Don't Talk to Strangers: A Blue's Clue fanfic
by joeanne
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This is sort of a sick bizarre little story idea I had. This
is not to be taken seriously, and I really do love Blue's Clues.
Check that, I specifically like Steve and the cute show is really
just a side benefit.

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As always, it was a bright, cheery day in the world of children's
television programming. In a quiet little suburb of Sesame Street
and Mr. Rodger's Neighborhood was a little yellow house with purple
framing and a red tile roof. Normally this combination of colors
would send any "Good Housekeeping" aficionado running in terror, but
the preschoolers found it comforting and that was all that mattered.

Steve, last name always withheld, stared out the window of his cheery
home. Any minute now, his puppy Blue would wake up for food and play.
They might play a game of "Blue's Clues" which was always fun for
Steve. It felt good helping children learn. It was a good life, if a
little simplistic.

In those scant moments that Steve had to reflect on his life, he was a
little sad that he hadn't been able to make any real human friends yet.
He supposed that he could visit Sesame Street, but he wasn't sure how
the fuzzy Muppets would respond to Blue.

Steve heard a quiet little bark and felt a nuzzling at his feet. "Good
morning, Blue!" Steve greeted and patted the puppy on the head. Blue
gazed up at him with adoration. "Bet you're hungry, huh? Let's go
visit Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper in the kitchen!" Steve suggested.

Blue barked quizzically. "Oh, and Paprika too!" Steve remembered as
he jogged to the kitchen.

"Bonjour, Steve!" the spices chorused in cheesy French accents.

"Bonjour Mr. Salt, Mrs. Pepper and Paprika," Steve answered. He
turned to an unseen audience, "That's French for 'Hello'." Steve
returned his attention to the spices. "How are you today?"

"We are wonderful, thank you for asking," Mr. Salt answered.

"Have you heard? We have a new neighbor!" Mrs. Pepper announced.

"Really?" Steve quirked an eyebrow.

"Yes, his name is Jeffery," Mrs. Pepper informed them in a drippy
French accent.

"Do you know what show he's with?" Steve asked.

Mrs. Pepper shook her head, "I am afraid not, Steve."

"Well, maybe he'll come over today and we can find out! I love figuring
things out," Steve said excitedly. The others agreed expect for Blue,
who was whining pitifully. "I'm sorry, Blue. Let me get your
breakfast," Steve said, and began to prepare her food.

A few seconds later, he set a bowl down in front of Blue and she began
munching happily. Steve smiled, he supposed that at least part of his
reason for existence was to make the dog happy. But that was a question
for philosophers; he was just a children's show host.

The doorbell rang. Steve looked out the kitchen door with surprise. The
doorbell almost never rang. Who could it be? Steve calmly jogged to the
door and opened it.

A dark haired man in his thirties stood there, dressed in dark jeans and
t-shirt. "Hello, you must be Jeffery, the new neighbor!" Steve greeted.

"Yes," the man greeted back. Jeffery's eyes wandered up and down Steve's
frame, making the younger man uncomfortable. Steve shifted around on his
feet.

"Hi, I'm Steve," Steve said, offering his hand. Jeffery gripped it tightly
and pumped it up and down a few times. Jeffery's hand was sweaty and Steve
desperately wanted to pull it away. Steve grinned brightly to hide his
discomfort.

"Yes, I've heard quite a bit about you," Jeffery said. Jeffery was no longer
pumping his arm, but his fingers had curled inward slightly and started
stroking Steve's palm.

Steve chuckled nervously and managed to jerk his hand away. "I was just
starting breakfast. Do you want some?" he asked.

"Absolutely," Jeffery answered. Steve backed away from the door and jogged
into the kitchen. Jeffery followed him and sat at the table. Blue looked up
from her bowl at the stranger.

"Oh, Blue this is Jeffery, Jeffery this is my dog Blue," Steve introduced. Blue
barked a greeting and Jeffery nodded his head. Satisfied that all was in order,
Steve turned back to cooking. As with all things in the universe of children's
programming, it took approximately five seconds to cook eggs, bacon, toast, pour
some orange juice and milk and set it all on a tray with silverware and a napkin.

Jeffery smiled with satisfaction, but Steve wasn't sure whether or not it had
anything to do with the cooking. He set his tray and Jeffery's down and they
began to eat.

"So Jeffery, what do you do?" Steve asked. Before Jeffery could answer Steve
butted in, "Maybe you're a fireman who drives a big red truck. Or maybe
you're a policeman who catches bad guys. Or maybe you're a writer who
writes lots of books!"

