Okay, this was done as a favor for a close friend, don;t bite my head off.
There're probably an ass-load of these things out there, but here;s my take on things.
File 1: Branding and Karma.
Kuchiki Byakuya was many things, poised regal, elegant to a fault, a living example that most shinnigami are to set stock by and not so secret heartthrob of several women, and men, of the soul society. His younger sister, despite her noble upbringing, was not so inclined if you caught her alone, no doubt remnants from her Rukongai origins, something she shared in common with Byakuya's 2nd seat, Abarai Renji.
Speaking of his lieutenant, the regal captain was currently looking for him, as the redhead had yet to submit his report for this years budget. Asking around had revealed he'd gone to visit a tattoo parlor again, no doubt adding to those ridiculous markings he had all over himself.
'Who on earth tattoos their eyebrows?' the normally reserved captain wondered with honest disdain. It wasn't that he despised Renji, the man was an able lieutenant and knew his place, and he just couldn't understand why the man was so desperate to stand out. He'd admit the fact Renji had achieved Bankai was impressive, if not to the man's face, but the bulky thing was too unwieldy at the moment to pose no more than a hindrance to someone of his caliber, as he'd explained at the captains meeting when the subject of promotion had been brought up.
But valuable subordinate or not, there was something about Abarai that annoyed the 6th division captain to no end, and that was the fact that he was always dashing off without finishing his work, meaning Byakuya had to pick up after him.
Well not this time, Byakuya had an appointment with another clan head later and was damned if he was letting Abarai keep him from it.
--
Upon contemplation, whilst backtracking out of yet another dead-end alleyway, Byakuya seriously regretted his decision to ask Zaraki's 5th seat for directions. He'd actually begun to suspect the Okama had something against him for a few minutes after the third dead end, but shrugged such ludicrous thoughts aside. He'd never so much as spoken to the man before, let alone crossed him.
The one good thing that came form the slight diversion towards the 11th division was that Zaraki had been mysteriously absent from the 11th division barracks, which meant he'd gotten out of the madhouse without issue…save for a hastily hurled bag of candy he'd brought to distract the pink haired 11th division lieutenant.
Adorable and young though she may be, Byakuya was NOT letting Zaraki's ward anywhere near his priceless scarf again, it had cost a small fortune to get it repaired the last time she'd gotten her grubby meat hooks on it.
Noting that he was running late, the head of the Kuchiki clan finally deigned to ask a passing 4th division member, the ever clumsy Yamada Hanataro as it turned out, for directions. The plain looking 7th seat was more than willing to guide the vexed captain towards his destination, provided Byakuya stopped glaring at him so coldly first.
Unfortunately, the healer's request came far too late, and he passed out in a puddle of his own drool from the weight of Byakuya's reiatsu, which he'd been subconsciously emitting in his ire.
Stepping tenderly past the drool with a frown of disdain, Byakuya made a mental note to speak to Unohana-Taichou about disciplining her troops. What good were they if they couldn't even give directions when ordered?
Leaving the boy to the tender mercies of a passing squad from 11th division, Byakuya continued on his way, reigning in his reiatsu to prevent any more unwanted fainting spells.
--
Byakuya was a patient man but after being led on a wild goose chase for over an hour even he was wearing thin. It was already coming close to the deadline he'd set to track his wayward lieutenant and if there was one thing he looked down upon it was a lack of punctuality, especially in himself.
He made a mental note to have Zaraki's 5th seat flogged, or at the very least set about cleaning the sewers of Seireitei along with that bumbling eyesore Hanataro. They had cost him time he didn't willfully spend and would pay the price for it, even if the latter had been unintentional.
He nodded as he passed Jidanbou, the giant saluting respectfully as he entered Rukongai, finally giving the captain the directions to find Renji. The giant was also a former resident of Rukongai and knew the streets well, with his simple directions it wasn't long before Byakuya finally found himself standing in front of a shop on the edge of Rukongai, where Abarai apparently frequented when he felt the need to add to his tribal markings.
