A/N: This story is the result of the many random conversations I have with my friends. Naturally, details of the conversations are changed for comedic purposes.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chelsea Lately or any animes or celebrities or whatever that I reference during the fic.

"And now… your favorite show for gossip, drama, and some semblance of talking about current events and serious topics… it's… Himizu Recently! And here's your host, Himizu!"

Himizu walked out onto the stage, wearing black pants, knee-high black boots, and a flowing silky looking green, blue, and purple shirt. She nodded and smiled to acknowledge her audience, her dyed black hair fluttering around her neck trying in vain to reach her shoulders. She reached up to adjust her black and teal glasses and her blue-gray eyes sparkled with delight.

"Hello everyone!" she called out cheerfully. "Give it up for my panel… Risu!"

The young woman with long golden-brown hair and wearing black pants, a black Natuto t-shirt, and several necklaces glared at the camera in a way that suggested she would eat their souls, then suddenly turned around and hugged a squirrel.

"Ryouko!"

The young woman with the longish blonde (not white, but less brown that Risu's hair) ponytail wearing jeans and a teal tank top waved to the unseen audience.

"Hiei of Yu Yu Hakusho!"

The short fire demon glared at the camera and flipped it off.

"Shikamaru of Naruto!"

The lazy nin glared at the camera and held up his hand to block the camera from focusing on his face.

"And let's not forget my assistant Gir!"

The tiny robot from Invader Zim raced in screaming something incoherent about monkeys and waffles.

"So our topic for today… celebrities who cheat on their significant others! I'm sure we are all aware of celebrities like Tiger Woods and Jesse James who are absolute sons of bitches and do not deserve the women they used to be with, and by that I am of course referring to their legal wives, not their string of mistresses."

"I agree," Ryouko said, nodding very professionally. "Poor poor Sandra Bullock and Elin Nordegren," she said, shaking her head. "And Hiei, you better not do anything like that to me!"

Hiei, who had been absentmindedly twirling a pencil, sat up abruptly when he heard that. "Um, what? Excuse me? We are not together! What are you talking about, woman?"

Ryouko shrugged innocently. "Well I had to say something to make you talk, otherwise you would have just grumbled about how you have no idea what we're talking about and tried to go hide in your dressing room."

"Well I DON'T have any idea what you're talking about… I don't give a damn about your ningen celebrities and I have no clue why I'm on this show in the first place."

"You're on this show because Ryouko and Risu and I felt that we needed two anime guys for balance and you were the obvious choice and Shikamaru is here because he's a smartass and we suspect this will be the best combination, so please just try to participate in the debate!" Himizu yelled at him from her place at one end of the table.

"What I don't understand," Shika grumbled, "is how these guys can muster up the energy to cheat even once. I mean, what the hell? So much work… gotta call them up, gotta go to a hotel or their place or whatever… I mean they've already got wives, what do they need all these other girls for? They got what they need without ever leaving the house."

"Shika, not everyone is so lazy that they'd love to spend their entire life living in their bedroom without even walking to another room in the house!" Risu yelled at him.

"But still, cheating with that many women seems like it would be unnecessarily difficult," Shika pointed out.

"Gir, you did some research for us… let's see what statistics you came up with," Himizu suggested quickly.

"I found out that 95% of all bacon wants to be part of my sandwiches!" Gir screamed.

"That's fascinating… and completely irrelevant," Himizu pointed out.

"Yeah, we didn't ask you about bacon or sandwiches," Risu exclaimed.

"Ohhhhh… which survey did you want again?" Gir asked.

"The one about the celebrities who cheat on their significant others, dear," Himizu reminded him gently.

"Oh yeah, I stored that one in my head!" Gir screamed.

"Well then get it."

"Why is there a can of tuna in your head?" Ryouko asked, craning her neck to peer at the tiny robot.

"Cuz I ran out of room in my leg! It's full of toast!" he yelped.

"Um… ok…" Ryouko said, looking confused.

"The survey please, Gir," Himizu said patiently.

"Ohhhhhhh yeahhhhhhh! Let's see… the numbers I collected say that 93.68% of celebrities cheat on their significant others!"

"Wow… those numbers are rather shocking…" Himizu said, eyes widening.

"What is wrong with those people?" Shika muttered. "They all need to try relaxing now and then."

"Oh my god Shika, drop it already!" Risu jumped to her feet and screamed at him.

Kurama walked into the stage area. "Where did you pull those numbers out of? They're utterly ridiculous and completely false."

"Didn't you know? 86.1% of all the facts on this show are made up on the spot! Including that one!" Risu exclaimed cheerfully. Himizu nodded sagely.

