One of my headcanons is that Phil's asexual, so I've decided to try my hand at writing a series of drabbles and one-shots for Capsicoul with this in mind. They're all written off one-word prompts and don't necessarily follow any particular continuity. I have a masterlist I'm working from, but if you have any words in particular that you'd like prompted, feel free to PM me or drop it in my ask box on tumblr. (My url is the same as my pen name here.)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of it!
"Stop."
Steve freezes in place at the words, drawing back and away from Phil. It wasn't a word he'd ever heard Phil use when they were alone like this. The way the agent's hands had gently pushed him away was worrisome. He's sure he's done something terribly wrong and that the agent will be asking him to leave shortly, but he can't for the life of him think of what it is. It's been a long day. He'd been glad to finally get some time alone, they'd been kissing languidly on the sofa and Phil hadn't seemed bothered… What had he done? Granted, a relationship was rather new to him in the first place, but surely they hadn't changed that much over the years? As far as he knows, he hasn't done anything that could be considered untoward.
"We need to talk," Phil says as he leans forward, clasping his hands and resting his elbows on his knees.
"Sure," Steve answers, leaning back in his seat and letting his hands fall in his lap. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No. Let me make that clear, you haven't done anything wrong," Phil tells him, catching his eye. "This is something about me that you need to know before we go any further. I want to make sure you know you still have options."
Steve blows out a harsh breath. "Phil, we've been over this. You know I'm not going to cut and run at the first pretty face."
"That's not exactly what I'd like to discuss," Phil says. He looks contemplative and, if Steve is reading him correctly, a bit nervous. He wonders what the agent has to say that's rattled him to such a degree that his anxiety is even moderately detectable. Phil looks to him again. "Steve, do you know what asexuality is?"
Steve screws up his face in concentration, trying to recall the varied types of sexuality that Tony and Clint have tried to educate him on. The word is familiar in the sense that he's certain he's heard it before, but the meaning escapes him. He runs a hand through his hair, shooting the shorter man an apologetic smile.
"Sorry, I don't quite remember," he admits.
"Well," Phil begins, "the definition can be fairly broad, but the long and short of it is that an asexual finds no sexual attraction in other people. For some, that means they don't engage in sexual activity. Are you with me so far?"
Steve nods slowly. "And… you're asexual?"
Phil simply dips his head in a nod before resting his chin on his clasped hands. He's not looking at Steve.
"You thought this would be a problem?" Steve presses further.
"It typically tends to be," Phil tells him. "I understand it's still very early on, but I thought it might be best if I introduced the idea to you now before either of us become… committed."
"I'm not looking for an easy out," Steve says, a little annoyed by the implication.
"I'm not saying you are, I'm just—"
"Afraid," Steve says point blank.
Phil doesn't say anything. Steve hadn't expected him to. The super soldier heaves a heavy sigh; when had the night changed so suddenly? But this is important. He can see that this is important to Phil and if it's important to Phil than it's something he wants to understand.
"Look, it's fine, okay? This is all new to me, you know, dating a fella and all, and you know very well that I've never, well…" Steve says, trailing off. "What I mean is, even making love to a woman is something I only know in theory. I'm not in this for… that. I'm in this for you."
He can see Phil is moved by his words, but there's still doubt in the agent's eyes.
"If I don't react physically in certain ways, it's not because of anything you've done or because you're not trying hard enough," Phil explains. He frowns. "Perhaps not now, but in the future, I anticipate that sex is something you'll want to try. While there aren't many things I wouldn't do for you… this is one of them."
"I have no intention of doing anything you don't want to. If you don't want it, I won't push it," Steve says, looking to the other man pleadingly. "You know, you make it sound like I'm the kind of guy who ups and leaves because he's refused sex."
"That was never my intention," Phil answers, his tone apologetic.
"No, it's all right. I understand what you're telling me, or at the very least, I understand the basic idea," Steve tells him. He'd have to do some further reading on this and perhaps talk to Pepper. He didn't quite trust Tony and Clint with something of this nature. "What I need you to do is understand that I'm not leaving."
"You can, though."
"I don't want to."
"If at a later point—"
"Do you want me to leave, Phil?"
"No, of course not."
"Then I'm staying."
Phil simply nods at the announcement, sitting quietly until Steve leans over and kisses him. He laughs when the super soldier draws back and asks if it's still all right to do that. He tells the other man that he's not made of glass, that if Steve ever did anything to make him uncomfortable, he'd say so. The bashful smile he gets in answer is enough to convince him things might be okay this time.
