Hello everyone! So I apologize for beginning this story and then suddenly abandoning it for a while. Honestly, besides school and work and the usual business of life, I wasn't happy with the way I structured/began the story. So as you can see, I'm going back and revamping it a bit before we really get on our way.
Things that are the same:
The story still takes place in the pokemon world, with the familiar characters, with certain aspects dedicated to accuracy, however there are many twists I create-obviously-but also, I'm trying to create and underlying complexity to the characters. With that being said if you see any changes within a character's personality, be patient, as you will probably understand that they are they way they are because of something that has happened, or that is currently happening, to them.
I'm really going to try and stay maintain the main aspects of a character's personality. After all, reading fanfics is all about seeing the characters we know and love just in different settings. We don't want different people/characters we don't recognize, but we want to see their likeness in our imaginations, handling circumstances every reality brings (i.e. love, hate, anxiety, family, friends, fear).
People are always changing because of life experiences. We cope, we learn, we suffer, we love, we're hurt, we're redeemed. Hopefully you'll be able to catch glimpses of these things within this story. Here's the full summary.
Full Summary:
Ash is the world's most powerful Pokemon Master, but at a price. After years of annihilating his opponents, the bargain he's made for his power is catching up to him and he disappears, changed. Five years go by and old friends continue to search for the boy they knew, but instead they find a man, twisted and dark; possessed by a strange power that has tainted his heart and his pokemon. Meanwhile, Serena has been healing the pieces of herself shattered by Ash's betrayal, but soon she realizes she's need to help find Ash and bring him home before his soul is lost forever.
Five years ago.
Ash wasn't used to being afraid. He had learned to suppress that feeling—to suppress a lot of feelings—which could inhibit his potential as a trainer. Fear, in general, can prevent a person from taking chances, or can even cage a person within a comfortable routine, one that blinds before certain dreams grow acknowledged. This new, sudden fear made Ash uncomfortably ill in his gut. It left him cold with a numb paralysis. He had never felt it to this intensity before, and he has stood before Pokémon that could kill him with a breath; with the tap of a talon.
Yet, here he sat—tucked within a cheering crowd, a decorated arena before him, and the contest about to begin. Ash grew pale. He choked back a breath, which threatened to reveal the emotion caught up in his veins.
"Um, are you okay?" Bonnie asked, tapping the young trainer on the shoulder, as if she were trying to prod him out of a strange dream.
Ash replied with a faint reassurance. It seemed good enough for the young girl, who redirected her attention back to what had become the source of all the cheering, and Ash's growing unease.
Down below, Serena stood gleaming in the spotlight as a deep voice announced her entry in to the showcase. Her hair, though short, gleamed like a dark burnished-gold reflecting the awe of many men beholding her as she stood dressed in an azure gown, white gloves covering her pale skin up to the elbows, and pearls adorning her neck.
She waved. Her eyes pierced through the crowd, and Ash knew she was searching for them. His head throbbed. He suddenly hated the way other men were looking at her, and he hated seeing her so exposed within such a large arena of competitors desiring her defeat.
It wasn't that he didn't have faith in her abilities. Ash knew Serena was a good competitor. She was strong, and could handle loss. No, this unidentifiable fear came from the demolition of a barrier Ash had placed between him and the world.
His calculating distance, the one that allowed him to stay free of commitments, to roam the world without a longing for permanence—the one that had allowed him to walk away from anything—
He felt that shattering at the sight of a girl.
Ash began to fall in love 7½ months ago. He hadn't realized it back then, and he still didn't know how it happened. All he knows is that during a typical picnic—during a typical day of traveling— he woke up from a nap and saw her.
Actually saw her.
She was lying down in the meadow, while Clemont and Bonnie fed their Pokémon. With Fennekin curled up on her stomach, Serena took to reading some book about showcase technique; her thick then-long-hair spilled over the stone she had propped herself up with.
Ash stared for a long time. His eyes moved from her legs, up the lines of her profile, and back down her hair. For some reason, he felt compelled to walk over and twist his fingers up through her loose waves. He wanted to feel the softness of the gold on his skin. The thought made him flush, and he let out an irritated grunt.
Then he pushed the feelings aside and fell back asleep.
That was it.
xxxxx
Ever since then, it became increasingly difficult for Ash to ignore himself. He could feel his stomach dropping whenever she brushed up against him. He could tell when his eyes were searching for her within a scene, or when she was searching for him. He even began to dream about her.
In his dreams, they would both be under a tree, his head resting on her lap while she played with the front of his hair. And they would just be talking about things he never remembered.
