I looked at my hand, holding a drink. Why do I feel so .. empty? There always was hatred, the wish to revenge and something else but now.. I felt nothing.
I saw her today with another. She looked so happy. An unfamiliar feeling spread through me. Maybe we weren't meant to be.
But you love her.
Yes I do. I never thought I could but I do. But now, I am too late. I am always too late.
I stood up and walked out to catch some fresh air. It was cold outside but I didn't feel it.. it didn't matter to me. Why would it?
There was nothing left for me.
Would they be proud of me? Would he be proud of me?
I would never get an answer. I didn't believe in a life after death. I didn't want to. I never want to face all those I failed.
But still I wished in the deeps of my heart that maybe in another life I would be with her, I would still be with them. That I wouldn't be alone.
I should try. I should try it out and see with my own eyes what comes after death ..or what not.
How I wish for those eyes to shine bright again when they see me. Shine bright only for me. But it was all over now. I missed my chances. I had too many of them. I should stop trying. Stop trying to make people proud of me. Stop trying to be proud of myself.
I should let them go. I should let him go but most important I must let her go.
I am letting it all go to maybe get another chance with them. Maybe get another chance for life and another chance to be happy.
