Hey all! Before anyone accuses anyone of stealing characters, I would like to say this. This is Darenys Starscatcher and Katea-Nui. We just made a joint account for the instances one person could not update stories. And yes. This is another story we've made. Feel free to whack away. We hope you enjoy it though :P We certainly are having fun.
Enjoy~
Chapter 1: Starscream
Starscream opened his optics to stare at his ceiling. The Nemesis was surprisingly silent, though it wasn't unwelcome. A glance at his chronometer told him why. Too early for anybody but the skeleton crew to be up. That was fine. It meant he could think.
The SIC of the Decepticon Army sat up in his berth and swung his legs over the edge. He rested his elbows on his knees and his chin in one cobalt palm. This had been happening for a few weeks now. Off and on. This was the fifth week he'd had dreams with the strange seeker with innocent but wise amber optics and young faceplates. He had to admit, he was beginning to look forward to them.
It felt good to talk to someone, and he felt that he could tell the Seeker anything...and so far, no matter what he'd spoken of, the dream image accepted it, and helped him to understand. That alone convinced the more rational parts of his mind that they were only dreams, for who would care enough to help him, Starscream, the sparkless bastard who was hated, and if not hated then reviled as a weak, sniveling coward?
He sighed. Masks were difficult to wear all the time, but one had to. He could let his down in this...other place, where the beautiful optics pierced his spark and held likely imagined emotion.
The Seeker stood and stretched, something cracking into place and relieving tension in his wings. Which was nice considering the thrashing Megatron had given to him the other day. Had nearly torn the tension wires off completely and left him wingless. A death sentence for any seeker. He shuddered, both in remembered pain and soft, soothing caresses that had soothed that pain in some way.
Revolution.
The name was beautiful on his glossa. Fitting for the mech who sat and talked to him through these recharge induced images. He was like a revolution of ideas that battered at his own at times. Well, some of the time. Even in his dreams he was stubborn.
He was afraid he was falling for an image that didn't exist, and even to him, that was insane. He shook his head, a certain voice echoing in his Meta, the memory of a soft touch and strengthening words remaining with him as he crept off to the 'racks. Maybe the hot water would soothe him, would bring him back to reality.
Of course, the water wasn't hot. It almost never was. Starscream sighed and hurried in and out, all thoughts of a leisurely wash gone. His lip curled and his wings shivered at the freezing drops upon them, and he rushed back to his shared quarters, his trinemates still entwined together on the large berth. They'd wanted him to join, but he just... Couldn't. So Skywarp had mocked him.
"You turning into a celibate now? C'mon, Stars...it'll be fun!" he'd whined.
Thundercracker had even tried to coax him 'you have to relieve your stress somehow, Scree.'
And still he'd refused. He... didn't crave that escape anymore. He wanted the one in his head. The one filled with gentle words and unbiased opinions. Somewhere he felt... wanted. Appreciated. Accepted. Somewhere where his words and opinions mattered.
He groaned. Something was definitely wrong with him. He also craved the calmness he had after these dreams. That first time had surprised him. The second felt liberating. By the third he knew what to expect and looked forward to the moment he could stare at his ceiling or wall and feel something besides bitter hate.
That feeling remained with him for the moment and he savored it until his trinemates finally rose from recharge themselves, gentle bickering heralding the beginning of a new day.
"Sky, you have monitor duty today." Starscream informed him. He wouldn't like that much, but everyone got a turn sitting in front of the bank of screens, bored to tears.
Skywarp flicked his wings at Starscream, Thundercracker soothing his trinemate with one hand on his shoulder. Here was the only place where they could be 'close', and they took full advantage of it...or Skywarp and TC did, these days. Starscream tended to sit alone with an odd expression on his face.
"I don't want to!" he complained.
Starscream snorted. "Take it up with Megatron or Soundwave."
Skywarp huffed with a pout, flicking his wings petulantly. Thundercracker pet one before he stood as well, stretching and shaking his wings to shake some of the stiffness out. "Thundercracker you have patrol with me."
The blue seeker nodded and walked into the washwracks where the sound of water came on. Displeasure was clearly felt over the bond and Starscream could only surmise that it was because of the temperature of the water. He didn't have time to think on it too much because a flash of purple light, the pressure of displaced air and a distinct 'voip' heralded strong purple and black arms winding their way around his waist from behind, Skywarp's chin resting on his shoulder.
"We missed you last night." He purred. Starscream snorted.
"I wasn't in the mood."
"Starscream!" A distinct and childish whine to the voice. "You haven't been in the mood for the last week!"
Starscream shrugged. "I just wasn't." Skywarp huffed.
Star couldn't explain why; he wasn't sure himself, but he just didn't have the desire to 'face with his trine lately...an odd thing to be sure, but it was there, and he just wouldn't feel right forcing himself to do it. It would kill their closeness and joy.
