Digimon Existential Theater Presents: No Exit
aka, "Hell is Other DigiDestined"
Fandom: Digimon Adventure/02
Genre: General/Drama
Summary: "No Exit" adapted for the Digimon Adventure universe. I'm sure Sartre is spinning in his grave.
Rating (all chapters): Probably PG-13, possibly R
Warnings (all chapters): Dub canon, slightly AU (ignores epilogue), some swears, one mention of upper female anatomy, bloodless and/or vague descriptions of violence, unrequited love triangle, existential drama bordering on angst. Phew!
Author's Note: I've had this idea in my head ever since I read Jean-Paul Sartre's "No Exit" in a high school lit class (read Estelle's lines in Mimi's dub voice and you'll never go back!). I do not own and did not originate any of the characters or situations that appear below. I'm just the one that was crazy enough to put them all on the same page together.
Like the summary says, this is an adaptation of a play, although it is in prose form. I tried to stay true to the original meaning, but I made some slight deviations for the sake of the pre-established relationships of the characters, thus the meaning is a little different. This fic (which is based on my own subjective, incomplete, and probably inaccurate reading of the play) is no substitute for the original, which I'm sure you can find in its entirety if you are indeed interested.
Note that I used strictly dub canon right up until the epilogue, which I ignored out of necessity, so if the eccentricities of the dub or AUs are a problem, consider yourself warned about both.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, please realize that this fic is a labor of love, of both the Adventure universe and the characters (yes, *all* of the characters). Although none of them come out of this story smelling like roses, I didn't write it as an excuse for OOC-ness, character bashing, or to "fix" any canon plot points. I just wanted to explore their darker sides given the right circumstances.
If all of that hasn't scared you away, please enjoy!
If he hadn't known better, Tai Kamiya would have sworn he was dreaming.
He was walking down an unfamiliar corridor that was lined with doors on either side. The walls and floor were made of some black, shiny material and lit by torches set in brackets every few feet along the wall. They emitted flickering green flames that didn't succeed so much in penetrating the darkness as much as they cast an eerie glow over their surroundings.
Staring into the polished surfaces, Tai could make out what could only be his reflection, blurry and indistinct. Like him, it was moving resolutely forward to some unknown destination, although unlike him, it seemed to be constantly fighting not to be swallowed by the blackness surrounding it. Every so often, a flame would gutter particularly violently and his mirror image would distort and waver before his eyes. For reasons he couldn't put into words, it made him slightly nervous to think that his other self flickered out in this manner, even though he knew it was ridiculous of him. It wasn't as if he himself were in danger of disappearing every time his reflection did. Nevertheless, he couldn't help but notice that the shimmering outline of his companion was much more solid.
His companion?
That's right, he reminded himself. He had almost forgotten. When he had first arrived in this strange place, he hadn't even realized that the other being was there until his eyes had fallen upon it, as if it hadn't even existed until that moment. Now, he took the time to really look at it properly.
Unless he was mistaken, it was a digimon, although completely unlike any Tai had ever encountered before. It was tall, humanoid, and masculine-looking, but somehow ethereal and otherworldly, and had a sort of lithe gracefulness in the way it walked. Its head was long, narrow, and wolf-like, with a long mane of gray hair streaming down its back. It was clothed most peculiarly: naked at the torso and arms except for its short silvery fur, its legs covered in baggy pants and some sort of loincloth, sandals on its large feet. In one of its thick, powerful arms it carried another one of those green torches, which it was using to light their way as they kept their steady pace. To complete the rather bizarre picture, a pair of large golden wings protruded from its back.
Tai glanced backwards, the corridor stretching behind him and becoming lost in the darkness. Aside from their footsteps and the soft dry crackle of the flames, it was completely silent. He couldn't even hear his own heartbeat.
No screams, he mused. Maybe the rooms are soundproof?
He thought he knew where he was, although he didn't feel ready to admit it to himself just yet. He didn't know how he knew, or why he felt compelled to follow this digimon in front of him. It seemed that his current- what was the right word for it? Condition? That sounded about right. His current condition afforded him awareness about certain things without being told. For instance, despite the fact that the creature had barely even looked at him since he had arrived, there seemed to be an unspoken agreement between the two of them that Tai would follow the digimon wherever it led him. This promise seemed to hang like shackles around Tai's neck; it bound them together such that he could not deviate from their course even if he tried.
Not that he had tried. Not that he would. The dynamic between himself and the digimon didn't really bother him; its existence was a mere curiosity. Besides, he thought with a wry smile, it's not like I have anything better to do anyway.
