Bree/Orson.

PG-13.

Spoilers through season 5.

Mmkay so it's post-DivorceGate2009, but Bree never hired Karl and Orson is somehow still/once again a dentist. Yay fan fiction! It's some fluffy/goofy Brorson based on some random lines I'd pull out for my good friend when she requested a fic about Bree and Orson having a little fun with their adult entertainment alter egos. :D Now, I've written some smutty stories in my time, but for some reason, when it came to the fake porn versions of Bree and Orson, there was no actual sex, just very silly innuendo. I tried to recreate that here, but unfortunately the original notes were wiped out due to hacking...anyhoo, here it is, the adventures of:

Thunder & Coco!


Bree walked up the wide staircase to the second floor of the Meadowland Medical Complex. She was quite excited, but she didn't want to seem like she was in a rush. So she touched her hand lightly to the banister as she trotted up. She would never forgive herself if she tripped in these heels.

She'd been out of town on business for five days and six nights. She'd felt each and every one of those six nights, the feeling of sleeping alone building up as she tossed and turned in her bed, with no one to hold on to. She'd missed Orson so much on her trip, being without him was like being without a part of herself. Without him, she was incomplete.


Orson turned the drill off, and the horrible buzzing stopped. The patient was surely relieved, but not more relieved than Orson. The surgery was almost over; he'd soon be breaking for lunch. Bree had called to say she was stopping by, and he couldn't wait to see her. He had to try hard to concentrate on the woman sitting before him as he filled her tooth. About once every two minutes, the the blue mask over his mouth and nose would crinkle, because, about once every two minutes, Orson wouldn't be able to keep the smile from his face.


Bree walked with confidence to the receptionist's desk.

"Good afternoon!"

"Hello, Mrs. Hodge!" Linda greeted her. "How are you today?"

"I am wonderful, Linda. How are you?"

"Surviving." Linda said sarcastically. "How was the trip?"

"Unnecessarily long. I'm so happy to be back."

"Dr. Hodge is happy you're back too." said Linda, a knowing smile playing at her lips. "He's been singing all day."

Bree felt a huge grin take over her face at that news. She tried to control it, to lessen it to something more demure, but instead she giggled, embarrassed.

Linda smiled at her boss's wife. She didn't know her well, but it was clear to Linda, and to anyone that saw them together, that they had fallen back in love completely. The six months that they'd been seperated had been a very long six months for everyone at the dentist's office. During that time, Orson's usually chipper attitude had transformed into a grumpy thunder cloud of pessimism. Now that they were back together, Orson was back to his normal self. Better than normal, even. He was strutting around the office now like a man in love - because that's what he was.


Doctor Hodge? Orson's intercom chirped.

"Yes Linda?" said Orson, as he was just walking into his office.

Your wife is here to see you.

Orson could hear the smile in Linda's voice. It was that contagious joy that put the flutter in Orson's heart, as well as the knowledge that he was going to see Bree in mere moments.

He walked into the hallway; Bree was at the other end. They smiled, big and bright, as they walked toward one another. Bree could have squealed when she saw Orson in his white coat and safety goggles. The ponytail and tortoise shell glasses Bree was sporting almost made Orson miss a step.

"I missed you so much." said Orson, in that lovingly earnest way of his, as Bree grew near.

"Me too." Bree said, the rush of seeing him for the first time in nearly a week making her feel strong and shaky at the same time.

They wanted to greet each other with a kiss, but Orson had forgotten to take off his goggles. They bumped lenses, bouncing gently off one another's eye protection.

"Oh!" Bree said softly, and they chuckled at themselves. Orson whipped off his goggles, tucking them away in his coat's pocket before reaching for his wife's eyewear. He pulled them off very gently, careful not to catch her hair or poke her eye. Bree bit her bottom lip as Orson folded them closed and wrapped his arms around her, but she released her lip just before he pressed their lips together.

"...Mmmm..." Bree couldn't help sighing against him. The sweet, simple joy of kissing the one she loved. They parted, and Orson loosened his embrace.

"When is your next appointment?" Bree asked him.

"In an hour." he answered.

Bree kissed him again, and again, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him a third time.

"I don't want to be apart from you a minute longer than I have to." she murmured, pulling him close. Orson put his lips to her neck, giving her a soft kiss and squeezing her. Over Bree's shoulder he spotted Linda and two of the hygienists watching them from down the hall. They all looked mighty pleased to see Dr. Hodge reunited with his wife.

"Let's go in my office." Orson whispered to Bree. He took her by the hand, and they closed the door behind them.


After much kissing and holding and squeezing, Bree took a seat on the soft, leather-bound couch in Orson's office and put her glasses back on. Orson asked Bree about her flight as he tidied his desk, put away his goggles and hung his white coat in the closet. Bree told him about the delays and crying babies as she watched Orson file a patient's records neatly away in a drawer next to his desk. Being in each other's company and hearing each other's voices was almost as satisfying as being able to touch each other. Seeing Bree's facial expressions as she described the coughing passenger that sat next to her on the last flight home; noticing for the thousandth time the exact way Orson spoke his words when he was happy; these things brought the familiar fuzzies to their hearts too.

