Everything Wrong with The Land Before Time IV: Journey Through the Mists

in 7 minutes or less

Spoilers!

(duh)

Narrator: Millions and millions of years ago...

Okay! We get it! (ding)

Narrator: The weather, the plants and the animals were beginning to transform.

And thus began the Dinobots. (ding)

Narrator: Still, despite life changes happening in the outside world, life in the Great Valley remain the same.

What is the Great Valley? The Garden of Eden? (ding)

How did Spike get in the leaf pile without them noticing? There wasn't much time for him to do so. (ding)

(Grandma washes Littlefoot's face with her tongue)

Couldn't Littlefoot have washed his own face in, oh I don't know, the f*cking water? (ding)

(a family of turtles are seen swimming while Grandpa speaks)

Grandpa: They're a migrating herd.

Littlefoot: Migrating?

What was the point of the turtles in that scene? Was it to illustrate something migrating? If so, it's about as evident as the two ornaments falling off the tree to show independence in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. (ding)

Grandpa: Littlefoot, why don't you lead the way?

Okay, I know Littlefoot saw them come into the Great Valley, but how does he know where they're going to next? Why have him lead? (ding)

Grandpa: I'm fine, Grandma. Really.

(she moves on, and Grandma begins to look worried)

Oh s*it. No I'm not. (ding)

Old One: Now tell me how is your climate?

What a way to greet somebody. (ding)

Littlefoot: Cera, would you miss me?

(Cera stutters thinking about it)

Well, don't think too hard about it! (ding)

Cera: If you really want to know...you have to catch me first!

What's that going to prove? (ding)

Ali: Want to play with me, Littlefoot?

Littlefoot: Sure.

Ali: Great! Not it, you're it!

(she pecks Littlefoot on the cheek)

Scene does not contain a sauropod lap da...oh, f*ck it. That's FanFiction stuff.

Cera: And I'm Cera. A threehorn, of course.

What made Cera decide to declare what kind of dinosaur she is? (ding)

Cera: Well, it just so happens that threehorns can be VERY scary. Rrrrr.

(Ali hides her head under Littlefoot)

Cera's face alone is enough to frighten anyone. (ding)

Cera is teeny compared to Littlefoot in this scene. (ding)

Cera: She's not scared. She's stuck-up.

Hypocrisy. (ding)

Littlefoot: Ah, gee.

(Ali starts making weird faces)

(Littlefoot cracks up)

Weird faces always make anything better, don't they? (ding)

Petrie: Where Littlefoot?

Cera: Over there. (annoyed) With *her*.

Ah, jealous are you Cera? Remember that you're a triceratops. (ding)

Littlefoot: The night flower?

(members of Ali's herd chatter) The night flower. Yes, golden peddles.

What the hell are they chattering about? (ding)

Grandma: Who will take me to the night flower.

(everyone backs away)

Ali's herd are dicks to Grandpa. (ding)

Old One: It is too dangerous.

It's too dangerous cliche. (ding)

Littlefoot: I want to help you watch Grandpa.

Grandma: You can help me by getting some rest.

You can help by not helping cliche. (ding)

Is that the young pterodactyl who offered Littlefoot his cherry in the first movie? If so, I'd be down for knocking a sin off. (reversed ding)

Ali: I'll go. But we can't take the others.

Littlefoot: Huh?

Ali: See, if we take them, it'll only slow us down.

Yeah, we all know that's the only reason. (ding)

Cera: (mimicking Ali) Oh, Littlefoot, I'm afraid! You're friends are so scary!

Cera is still a brat. (ding)

Double rainbow all the way across the sky! (reversed ding)

Littlefoot: I'm Littlefoot!

(his voice echos several times)

Ali: You can't be down there if you're up here, can you?

Littlefoot: I don't think so.

Haha...wait, is that really the first time they've heard an echo? (ding)

Cera: She probably made that story up.

Ali: I did not!

Petrie: What we do now?

Ducky: What do you think, Spike?

Why are Ducky and Petrie even questioning if Ali's telling the truth? Did they really think that she and Littlefoot might be playing a prank on them? (ding)

Cera: (frustrated) Ooh...OOH.

My response to you, Cera. (ding)

Littlefoot: Hey, you don't have any teeth.

