The 2, 5, and 7 of Spades' Adventures out of Wonderland
2: Five, scoot over. You are violating the sanctity of my personal bubble.
5: But it's so dark in here, Two! I'm scared. Can't I huddle close to you? I need the comfort.
7: Five, do move over. You are squishing the both of us.
A long pause ensues.
5: Well, I did what you wanted, aren't you going to thank me?
2 and 7: No.
A pause.
2: Where do you suppose we are? It's awfully cramped and dark in here. Oddly comfortable though.
5: Well, what's the last thing you remember?
7: The last thing I remember, what sort of question is that?
5: Well, what is it?
2: Let's see…Aha! We were painting the roses red…and then something happened.
5: Right! Two planted white roses! Hah!
2: Oh, stop it, Five.
7: Well, so lets back up, what happened after that?
5: Something.
2: Yes, Five, obviously something happened or we would not be in this dark, dubious location. Speaking of that, I believe we are in some sort of box.
5: Two! Don't say that! I'm claustrophobic.
7: Really, Five, you are utterly spastic. What aren't you afraid of?
5: Well…Alice, I'm not afraid of Alice. Or the White Rabbit. I quite like him.
2: Who's Alice?
7: Have we met her? I don't remember an Alice.
5: We just met her! She saved us from incurring the wrath of her royal majesty the Queen of Hearts.
7: Who?
2: The Queen!
5: (Squealing in fear) Boys…I think something strange has happened. The Queen is right in front of me, but she's not saying anything. She's not yelling. It's terrifying.
7: Oh my! The Knave of Hearts is here with me! How curious that he is not trying to steal the tarts in my pocket.
2: You have tarts?
5: Really?
2: May I have one?
7: This is not the time. We are in the presence of her majesty! We must prostrate ourselves in her illustrious presence and pray we are not beheaded for our horrible imposition.
2: Which one is that?
7: Painting of course. But what was it we were painting?
5: Perhaps this is what happens before you are beheaded. Please don't let us be on death row.
2: Ridiculous. We have witnessed beheadings before.
7: We have?
5: Perhaps they aim to drive us mad. I do hope not. I don't think I'd enjoy madness.
2: That's the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard. You're already mad. Not much to be done about that. We're all mad here. Well, except for maybe these other cards. They seem a bit too sedate to be properly mad.
In this script, the two, five and seven of spades find themselves imprisoned in a box of cards right after Alice saved them from certain death by redirecting the Queen's attention. Many common devices from theatre of the absurd are used in the passage. None of them seem to be able to remember precisely what happened. The deck is in a completely random order. The Five of Spades is facing the Queen of Hearts, and the Seven is facing the Jack of Hearts, which should not logically happen in even the most well shuffled deck of cards. Five, the biggest blunderer of the group, is the one who remembers the day's events best, but all of them are having serious memory lapses. They keep forgetting their plight and talking about other things. It takes them a very long time to even realize they are in a box of cards, a box full of inanimate cards no less. But as soon as they have come to this realization, they dismiss it and move on to why they are there. The cards keep asking each other questions. Some of them get real answers, but the majority leave them more confused than when they began.