In Byakuya's vaunted opinion, the store was nothing spectacular, but then again nothing in Rukongai could compare to the Seireitei…except for a restaurant his lieutenant had claimed served the spiciest foods in all soul society. Byakuya had scoffed at first, but had since become a regular patron every other day, slipping out in disguise after a tedious day of captain's duties or a particularly strenuous clan function that had weighted on his nerves. Nothing calmed you down like a bowl of curry that could set your breath alight, in Byakuya's opinion. Plus, it was a guilty pleasure to watch Renji's face light up like a baboon's ass whenever he ordered the man to sample some of the…spicier wares.
As it were, the only thing Byakuya intended to administer to his lieutenant was a healthy prod up the backside as he dragged him back to Seireitei, though he made a note to stop by the restaurant after the function that afternoon to settle his nerves.
Gripping the handle of the door he slammed it open, glaring impassively into the shop with a look that had actually caused a Hollow to faint from terror. It promptly changed to a look of complete bafflement as he was faced with his lieutenant's bare backside, the tattoo artist and Renji staring at him in alarm as he stood in the doorway "What-?" Byakuya began, only to notice that the artist's pen was hovering over Renji's ass cheek, eyes widening as he red the words 'Property of Kuchiki-' written there.
"Um…Taichou…" Renji stammered, noting the look in his captain's eye with no small amount of fear "This isn't what you think…"
Byakuya looked his lieutenant in the eye, his face settling in a look of calm that belied the raw anger in his eyes as his reiatsu began to build up like a geyser..
"…Chiré…"
--
It was later that day at the Kuchiki mansion, scant minutes before the function that was to be held for yet another family trying to marry off their daughter to the clan head or one of their sons to his sister.
The sister in question, Kuchiki Rukia, blinked as her brother brushed past her, knowing from the feeling of his reiatsu that, despite his calm features, now probably wasn't the best time to ask if she could visit Renji after the function. If anything, she doubted her Nii-sama was in a mood to tolerate this attempt with his usual decorum.
Rukia blinked as a hell butterfly hovered trough the window, recognizing it as Renji's from the lightning-bolt patterns decorating it's wings as it deposited a message in her hands, returning to the barracks were it belonged. "Huh? He cancelled out date?" she wondered, looking at the letter in confusion and no small amount of annoyance "He said he had something to show me too" she muttered with a growl "that idiot."
She blinked, looking up as one of the servants asked for her to follow them, a look of mild terror on his face. Apparently Byakuya wasn't in a very patient mood after all, from the sounds of things this attempt may very well be the last for a long time to come.
Sighing in exasperation, Rukia shook her head and walking off to sit alongside her brother at the function, hoping that one-day Renji's bad habit of skipping out on things would come back and bite him in the ass.
--
"Yumichika-san…" Hanataro called out, waving at the reclining 5th seat of the 11th division urgently "Um, I don't think-!"
"It shows." Yumichika cut in, filing his nails as he shot the nervous young man a look of derision "Now get back to work you little urchin, or I'll tell Unohana-Taichou you were slacking off."
"But Yumichika-san!" Hanataro insisted, waving his arms urgently in a wide circle "You don't understand! You can't sit there!"
"I can and I shall!" Yumichika countered waspishly, repositioning himself for emphasis as he glared at the impudent 4th division 7th seat "If you think I'm lifting a finger to help you clean this filthy place you've got another thing-eh?"
Hanataro sighed and shook his head, waiting for Yumichika's screams to die down as a torrent of garbage, sewage and, well, waste, dropped down on top of the 5th seat like divine karma, before turning his back on the pile and getting back to work. Either way it wasn't his problem, the man had ignored the warning signs about the chute and Hanataro still had quite a lot of work to do.
Besides, there were another three loads on the way tonight, better to wait till then before even attempting to dig the transvestite out…if he remembered to that is.
--
Any good? If so, please let me know.
Pal? You got your story, call off the hitman.