"She's right you know."

"This is insane, and I refuse to be a part of it!" Kurama exclaimed.

"You're not really part of it though, you're just the guy we consult on random occasions when we need someone smart-sounding to give us credibility," Ryouko pointed out.

"Why can't I do that? Then I wouldn't have to put up with you people as often," Hiei complained.

"Because, dearest, we want you here because we know you'll make the program fun," Ryouko said, throwing an arm around his shoulder. He glared at her, but didn't bother to shrug her off.

"And now let's go to the phones! If you've got an opinion you want to share with us about today's topic, please call us right now at 446-4981. That's Himizu-1 in case you were wondering, as in Himizu is number 1, bwa ha ha ha ha!" Himizu exclaimed. (A/N: Please don't call this number, I just made it up to make that joke about me being number 1, I refuse to encourage prank calling.)

"Oh this oughta be good, hearing from a bunch of dumbasses who don't really know what we're talking about but they have strong opinions anyways and they feel the need for some kind of feeble recognition for just a few moments," Risu muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Oh hush your mouth, don't insult our callers," Himizu snapped. "Oh, we've got someone on the line. Caller, what would you like to say or ask?"

"Um, I just want to say that Naruto is a huge cheater. There's no way he should have been able to pass any of his ninja exams," the caller said.

Shika's eyes narrowed even more if that were possible. "I recognize that voice. That's Neji."

"Neji, I think you've completely missed the point of this episode," Ryouko said. "It's about cheating in a relationship. Unless you're going to tell us that Naruto does that too…"

"Um… yes! Yes, he absolutely does! He cheats on the person he's with all the time!" Neji exclaimed.

"And would that be his relationship with Sasuke or the one with Hinata?" Risu asked, leaning towards the phone.

"Both! I mean… wait! No! No, he is absolutely not with my cousin! Of course it's Sasuke he's cheating on!"

"Mhm, and who is he cheating on Sasuke with? Hinata? Does he swing both ways?" Risu demanded, jumping to her feet and slamming her hands down on the table.

"Damnit, I told you he's not with my cousin! He's cheating on Sasuke with… Gaara."

An army of demonic fire-squirrels bearing pitchforks and swords appeared all around Risu. "NEJI YOU SON OF A BITCH, HOW DARE YOU SPREAD THESE FOUL LIES ABOUT GAARA! I'M GOING TO KILL THE CRAP OUT OF YOU!"

"You're still at the studio, I'm watching you on TV."

"Yes, but little do you realize that I've dispatched Gaara to your location!" Risu screamed, laughing maniacally.

"You… what? Oh god! There's sand everywhere! WHAT'S HAPPENING?" he screamed. "Oh god someone help me! Gaara, I didn't mean it, I swear! You were the first person I thought of! I'm sorry!" There was a long drawn-out scream and then the sound of the phone cutting off.

There was silence for several seconds, then Himizu shook her head. "Well, that was entertaining. I'm sure everything will turn out fine there. And it looks like we have another caller! Caller, what do you have to say about cheating?"

"Yes, um, my left eyebrow is cheating on my right eyebrow with my left eyebrow!" the caller exclaimed.

There was a long silence. Surprisingly, Hiei was the first to speak.

"Who the hell is this nutcase and what is he talking about?"

"Rock Lee?" Shika finally said.

"Yes! It is I, the great Rock Lee! And my eyebrows are renowned throughout the land!" he exclaimed.

"Your left eyebrow is cheating on your right eyebrow with your left eyebrow? What part of that sentence makes even the least bit of sense?" Ryouko finally exclaimed.

"It's a metaphor!"

"Bullshit!" Risu exclaimed. "You're an idiot!"

"Well… no… no, what I meant to say was the left one was cheating on the right one with the hair on my back!"

"You have hair on your back?" Himizu asked.

"Yeah… lots of it!" Lee exclaimed proudly.

"Ewww…" all three girls exclaimed together.

"Lee, with a revelation like that… Sakura will never want to date you now," Risu pointed out.

"NNNOOOOOO!" Lee screamed. "HOW CAN THIS BE? I MUST FIND A WAY TO MAKE HER SEE THAT I AM THE ONY MAN FOR HER!"

Himizu quickly reached out and hit the disconnect button. "And that's all the time we have for today! We'll have another delightful topic to discuss next week, with marvelous inputs from our panel and from our guest speakers and callers! Have a wonderful night everyone, and until next time!" She stood up and waved to the camera. Then Gir jumped up and grabbed the camera lens and put his face right up against it.

"MONKEY! MONKEY!"

A/N: Hope you enjoyed, please review!