Regardless, he couldn't help but wonder what this corridor was supposed to represent, really. His brain, no doubt still overactive from adrenaline, dredged up what he thought had been a long-forgotten account Davis had given him of the Digimon Emperor's fortress, and he amusedly toyed with the idea that he had somehow ended up there. He glanced at his companion again, solemn and silent before him, but quickly abandoned the notion when he couldn't find a Dark Ring or Spiral anywhere on its body. It had been a silly thought, really, maybe even wishful thinking on his part. The Digimon Emperor, the Digital World, and the boy he had been when those things were first and foremost on his mind were all, in more ways than one, a lifetime away.
After what was either a few minutes or a few hours, the digimon's footsteps fell silent. Tai glanced sideways and noticed that it had stopped at a door, identical to all the others in the hallway, but obviously their destination. Seeing as there was no handle, and no hinges, Tai wondered how they would open it, but his companion used its free hand to make some complicated motion along the seam where door met wall, and at once it slid up easily into the recesses of the ceiling.
The wolf-man stepped aside, allowing Tai access to the doorway. He understood he was supposed to enter and obliged, bracing himself for what he thought he would find inside. Would it be red-hot pokers, or an iron maiden, or...
Couches. Three of them, each backed against a different wall, and arranged so they were all facing the center of this new room. A small, unlit fireplace in the left-hand corner with a large bronze statue on its mantel. A luridly-patterned carpet covering the floor. Tai took a few steps into these new surroundings, then turned back to see where he had just come from. The strange digimon had followed him just inside.
"So... here we are?" Tai asked, uncertain of what he was supposed to do now.
"Yes, Mr. Kamiya," said the digimon in a slow, distinctly male-sounding voice.
Tai took a few more steps into the center of the room. "This is really what it looks like."
"Yes."
Tai wasn't sure he was ready to believe that. His experiences with the Digital World had taught him that appearances could be deceiving, so he decided to remain aloof and cautious as he continued to survey the room. He turned to face the digimon again, searching for some sign of deception on that slender face. It was regarding him with a gaze that was both calm and faintly curious. But there was something else about it... Tai was having such a hard time looking into the digimon's eyes. They seemed to pierce him in a way that was off-putting, wrong, even, and that did nothing to decrease his anxiety.
Rather than risk continued eye contact, Tai let his eyes wander around the room one more time, this time taking in more detail. As a whole, it was done in an old-fashioned, ornate style that Tai recognized by sight, but not by name: Victorian or American Colonial or something. Admittedly ugly to his taste, but certainly bearable. It was also well-lit, in stark contrast to the hallway they had just come from, but to Tai's surprise there wasn't a lamp or chandelier in sight. Rather, the walls and ceiling themselves seemed to be radiating a harsh, bright light. Odd, to be sure, but aside from that minor point, it was a perfectly ordinary-looking drawing room: square, relatively roomy, not an instrument of torture in sight. Well, the sofas did look a bit on the uncomfortable side...
"Are all of the rooms like this one?"
"Of course not, sir." The digimon seemed to smirk, baring his teeth a little in the process. "Most of our clientele are digimon. Can you imagine many of them having use for a drawing room? We had to make some special arrangements for you, to be sure, but the management thought our facilities fitting, considering your background."
Tai had to admit that the digimon had a point about its fellows not needing these human-like accoutrements, although in his experience it hadn't stopped some of them from having them anyway. Of course, the digimon's answer didn't really explain why they thought that he had any use for a room like this, especially decorated as it was. He supposed it didn't matter much; he had certainly lived in worse. But still...
"Look, what's the point of all this?" he blurted out suddenly, spinning around to face the digimon. He hoped he sounded braver than he felt, even though he still could not look the digimon in the eye. "I mean, is this some sort of a joke? I know what happened, I know where we are. I'll face it like a man. So why don't we just cut the crap and get to the fire and pitchforks already?"
The digimon let out a harsh rasping sound, opening his mouth and baring his teeth again. Tai tensed in preparation for him to digivolve or otherwise morph into his true, torturous form, but nothing happened. It was a few seconds later that Tai realized the digimon was... laughing.
"It seems you are the one who insists on telling jokes, Mr. Kamiya." He noticed the glare on Tai's face and the dog-like laughter died down. "I meant no offense, of course. It is a sentiment that I have heard expressed by our new arrivals many times before, but I do continue to find it amusing. It is what almost everyone asks first. They do not bother asking about food preparations, or bathroom accommodations. Equally futile lines of inquiry, mind you, but I always find it surprising that those things are not higher up on our guests' list of priorities. You really mustn't believe everything you hear on the other side, Mr. Kamiya."
It took a while for Tai to process what the digimon had just said. "You're saying... you mean you're not my torturer?" He was still suspicious.
"That is correct, sir. My job is to escort guests to their rooms, and make sure they are settled in. Aid them in their period of transition, you might say. You may think of me as an assistant, or a valet, if you wish."
Tai considered the digimon warily for a moment, but felt himself relaxing slightly. He could tell (again, without being able to say how) that the digimon was telling the truth, and that he didn't have anything to fear from him.
