The Missing Years

At 36 he was a father. He owned his house; was in charge of 5 other people and he was not getting any younger. He could do this...how hard could it be raising a child? He was once one for goodness sakes.

According to the pediatrician, JJ would need shots every 2 months up to 6 months and then at one year. Oh, joy! Johnny hated needles and seeing them used on JJ was even worse. He was sure JJ, after all this, was going to hate them just as much as he did!

For the first few months and throughout the summer, Roy's daughter and Joann helped with the baby. The baby pretty much lived at their house when Johnny worked except for his days off. When school started back up Johnny had the experience of finding a live- in housekeeper/nanny. He asked Joann to help him interview people for that position and by the end of the summer they had agreed on a wonderful woman. Her name was Aida Bird; a middle aged widow, with part Native American heritage. Joann told Roy, the clincher was when she made fry bread for Johnny!. She soon became a part of the Gage/DeSoto extended family.

Too soon, JJ was 7 months old. Johnny was learning to see the world through JJ's eyes. Johnny was amazed and in awe at how intense JJ looked at or studied his toes and hands or when they would go on walks and just the sound of a bird chirping brought a giggle to his son. It seemed to Johnny that JJ was not satisfied with just a bottle any more and soon the pediatrician gave the okay for cereal to be introduced into his diet, Which also helped him sleep all through the night and that made dad very happy. All in all, JJ was an even tempered baby who hardly got fussy or cried...

Johnny was off the next 3 days, JJ and Johnny's plans were to go to a Powwow celebration that Aida had a part in. Aida had left the evening before.

"Man JJ what is it with all the drool!. I can't keep a clean shirt on you without it being drenched within the hour!" Johnny shook his head in dismay as he opened the drawer to pull out yet another shirt for JJ.

"Hey that's my finger you're chewing on! Ouch! you chomped down on that really hard. Darn it!"

And so the one sided conversation went for most of the day. Johnny was just getting ready to put him to bed and JJ was fussy. He started to cry and was just out of sorts. Johnny started to get a feeling in his stomach.

"JJ are you sick?" Johnny said as he started to check him out.

"Oh man you're feeling warm!" And fear started to wiggle into his thoughts. Of course this is happening on a Friday evening!.Johnny put JJ on his shoulder as he wailed with all his might. Johnny haphazardly started searching his bedroom then headed for the living room. Where is that baby book I got from the baby shower. As he fumbled around, books fell everywhere on the floor.

"Okay here we go …let's see here…7 months ….

At this time don't be surprised if your child starts to teethe.

Laying down the book, Johnny put his finger in JJ's mouth which was again immediately chomped on. Hmmm...maybe...hold it, yep a bump on the top and wait another bump on the bottom. No wonder he was being fussy!

"Oh man they are red poor guy! Here we go let's see ... Okay put a wet washcloth in the freezer... Okay and… hmm maybe if I get an ice cube until the washcloth is frozen...let's see how that feels... better?" JJ didn't protest the numbing cool of the ice cube.

"Oh man, JJ all I want to do is put you down but you don't want to lay down. You want to be held." He continued pacing and bouncing his son while rubbing his back in soothing circles.

Man this is going to be a long weekend!

Walking over to the phone he called Roy's number.

"Roy, hey… uh….listen I … is Joann there?... oh she is having a girls night out….. okay, um yea, that's JJ you hear…..yep he always did have good lungs" Johnny switched ears with the receiver while he shifted JJ away from the phone hoping it would help him hear Roy a little better.

"What's that?" He asked just as JJ renewed his yelling..."well he is teething...and Aida's gone for the weekend and Roy... …teething… he won't let me put him down…... do what!.. what? ….. is that okay? You're sure?" He almost couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Yes I know you have 2 kids…. I didn't mean… uh huh… okay, thanks Roy….yeah thanks."

He hung up the phone and turned his attention back to JJ.

"Okay Junior, let's see how you like this," Johnny said as he walked into the kitchen and reached for a bottle. Sticking his finger in the shot glass.."Lets see how..oh you do?.. dontcha? I may be in trouble by the way you're taking to this rum on my finger! Now wait a minute….Roy said..I have to rub this on your gums. There now...okay, yes…does that feel better? Good!... I may need some of that too!"

"Finally" he whispered, "you're a sleep." He softly walked over to JJ's crib and leaned down. " Ahh Man! Almost had you down!" Wearily, Johnny stood back up placing JJ on his shoulder and started pacing and patting him again.

