Notes: No Beta, I don't own Glee- not even a t-shirt, and I bow deeply to its creators. Any songs mentioned or quoted are given due credit at the end so as not to spoil it for you.
"I will never love again." Rachel whispered through her tears as she watched Jesse leave the choir room and out of her heart.
"Don't you think you're being a tad over dramatic?" Mercedes had slipped back in through the opposite door to retrieve her forgotten text book. She had Kurt in tow, as usual.
"He was the Nicky Arnstein to my Fanny Brice, what aren't you getting?" Rachel turned on the two of them before running from the room, fresh tears welling up in her eyes.
"She clearly didn't care for Funny Lady," Kurt added with a stifled chuckle.
Finn stood in the hallway and as he watched Rachel pass by with the obvious streaks on her face. He felt confused. The glee club needed Rachel. She had brought it on herself, but it was still hard to see her cry, and even harder to imagine her not being the star of glee. If the group couldn't function with her than they wouldn't do much better without. The squabbles over who could carry all the solos would start up again and no one would be happy. He didn't expect everyone to get over it right away, (he certainly wasn't going to) but he didn't want the club to breakup or go through yet another crisis. If he could deal with Puck and Quinn he could deal with this.
He wanted to follow her and explain this to her, but as she rounded the hallway swiping angrily at her tears she reached her locker and Jesse approached. Finn couldn't hear what they were saying but he decided he couldn't stand watching them make up, as he suspected they might. He turned away from them to watch the other end of the hall until they either left together or Rachel was safely alone, but changed his mind almost immediately. He needed to be sure of her relationship status with Jesse. As angry as he was at her, she had been the only girl who had ever cared about him. The girl he still dreamed about making his again. But she clearly didn't want that anymore.
He watched the brief exchange over Jesse's shoulder and Rachel's pleading eyes as he spoke. As soon as he was gone, Rachel took off down the hallway again and Finn watched her carefully, trying not to be noticed just yet. When he found her she was silently raging in the girl's bathroom. He peeked around the corner hoping to avoid her gaze until he was certain she was alone. Fists clenched and jaw tight, she was angrily pacing the room. Her eyes were red rimmed and it was clear there were fresh tracks of tears on her face. He wanted to go in and calm her down, but after dating Rachel for even just a few weeks he knew that was not a good idea. Tiptoeing back out to the hall he waited outside the door for her to emerge.
It all seemed so ridiculous to Rachel. She hadn't done anything wrong in her mind. It was all in the name of art, something she had explained a the start of her project. The video for Run Joey Run was an assignment she had put her all into. Even offering up her weaknesses to Jesse; her need to be accepted and revered wasn't enough to convince him not to break it off. Not to break her heart.
She and Finn had something, that was obvious to her, but no one else had seemed to notice. After all he had cheated on her and broken up with her- for a Cheerio. But, when he sang to her to open her heart during their Madonna assignment just two weeks ago she knew he meant it, and though she had been denying it, she was not over him.
Of course, Jesse was a star, worthy of her, and a great kisser, but she had stood up for him again and again to the team only to find that he didn't understand her at all. He had broken her heart too, or at least that's what she thought.
And Noah, he should have been the last one to worry about- his badassness, as he liked to call it, was definitely confirmed in the part he had played. Things may not have gone exactly to plan. That glist had been her downfall and now she was alone and despised. Why did boys have to make things so complicated?
She reminded herself that she was a trained professional and considered going back into the choir room for the next glee meeting just a bump in the road to fame; she was a Diva. With a capital D. No man was going to scare her away from her dreams. Luckily, she thought, her acting skills would do her well and there was no reason anyone needed to know about her insecurities in facing the group again.
Collecting herself, washing her face, and taking three deep breaths, she held tightly to the door handle. "Time to face the music," she said as she smiled at her own cleverness and pulled the door open.
Classes were finished for the day and besides the jocks who practice in the gym Rachel expected to find the halls empty of students. As she emerged from the safety of her hiding place she was startled to see Finn sitting on the floor outside. Her first instinct was to run into his arms and put her head to his chest, but that was not what she intended to do.
"Hello," she said somewhat coldly, as it was meant to be interpenetrated.
"Don't be like that, Rach." Finn sighed and ran his hand through his hair.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I assume that you are here to tell me what a terrible person I am so you might as well get it over with." She crossed her arms over her chest and looked up at him defiantly.
"I'm glad to see you think so highly of me."
"Finn, what do you want?" She tried so hard to remain her composure, but she was so close to cracking and just wanted to get this conversation over with so she could get the hell out of there and to the safety of her bedroom.