For a while, it was all very innocent. Ash would just dream that over and over again. It wasn't until later on that he began waking up in the middle of the night panting, covered in cold sweat, because of the nightmares; ones where he would loose her in some cave or ravine, or where she would be kidnapped, or where she would leave him to pursue other things and other people.
Ash hated it. He hated every way his body reacted to her—the way his thoughts gravitated around her—everything.
One night, after tossing and turning for hours, Ash sat up from his sleeping bag to rid himself of the remnants from the last dream. With heavy blinks, he looked around the camp.
The last of the fire hummed in a dull, red glow beneath the charred wood, and the stars could all be seen above him. Pikachu snored harder than all the rest, and Serena was smiling in her sleep.
Ash watched her, wishing to know what she was smiling about. He pushed back his hair and shook his head. In the dark, he could only see the outline of her figure tucked within the sleeping bag. Stray strands of her hair, thick silver cords in the moonlight, fell across the ivory skin beneath the pale night. She looked unearthly to Ash. She looked surreal.
Ash remembered the sudden horror he felt when Serena opened her eyes, as if she had sensed being watched. Ash froze, not knowing what else to do. He could feel the blood leaving his limbs, conjuring at his face.
"Ash?" Serena whispered, yawning while her eyes grew wider with consciousness. "Ash, are you okay? What's wrong?"
Everything was wrong. Everything.
"Nothing," Ash said, and he tried offering her a small smile but it looked more like a grimace, "you should go back to sleep."
Serena looked at him, without saying a word, for about two and a half minutes. Ash returned her stare, his heart beginning to retain its natural rhythm. Her blue eyes coolly assessed him, and they calmed him. They were so unassuming; so innocent of suspicion. It was hard for Ash to stay anxious. He loved the way she trusted him.
"You should go back to sleep," he repeated.
"You first," she said, smiling.
Ash smiled back. "Okay,"
And he fell back on to his sleeping bag, but his eyes never left hers. Even lying down, he could still see her above Bonnie's small form, which separated the two.
He couldn't remember when he stopped staring. He couldn't remember when he closed his eyes. He couldn't remember when he fell asleep.
The showcase ended. Serena walked away with second place, losing in the semi-finals. It was a huge accomplishment considering the competition. Ash knew she'd be thrilled.
He followed Clemont and Bonnie, both chatting easily as the three weaved through the halls flooded with people and Pokémon in all sorts of bright colors and ribbons. Pikachu scurried on to Ash's hat, squealing to the others when he saw Serena and Sylveon up ahead.
"I see them," Bonnie exclaimed and ran up to embrace Serena's waist. "You were so beautiful and awesome and gorgeous and—,"
"Thanks, Bonnie, you really think so?" Serena asked, unsure of herself.
She was always so unsure. At times it annoyed Ash, but mostly it amazed him. It had occurred to him sometime ago, that Serena didn't even know how talented she was. Ash wondered what had made Serena so insecure. Part of him wished she would be more confident in herself, but he knew that was a, somewhat, selfish desire.
Ash knew that Serena's complete unawareness of her strengths made her so extraordinary. She was so humble. That's what drew Ash to her. He hadn't ever met anyone so oblivious to their own beauty. He wished she would get more confident so that she could stop being so blind to the effect she had on people. Maybe then he could take back his heart while he still had a chance.
"You were great," Ash said, maintaining the supportive friend façade. He gave her a thumbs up and tried to calm his heartbeat when she blushed in response.
"Come on guys, I'm starving," Clemont broke in, "let's get something to eat."
Everyone smiled and agreed.
xxxxx
On the way to Snowbelle City, it was clear that something about Ash seemed off. Serena watched him with concern while he continued to push his Pokémon to train, even as the snow picked up. For the past few days, all he could talk about was training or winning or gym battles. Everything else seemed to leave him uncomfortable and distracted.
He was avoiding something.
Serena knew him too well. She knew Ash had a tendency to use battling as a way of hiding himself within the security of his talent as a trainer. All she could do was wonder what he was hiding from this time.
Coming out of the woods with an arm full of wood, Serena gasped at the sight of Ash's Pokémon passed out in the snow. Whatever Ash was running from this time; it certainly wasn't just the fear of going to bed without dinner. No, it was worse than that.
"Come on, guys! Get up! We need to be ready if we're going to face Wulfric tomorrow!" Ash exclaimed, rubbing the temples of his skull.
"Ash, don't you think you've trained enough for today?" Clemont proposed with his usual nervous laugh.