"Actually, I'm unemployed," Jeffery answered.

"Oh. Well, maybe we could play 'Blue's Clues' to help you figure out
what you'd like to be?" Steve offered.

"Maybe another time, Steve," Jeffery said, pushing his half-eaten tray
away.

"Okay," Steve said good-naturedly. He went back to eating. Suddenly, he
felt a foot stroking his leg. Steve jumped with a start and looked at
Jeffery. The other man was drinking his orange juice, looking innocent.

"I really must be going, I have things I need to do," Jeffery announced.
Steve hopped up and showed Jeffery to the door. Jeffery stood on the step
and faced Steve, "I hope I'll see you again, Steve." His tongue darted out
of his mouth to lick his lips.

"Sure! It'll be fun!" Steve lied. "Bye!" he called out and waved. Steve
slammed the door once Jeffery was out of sight. "I don't need 'Blue's Clues'
to tell me he was creepy," the young man said.

Blue whimpered in agreement. Steve bent down and Blue jumped into his arms
and licked his face. The young man laughed and set the little dog down.
"So, what do you want to do today?" Steve asked. Blue hopped around and
slapped her paw into the air, leaving a mark. "Oh, we're gonna play Blue's
Clues, we're gonna play Blues Clues!" Steve sang and danced. All thoughts of
the creepy guy were pushed aside until later that night.

Steve sat down in his thinking chair and tucked his legs under him. Blue
grabbed the remote in her teeth and jumped onto Steve's lap. "Ow! Um, Blue
if you could shift a little--thank you," Steve groaned. Blue moved to a
better place on Steve's lap, away from his sensitive area.

Steve then took the remote from Blue and turned on the television. "You know
television can actually be a useful educational tool when used properly with
the right programming and the presence of a parent. It only becomes dangerous
when it is relied on as a babysitter or children accidentally tune into the
Playboy channel," Steve explained to Blue. The puppy just nodded.

Steve surfed the channels until he found the "Sesame Street News," which had
the most extensive coverage of events in the land of children's programming.

"Hello, Kermit T. Frog here outside of the home of Burt and Ernie, the two
young men who saved Prairie Dawn from an attacker earlier today," the
familiar green newsreporter said. Burt and Ernie entered into the frame
from Kermit's right. "At approximately 4:00 p.m. Eastern/Standard time,
Prairie Dawn was walking to the store when she was attacked from behind
by a mysterious figure. Burt, Ernie tell us how you found Prairie Dawn."

"Well, Kermit, Burt and I were going to get pigeon food for Burt's pigeons,"
Ernie began.

"Only the finest of course for my feathered friends," Burt interrupted.

"And as we were walking toward the store we heard a scream from the alley
behind the store," Ernie explained.

"We went to see what it was, I thought it might be a new breed of pigeon.
There were no birds but there was this big guy on top of Prairie Dawn!"
Burt said.

"We yelled in surprise and we frightened the guy off," Ernie said.

"Did you get a good look at the attacker?" Kermit asked.

"I'm afraid not, I was too scared," Ernie answered.

"He was human, though. That much I saw," Burt added.

"We'll now turn to Elmo who is currently with Prairie Dawn. Elmo?"
Kermit announced as the news cut to Elmo and Prairie Dawn sitting on
a park bench.

"Did you know who it was?" Elmo screeched.

"No, but now I'm afraid to go out alone again. In fact, I don't think
anyone should until this guy is caught. He's crazy!" Prairie Dawn cried.

"Do you think this might be the same person who terrorized the Teletubbies,
who blackmailed Barney, and attempted to kidnap Kaptain Kangaroo?" Elmo
asked.

"I'm positive," Prairie Dawn answered.

"Back to you, Kermit," Elmo announced.

"So far there have been no suspects named but the police are on the lookout
for any suspicious characters. From the list of crimes it seems that no one
is safe and nothing is sacred. Watch yourselves my friends and don't talk
to strangers and don't go out alone. Please contact the police if you have
any information concerning these crimes. Today's' Sesame Street News has
been brought to you by the letters C an P," Kermit signed off.

"Wow, this is serious, Blue. I wonder if we could use Blue's Clues to
figure out who this mysterious attacker is?" Steve asked. Blue
shrugged and barked quizzically.

"Well, I guess we can always try in the morning," Steve said. He flipped
the TV off with the remote. "Let's go to sleep, we have a long day ahead."


To be concluded the next chapter. What do you think?