And that automatically makes him harmless. (ding)

Archie's snout is green in this shot. (ding)

(Archie tries to move a rock)

First of all, that rock is stuck in the ground. Second, you might want to focus more on rocks that are piled up on each other rather than ones that aren't even blocking your way. (ding)

(Dil appears)

Wait, why didn't Dil nab Littlefoot earlier when she saw him trapped behind the rock slide? Maybe because her vision is blurry, she didn't really see him, and was only smiling because she remembered a funny joke or something. (ding)

Ichy: I need you like a cold in July

Did any of the songwriters realize that the calendar hadn't been invented yet? (ding)

Others: Littlefoot!

Littlefoot: Archie! It's my friends.

If Littlefoot can hear them from the other side of the wall, why doesn't he try communicating with them? (ding)

They're both pretty slow, so how did Archie get so far ahead of Dil? (ding)

Ali: Can I help, Cera?

Cera: Sure. Stay out of my way.

You can help by not helping cliche AGAIN! (ding)

(Cera charges forward, causing a huge hole in the rockslide)

Holy s*it! Have I underestimated Cera this entire time?! (ding)

(Petrie's teeth chatter)

Petrie: Me not afraid. Me terrified!

I'm still questioning why Petrie has teeth. (ding)

(the fog clears, making Cera visible)

Littlefoot: There she is.

So much for...

Ali: If you get lost in the mists, you stay lost. (ding)

(a herd of struthiomimus charges toward Littlefoot and his friends)

Revenge of Ozzy and Strut! (ding)

(it begins raining)

Littlefoot: There's a tree we can hide under.

Trees are as hard to find as dinner for Ozzy. (ding)

Dil and Ichy came all that way down just to attack the gang? I'm sure there was food closer than them. Do the kids just look like running middle fingers to the predators in these movies? (ding)

(Ichy's eyes bulge out for a brief second)

Ichy: How nice, dessert.

What was up with Ichy's eyes there? Did he have the binoculars from the VHS cover implanted into his head? (ding)

Cera: Hey guys! You don't have to worry anymore! Ali and me are friends!

Weak. (ding)

Cera's size keeps shifting in parts of this movie. Knowing that, I must not have been underestimating her. She just grew to the size of a rhinoceros when she busted the hole in the wall. (ding)

All: Take all sorts

(the song ends and the shot pans up to a sunset sky)

Wait a minute, is this the end? What about Littlefoot's grandpa?

(after the screen fades to black, it fades back to Dil looking at the audience angry)

Oh, well sor-ry, Dil. The shot was panning up to the sky at a high note. It felt conceivable that the film was ending. (ding)

(Dil bites through the last bit of tree stuck on Ichy's neck, causing a lot of dust to fly)

What's with all the dust? All Dil did was bite part of a tree. (ding)

(the dust clears revealing a hilarious shot of an angry Ichy, cracked eye pupils, wings on hips, crazy feathers and everything)

Hahaha! Even Anne Robinson just busted a gut. Remove 2 sins. (2 reversed dings)

Littlefoot and Ali switch places while sleeping. (ding)

(Tickles grabs Dil's tail, and she doesn't notice)

Dil's tail is as numb as that of Tom from Tom and Jerry. (ding)

(Petrie and Ichy fly in opposite directions trying to get the other to let go of Ducky, stretching her out in the process)

Duck-O-War. (ding)

Spike: Ducky!

Holy s*it! He speaks! That was awesome, take another 2 off. (2 reversed dings)

Ducky falls slower than Nod does. (ding)

(Dil smacks Ichy with her tail, and he gets sent flying like a dart in a steady line)

This is funny and all, but couldn't Ichy have just flown out of dart position? (ding)

Ali: Goodbye, Littlefoot. I know we'll meet again someday.

Well, of course. With so many sequels on the way, you're bound to show up sooner or later. (ding)

Ali: Well, goodbye.

(Ali's eyes are red in this shot, when they're supposed to be blue)

Woah, I thought that was Littlefoot at first. Pay attention to eye color, guys. (ding)

Movie Sin Tally: 47

Bonus Round:

Screams

+2

+2

+2

+1

+1

+1

+1

+1

+1

+1

+1

+1

+1

+1

+1

+3

+5

+1

+1

+1

+1

Movie Sin Tally: 77

Sentence: LOST IN THE MISTS

Ali: If you get lost in the mists, you stay lost.


In case you were wondering, the original VHS cover for the movie did in fact feature Ichy holding a pair of binoculars. Inside gag or anachronistic blunder? You be the judge.