"Sky...it's not you, or TC. It's me. Now we'd better hurry or we're going to be late, and I'd rather not deal with /that/ temper tantrum today." He was still in too good of a mood to ruin it. "See you tonight, okay?" Star said cheerfully.
"Whatever." Skywarp said, not looking forward to his boring day. Thundercracker came shivering into their quarters, a frown on his handsome faceplates. "Cold again. Do you think we can fix it-"
Star was already shaking his head. "No supplies, no energy... command 'racks are NOT priority."
TC flicked his wings in derision at /that/ and led Starscream out of their quarters for their patrol.
/You are calm today./ Thundercracker comm'd halfway through their patrol over the ocean. /It has been happening off and on./
/Has it?/ Starscream asked, sounding quite nonchalant as the blue seeker flew closer to him. /I haven't noticed./
He knew why, now- it was the dreams, and more specifically, the Seeker in them. Revolution had a curious effect on him- when he listened, it was as if all his tension drained away, leaving someone who could look at things rationally again. Starscream hadn't felt like that since before the war had started, and so it was new to him.
/I have, and Skywarp has./ Thundercracker noted as he saw several Earth natives doing odd things in a forest...they looked to be fighting with blades, shouting unorthodox things. He shrugged and flew on.
/I don't know what you're talking about./ Star said firmly. /I'm the same as I ever was./
/Slag, and you know it./ TC remarked. Look sharp- you missed that, didn't you?
/Missed what?/ Star rescanned the area, finding nothing.
/There was a bunch of squishies sword fighting or something./
/... TC, the frag do I care about squishies for?/ Starscream snorted. Thundercracker's turbines whined in frustration.
/Forget it./
The rest of the patrol was made in silence.
When they finally returned, out of sorts from the silence and from the entirely uneventful patrol, Starscream flopped down on his berth while Skywarp went to get their evenings' ration. Thundercracker kept glancing speculatively at his trineleader, and his nature demanded that he speak.
"You are not yourself."
"Yes, I am, because who else could I possibly be?" Starscream said logically.
"A fraggin' mess." Skywarp said, entering the room. He'd caught the tail end of the conversation courtesy of TC, who'd been pinging him on a private channel they shared. "Won't frag, won't get me out of monitor duty, won't /talk/...pits, Stars, you didn't even knock the lag out of Wildrider for calling you a screeching pile of metal that squealed whenever you walked!"
To be honest, Starscream never heard that, though he'd been near the Stunticon. His mind had been elsewhere.
"Perhaps I am just tired of reacting." Starscream said, echoing something from one of his dreams. "That is, afterall, what they want. A reaction."
Skywarp just stared at his trineleader as if he'd lost his mind, setting three cubes down on a low table.
"Like I said, Starscream, you are not yourself." Thundercracker said firmly, taking his cube with a troubed look on his face.
"Nope, definitely not." Skywarp said, flopping into a chair.
"Oh, do shut up. Of course I am myself. You two don't know what the frag you're talking about!" Starscream said, his tone rising in pitch as he got more irritated. He took his ration and drank it, barely tasting the substandard fuel, and scowled at his trine. "Is this what I expect to hear for the rest of the night, you telling me that I'm not me?"
"Well, yeah! If you're gonna keep acting like not-you!" Skywarpd stared at him for a moment, optics narrowing. "You're not an alien are you?"
Thundercracker facepalmed, Starscream stared at his trinemate like he was crazy. "Skywarp... You do realize that WE are the aliens here, yes?"
Starscream couldn't help but laugh at his airheaded trinemate. "Yes, yes, I am an alien, and I have the probe ready and waiting."
TC just stared more. Usually, Star would have gotten even snippier, not actually making a joke...he'd tell Skywarp to stop acting like an idiot, and then they'd argue some more. Skywarp had already been prepared for this and he opened his mouth to retort...and had to close it, staring as hard as Thundercracker.
"Well, yeah, we are, but..." He didn't really know what to say.
Starscream shook his head, dispersing his empty cube. "I'm going to my berth. You two do...whatever it is that you do alone together."
"Like you even need to ask!" Skywarp called after him as Starscream left for the berth room. Oh the joys of being an officer and part of the Elite Trine. There were few as it was.
Tiredly, Starscream lay on his berth and stared at the ceiling. He hoped he dreamed again tonight. He wanted to dream. Most of the time, he wished the opposite. But he never knew. Sometimes the dreams came one night after the other. Others, it came a few days apart. With a sigh and a small bit of hope in his spark, he fell into recharge.
It had been awhile. Star was starting to feel as if the dreams had abandoned him, and the old feelings of annoyance and intolerance were back with a vengeance. He's snapped off at Skywarp today over something inconsequential, and the hurt in his optics didn't even sway the SIC. He just didn't care at the moment.