"You seem happy." Bree observed, almost smug in her contentment. She was happy too.

"And why wouldn't I be?" said Orson, tucking one of the last loose files into the cabinet. "My gorgeous, jet-setting wife - who only gets more beautiful every day," he added as he closed the drawer. "Has returned, and she came straight from the airport to see me."

"Linda said she caught you singing?" said Bree. She could imagine it quite clearly. Happy Orson sang a lot.

"Yes, it's probably hard not to notice a grown man bellowing the chorus to "Walking On Sunshine" in an office this small." said Orson, finally making his way to the couch so he could just sit with her. "You know," he said, twisting his body as he sat so that he could lay down on his back and rest his tired head in Bree's lap. "For a while there, they were calling me 'The Thunder Cloud.' I think they're as relieved as I am that we're back together."

Bree grinned, unabashedly, looking down at her husband's face as he settled down. When he'd come to rest, he finally caught the look of amusement.

"What?" Orson asked, her grin making him smile.

"Thunder?" she said playfully, like it had special meaning. "You don't remember that?"

"Remember what?"

Bree sighed, and ran her hand through her husband's thick, dark hair.

"When you were trying to hack into my bank accounts, you asked me what my...porn name would be." Bree said the words with difficulty, rolling her eyes at the crass phrasing. "And you said yours would be Thunder."

Orson closed his eyes and chuckled. What a sorry excuse for a husband he'd been back then, jealous and petty enough to trick his wife into giving him a password. At least they could laugh about it now.

"I remember." he said, eyes still closed as he enjoyed the feeling of Bree's hand softly caressing his hair. "How could I forget? Ms. Taffy Swallow." he added, recalling his personal favorite.

"Coco." Bree corrected him without thinking.

"Hmm?" said Orson, opening his eyes so he could look at her face. "I thought it was Munchy?"

The corners of Bree's mouth turned up in a smile.

"I liked Coco." Bree admitted, speaking softly. "She sounded...classy."

Orson took Bree's hand from his hair, bringing her fingers to his lips so he could kiss them.

"Coco Saugatuck, wasn't it?" he asked, eyes twinkling.

Bree chuckled softly at the awkward sounding street name.

"Just Coco." she said.

"Just Coco." Orson repeated quietly, looking off into space and thinking. "Thunder and Coco..."

"Don't start that." Bree warned him, though the thought of Orson pondering the details of their adult entertainment personas kept a grin on her face.

"Don't start?" said Orson, smiling at his obviously sheepish wife. "You brought it up."

Bree stayed silent, her only feeble attempt at stopping him a brief rolling of her eyes.

Orson kissed Bree's hand again, swinging it back and forth in the air.

"What would Coco say to Thunder right now?"

Bree gave Orson a look, but all he could do was smile back at her. It wasn't as if she hadn't created a character for the dentist's office once before.

"Come on." he urged her, gently. "What would Coco say?"

Bree made a big show of sighing again, narrowing her eyes, and looking about the room in thought.

"She would say..."

Orson watched Bree thinking, amused that she was actually playing along. Bree smiled, and Orson could tell was thinking something naughty.

"She would say," said Bree, lowering her head closer to his so she could murmur it in his ear. "How long are you going to make me wait for my oral exam?"

Orson grinned, slowly. There was a just a touch of pink coloring Bree's cheeks, though she smiled smugly at her own pun.

"And to that, Thunder would say..." said Orson. He raised an eyebrow, and lowered his voice. "That depends - are you administering or taking the test?"

Bree's jaw dropped open, her shock tempered by the grin she was sporting.

"Thunder!" she said in mock scandal.

"Coco..." he said melodramatically, reaching up to place his hand behind her neck, pulling her down as he raised up to kiss her.

"Mmmm..." Bree moaned loudly into his mouth. Their mouths parted with a loud smack. "Did I pass the oral exam?" she said in her deepest, sexiest voice.

"I'm not sure," said Orson, caressing the soft skin on Bree's slender neck with the back of his hand. "I may have to check again..."

"Mm..." Bree moaned again, closing her eyes and kissing her husband again. Her hand traveled down his side to his pants pocket, and she felt a slight bulge.

She gasped melodramatically, pulling her head back. "Is that a toothbrush in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Orson slipped his hand beneath Bree's, reaching into his pocket and pulling out...a toothbrush.

"It's a brush," he said. "But!" he added quickly, "I am very...very...happy to see you."

Bree bit her lip, fighting a smile to stay in character.

"How happy?"

Suddenly Orson sat up, swung his legs over the side of the couch and stood in one quick motion. He took Bree by the hand, pulling her up to him and spinning her around, catching her in his arms and dipping her.

"This happy." he said, and pulled Bree to him, into a kiss that rivaled anything that Bree had seen on the silver screen. They were playing make-believe, but there was genuine passion in their kiss. Bree's body was whipped back up to a standing position, and she took a moment to get her bearings.

"You know," said Bree, feigning discomfort. "This ponytail...is so...tight..."

