609. "When the elevator opened, you can bet your ass that the last thing I was expecting was you on your knees with a ring and a mariachi band. Who even are you and why would you propose like this?" AU – ft. Nicholas Fury and Phil Coulson, + Honey Best


Phil shifted uncomfortably as he held the box of Honey's belongings. The black woman had been very insistent on him bringing it up for her, while she watched over the rest of her boxes which were 'in no way touching that elevator floor' while she was alive and kicking. He'd tried not to be nervous at the gleam in her eyes. Phil himself was, according to Sitwell, 'low-key terrified' of the woman, as much as a fully-trained SHIELD agent could be terrified of a civilian, so did as he was told. Honey was moving from Phil's floor, from the apartment beside his, to a larger, more spacious apartment across the road with her boyfriend.

In reality, he was very glad for her, that she could be with her partner. In reality, Phil was relieved that the boisterous woman would finally stop ordering him to join her for pie every Tuesday because she 'wanted him to eat something better than take-out'.

Seeing that he was about to enter her floor, he reached into his pocket for the key, and thought he heard the opening strains of some trumpet piece, before the doors to the elevator opened and-

"Marry me, Honey."

Phil blinked, looking at the mariachi band now in full swing, dressed in full costume while a man in a crisp, sky-blue oxford shirt knelt on one knee with a diamond ring displayed in one hand.

"…oh my god, you're Honey's boyfriend." Phil said in a strangled voice, hands tightening around Honey's box as man's eyes widened, the box lowering as he stood abruptly, turning to the band,

"Cut, cut! It's not her!" He turned back to Phil, looking flustered, "Where's Honey? She said she was bringing her stuff up."

"She sent me instead," Phil said in a strangled voice, before the elevator dinged and he quickly jumped forwards, sliding through the shutting doors, breathing oddly. "Why would you propose like that?" Who was this guy, anyway? Honey hadn't even mentioned his name…

"She knew. She fucking knew," the guy didn't reply, glaring at Phil suddenly. "Where's Honey?"

"Still back in her apartment."

"Fuck that, she's probably watching through some hidden camera," the man growled, looking around. "This is why I didn't date." Phil watched as he took out his cell phone from a bag, dialling in what he assumed was Honey's number, their ensuing conversation prompting Phil to drop off Honey's things to her apartment.


A week later, when he met Director Fury for the first time, neither Phil nor Nick mentioned the meeting outside of a, "Honey's bragging about her new ring" and "As she should, it cost a fucking fortune".

Later, when they reached the point in their friendship that blackmail wasn't a serious matter between them, Phil made sure to use the Mariachi Engagement Party as ammo.