"All pretty girls suffer; you just have to remember that."
-Unknown
Clare looked straightforward into her bathroom mirror, scanning her features. Her eyes were bloodshot and looked like someone had punched her under both of her eyes. Sleeping at her house was inevitable. Her parents argued most of the time, leaving her searching her room for Eli's headphones she loved dearly.
Her eyes went from her complexion down to her waist. Clare believed that she was fat. She couldn't get rid of the curves, but she prayed that one day they would disappear. Clare sighed as her eyes gazed at her own in the mirror once again before she left the bathroom, feeling helpless.
It wasn't her fault that her parents had been fighting more and more. But it felt like she was the one who did this. With Darcy, her parents never even snapped at each other. But of course, Darcy was the all-time favorite in the family. The perfect cutting Christian.
Clare loathed her. Darcy was skinny and her beautiful features framed were by her long brown hair. Clare didn't even have a resemblance to the goddess of the family. Tears threatened her vision once more as she fell onto her bed, shutting her eyes tightly. Silence engulfed the lower floor. She could already imagine the conversation that they had had while she fell asleep that night, both leaving for their own happiness. But what about hers? How was she supposed to tell them that she hated her life? That she would take her own?
Clare gingerly brought her hand up, forcefully hitting her across the face. Suicide was not a Christian thought. Suicide was for the needy; Clare would never fall that low. But if she wasn't going to, then why did she feel like it?
Eli phoned her several times before Clare actually found her phone. She was hoping that he'd call and take her somewhere, so then she could forget about everything…
"Hello?" Clare said in monotone.
"Hey, Clare." Eli cheerfully said, and Clare could hear the engine of Morty start from the other line. "I was hoping that you'd have time to go somewhere with me." Clare sweetly smiled, feeling warmth in her heart.
"I'd love to, Eli." She said as her mood lightened.
"Great," Eli sounded relieved. "I'll be at your house in ten."
With that Clare hung up, running to the bathroom. She had to look presentable for her boyfriend, but one issue that was at hand wasn't able to be hidden with makeup. Instead, her stomach bulged out of her dress ever so slightly that Clare was sickened of it. With caution she grabbed her toothbrush, leaning over the bathroom sink as she brought the toothbrush back farther. The gagging was unbearable for Clare, but it made her work faster. Within seconds she had just got rid of her breakfast.
Clare used mouthwash afterwards, swishing for a minute longer than needed. She wanted to make sure that Eli wouldn't be able to smell (or more disgusting taste) the bile left from what she had done. After being satisfied with her breath, she skipped down the stairs two at a time to be met by Eli at the door.
Eli looked as good as could be; his black skinny jeans softly hugged his legs as his gray vest covered his striped tee. Clare couldn't be any luckier to have him.
"Well someone looks lovely today." Eli said, grabbing Clare's hand and bringing her into an embrace. Clare breathed in his scent slowly, wishing that she could smell like that. She grinned as he looked at her, smiling lightly.
"I could say the same about you." She retorted, seeing that Eli's eyes were partly full of pain. It wanted Clare to take him away from reality, but as Eli caressed the under eye circles she had she knew that she was the one for Eli's sudden sadness.
"Haven't been sleeping?" He asked, but he knew the answer. Clare looked shyly at the sidewalk before nodding.
"It's getting harder." Clare said and her voice wavered. Eli understood what she was going through; he had gone through the same thing.
"It gets worse before it gets better, Clare. Remember that." Clare looked at his eyes with desperation that she had never felt before. For once, she needed him more than anything. He was her rock. "Let's go get lunch." He stated, and Clare smiled at him. She was glad that he had dropped the subject.
The car ride was filled with several conversations before they parked in front of a diner that Clare had grown fond to. It was where Eli took her most of the time when he could see that she wanted to get away from her life and start over for a few hours.
Eli opened Clare's door and grabbed her hand softly as they walked up to the entrance. Clare looked around the diner as she always did, looking at all of the people in the restaurant. Eli noticed that she did this out of habit when she was nervous, so he squeezed her hand with little pressure so that Clare knew that she was safe with him around.
