, not knowing the potential power of the bill, kept it locked in the attic along with the rest of his father's things. Many years passed, and Arathorn invited a young boy named Sméagol to clean out the attic. Sméagol found the bill, and realized it was something special. After taking it for his pay, he retreated to his room. There he stayed for a few years, with the knowledge of the bill eating away at his mind, until a friend of his parents came to visit.
This friend was Bilbo Baggins from a small county in Alabama called the Shire. Bilbo found the bill while Sméagol was away from his room. The bill returned with Bilbo to the Shire, where it stayed. At this point this history begins.