"Yea, it's getting dark anyway," Bonnie added and helped Serena with the firewood.
After dumping all the wood in a pit they made in the snow, Serena went over to pick up an exhausted Pikachu. The small rodent curled up in her warm arms and shivered before falling in to a deep sleep.
"Ash, you should be careful. You and your Pokémon could catch another cold," Serena said, offering him a nervy smile, "of course, I wouldn't mind having to take care of you again."
Ash made no response. Without another word, he returned his Pokémon, went in to his tent, and passed out.
"Something's wrong," Bonnie remarked and looked at Serena.
"Oh, just give him some time, I'm sure he's just stressed about this match," Serena smiled, stroking the young girl's hair to reassure her, but Serena couldn't quite reassure herself.
The next day was the match. Then came the loss.
Ash was beside himself. He stormed off in to the woods, the others calling after him. He even left Pikachu behind.
"What is wrong with me?" He groaned in to the snow as it continued to fall hard on to the ground.
He collapsed on to a log, panting.
It didn't take too long for Serena to find him. She always did. Ash always wanted her to, but kept trying to deny it. He tried to deny it now. He tried to blame her for his loss—for distracting him.
"Ash, what's going on?" Serena asked. She stood a few feet away from him, a clenched hand over her heart. She seemed hesitant to approach.
"I lost,"
"That's not it,"
Ash looked up. She stared him down.
"Something's wrong. You've been acting strange."
"Strange, how?" Ash tried to shrug it off, adjusting his cap. "Look, I lost a match. I'll get over it."
"Ash…"
He stood up and turned away from her, still messing with his cap, taking it off his head and examining it. Her voice pierced him, like a thin sword slicing the veins below his heart. He wanted her to go. He wanted her to stay.
"Look, I don't need you. I'll be fine."
Serena said nothing.
For a long time, he stood there with his back turned to her. It wasn't until he heard a sob that Ash whipped back, only to watch her running away.
The tears, freezing off her face, struck Ash in tandem with the snow.
xxxxx
That night, Ash grew disturbed. He had nightmares, and he kept sweating with that same, unidentifiable fear.
"Stop it," he began muttering in his sleep, shaking his head back and forth as though he were hearing some voice in his mind. "It's not true."
Pikachu, awoken by Ash's restless shifting and muttering, immediately scurried on to Serena. The small Pokémon jumped and nudged her face until she stirred out of sleep. She opened her eyes to find Pikachu's bright cheeks inches away from her nose and shot up, startled.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Serena gasped, holding the small creature in her arms. She heard Ash crying out in his sleep. Leaping out of her sleeping bag, Serena ran over to him. She put her hand on his head and felt the heat perspiring from his skin.
"He's burning up," Serena breathed, and Pikachu worried at her side. She began to shake Ash awake, gently calling out his name. She didn't want to shock him.
"Please, come back," Ash kept saying, "come back, come back, come back."
Serena kept calling out to him, and the nightmare passed. Ash woke up.
She watched him regain consciousness. Her face flushed with a strange mix of hurt and relief. She reached for his hands, and pushed back a thick clump of damp, black hair away from his face. He seemed dazed.
"Oh, Ash, what's wrong?" Serena bit the inside of her lip. Her face grew even more red at the boldness she displayed to comfort him. She kept his hands in hers, and continued stroking his hair whenever it fell back on to his face.
"It was just a nightmare," he muttered, still unsure of his reality. Had he fallen in to a dream? Was Serena there with him now? Even after all of his apathy, and the arrogant density, which led him to believe he could learn to not feel—would she always be there? Would he?
"No, Ash. No," Serena shook her head fiercely, her eyes beginning to brim with tears, "talk to me. You're not okay. Something's wrong!"
The night filled in around her. The trees looked like black, toxic barbs against the dark winter, but the water in Serena's eyes reflected the moon with bright, detailed clarity. Ash lost his resistance in their water.
With a trembling hand, he brought his fingers to Serena's cheek, catching some of the tears before they fell from their vessel.
And Ash let go, but not of Serena.
"I'm sorry,"
"It's okay, just tell me what's wrong?" Serena pleaded.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said. I wanted you to stay."
"Wake up, Ash!"
"I'm awake!" He shouted and he kissed her.
He didn't know if he did it right, he just went for it. He kissed her in the dark, and he could feel her shock on his lips. He felt her tremble beneath his hands, and felt her tears on his cheeks, and he moved his arms around her waist, as hers snaked behind his neck, and he drew her in close.
And Serena smiled.
