/

underlined is Bucky
italics is Tony

/

Am I doing this right?

...Doing what right?

Texting. It's so foreign

Oh. Well congratulations you're a texting tourist!

Thanks? Is this even Steve?

Nope. Sorry to disappoint.

Oh... that's alright. Apparently it's not just texting I'm foreign at but phone numbers too.

Wait so you've never touched a phone until recently?

No

Holy shit you poor soul how have you coped in life?

A true mystery

It is! Don't worry I'll be your texting teacher. Call me professor.

...No thanks.

Wrong answer! Thirty points from Gryffindor!

What?

It's a Harry Potter joke. Dayum I'm really serious now: how have you LIVED?

So sorry I don't live up to your technological expectations

Nonono Harry Potter is a book series and I'll teach you the ways of texting!

Why?

Because I'm bored with nothing else to do.

Right...

Well hey think of it this way: if you become a supreme texter then you can impress Steve whats-his-face

Steve whats-his-face? He'd love to hear that

Yup. Ten points to Gryffindor for you agreeing with me!

I don't understand

For fuck's sake... that's it, I'm sending you the link to a book store where they deliver books to your doorstep, old man.

No thank you.

Too bad. Here! [link]

In case you didn't know, I have no idea how to even begin buying a book from there

Fine, lesson one has begun. Step into my classroom, please.

The nonexistent classroom?

Precisely! Now, first step: click the link

Okay...

Second step, go to the top of the page and type Harry Potter into the white bar

Okay

Then there should be a result called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Click that and then the buy button

It says I need to do payment. I don't want to fill this out.

Ask Steve then, he can help if he's in real life.

He's almost as incompetent as me.

Wait really? HA fucking old men

Something like that

Alright well I could send you my purchased Harry Potter series but you read it online

No thanks

I was actually hoping you'd say that because I feel like you'd either take up as much money as possible or go out screaming at the top of your lungs that you have my account.

Sorry to be a downer, but I would do neither

Well yeesh you are beyond abnormal. You're alien.

Thanks

You're welcome!

SHIT

FUCK

oK GOTA GO THERS A DEVIL IN MY ROOM FuCK

I am so confused...

DONT WORRY ILL BE BCK BYE

Bye...?

/

Fear not, old incompetent one, for I have returned!

Joy.

Sorry there was a certain someone that barged into my room and demand I get out of bed.

I wonder why I'm not concerned

Oh so you're apathetic too? So charming.

How do I get Steve's real number?

...You go ask him for it...?

I don't want to bother him

You mean you don't want him to know you're failing miserably at technology?

That too

Well idk how to help.

What's idk?

Oh my god I can't even... ok step into my classroom again

Alright...

I feel like you'll be living here

It sounds better than where I am now.

Where are you? A retirement center?

No but the bed is too soft and everyone hates me

Yikes that's lame. Sounds similar to me though. The last bit, I mean

Honestly people hate me more than they probably hate you.

Doubt it. I leave my room and people climb into the vents to hide from me.

I leave my room and people cower or sneer and/or aim a weapon at me when they think I'm not looking

Damn. Let me guess, they somehow make it possible to be tough and hateful while simultaneously walking on eggshells?

Yes...

Been there. Sucks.

What's idk mean?

Shit I forgot. It's abbreviated for 'I don't know'

Why would someone type like that?

Because I was too lazy to type more letters

Wow.

You better not be judging me because I can do way worse.

Is that so?

yes hows dis 4 txt tlk i warned u looser i can make u hav nitemares

How do I send this to Steve?

Wait you want him to have nightmares?

To distract him from the ones he already has? Yes.

Well that's depressing. I thought you were being funny

No. I guess I could just show him my phone though.

Oh god no don't. Don't you dare.

Why not?

Because if he's as incompetent as you say he'd probably be all like "STRANGER DANGER STAY AWAY FROM THEM THEY MIGHT MURDER YOU"

That's a very solid impression

Exactly!

Although I'm paranoid like him. Who are you?

I knew you'd ask that eventually. I don't wanna say my full name so I'll need a nickname...

That doesn't help with my paranoia

Oh well. Sorry not sorry.

How does Stranger Danger work?

That's actually fitting. But no

Fine.

What's YOUR name?

Not telling.

Oh I forgot. You're super paranoid.

Yes. How can I not be paranoid?