She stepped out of his embrace, reaching a hand up to the elastic band that held her hair perfectly in place. She pulled it slowly from her hair, shaking her head gently from side to side as she freed her long red locks. Her hair fell around her face, and she smiled seductively.

"There." she said, her voice sweet as candy. "That's better."

Orson was staring at her, lips parted. He was almost thrown off his game, but he couldn't give up now. His eyes shifted to the small standing fan that happened to be right next to him.

"My name isn't Thunder for nothing." said Orson, smiling smugly. "I can cause all sorts of storms." He casually reached over, pressing the button for the lowest setting. The fan started blowing, and it took a few seconds for the wind to reach Bree's hair. It lifted the ends of it from her shoulders, so it was softly billowing in the breeze. Bree smirked. Orson pressed the button for the highest setting, and the wind blew harder. Her hair was lifted higher, and a few strands blew into her eyes and mouth.

"Pththt, pfft..."

Bree blew hair out of her mouth, swiping at it with her hand.

Orson smiled at her smugly, and she gave him a look. It was a scolding look, but also a look...of seduction. She flipped her slightly mussed hair over her shoulder and stepped out of the path of the blowing fan.

"Is it just me," said Bree, embodying the very concept of sultry. "Or is it getting...hot in here?"

Bree smirked, and unbuttoned the top button of her blouse.

"Oh, it's you." said Orson, eyebrows raised. "But it's not just you." He reached up to his own shirt, loosening the top button.

Bree narrowed her eyes at this, and her hands moved slowly to the second button on her shirt. Her eyes went wide for a second as she unbuttoned it.

Orson sucked in a dramatic breath through his teeth; he could almost see the tiny bow on Bree's favorite pink bra now. He unbuttoned his second, and then quickly opened a third as if to say I'll see your button, and raise you one!

Bree winced at the challenge, but she would not be beaten. She gripped the two sides of her shirt, gasping slightly as she gently tore them apart, undoing the rest of the buttons in one motion.

Orson's eyebrows rose farther than ever before as he watched Bree's playful display of lust. She was indeed wearing her favorite pink bra, the one with the tiny bow between the cups.

"Coco," said Orson. "You look tired. Why don't you...lay down?!!"

With these last words, Orson turned and swept every item on his desk onto the floor with both arms. Bree's mouth came open in shock - he was going to have to clean that up later! - but she didn't have time to react as Bree before Thunder took over again. He wrapped his arms around her, spinning her body around to press her against the desk. They were kissing and groping with feverish passion, carried away, lost in the moment, when Orson's intercom chirped.

Everything okay in there? said Linda.

Bree and Orson turned their heads away from each other, freezing in place as they stared at the machine.

We heard a crash. said Liz.

Then came a very soft knock.

"Doctor, your one o'clock is here early." came Naomi's voice through the door.

Orson cleared his throat, and Bree slipped her hands out of his hair and began to quickly button up her shirt. She felt Orson's hands on hers, and she looked up at him.

Without acknowledging any of the ladies on his staff, Orson leaned in to kiss his wife. Their lips met, and Bree knew they were no longer Thunder and Coco. It was Orson and Bree, husband and wife, wrapping their arms around each other as the long, silent moments passed.

They parted, reluctantly, though Orson stayed very close. He touched Bree's face, caressing her cheek. He'd already given her everything he possibly could; all he could offer her now was his time.

"I can cancel the appointment." Orson said softly.

Bree actually took a moment to think about it.

"Don't." Bree said eventually, smiling as she covered his hand with her own. She needed him, but she could wait. It would be even better that way. "I'll see you at home."

Bree looked down and began to button her shirt. She looked up and smiled again when she heard a wistful sigh. Orson turned his head, leaning back so he wouldn't be shouting in Bree's ear.

"Just a moment!" he called to the women who were probably all eavesdropping by now. Orson turned back to Bree, and watched as her pink bra disappeared behind the buttons of her blouse. She distracted him with another kiss, patting his face gently with one hand.

"I need to get home and close the windows." she said matter of factly, before turning and walking toward the door. Orson's brow furrowed, and he had to ask:

"Why?"

Bree stopped and turned suddenly, flipping her lusciously long red locks over her shoulder.

"Because when you get home," she said in her breathiest, sexiest Coco voice. "There's going to be another Thunder storm."

Orson smiled, feeling a bit objectified as he watched his wife smile smugly and look him up and down. She slipped out the door, and before Orson could clear his throat and smooth his tousled hair, Naomi and Linda poked their heads into his office.

The women both seemed to notice at the same time the contents of Orson's desk scattered on the floor. Orson crossed his arms over his chest, and tried to act natural.

"You can prep the patient." Orson said casually.

"Alright." said Linda. She and Naomi looked at each other and smiled. They snickered as they closed the door.


Bree couldn't stop the cheerful grin that had taken over her face, the mere buoyancy of her step putting a smile on the faces of those that passed her. She felt like she was floating down the stairs as she left Orson's office building. She didn't even notice an old acquaintance as she bounced past him, though he tried to get her attention with a friendly wave.

"Bree!" Karl called out as she walked away from him, but she didn't stop or turn to acknowledge him. All she could hear was the rolling thunder as she planned Coco's next scene.