"All the same," he said, cracking a sarcastic smile, "it would be too much to ask for a toothbrush."
"Not too much, Mr. Kamiya, but like I said before, pointless."
Fair enough, thought Tai, looking around the room again. He had to admit he had never felt less like needing one, or food or drink for that matter, even though he could barely remember the last time he had put anything in his stomach. After a few seconds, he spoke again.
"There aren't any mirrors or windows. Nothing breakable in here at all." The valet, or whatever, made no reply. "And no bed. So, what, there's no sleep either?"
"That is so."
This was a bit of a blow. Tai had always looked forward to sleep, to dreams, to the snooze button, as a way to hit reset on himself. No matter what was going on in his life, he had always been able to retreat to the world of his subconscious, to forget his problems and responsibilities, if only for a few hours.
He met the valet's unsettling gaze at long last and forced himself to keep looking, even as it seemed he would crumble from the force that those pale, pupil-less eyes seemed to exert on his own. It was then that he finally realized what it was that disturbed him about those eyes, that stare.
He doesn't blink- no eyelids. He was pretty sure that the other digimon he had encountered had always had eyelids. He broke eye contact in order to try shutting, blinking, winking, and squinting with his own, all to no avail. The room stayed in perfect focus. I don't have eyelids either. How had he not noticed before now? Had he really taken them so much for granted?
His eyes flicked around the room again, searching for another thing he had assumed would be there, and once again came up empty.
"There's no light switch. Doesn't the light ever go out?" He suspected he already knew the answer.
The digimon's gaze shifted upward. "The management can turn the power off if they want to, but I cannot remember them ever having done so on this floor. We have all the light we want."
Tai tried another tactic, determined to try to alleviate his growing sense of unease. "What about outside? Is it daytime now?"
A slight crease appeared on the digimon's forehead. "I don't understand, sir."
"Oh, come on. You know, outside this room. Outside your facilities."
"Our facilities are all there are, sir. Hallways, stairs, and more rooms. There is no 'outside' that I am aware of."
Tai thought that he was beginning to understand, but it did nothing to improve his mood, or stem the anxiety that now felt like it was gnawing at his insides. "So," he said in a hollow tone. "It's life without a break."
"What do you mean, Mr. Kamiya?" The valet's voice was impassive.
"I mean, don't get me wrong," Tai said quickly. For whatever reason, he didn't want the valet to have an inaccurate impression of him. "I said I'd face up to the situation. I'm not going to pretend that it's not happening. But it's been a lot to deal with. You should understand, I, uh..." he trailed off, trying to find the right words to explain himself. Why was it so difficult?
"I tease people," he continued finally. "And I tease myself. It's like a reflex. But I can't do that without a break. If I can't sleep, or blink- then there's no rest, no way to shut the light out of my eyes, or my head. It's just..."
He broke off again, rubbing his temples, before chancing another look at the valet. "What did you mean when you said I was here because of my background?"
"Forgive me, sir, but you are one of the DigiDestined? Part of the group of children that defeated Apocalymon?"
"That was a long time ago, but yeah."
"You have strong ties to our world. More so than most humans. That is why management decided that you should fall under our care."
"But they really decided that I should be here?" Tai asked emphatically, hoping his meaning was clear. "Are you sure there's not some sort of mistake?"
"You are the bearer of the Crest of Courage, are you not, Tai Kamiya?" the valet rumbled.
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Are you not?"
"Yeah." Tai said, defeated. "Yeah, I am."
"Then you belong here," the digimon finished simply.
Tai wasn't sure how that could be considered answering his question, but he did not press the issue further. There was silence for a few moments, and then the valet spoke again.
"Very well, Mr. Kamiya. If you do not need me any more, I will be off."
"What? You're going?" Even though he was unsettling, practically emotionless, and frustratingly enigmatic, the valet was as close to a friendly face as Tai felt he was likely to find here. He wasn't sure why, but the thought of being left alone caused the wave of anxiety to surge through him more powerfully than ever.
"Wait." He had just noticed a button on the wall next to the door. "That's a bell, right? Will you come back if I press it?"
The valet looked as if he were choosing how to answer this question carefully. "Perhaps, yes... I would not rely on it too heavily, however. There is something wrong with the wiring, and it does not always work."
Tai crossed the room and pressed the button repeatedly, hearing a faint buzzing sound each time. "It sounds like it's working all right to me."
The valet shrugged his narrow shoulders, his wings rustling slightly as he did so. "So it is. Nevertheless, it is... capricious."
Tai strode over to the fireplace, his mind more at ease from discovering the bell. He picked up another object he had failed to notice on his first several passes over the room. "A letter opener? What's the point of this?"
The valet did not answer. Tai sighed resignedly. "Never mind. You can go."
