Whispers in the Dark: Houki

I love him. Hopeless as it is I love the man. My husband. He sees me with his eyes of such clarity, but he does not see me. Misted over with an unspoken emotion which I am to never mention, never notice. The first night in the court those eyes followed me as though I were a phantom, to disappear. His embrace so warm, so strong, so needy. His Bride within the next day. First attempt to say my name and another's crossed his lips, that name... His name. My face, His face. That girl in such shock her eyes too contained that awe of our first meeting. That disbelief, that fear. And this body is it His body? When we are pressed close, breath mingling, bodies twining, whispering proclamations of desire, of trust, of love... or perhaps it is only I who let those words pass my lips. Who does he see as he moves within me? My face? Or His face, the face of a man... one of great beauty. And I wonder is I he sees in this moments of passion, and I wonder if it is me he wants in the days when he keeps me near him... of His face, which is My face, the same and yet not. And this child I carry within me which does he want? My child or His child? The child of a dead man... a beautiful man with a lovely face, His face... My face. A bride within a day married to a man I call Emperor. But he never called him Emperor. Perhaps that's what keeps us apart in his mind... His face and My face. By holding me apart from Him, that one of whom I may never speak... Gods help me I love him. But does he love me? Or does he love him? His face... My face. When he reaches out for me which does he seek? His face or My face... the face of a man... a beautiful man with a lovely face...

My Face.