She could tell you that on that day, in that moment; her world came crashing down... But she won't. That's not her. She is Olivia Benson, she doesn't use or fall victim to clichés like that. Not even when it comes to Elliot.

But she will tell you though, that as cliché as some may say it is, truly her world hasn't been the same since then. And, if you really look at it, it's not cliché. It's reality. He shot Jenna, and that killed him. Devastated him even. Of course it did, He's Elliot Stabler, and he doesn't kill victims. But this time he did. Intentional or not, it still happened. Still altered their future. Still caused irreversible damage. She knows, he will never be the same. Close maybe, but not the same.

At first the change was subtle and pending. The anticipation of just what exactly his actions were going to be. She will admit, she expected him to at least take some time off. Something Elliot Stabler hadn't done willing in so long; she lost count of the years. But, she didn't see what really happened coming. Sure, she knew things were bound to be different. But she had no idea it would end up like it did.

He left, that in of its self was devastating enough. That took almost everything she had to handle it. She kept convincing herself though, "It's not like he died, you'll see him again. Probably even frequently." She sort of expected him to take some time to handle it on his own, that's what Elliot did. Took his time, and then came to her. Or well, more like she came to him and he let her in. Always. Well, eventually at anyway. Eventually he let her in. That's what kept her holding on. So, she called a few times at the beginning, and then gave him his time. She assumed, was almost positive even, that he wasn't going to come to her on his own. So, she called him, emailed him, sent him countless texts. But eventually, she got sick of being desperate and decided that was enough.

Now, she knows things have changed, and no matter what happens they will never be the same. Not identically anyway. Things may come back around full circle to the way they were before, but the will never be the same. They will never be able to mirror what once was.

But after the day she had today, she wasn't in the mood to deal with it. Think about it maybe, but deal with it or even mope about it... No way. Besides, Olivia didn't mope. That was not her. So she made her way to her couch, sat down and assumed what seemed to be her signature stance anymore, and tucked her feet under her. She flipped on the TV, watched it for a while, it was nice to have some background noise as she drowned herself in her thoughts, but it wasn't enough to keep her attention so she shut it off. Sighing, she lies back, convincing herself once she was really tired she'd make her way to her room.

But, not long later she was out. She hadn't realized just how exhausted she was. Awaking to an incessant pounding she growled. What the hell was that? Low and behold, it was her door. Well, a fist being slammed repeatedly against it. Annoyed, she rose from the couch and made her way to the door. Opening it, she would have sworn to you, he heart stopped and she lost all access to oxygen she had once had.