Author's Note: I haven't read any Naruto canon in like six years, so I was going to stick to AU's, but this is technically an AU, so... Yeah. Basically one of those terrible, what-if, scenarios. Sakura-centric, not really a ship. I had an idea at work and it wouldn't let me go. Except an aftermath of this drabble centering on Sai sometime tomorrow when my eyes stop doing that awful blurring thing. (Also the long title for this is "we remember everything [in my heart I know I've failed you, but you left me here alone], which is from Five Finger Death Punch's song 'Remember Everything'. Go watch the video and listen to the song. Mega sad, man, mega sad.)
Dedication: To all the clothing cleptos in the world, who wrap themselves in the things of others' because they love them and need them near during times when hugs are out of the question. I am one of you and I understand.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except this awful idea and it's not even that original.
When Sakura receives the order she goes straight home. She goes through the front door and locks it behind her, because secrets travel fast in the village and she doesn't have time to waste. But despite that, despite the fact that she's already hours behind, despite the fact that she might not catch up even if she tries, she still takes the time to lock the door, to peel her clothes from her body, and to dress herself again.
Vanity is something she left behind in her genin days. It's been years since Sakura bothered to run a brush through her hair or worried if her shirt was wrinkled or her skirt was stained. Her priorities lay instead in her teammates, her friends, and her village. But that is not the case now.
Now she takes a moment to dig clean bandages out of her bathroom, to wrap them in straight, even layers around her wrists and thighs. She brushes her hair and then smoothes it back so that the uneven ends of her pink hair brush her collarbone gently as she turns her head. Her drawers are pulled open as she digs out the black pair of shorts Ino left over once before she takes the time to pull them on in such a way that the clean bandages don't bunch or shift.
The weapons pouch she pulls on is Sasuke's, from before he left. The black sleeve-less mid-drift baring shirt is Sai's, borrowed during a mission and never returned, wider in the shoulders than she is but tight around her chest. She brushes her hair again after the shift is pulled over her head, smoothing her hands through it mechanically, and then digs out the skirt Hinata had left behind on accident. The skirt is from the same night as Ino's shorts, a night that had been filled with the sake and laughter flushed faces of her friends. It is white where Sakura's usual skirts are pink, but it is clean and free of rips or tears, basically brand new. Sakura runs her fingers over it, tracing the edge slowly before turning to retrieve Naruto's gloves. The pair she pulls on is one that he had thrown at her face once in a cheap attempt at distraction after accidentally insulting her and they are worn and battered, almost too big as they slide over her fingers, but she feels something settle in her chest as snaps the clasp around her wrist.
The second to last thing she grabs is Kakashi's weapons. She doesn't plan on using them much, hasn't had the need for such things when her fists work so well, but they were Kakashi's and, just as she does with all the others, she needs a bit of him to take with her. They go into Sasuke's pouch and once it's snapped closed she takes the time to pull her headband on. The metal engraving is centered over her forehead and the knot is tied tightly and evenly at the nape of her neck. She runs her fingers through her hair again, focusing on the motion, even though it will become tangled and messy in her run. The last thing she pulls on a pair of boots her Shishou bought her for her birthday, black and sleek and not yet torn up or dirty.
She both does and does not recognize herself in the reflection in the window as she leaves the house. Her back is straight, her hair is curled slightly at the end, but her face is so solemn, so serious. Dark clothes, dark eyes, she looks more like a true ninja than she ever has before, even though she has forgone the jounin vest she was given over a year before. But she will forgo the vest, forgo all types of protection and formality if it means she can pretend for a short time that she is surrounded by those she loves, wrapped up in their possessions and things as if they are all wrapped around her at once. She burrows into their love and pretends, just for a second, that everything will be okay. But then that moment passes and Sakura takes the window out of her apartment and turns toward her destination.
Despite her orders and even more despite his, Sai meets her a block away from the gates. His eyes travel the length of her body, pausing for a second longer on the shirt as if he recognizes it, but he says nothing about her clothes, about her hair, or about the obvious care that went into her change. She likes to imagine his eyes soften, but he is Sai, the least likely person to understand her motivations. And yet he is here, standing in front of her, about to help her commit an act that borders on treason. She closes her eyes, breathes deeply, and tries to memorize the moment, the sounds and smells and feeling of Konoha as a whole.
"Hag," Sai says. His voice is not soft or sympathetic and Sakura has never been more grateful for that. He also does not touch her, as someone else might. All he does is speak, his eyes trained on her when she opens hers, blank and quiet.
"We have to go."
"I know," she answers quietly. "Lead the way."
Tracking has never been her strength and neither is it Sai's, but Naruto had not been trying to hide when he had set out from the village. They follow his steps, pushing themselves harder than they ever have before, and when what is left of Sasuke's team appears before them Sai drops to meet them without pause, without question, leaving her to leap over their heads and continue forward. From there she follows the obvious path of destruction, her heart pounding in her chest.
Her boys are in a clearing, one she suspects had not been there before they had started their battle. One stands to one side, dark and menacing in clothes she does not recognize, and the other across from him, orange jacket strangely nowhere to be seen. Both are charging their attacks, arms drawn back, and both are bleeding from various points on their bodies.
Naruto's control has slipped on the jinchuuriki and the power Orochimaru has given Sasuke has gone to his head. They are past words, past stopping, and Sakura is not surprised. She has known their lives would come to this moment for six years and while she is not surprised she is still disappointed and heartbroken and aching in a way that reaches past her exhaustion, past everything else. Her presence goes unnoticed and when the boys leap at one another she takes a deep breath and does the same.
There is no Kakashi to intervene this time. Haruno Sakura is dead before any of her boys can shout her name in alarm.