True. The reason I'm not paranoid is because I can hide who I am hehe

How?

I can hide my phone's connection. If anyone tries tracing my phone they'll be fucked

What did you do...

Hehehe :)

What is that supposed to be?

Turn it sideways and tell me

...Wow. Is that meant to be a face or something?

Yes. Yes indeed.

How do I make a "this conversation is beyond weird" face?

Uh... idk. Try o_O

o_O

I DONT KNOW WHY IM LAUGHING BUT I LOVE THIS AHAHA

o_O

OH mY GOD STOP HAHA IT'S JUST SO FUNNY IMAGINING AN OLD MAN TEXTING LIKE THIS

o_O

ST AHP

:)

IVE CREATED A MONSTER HWAT HAVE I DONE MY TEACHING HAS BACKFIRED

:)

STOOOOOP

:) o_O

omg i cant even...

Oops

YEAH "OOPS"

Nickname though?

OH... idk. Can I choose yours?

I guess

Oooh you're gonna regret that... ok I need some info. Don't get too paranoid. What's something you like about your appearance?

Nothing

Nothing? Nothing at all? Damn that's sad

Just don't like the way I look

Why not? Wait wait wait can I call you Hobo?

Why the hell would you call me HOBO?

Well do you have long hair?

Yes...

A beard?

Yes...

AHA I WAS RIGHT! Therefore, Hobo

No. Just no.

Well fine! :(

You're digging another hole. :(

Dammit what have I done?!

:(

Stoooop

:( :( :(

Uggghhhh fine I won't call you Hobo

Good

How about Homeless Man?

No.

Dammit....

How about we make a nickname for you first?

Mk. Dunno what it'll be

Brat? Professor? Professor Brat?

Ooooh maybe...

WAIT I GOT IT

What's your favorite animal?

Um... dogs, I guess

Ok o k ok if you had a dog what would you name it?

Idk

you're soooo helpful. Ok what does your dream dog look like?

Idk

YOURE USELESS FINE GIVE ME A SECOND

Ok?

OK I HAVE LINKS FOR DOGS. WOULD YOU LIKE A HUSKY? [link]

Maybe

Golden retriever? [link]

I like that one more

Ok what about an Australian shepherd? [link]

Yes.

Yes? OK PERFECT now what color do you want it to be?

Idk

-sigh- wow

o_O

for fucks sake

what about a brown and white one?

Maybe

Black and white?

Maybe

Brown black and white?

Maybe

Either you tell me what colors you want or I'm going to call you Patchy or Fluffy

Fluffy Patch

I guess all the colors combined

alright then was that so hard?

Sure

Ok I've got it. What about Bones?

...Bones?

Yes. Bones.

No

For fucks sake... ok what can you think of?

Idk

Would you prefer Bear?

No

Bubbles?

No

Smiley?

No

Cat?

No

Giggles?

NO.

GIGGLES IT IS THEN!

NO!

ALRIGHT THEN WHAT?

Blue

...Blue

Yes

How'd you think of that?

I have blue/silver eyes

oh... ok then BLUE IT IS!

Hooray.

Are you being sarcastic?

Possibly

Oke doke then. Now what'll be my nickname?

What color are your eyes?

Poopy brown

Wow. So poetic.

Yep

Chocolate

No

Yes

No

Yes

Noooo

Coffee?

...Maybe

Ok then your nickname is Coffee.

NoNONO I thought of something better!

Oh god... what is it?

Kat!

what

Kat

I repeat: what

I am Kat and you shall be Kit

No.

Yes!

No.

Yes! Together we will be KitKat!

No.

In case you didn't know, it's a type of candy. Chocolate, actually.

No.

Why not?! :(

Because it's stupid

No

Yes

:( youre no fun

I know

:( :( :(

:( :(

:(

:( :(

:( :( :( :(

:(

:( :( :( :( :( :(

Oh my god. STOP

Not until you agree to become Kit!

No!

FINE! How about you are Kat?

How is that any better?

Because it means you're more mature :D

Is that another face?

Yep

Ok fine.

YES YESYES

I am Kat though. You are the kid and weirdo, ok?

Yes daddy ;)

No. Stop.

Ok daddy

Bye

NoooOOoOoo waaaait

What?

Sorry I'll stop :(

Ok but I need to go anyway

Fine :( byeee Kat!

Bye

/