"Okay, I guess you can lay on my chest…. I'm just gonna.." He continued talking as he headed towards the hall closet. "Where is that wrap thingy I got from Chet?" I may have to call Aida. I saw her using it a few times..Found it!..Okay, hmm it looks ... odd but at the same time. Johnny figured out how to wrap the large triangle of cloth... "Now we're talkin'. Hey! This isn't bad at all! Its comfy and leaves my hands free, well junior, it's a good thing I KNOW how to tie knots!"

Four hours later...

"Hey Guys! Come in is everything okay? ….We were just getting ready for bed!. So is my niece going to be able to stay over tomorrow and take care of the horses? We will be back by Sunday evening.

Both looked at each other as they made their way into the kitchen. Roy and Joann had expected to be met at the door with a frazzled and exhausted Johnny. Roy sat at the kitchen table studying Johnny "Oh here we wanted to drop this by, its teething gel. We thought we better bring it tonight so you could uh get some rest. Joann came in a second later and had a worried expression on her face.

"Where's JJ? I went to peek in his crib and he's not there."

"Oh,.. he's right here... in the wrap,.. asleep."

Johnny grinned as he opened the wrap so they could see inside thus exposing a sleeping JJ. As Jo and Roy looked at JJ, Roy shook his head.

"Well I'll be...Chet got that as a joke...It's called a Mei Tae …. like the drink?..but...it really works," he said in disbelief.

"Man I wish they had that back when the kids were younger!"

Johnny looked at him with a gleam in his eyes "well...putting his hand on the wrap for emphasis, "these wraps have been around for ages, Roy in some form or another. For example, the Native American women used a cradle board or papoose. I'll have you know that mothers have always used wraps in Africa,Asia and Archeologist have even found pictures on walls dating back to Egyptian times."

Roy stared at his former partner.

"What?" John asked with a toss of his head. "I ..I looked it up in the encyclopedia."* Johnny was met with two big smiles. "Okay, Looks like you have everything under control so we are heading home to bed!".

The next morning, Johnny and JJ headed out bright and early. Armed with teething gel, lots of frozen wash cloths in the cooler and their camping equipment. Within a few hours they entered into the camping area on the outskirts of the Pow Wow. Johnny set up the tent, fed and changed JJ made himself a bite to eat and headed out. They were just in time for the Grand Entrance, Johnny had fashioned the wrap so that JJ was facing the same way as Johnny. JJ started to kick in time to the beat of the drums. An elder was passing by and smiled, "We may be looking at a future Fancy Dancer!". Johnny smiled to himself . Looking around he soon spotted Aida. Aida's costume had tons of tiny bells on it which JJ loved! After watching Aida compete she convinced Johnny and JJ to join her for a few dances. As the day progress and they were bedding down, being lulled to sleep by the beat of the drums. Memories flooded Johnny and he smiled down at his son and thought about his heritage and how he would enjoy sharing this part of his life with his son. And just maybe JJ would be the next Fancy Dancer!.

JJ's first birthday was fast approaching, just a few days away, and Joann had stopped by Johnny's to see how the plans were going. Joann looked at Johnny.

"So, I figured with everyone's lets see... I figured at least 56 people give or take, don't you? We should have great Spring weather on that day. We can come early and help with setting up and getting the cake and everything ready." She was smiling and lost in thought of her nephew smiling as he looked at his first birthday cake.

Johnny just looked at Joann with a blank stare. "I,.. uh… just figured I would have a barbeque with you guys, Aida and a small cake."

Joann looked at him with a surprised expression.

"Johnny this is a milestone in JJ's life. This is a big thing! don't tell me you didn't read about how important it is in the baby book." Joann shifted her gaze. "Aida, why didn't you explain to Johnny how important the first birthday is?"

Aida, who had just walked in from the back yard, shrugged her shoulders, "In my family it was just my husband and my daughter... not a big celebration."

Looking back at Johnny, "Weeellll, I pretty much just referred to the book for medical stuff, not all that mushy stuff" Johnny said defensively. "I take celebrations seriously…Jo, .. I do… but.." How could he explain? Taking a deep breath, he began, " it was just me and my parents when we celebrated birthdays or any holidays for that matter and after they passed.." His voice trailed off..."I mean my aunt celebrated my birthday and holidays too but then it was just me and her. Would it be okay if it was just us? Is that okay?"

Joann looked at Johnny and smiled, the way he talked it sounded like the insecure young man he was when she first met him. "Of course it's okay. There are no set rules Johnny." She said as she gave him a hug. "So what time do you want us to come over?"

