A/N: Haha. So I got a totally stupid idea which resulted in even more stupid ideas and culminated into a totally stupid thing and da-da-da-DAH. You have... a mermaid!AU. More specifically a The Little Mermaid parody, although I've changed a lot of things to better suit the comedic nature of this story and so it's not a carbon copy of the whole movie. Despite my general aversion to multichap fics I have too many ideas to pass up.

TOTALLY NOT SERIOUS AT ALL FORGIVE ME FOR ANY CRINGING YOU MAY SUFFER.

Special thanks and dedication to Deadeye1, who helped me with shenanigan and plot ideas!


A college student was nothing if not relishing sweet release from the end of a very taxing year. Among the beach boardwalks of the city, a young man recently relieved of his status as college freshman celebrated this new freedom with a bushy-haired boy by his side. Both leaned against the railing and gazed at the ocean, taking in the salty sea breeze and the bustling noises from the crowds behind them.

"All these foods and games and you want to look at water?" the younger brother groaned, throwing his arms in the direction of the boardwalk attractions. "We have a sink at home. Honestly, Tadashi!"

The elder, donning a baseball cap, kept his eyes on the rolling and crashing waves. "I think I might take up surfing again this summer."

The younger merely shrugged. "Okay, you do you. Don't let the sharks get you. Or the mermaids."

Snort. "Mermaids? Really?"

"Yeah, you know. The ones that sing to you and lure you to your death." The boy waved his fingers in wispy motions and pitched his voice in a falsetto. "Ooh, Tadaaaashi!"

"Those are sirens, genius."

"Nope, I'm tellin' ya, mermaids are just as evil."

"And you would know this because...?"

"Well, they would be to you if you also held them up for hot dogs-the line, of which, is getting longer by the way." He used his thumb to gesture in the direction of a hot dog stand which was gathering quite a crowd.

Tadashi rolled his eyes. "Unbelievable. All right, you little imp, let's get some."

"Took long enough. The mermaids will be pleased."

"Hiro."

"Ooh, Tadaaaashi!"

...

Somewhere, deep in the vast blue waters, the dimmest of lights filtered through the surface and the rocks and vibrant plants teemed with tiny life. But even greater than that, laughter echoed throughout the waves as beings with tails and fins glistening with bright scales in various colors swam about freely and carelessly. For the most part, they danced and sang harmoniously. A little further from the gathering, however, the feeling of bonhomie didn't extend to one little mermaid, who was stuffing things in her worn handbag at random.

The mermaid picked a ring of plastic off her golden tail and examined it before stuffing it into the bag with disdain. Cans, boxes, plastic bottles...

Disgusting, she thought. Unlike many other merfolk who thought such things cute and had even taken to decorating their homes with these "gifts" from the humans, she hardly appreciated this trash. Too often she'd gotten her tails stuck in the rings or gotten cuts from the metal. Most brushed them off as minor inconveniences, because after all, they were just cute offerings. So long as humans did no real harm to one of their own, there was no need to bother with them.

But to her, all these... offerings appeared nothing short of gross. The way they just landed everywhere, every time she had to remove some junk lodged in a stupid animal's throat. It was tiresome. Brushing her jet black hair streaked with violet out of her face, the little mermaid slung her bag over her shoulder and swam above, watching the bright sun filtering below grow closer and closer. She poked her head above the water and watched from a distance as humans screeched and ran amuck on the sandy beaches. They had even bigger junk on the surface, big enough to enter! It wasn't like some things weren't useful, like the handy bag she carried, but why was it all so necessary?

Sighing, she dove back underwater and gazed at all the trash she collected. It was more accurate to say trash that came upon her, however. The only way she knew to dispose of it was to dump it on other merfolk who enjoyed them more than she did.

Merfolk had never been to the surface or bothered to talk to humans. Why waste their time, and why disturb these happy mindless little creatures? She'd heard of some in the past who would sing sailors to their demise, an act now a social taboo. And she didn't have anything quite that dreadful in mind. Just a message to stop dumping their junk where she lived so she'd stop getting her tail tangled up in them or something.

She thought for a moment what it'd be like to be part of their world and do exactly that. Immediately she shook her head and swam off towards the others, wondering which ones would fight the loudest over the prettiest can.