The Scheme of Things

I do not own Naraku or Sess-homaru. Though their genetic clones are my sex slaves...but that doesn't matter at this particular point in time.

Naraku is standing center stage with that pretty stage light directly above him. Someone in the audience asks their neighbor if they have a tissue. Naraku doesn't play any attention & speaks

" Hi." He holds up his hand as a gesture of greeting." My name is Naraku as you should very well know..."

"Hi ya!" another male(the audience can only take my word) has also come into the light, interupting N, as we will call him. "And I'm Sess-homaru!" He gets those scary, happy, anime eyes he gets sometimes & waves... excessively. N raises an eyebrow in discomfort & confusion.

" Yes, he's my flat-mate, & another of the main characters in the story." N looks away from Sesshomaru & back at the audience. "In this story Sesshomaru & myself are British... well, Author hasn't figured that part out yet. But, she promised us as well as you that she will inform you of her decision as soon as she comes to it." Sessy giggles. N rolls his eyes looks in Sessy's general direction."Yes, what is it?." He keeps looking. Sessy smiles an evil smile & speaks.

"You said cum." He again goes into a fit if giggles & N sighs. The audience then hears a loud crash from the outside of the light & a curse of 'Damnit!' And many, 'owchies'...s. N looks in the direction of the sound(to his right) & sweat drops, cause unlike you, he can see who it was.

" Another thing is that we are to be dreadfully out of character & of completely opposite subcultures, in my opinion." Intake of air, cause N said this all in one breath. He is about to continue telling you to please enjoy the story when a hand reaches into the light. It has purple blue & black nail polish & A HIM ring with various other rings & bracelets. This hand will be the distinct calling card of Author. Korn-Korn, as we will call the hand is also holding a small piece of paper. N takes it & Korn-Korn disappears. " It says that Author would like to inform you that any resembalance between original characters, as well as Mary-Sues i..." He is cut off by an inraged Sessy.

"Mary-Sues my ass! Im not gonna fall for some blonde skank! I'm getting out of here." He trys to leave but is thrown back by the outline of the light & falls flat on his ass, propped up against the opposite outline. He cannot leave, he's stuck till the story is done. Author cackles evily from her place in the audience. Naraku again sweat drops & looks down at the now unconcious Sessy.

"O...k." He pauses for a moment, trying to take it all in. "As I was saying, resembalance is coincidential & we are to be british flat-mates in our mid twenties. Sesshomaru works at a book store & I work at, a... sex, shop." He has taken on a very annoyed expression. He than looks at Authors place in the audience. He clears his throat, looks back down at the paper, then looks at Author again. "Sex shop?" He still looks annoyed but he raises an eyebrow. Author giggles nervously.

"Um... I thought it would be funny?" Theres a surfer dude/ hick undertone to it. N glares daggers & crumples up the paper. He begins talking in a hurt voice.

"We are pleased to be preforming for you & would like to ask you to please enjoy the show.!" A single embarassed tear falls from his eye & he looks with an emotion I can't describe, at the crumpled wad of paper in his hand. The emotion is kind of sad, embarassed, nervous, hurt, scared at the same time...UNCOMFORTABLE! Thats the one, uncomfortable.

Naraku picks up the unconcious Sessy & drags him out of the light. He can leave cause he had good intentions. Another, unfarmiliar person walks into the stage. The person walks into the light & squints at the sudden change in brightness.

"Um, hi!" She waves uncomfortably at crowd. " I'm Author, I would liike to tell you what Naraku did not." I look down at my feet."First of all, I'm not British, nor am I blonde, or Canadian, or even Quasi-British. Though I was a mod on a personality test once." I look up in thought. I then look back at audience as though just noticing you were there. "Hi... N was so sad because he also read that he was gay. Sue me, I'm a slashy fan." All exhasperated, I huff & cross my arms." I will also be bashing hippies & anarchists, cause I hate them." I glare, then smile wickedly, then look back at you." Hi, It's not because I like the government, just because I can't stand the ignorant people that say 'shitted' instead of 'shat'." I now smile really corny like. "Ok... enjoy my fic & all that crap!"

See! Mary-sue, self-insertion, I put myself in the story. Not not all Sues are bad, are they N & Kitten-moo! There will be a shit load of crossovers & just know that I don't own the majority of the characters. Although some personalitys have changed." Looks over at Raven, who then waves back with bloody body(& cloths) washing bloody kitchen utensils. "I've created a monster." I shake my head in shame."But, I do own Angel...& maybe Jon, but I haven't decided." Stares into space questioningly. The reason is because One day I realized my imagination didn't have nearly enough Jay Gordon in it. You can't have a story without enough Jay Gordon...or Ben Stiller, but anyway. I created Jon off the top of my head to be a homosexual, Orgy lover(the band, perverts)! And my wish was granted, Jay-be for me & you to share...wait, no, he's mine. Jon looks a bit like Jay & is a fashion bitch like Jay, & wears make-up like Jay, but he's not. Hes 7 inches shorter(5'9) and thinner & 23 years younger(15), so if he is or not, you decide. Well anywayON WITH THE SHOW!