So Skywarp and TC had taken off, leaving the irritated Starscream alone in their quarters. Warp had said something about it being a cold day in the Pits before he'd come back and recharge in the same room with Starscream, but they all three knew that wasn't the truth. They just needed space.
Starscream paced the length of their quarters. He was agitated, upset and just fragging at the end of his proverbial rope. Again. Three beatings within two days. He hurt and ached over something that wasn't his fault. That he had, in fact, tried to prevent! A fight with the Autobots gone wrong, their weapon backfiring because a design flaw. This is why Megatron SHOULD NOT MAKE BLUEPRINTS! But did he ever listen? No! Of course not! And as always when it failed it was Starscream's fault. Always his fault.
And to make it worse, the first beating wasn't enough to suffice. No the slagmaker's temper had not been quelled. Even though Starscream had needed to be dragged to the medical bay before he offlined, even though he hadn't seen him that entire first day afterwards. No, the second day held TWO beatings. He ached in places that he never had before. And he thought he'd hurt completely before. He sat with a sigh, his berth not even offering any comfort.
He wondered again why he put up with this, and the same answer came to him. Because he had no choice. There was no place for him anywhere else, and the bitterness rose up in his throat, sour as always. The wave of self-loathing threatened to consume him, and he struck the wall hard, picturing, as always, the silver titan's face rather than the wall. Again and again he took his rage out on the unsuspecting panel until a dent formed in the hard steel and his hand was a broken, leaking mess, throbbing worse than his right wing, the one that had been violently wrenched out of place just a day before. He wanted to cry, but he couldn't. Decepticons don't cry, and certainly the SIC of the entire fragging army didn't cry.
He wanted to sleep. He wanted to dream. Some small part of him /needed/ it, even if it was only a delusion or fantasy. So he cradled his newly injured hand and lay down, optics offlining.
It took a very long time for him to finally fall into recharge, exhausted both physically and emotionally.
It was the soft touch on his shoulder that alerted him first. Then the fact that he had the self awareness to realize it. His optics slowly opened to look at the massive expanse of silvery grey-blue 'sky' and the swirling white mist that permeated these dreams. His optics offlined in relief and he really was close to crying. His optics opened once more and he sat, staring into concerned golden amber optics.
"You are upset." The cultured, lilting voice so unlike his own intolerable one was a balm on his senses.
"I am upset." Starscream said, softly. He tried to modulate his tones to be more pleasing to the audials, but that was difficult even when he wasn't upset. "I..." He didn't want to say it. It was weakness.
But really, what was weakness in a place that existed only within his own mind?
"I missed you." he said, almost too quietly to hear. "I thought that..." What had he thought? He wasn't sure.
"You thought that I would not come back?" Revolution asked gently, one pale yellow thumb wiping under an optic where coolant had overflowed.
"I thought that you would not come back." Starscream repeated slowly, cursing himself for the coolant falling from his optics. He leaned into the touch, though, feeling his tensions fall away as if by magic. "This makes no sense." he murmured softly. "It doesn't, and yet I find myself wanting to experience it more and more each day."
This honesty was unlike him as well, and if his trinemates had seen him and heard him in this place, they really would think that Star had something wrong with him. He reached up and took the hand that brushed so gently across his face, and tried with all his might to smile.
"How have you been, Revolution?"
Revolution's concerned optics remained locked on Starscream's face. "I think tonight should not be about me Starscream." The apparition said gently. "I am sorry for making you wait. Please tell me what you need to."
The smaller servo twisted to clasp his hand as well, squeezing to offer reassurance.
This was so...different. It was different enough that as he sat down upon what appeared to be nothing, the slightly smaller Seeker at his side, the words came forth almost against his will.
"Three times. Three times in two days, and it's getting worse. I was in medbay, and yet he continued. All because of a flaw in his plan, which of course I am blamed for." he said bitterly, his injured wing twitching. "Always goes for the wings, too...almost as if he knows that my flight means everything to me. He knows the Seekers he compelled to fight for him, he knows all too well. And I damned us all a long time ago. This is my fault."
His shoulders slumped and his hand squeezed tight around Revolution's and yet the Seeker made no move to stop; offered no sign that he was in any discomfort. Instead, his free hand came to lift Starscream's face gently. "I believe we have gone over this before." He murmured. "You are only as good as what you make yourself to be. Even if you do not see it. They followed you. Not the other way around." He held his hand up when Starscream made to protest. "They did. They had the choice. They made it. You are one mech, Starscream." He said gently, fingers tracing the dark cheek. "You cannot keep taking the weight of the world on yourself. It is crushing you."
