Greetings, readers! Question: is it possible to make fun of something you like? I'm not sure...but I'm certainly going to try! A few boring things, then the fun can begin...

Rating: T (for safety purposes, more than anything else)

Disclaimers: I own absolutely NOTHING here. Jonathan Crane, a.k.a. Scarecrow, Jervis Tetch, and all things related to Batman: The Animated Series belong to DC Comics, Bob Kane, Bruce Timm, Paul Dini, and anyone else involved I failed to mention. Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland belongs to Disney, Tim Burton, Lewis Carroll, and, again, anyone else involved I failed to mention.

Summary: Jervis Tetch and the Scarecrow watch Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. What more do I need to say?

Notes: Please note that this story is for satirical purposes: I like Tim Burton's film (most of my fanfics are set in that universe, after all), but even I see some flaws in it...and our beloved Mr. Tetch, being who he is, will probably see even more. On that note, don't trust my profile's list of favorite movies; most of it is untrue (except for number one); Tim Burton's movie is great, but it isn't my second favorite film...it isn't even my favorite take on the stories. Still, it makes for a fun world for watching/writing/reading, and now shall truly provide a great amount of laughter...I hope.

"Enough of this tomfoolery! Enough of this banter! ENOUGH OF THIS SAYING 'ENOUGH'!" Let the madness begin...!

Chapter I: The Phone Call

Jonathan Crane smiled to himself.

"Perfect," he hissed softly, as he held up an aerosol canister filled with his newest batch of fear toxin; he had developed a new form of the gas that would attack a person in their sleep, plaguing them with nightmares so awful it would very likely cause them to die in their sleep.

And the best part? No one would ever be able to trace the chemicals back to him.

He smirked, and carefully slid open the desk drawer; he had escaped over a month ago from Arkham, and was hiding out in the abandoned Haunted House of the old Gotham Amusement Park; the Joker had forsworn his ties to the territory, leaving it free for all sorts of scum.

Including the hobo, sheltered in the Hall of Mirrors, that Scarecrow planned to test his newest creation on the next day.

He chuckled to himself as he closed the drawer, filled already with two empty, unlabeled containers, and then sat back, spindly hands removing his glasses and safely tucking them in his lab coat pocket.

He leaned back and sighed, closing his eyes, listening to the rain outside. His mask and hat lay on the desk near him, and underneath his coat he wore his usual costume; he had yet to find any better clothes.

He smiled to himself...it was not a malicious smile, nor a deranged one. It was simply a smile.

"It's raining, it's pouring, the Old Man is snoring..."

BRRR-IIINNG! BRRR-IIINNG! BRRR-IIINNG!

Crane frowned and immediately lowered his arms leaning forward and grabbing the phone on his desk; it had been fairly simple to install, thank heavens.

Already knowing who was on the other end, he leaned his head in his free hand wearily.

"Jervis, how did you get this number?"

"Hello to you, too, Jonathan!" was the bright, crisp voice on the other end. "Up to anything new?"

"I just completed a new batch of special toxin. Does that count?"

There was a pause.

"Am I interrupting anything, Jonathan?"

"No," sighed Crane, grateful that he at least asked, "I finished it. What do you want, Hatter? It's..."

Scarecrow paused and checked the wristwatch on his left arm.

"...11:30 in the evening, and there's a storm going on. The Bat's still out, and he's likely to trace our numbers...that's how he caught you last time, remember?"

"Yes, of course, I do. Sorry about telling him about where you were..."

Crane, who had not been paying too much attention, now glared at the phone as if it had bit him.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

Jonathan Crane rolled his eyes, not really caring if he heard right or not.

"Anyway, I was wondering: would you be interested, perchance, in joining me for tea?"

"...Right now?"

There was a giggle on the other end.

"Of course not, silly! At 6:00, tomorrow, when the rain has stopped!"

Scarecrow frowned.

"I was going to test my poison."

"Well, can't you do that before or after you and I have finished?"

Crane sighed. There was no getting around this...

"Fine. Any particular reason?"

"Oh, not really..."

The frown deepened.

"Tetch, those three words have gotten us both into and out of the Asylum too high for me to count. What do you want me over for?"

"I have added a new film to my little collection, and I thought you might be interested."

Crane blinked.

"That's it?"

"Yes."

"You want me to visit you and...watch a movie?"

"...Yes..."

There was silence.

"I think I'll pass," Jonathan said, flatly, and began to hang up the phone...

"Wait, wait, wait!" Jervis yelled. "You might actually like this one!"

Crane sighed, reluctantly bringing the phone back up to his ear, pinching his brow.

"Why?" he growled, now VERY irritated. "What's so special about it?"

"This one was made by Tim Burton."

Scarecrow's eyes snapped open.

"As in...Sleepy Hollow?"

"Yes."

"And Vincent?"

"Yes."

"Corpse Bride? Edward Scissorhands? The Nightmare Before Christmas?"

"Yes, and yes, again."

A pause.

"All right, I'll be there."

"Frabjous! Until tomorrow, Scarecrow!"

CLICK.

Jonathan Crane sighed and hung up the phone.

In all honesty, he admitted to himself, he wasn't a fan of Tim Burton; anyone who made a film about the Bat was not high on his list of people.

Still, when a person who idolized Vincent Price, made films involving ghosts, zombies, and witches, and managed to make Cobblepot look more ugly than he already was made a film about the Mad Hatter's greatest pleasure, he knew one thing: the result would be absolutely priceless.

Maybe even better than testing his newest fear toxin...