Clare looked at the salads that the diner had, picking one that she thought she would be low calorie. She ordered her meal after Eli, seeing that he was looked at her with a confused expression.
"Since when do you order salad?" He said jokingly, and Clare looked at her water on the table before answering.
"I felt like getting one." She said as innocently as possible, followed by a shrug. Eli rolled his eyes before he started another conversation.
As there food came, Clare looked hungrily at her salad. Thank goodness she had gotten chicken, or else she wouldn't have been able to fulfill her hunger. She hastily ate, finishing before Eli was halfway through his hamburger.
Eli slightly pushed his plate over to where she was sitting. "Are you still hungry?" He asked her, but she shook her head. She couldn't have any of that. All she could think about was how many calories that had in it; instead she took one of his French fries, savoring the taste. She wished that she could have Eli's figure.
As Clare waited, she twirled her curls with her right hand slowly as she stared at a different table; it was an elderly couple that looked like they were having an argument. Clare could only see the women's distraught face as she winced about thinking of how that must look like her mother when her parents argue. Instead of continuing to watch, she glanced at another table, searching for a perfect couple. She couldn't find one.
With disappointment Clare leaned back in her chair, thinking about today's earlier events. What had she done to herself? She had researched anorexia and bulimia for hours, and the thought hadn't occurred while she was in the middle of her scheme to make her thin. There must be a safer way than that.
She jumped slightly as she heard Eli finish his lunch with a satisfied smile. Clare forced a smile as they both got up after paying for their lunch, and headed back to Morty.
"So what are today's plans?" Clare asked while Eli started the car. Eli shrugged.
"To go wherever the wind takes us." He said, reversing out of his parking spot. Clare smiled while she looked at the people they passed, seeing that today was a beautiful day. She longed for these days.
Eli stopped driving after a half hour, leaving Clare curiously wondering. She hadn't been here before, but she could bet that Eli had. She didn't bother to wait for Eli to open her door. She closed her eyes in contentment as the wind caressed her face.
Eli took her hand in his, and they walked around the town in an eloquent silence, shyly smiling at one another every now and then. Clare saw some stores that interested her, but she waited for Eli to take her wherever he had planned on. She loved questioning what Eli had up his sleeve.
They stopped at a park bench and sat on the table, their feet propped on the bench. Clare smiled as she turned to face Eli, but her face fell as she saw his expression. Eli looked serious into her eyes, which made her uncomfortable.
"What?" She asked after her scanned her face for several answers for a few seconds. Eli's eyes hardened before he glanced somewhere else. He shrugged.
"You haven't been yourself lately," He said, picking up her hand. "I wanted to know why. It doesn't seem like it's just your parents." Clare swallowed hardly as she looked down at the grass, thinking of an excuse. But she couldn't; what she had done didn't have a reason, and she never thought she would get in trouble for it.
Instead of answering, she started to scowl at the grass. This was her parents fault. They hadn't supported her when she had needed it, bringing her to her horrible decisions in life. She wanted to disappear from everything, to watch from the sidelines instead of being the center of attention. She didn't deserve it.
Clare shrugged as she saw Eli's expectant expression. She didn't want to talk about it. As she turned to look up at him, she saw the disappointment in his eyes which was harder to deal with than before.
"Clare," He said, shaking his head. "You can't keep things from everyone. What's on your mind?" Clare could feel the tears threatening to come out, but she shook her head. She couldn't express what she had done yet. She didn't want to believe it, she wanted it to be her imagination.
"Nothing." Clare's voice raised an octave, giving her away. Before a tear could cascade down her face she rubbed her eyes with more force than needed. Eli brought her into a half hug, letting her cry on his shoulder. He hadn't expected Clare Edwards to be keeping secrets from everyone, but she was a different story to him. She had had things happen to her that he hadn't experienced and it was vise versa. They both didn't know enough about each other.
Eli sighed. It was going to be a long time until they knew everything about one another.
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