JJ's birthday day came on a beautiful spring day with temperatures only getting to the upper 70's. Roy and Joann and their daughter arrived shortly after 3pm. Chris was away at college and studying for finals. Their daughter was in a bad mood and she announced to no one in particular that she was going for a ride on HER horse and would be back by 5. "If that was OKAY with everyone!" as she stomped off heading for the barn.

Joann looked apologetically at Johnny, "We just had an argument, she got asked out to Junior Prom and well its taken us by surprise, some of us are in shock". Johnny was still hanging onto the word boyfriend, And missed the look Joann had given Roy. Roy didn't look very happy.

"Roy!.. guys" Looking at both of them, "have I met this guy? Was he at her 15th birthday party? When did ...she's too young to date….. are you going to….. wow,"

" Wow, is not the word I would use ..For me she is too young"

Then Joann announced, "well... she did just become a women."

As this news sank in, Roy shot his wife a look of surprise and then his face turned a shade of crimson. Johnny open and quickly closed his mouth without uttering a word. Aida and Joann just giggled like school children. Roy finally squeaked the words out.

"Okay Joann, now I AM going to be worried!"

Johnny added. "Here I am worrying about JJ getting his new outfit dirty before you guys saw it! Oh man!" Looking back and forth at his best friends. "Guys, come in and grab a drink, JJ is still sleeping , so go, sit out on the back porch and try to relax. I'll be right back. With that he headed for the barn.

His niece was standing by her horse, she had been crying when Johnny walked in. Sniffling she looked at him, "Oh man, I'm sorry I yelled out there, I don't mean to ruin Jjs party! Swiping angrily at her eyes...its just.. I think mom understands but dad... dad is so stuck in the dark ages!, I am 15 and a half, well, almost.. and he is so cute" He asked me! Me to Junior Prom I am a sophomore! Its a chance in a life time! All my girlfriends are soo jealous!. Mom and dad are saying I'm to young and I will have plenty of boyfriends and I have 2 years to go to my prom". Johnny looked at her and in that moment he wasn't seeing a 5 year old anymore but a young women. Clearing his throat.. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay and you know...patting the horse ..uh..maybe you are young" rushing on before she could get a word in "this has just taken us all by surprise including me... so can you give us a little time to get used to this? Looking straight into her face, you know we are just doing this cos we love you.. Right"? Nodding her head and giving a small smile, "I won't be long...and Uncle Johnny?...I know, Thanks." As he watched her leave the barn he thought, "Oh Man... oh man!".

After the meal was eaten and everyone sang happy birthday to JJ. Lots of pictures were taken as they watched him take big hand fulls of cake getting some in his mouth but mostly all over the rest of him! Aida and Joann both picked him up and said they would soon be back with a clean baby. Everyone was relaxing on the back part of the large wrap around porch, JJ was dressed in his pajamas and was busy slobbering on a teething biscuit, He had almost 7 teeth by now. Johnny showed off JJ's new outfit and shoes; claiming he was going to be walking with in the month. He was already pulling up and even letting go for a fraction of a second. The words were just out of his mouth when JJ did just that and then let go and fell backwards off the steps. It took a second but in that second JJ started to choke on the biscuit. Johnny's mind froze and everything went into slow motion. Roy jumped into action and carefully turned JJ over so he wouldn't aspirate and stuck his finger in to clear his airway but he was still choking. Roy couldn't grab the piece of biscuit lodged in JJ's throat. He yelled, "Johnny call 911 and grab your first aid bag". Aida informed Roy she was on the phone with 911. She relayed what Roy was saying and she informed 911 dispatch that he was qualified and knew what to do. Johnny couldn't breathe it was like he was in a fog, looking at Roy he willed himself to react to what Roy was saying to him. He grabbed his first aid kit. With the long tweezers, Roy was able to grab the biscuit. By the time the EMT's arrived JJ was breathing on his own and wailing at the top of his lungs. Roy and Johnny were able to give vitals to the EMT's and JJ was transported to Rampart to be checked; just to make sure he hadn't aspirated any crumbs or have a concussion from his fall. Roy drove Johnny although he really wanted to ride in the bus. He was now experiencing what every parent felt – guilt, dread and anxiety all at once. He was yelling at Roy to keep up with the EMT's and "to hell with the lights!"

An hour later, JJ was transferred to the Pediatrics ward for observation. A very weary and shaken Johnny pulled up a chair next to his son's bed and defied anyone to kick him out.