I've done wrong. I know that much. I know I'm not as bad as everyone said and I need to get my side of the story out. I wasn't just some homewrecking whore. I'm a real person and this was all a mistake. I guess I should start from the beginning of it all.
I was married to James Reynolds. At the time he seemed like such a kind man, I was wrong. I could never do anything right according to him. I would do my best to make the house look good, I would dress and act how he wanting and it was never good enough. He would always yell at me. That was the nicest thing he did. After awhile he became physical and abusive. He wouldn't let me out of the house because if people saw any marks on me he thought it would bring shame to the family. I wasn't the one bringing shame, It was him and he knew it. After awhile he couldn't take it anymore. He was sick of me. "I'm sorry! Please don't leave me, I need you!" Was the last thing I yelled before my husband left me.
That was the last time I saw him. I loved him and just like that he was gone. There was nowhere for me to go. Or so I thought. News came around that a very kind politician lived just on the next street. His name was Alexander Hamilton. Many people talked about him so I gave it a shot. I went over to his house in hopes that he would help me or point me in the direction of someone who would.
I was in luck that day and he happened to be home. A handsome man opened the door. He was.. Perfect in every way. One thing though, I felt so bad when I saw him. It looked as if he hadn't slept in months. I asked him for help and he offered me a loan. It was my only chance. It was either that or lose everything and live in the slums. I was not willing to let that happen.
After we had a short talk on his porch he offered to walk me home and I happily accepted. I mean, what lady wouldn't let a handsome guy like that walk them home? After the short walk back to my house he said he should get going but I invited him in for a rest. He was clearly tired, I didn't know if he would make it home. I offered up my house to him for the night since it was getting late and he quickly accepted. He needed a rest, A break from whatever work he had going on at the time. That's what I was to him at first, A break.
He kept coming to my house every few days. He said it was just to check in on me but I knew he really just needed an excuse to get away from work. I was fine with that. He was great company. We just sat down and talked for hours. It was.. A great time for me. It made me have hope again. It made me feel happy though clearly that didn't last long.
After a few weeks he came to me wanting more. His wife was away and he had no one who could please him. Something about him made it impossible to say no. He just looked at me with those dreamy eyes of his and I fell instantly. I became someone he came to whenever he needed pleasure after that. I didn't refuse anything. It was nice. Someone finally depended on me. It wasn't the other way around.
This little affair he had going on kept happening even after his wife came back. I couldn't stop it, I didn't want to stop it. I knew it was wrong. God knows I did but I had nowhere else to go. He was seeing me and his wife didn't suspect a thing. That poor woman. I've never gotten to see her myself but.. I've heard she's a lovely lady. If she ever reads this I want to say sorry for everything I did.
I still hadn't heard anything from my husband until one day came barging into my house without warning. He was furious yet I didn't know why at the time. Hamilton started yelling about some letter my husband had sent him. Somehow he found out about me and Alexander and made a plan. He was to blackmail him, Force him to pay him or tell his wife about what me and him had been doing. This would have left him helpless but if he left me I would have been all alone again. I would have been helpless.
He was convinced I had something to do with the letter but I swore up and down that I had nothing to do with it. I don't get why to this day he's convinced I was lying. I loved him, I needed him and yet he grew to hate me for something I knew nothing about.
I did my best to beg him to stay. I begged him to pay my husband what he wanted so he could stay with me, So I wouldn't be left alone again. I look back at it all now and think, Maybe it would have been better if he left me. I would have been hurt but it couldn't have been as back as everything he put me through.
He seemed so kind but inside he was really a monster. He stayed with me but he became a terrible person. He was rude, Bossy and after a while became abusive. It was as if my husband never left.
Why didn't I go and tell Elizabeth what had been happening after everything he did? I was afraid. He wouldn't stop. After I told everyone, What would have happened to me? I needed him. I couldn't lose someone again, Even if he was as bad as the person who left before him.
I've started thinking, Maybe it's my fault everyone left me. I guess I did all this, Right?
After this went on for a year he ended it, writing to me once and awhile. After a bit even the letters stopped. I was alone once again. A letter came shortly after he stopped paying. It was a few dollars he could spare. After a while I was finally getting my life back together. It took years but I was finally getting somewhere.
I thought I could actually make it until he messed everything up for me once again. It came to my attention that he had published something, The Reynolds pamphlet. It destroyed me. I read it in horror. He made it seem like it was all my fault. It wasn't. He lied about me. I won't stoop down to his level. None of this is a lie.
After it was published I couldn't go anywhere without being called terrible names, Whore being one of the most popular. I am no whore. I did what I had to do to survive. Anyone would have done the same. I had been broken once again.
I decided it's time to take my life back. This is the last time anyone will hear from me. I am moving far away and making a life for myself in a place no one knows me. It's the only thing I can do now thanks to that man.
If this gets to anyone from the Hamilton family all I can say is I'm sorry. I know I've done wrong. Everything I did was wrong.
If Alexander reads this I must say, Sir you've messed up. You thought this would clear up your name but you were wrong. You destroyed yours and many others lives.
To everyone else who reads this and actually believes me all I have to say is.. Get that man off his fucking throne
Sincerely,
Maria Reynolds
