The Pain I Feel Inside

I could see you, you were staring at me. But not in the way I wanted you to. The look you gave me was cold and emotionless.

Why? What did I ever do to deserve this?

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"Hey, don´t worry, life is just life..." That´s what you used to say to me. At that time you were so close to me. So close that I could feel your breath. Your smile was so warm, genuine and gentle. You stood beside me, defending me and showing that I was your and no one else´s. I can still remember your touch and your gentle fingers, gently caressing my face. I felt embarassed, when you looked into my eyes, your eyes were filled with so much passion and love. I felt like I was dreaming...

And I was. One day I just woke up to see the old and cold world. You were gone...you left me alone. And I had that feeling he would never return. Fear filled my heart, brains and everything. I was controlled by fear. Fear of losing you fovever...maybe? I don´t know, because I was too out of control. My lonely heart ached every night, when I went asleep alone, without you beside me. Every night I shed tears, which I was ashamed of. But I was really too weak to resist those tears.

And after the last tear had rolled down my cheek, I let myself fall asleep.

"Krad, I´m gonna leave now. I can´t continue this false dream anymore.

Goodbye..

Dark."

Goodbye..goodbye...those words echoed in my head. When I woke up one morning, a week after you had gone away, I saw that tiny piece of paper on the table. Beside the note, there was a black feather too. The feather was shiny and perfect...it truly reminded me of you. And the note...it made me cry, shed those silly tears again. You had left me...my heart was shattered into one million pieces. And the fact that I could never have you again, made me cry even harder.

"Why, Dark...why?"

Days passed and I started to live again. Just go out for a short walk or to get groceries. I started smiling again and greeting my neighbours again, just to pretend that nothing ever happened. When weeks went, I started to believe in it too. But I couldn´t deny that you still existed in my heart. And that the deep scars still remained. It was just that I couldn´t admit it.

Maybe it was that i never told you I love you properly? I never said it. But I thought you knew that I loved you, loved you more than anything. It was you, who made me a person, not just a cold statue, who I used to be. I believed in you, believed that you would stay with me forever..and longer. But you betrayed me. Betrayed me and made me die inside. And caused this pain, which I feel every second. Now, when I have realized, that I was the cause you left me...it´s enough.

I hear voices..they call my name. Krad..Krad..they whisper silently. But when I open my eyes, I see no one. How great, now I´m getting crazy too! I jump outta the bed and not even bothering to get dressed, rush out from my bedroom. When I open the outdoor, I can feel the breeze on my cheeks. The wind is blowing, like it was escaping something. I am escaping too. I can´t take this crap anymore. It´s my last goodbye for this world.

Daisuke...he was always so kind to me..smiling that gently smile. Satoshi...he..I just don´t know how he could bear to stay near me. But he just did. Thank you..both of you.

And you..I don´t even wanna think about you. I´m not even gonna tell you goodbye..you didn´t either. It means that we are the same, right?

The wind blows even harder here. I´m standing on the top of the chruch. The place we met first time. I remember it so well, I fell in love with you the first second. But I don´t wanna think about it, that would just make me cry again. That morning, when I saw your note, I sweared never to cry again. So I struggle against tears. I look down and see the sparkling sea. I see the moon shine on me, making me look like a shadow. That´s what I´m soon gonna be...

The last step. My other feet is in the air, waiting to fall down on the bridge below. I take deep breath and pull the leg back. I still need a second. I look around me and see the town. It´s so beautiful now, when no one´s awake. I smile the one last time and take the last step. Below me is only darkness and the sea, but I don´t fear. I don´t fear death.

I feel the wind against my face as I´m falling. There´s still twenty meters left till I´m gonna crush down on the bridge. Suddenly the wind turns me around and I see a pair of black wings. You...you came..Dark. I look at his face as he opens his wings and flies to catch me. His face looks sad and a tear falls down. I smile at him the last time and just whisper that I love him. I know he can´t hear it, but he can understand it. When he realizes that he can´t catch me in time, he starts crying. For one second I regret, what I´m doing. But it´s too late to fix it.

I hear him scream my name out as I see my end coming. There´s only one meter left and I know this is it. But I feel good. I know he loves me and regrets that he leaved me.

"Goodbye...Dark.."

I whisper the last words as I feel my body crush against the cold road. After one second everything´s black.

(Dark)

No, no! Please no, he just can´t be doing this. I can´t..I can´t live anymore..if he´s dead. I land softly down on the road. And I see him lay on the ground, filled with blood and bruises. I look at him and see his calm face. I turn him on his back and try his pulse. Nothing..just nothing. But..he just can´t be dead! Just can´t! I gotta help him...please..an ambulance!

"Dark...it´s too late." I hear Daisuke´s voice behind me. No, it can´t be. Tears are rolling down my face. It just can´t. But as I look at him I know the thruth.

"I know...he he´s" I can´t bear to say the word. It´s just too painful.

"Dead. I´m sorry Dark..." I turn to look at my best friend and I know he means it. I know I can´t stay here anymore. Just to see his dead body makes me almost suicidal. I bend down and look at him.

"I´m sorry...I still love you...Krad."