He laid the letter opener back on the mantel as the valet closed the door behind him. He still couldn't believe that this... situation, this room, was really what he had been left with. It just didn't make sense.
He examined the statue a bit closer. It was a human figure, oddly proportioned, with a contorted look on its face. It was not pleasant to look at, but than again, he had never been much for art appreciation. Maybe it was one of those modern pieces. He would probably get used to it in time.
Tai explored the rest of the room as thoroughly as he could, looking for clues that would suggest either a sinister motive or a way out- hidden trap doors, a trick fireplace, anything- but no luck. It seemed the room really was what it was, and nothing more. He was alone, truly alone, for the first time in as long as he could remember. He collapsed on the nearest couch, the one against the wall directly opposite the door, and tried to ignore the feelings that now seemed to be devouring him from the inside out, creating a gaping hole in his chest.
Agumon.
He wished Agumon was with him.
He took his digivice out of his pocket. It was old and battered after all of these years, but it had always functioned just as well as the day he had received it. As he stared at it, memories rose to the front of his brain like bubbles to the surface of a pond, one for each scratch and smudge on the screen.
It was true that Tai had distanced himself from his life as a DigiDestined: as he grew older, he made fewer trips to the Digital World, moved out of Japan, and gradually lost touch with ten of the people he had shared his greatest adventure with. He hadn't spoken to any of them in years; now they were mostly just distant memories, reminders of a part of his life that had been and gone.
But not Agumon. Agumon had been a constant presence in his life ever since he was a teenager. They were more than just friends; they were partners, brought together by destiny, united in mind and spirit. Their bond could not be weakened by anything as mundane as time or place. Agumon was part of everything he did, never questioning him, always willing to support whatever Tai's immediate goals had been, always there to lend an ear when life became a little too overwhelming. Maybe he had started to take the little orange dinosaur for granted over the years, like blinking, but now he felt his absence like he would have felt a missing limb.
Tai cupped the digivice in both hands. Its screen was black, and its surface cold, even though he had been holding it for a few minutes now. He pressed it to his chest, as if trying to feel for a heartbeat, but it remained silent, still, and ice-like in his fingers.
He would have to face that Agumon was really and truly gone. Gone from Earth, gone from the Digital World, and gone from wherever it was that Tai had ended up.
He sighed, leaning back into the sofa and staring at the ceiling. Maybe this place, this solitude, was for the best. Even though he had tried to put on appearances for the valet of having accepted what had happened to him, it was only now, in this innocent-looking drawing room with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company, that he really allowed the truth to sink in.
"I'm dead."
He spoke quietly to himself, but the phrase seemed to disturb the air around him, then expand and ripple out into every corner of the room. It resounded off of the walls and back through his body, vibrating his hands, his head, his unbeating heart. It was as if he were a bell, hollowed out by sorrow and regret, filled with nothing but air that pulsed and trembled with the echo of those simple yet terrible words.
He was dead. And all that was left to him were his memories and this stupid, ugly room.
The room... he hadn't noticed before, but it was uncomfortably warm, so much so that he had started to sweat. He stood up, pocketing his digivice and loosening his tie in the process. Could the valet do anything about the temperature?
He crossed the room to where the buzzer was mounted to the wall. The valet had said it didn't always work... but what did he have to lose in trying? He pressed the button.
Nothing happened.
He pressed it again. Again, nothing.
Again and again and again.
Nothing.
A moment of panic seized him. He leapt to the door, scanning it frantically for a handle or knob before remembering that the digimon had not used either to open it, then tried pushing, lifting, and prying around the seam, all with no effect. Next, he called the valet, and when that didn't work, he started shouting and beating the door with his fists, desperate to make himself heard even if the bell refused to work.
It was only after his hands were sore and his voice slightly hoarse that he started to calm down. He took a few deep breaths, and regarded the door with a newfound sense of clarity.
Get a grip, Kamiya, he told himself firmly. He had nothing but time here, so there was no reason to fly off the handle. He walked slowly back over to his couch, his mind whirring. He would try the bell again later of course, but right now it would probably do him well to just sit and think. He could reflect on the path that had led him here, make peace with his life as he had left it. While this may have been out of character for the former leader of the DigiDestined, he couldn't deny the idea held a certain appeal to him at the moment. This was his afterlife, after all, so he might as well make the best of it he could. Particularly if he was alone like this.
However, no sooner had he settled himself down on the stiff cushions of his couch than the door slid open.
Tai's jaw dropped. Of all of the people that the valet could have escorted through that door, Tai had never expected her.
"Did you call, sir?" asked the valet.
"I, uh... no." Tai had been planning to say yes. There had been nothing stopping him from saying it, that one little syllable. But the word died on his lips as he stared at the woman now standing just inside the door.
And Sora Takenouchi stared back.
