Chapter 1: Regret


The guilt was all-consuming in a way that Blaine would never have thought possible. It came crashing down on him like a broken wave and the sensation that he'd swallowed a mouthful of salt water was almost palpable. Once, twice, and again for good measure, he'd brushed his teeth, scouring his gums bloody, but to no avail; the bitter aftertaste of regret continued to gnaw at his palate. It was as though some tiny, little demon had settled into his bones and was determined to create as much havoc as it could, creeping its way through his body and unhinging him at every turn. But through the deafening buzzing in his mind, one word screamed above the rest, setting itself relentlessly into his consciousness.

Coffee.

His hair twisted from his scalp in unrestrained curls, seeming to take this detox from their usual smothering of gel and hairspray as an opportunity to reach for the sky. And, in fact, any other angle that was convenient. His clothing was as unkempt as his hair; a drab, grey tracksuit that displayed the rumples to suggest that he might have actually slept in it the night before. But had anyone made such an enquiry, he wouldn't have been able to tell them; his stumble to the car that morning had been a blur, topped only by the even hazier blur of the night before. It must have been years since he'd left the house in such a disheveled state, paying no more regard to his appearance than he had the flashing E for empty on his dashboard. But he'd chugged his way to the Lima Bean, just like his car, determined that a good refuelling was just what he needed.

"Perfectly styled hair, cutting-edge fashion..." a sarcastic voice dripped, leaving Blaine with no uncertainty whatsoever that the only drip he needed right now was in his coffee. "You must be a Warbler." The harsh scraping of wood against stone indicated that Sebastian had dragged up a chair, the splintering cry of the pine as intentional as the unnecessary proximity that caused his knee to rub against Blaine's. A subtle shift from the latter ensured that a few inches of space were regained.

"Oh come on, Anderson. The cold shoulder? Really?" Blaine could feel the other's eyes on him, but his own were focused on the flimsy lid of his coffee as though he'd just discovered how interesting the properties of polypropylene were. "Bit of a juvenile move, but at least I'm safe from cutting myself on your wit today."

"Not now, Sebastian," Blaine urged when he finally summoned the strength to lift his gaze.

Something changed in Sebastian's expression then, a transfer of energy as simple as the shifting of his weight, a slight tilt of his head and altered angle of his curved lips. Subtle, but Blaine didn't miss it. He might have even mistaken it for concern, had it been anyone else on the planet sitting opposite him. But it wasn't. It was Sebastian Smythe and the closest he came to emotional attachment was to his first cup of coffee for the day. There was air of uncertainty that hung stagant between them (or was that just Blaine's imagination?) and he recognised that it was something in his own tone of voice that had brought about the shift.

"Looks like you could use it more than me," Sebastian said as a thin finger drove into his coffee cup and pushed it across the table towards Blaine. "But if you want a shot of Courvoisier, you'll have to add your own." He was muttering something about new management and enforcing regulations, but his complaints fell on dead ears. The boy who wasn't listening was instead gripping his second coffee like a lifeline. He sipped at it until the cardboard became lighter, the sound hollower as he placed it back down on the table.

Silence ensued.

In the silence, he could hear an unspoken challenge and knew that the other was waiting for him to fill it. But time stretched on and eventually Sebastian's patience waned. He was a stranger to compassion and sympathy of any sort, so the next words out of his mouth fostered little surprise. "If I'd realised you were going to be just as much fun after you'd drank it, I wouldn't have wasted my coffee on you. I guess three sixty-five is the going price for optimism."

"Guess so," Blaine echoed, as hollow as the cup.

Sebastian gave a light scoff and rolled his eyes. The fact that he was still sitting there despite the blatant rebuff meant that he wanted something and Blaine wasn't entirely sure he was keen to find out what, exactly, that was.

"You're lowering the mood of the entire neighbourhood, Anderson," he criticised. "You look beat. Or—" His eyes twinkled mischievously. "—perhaps the problem is precisely the opposite, that you haven't been." A stranger to emotion, perhaps, Sebastian had always been an old friend to innuendo. "If a bit of uncomplicated stress relief is what you're after, I have a solution you might be inter—"

"Not now, Sebastian," Blaine pleaded, his tone brokering no argument.

Except for the fact that this was Sebastian Smythe he was dealing with and there were very few people who broke the rules better than he did. There certainly wasn't anyone who enjoyed it more. All too aware of this inconvenient character trait and decidedly not in the mood for it, Blaine pushed his chair back and rose quickly to his feet. It wasn't in his nature to be so abrupt, but he was quickly coming to realise that his nature was something distinctly less known to him than he'd realised.

He was out the door before he even registered that he'd left his sweatshirt behind, hanging limp on the back of his chair, but not even the chill of the morning breeze was enough to turn him back.

And it wasn't like a flimsy jumper could taper the chill, anyway. It had already seeped into his bones.


A/N: Hi Guys!

This is the first fic I've written in years and the first one I've written for this fandom. I'm quite out of practice, but please don't hold that against me! Hopefully things will gradually start to improve as I get back into the swing of things. Any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. If you've noticed a spelling or grammatical mistake, or there's something else you think could use work, please don't hesitate to let me know!

As far as this chapter goes, I'm sorry that it's short, but I'm just trying to figure things out for the moment. The next chapter should have a bit more depth to it.

Thank you readers!

~ pandorical