Disclaimer: I own nothing/no one except the plot.
I looked at him and analyzed his features. His dirty blonde hair didn't appeal to me as much as your dark curls did. His green eyes had nothing on your chocolate brown ones. I compared him to you too much- but I couldn't help it. How could I not when you were just so perfect?
I made him feel like he was special to me, but to be honest he wasn't. He was just another set of lips and another pair of arms to hold me. But his embraces had nothing on your long, comforting hugs. I felt like to please you, I had to go and find the first guy I was the least bit attracted to. You told me to move on and I was lost. So I simply settled for second-best.
You were like an Indian summer in the middle of my coldest winters; you were that faint rainbow in the sky after the heaviest rain of the year. He was just a jacket for the winter and an umbrella keeping me dry in the storm. Every day I wonder how to get better since I've had you. You told me there's tons of fish in the sea, but in the sea, I couldn't find anything that even compared to you.
He leaned in and kissed my lips, but I tasted you. The kiss lasted longer than intended. I closed my eyes and imagined I was kissing you- the one I loved, the one I really wanted. I ran my fingers through his hair and felt a sudden pain strike through me like poison. I wasn't feeling your curls between my fingers and I opened my eyes, breaking away from the kiss. I was disgusted with myself.
You are truly the best I could've ever had. No matter what, your kiss sent sparks through me every single time. I missed that feeling, the feeling of you. I loved the way you told me you loved me, the way you said it with so much feeling. I actually believed you. But now I thought- if you did love me, why would you leave me? In a way, it was my fault. I didn't protest against it, I just let you go…
And I regretted it. How could I let you go? I let it all go without a fight- and it wasn't like me. But now the lesson is learned. I fell hard on my ass in love with you. And it forever left an impact on my heart. That will never change; I will forever have the guilt for not fighting for your love. I touched and I was burned.
I can't help my feelings. Every time when I'm with him, I think of you, I'm thinking of you. When I kiss him, I go into denial and force myself into thinking I'm kissing you. He goes farther than that without asking- and I still try and force myself into thinking he's you. All though you respected me enough to ask if it was okay.
Then I go into question mode. What if it was you? Would everything be different? Well yes, it would be because you wouldn't force yourself on me. What would you do if it were you spending the nights instead of him? You were always different- I'd wake up to you wide-awake and stroking my hair. I wake up to him asleep, snoring, and holding my hand. Second-best.
I wished I was looking into your eyes. But after time I had to accept that I wasn't; and never would again. Because you had moved on, but everything in me prayed and hoped that one day you'd realize what you'd done. I want you to bust through the door and take me away. Forget all our foolish mistakes.
Because in those beautiful brown eyes is where I'd like to stay.
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Too short for lyrics.