"I have no choice, don't you see?" He had to make Revolution understand. If he didn't understand, then he too would be driven away, just as everyone except his trinemates had been for vorns upon vorns. "I was responsible. Fully three quarters of my people died in Vos' fall...and I wanted revenge. revenge that I could not get on my own, and so I made a deal with Unicron himself. These marks upon my wings?" He flared them to make a point, wincing as the hinge snapped a bit too tightly.
"Others of my faction have them painted on. Seekers are forced to have theirs burned on with a hot iron. It's supposedly a mark of loyalty...but in actuality it's a mark of ownership." he said, the old hurt welling up yet again. "I am no longer my own, and neither are my people. And I am the one who caused it, and will pay for that until the day that he finally kills me." Starscream was under no illusions about how long he was likely to last...it couldn't be long, what with the increasing violence.
"We will have to agree to disagree." Revolution said softly. "I will not lie. You have made bad choices in your life Starscream. We all do. You are no different. That you can look back and admit those mistakes show that you are stronger than you believe you are."
Revolution traced the burned on mark. "You believe you are 'owned'. I believe it is an illusion. Plating can be replaced. Free will cannot. I believe this firmly."
Starscream bowed his head, trying to process this. He knew, somewhere within him, that Revolution was right. The calm voice tore through his doubts and fears and left him feeling renewed, yet still afraid...he was afraid and even more, he was afraid to even think of why he was afraid. Hesitantly, he rested his helm on the Seeker's shoulder, not speaking for a moment. He hoped he wouldn't be pushed away.
Revolution hesitated slightly before his arms wrapped around him, feeling so real and substantial.
"You are brave, Starscream. So many would have broken in your place."
"Are you real, Revolution?" It was a question that Starscream asked every time he saw him, hoping that the image that held him would not disappear after laughing in his face. "And I am not brave. Ask anyone. I am the biggest coward in two factions. I beg for my life even as I goad the one who will end it." He snorted. He wasn't sure why he did that, only that he did, and it often ended very badly for him. It was like he felt a need to do it, to push others.
"If you really knew me, you wouldn't come back." he said simply.
Revolution wrapped him sharply on the helm. Starscream flinched and glanced up to glare at him, but paused as passionate golden optics bored into him. "Do not presume to know what I would do or not do." He said sternly. "The will to live is not cowardice. You tell me, Starscream. You tell me what is easier, what is the coward's way out. To roll over and die, your spark returning to the Well? Or to beg for your life knowing that you face the same the next day for the rest of your existence?"
"The latter is an exercise in futility, as well as what many would call insane." The blow had not been hard, and it was different from the ones he received from Megatron. There was no malice in it, he realized. Nor was there anything but determination in his optics, and Starscream just stared, losing himself for a moment in a sea of gold.
"It's...difficult." he admitted. "To know that no matter how hard I try, or what I do, the next mistake, the next catastrophe will be blamed on me, and in that blame comes more violence. I want him dead and yet I don't have the courage to take up arms myself."
"Would you like my opinion? Or are you going to continue demeaning yourself?" Revolution cut in flatly.
Starscream winced. "Tell me." He stopped. "Please." he added, recalling his courtesies.
"I see a mech who is stronger than he is giving himself credit for. Not killing him is no act of cowardice. Not to me." The mech leaned in, optics serious and the set of pale lips determined. "It is the mark of one who is stronger than his tormentor. One who bends and does not break. The day you break is the day he dies at your hands. You are the stronger one. Always remember that."
"He is evil, Revolution." Starscream said. That was treason, but he'd said far worse, and to the mech's faceplates, even. "We've lost sight of why we even fight...most of us have, anyway. I remember, and so do Thundercracker and perhaps a few of the older mechs. Most are just in it for the slaughter of 'our hated enemy', who is...really not all that different from us, anymore." He stopped for a moment, exventing heavily. The expression on Rev's face gave him strength he didn't know he had within himself. "I...will live. Survive. If only for the hope of..." He doesn't finish that thought.
"Yes." The apparition seemed to need no words. "I missed you too."
He turned to give the Seeker a hug himself, thinking hard with all that he was. *I don't want to wake up.* "I can't stay away from here, it seems." he said with the ghost of his usual smirk on his lips. "So you should not miss me for long, like a bad credit, I tend to show up sooner or later." He tempered this with the real grin, this time.
Revolution laughed, light and airy, returning the hug. "You are a piece of work Starscream."
"So they tell me. Now that I have thoroughly depressed you, feel free to tell me how you have been." He really wanted to hear it; this was just as important to him, strangely, as getting his own frustrations out. Revolution's life was... Different.
The yellow and grey seeker chuckled, his optics glinting with repressed amusement. "How about I tell you what Maverick did to his mentor this time?"
Feedback is always appreciated :D