"Glee still needs you, I hope that we can all get past this."
"I am nothing if not a professional when it comes to my commitment to the team. I will put in the work required." Before Finn could say another word she turned on her heel and marched down the hall and out the closest set of doors.
He had lost his nerve. He had wanted to comfort her, to make it alright, to tell her he would forgive her, but he couldn't. She had looked at him with fire behind her eyes and he was not willing to put himself out there, yet.
GLEE
The next day went smoothly enough. Rachel had successfully avoided Jesse, as he was a senior and they didn't share any classes. Soon he would leave for the trip he had planned with his vocal adrenaline group and she wouldn't have to make such an effort to hide from him. Puck would not stoop to speak to her in the hallways, and she found that Finn had skipped the Spanish class they shared. It did sting that he had taken things so far as to miss a class to keep from having to speak to her, but she tried to brush it off. He obviously didn't care the way she thought he did, but she had plan to show them all.
Finn had skipped classes before, but since his determination to get into college was turned up a notch he rarely took part in it anymore. In fact, there were few things he would allow himself to be distracted by, but Rachel was his top priority. He had found a way to get into the auditorium and practice his new song instead of going to Spanish class. Standing alone on the stage he was singing his heart out for his imaginary audience of one. The girl that he let slip away from him.
When it came time to meet for glee club in the choir room Rachel was the last to show up, and everyone noticed. Usually she was the most eager to participate and the first to arrive, confident and excited to get started. But, today Ms. Berry just strolled in without any music or direction. When she chose a chair on the far side of the room away from everybody Mr. Shue looked a bit stressed, but no one said a thing.
Finn watched her, watched the group, and kept a very close eye on Jesse from where he was sitting. A few stolen glances in Rachel's direction, but nothing to indicate he was planning to forgive her just yet. Letting out a small sigh of relief when he noticed there were only fifteen minutes left to go and Jesse had yet to make a move, Finn was about to step up and offer a musical suggestion. Just before his hand reached the height of his shoulder, Rachel cleared her throat and all eyes turned.
"Mr. Shue, I have been thinking a lot about your suggestions for strong numbers with an upbeat note and I have something I would like to share."
"Ok Rachel, the floor is yours." Her teacher made a sweeping motion with his arm and conceded the focus to her.
After briefly consulting with the accompaniment the intro started up and Rachel's pounding voice came pouring out of her.
"At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side, but then I spent so many nights just feeling sorry for myself. I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high."
As she belted out Gloria Gaynor's hit I Will Survive, she swung around the room, dancing and strutting her stuff. Finn was sure she was speaking to him directly, but watching Jesse's reactions he had to question himself. If her intended target was Jesse he truly had a chance to get her back. As her big number came to it's climax she practically threw herself into Puck's open lap.
Finn was so confused. Maybe she was talking to both of them. Maybe she really didn't want Finn, or Jesse. Why did girls have to make things so complicated? His thoughts were disrupted by Jesse's chair noisily falling to the floor as he stormed out of the room, for the second time in a week. Puck looked confused as did the rest of the club members. Slowly, Mr. Shue began to applaud and the group followed suit. About to retake her seat, Rachel moved across the room, but Mr. Shue dismissed everyone and they filed out at a faster than normal pace. Santana and Quinn both in hot pursuit of Puck.
Finn hung back in hopes of speaking to Rachel in a less hostile way then their previous conversation, but she too was dashing out of the room. He stood there for a minute trying to collect his thoughts, trying to find the courage he used to have in abundance. He was a football star, right? He used to date the head cheerleader. He was part of an award winning team of singers. Where were his balls? He had never had a problem getting girls, or talking to girls. But, none of them had ever mattered as much as Rachel had. Finn shook off the thought and collected his things.
GLEE
The next week went smoothly for both Rachel and Finn. They had settled back into a friendly way of treating one another. That is until Rachel lost her voice. Finn had really stepped up. She began to see him the way she had before the messy break up and the awkward friendship. He was interested in her for who she was, even if she didn't understand that at first. He got her. After showing her she was more than a voice and helping her see another side to life she had a deeper feeling for him, one she could not ignore.
As she sat, listening to him sing "Jessie's Girl" in front of everyone, but performing it only for her, she was more confused than ever. The lyrics hit her hard. There was nothing she didn't like about Finn. She did see him, but she was too afraid of getting hurt again. There were a few instances as he sung to her when she considered throwing herself into his arms, or just reaching up to him and kissing him, but she was not brave enough for that. Though things had been left unsaid with Jesse before he left for a spring break trip she was extremely grateful he was not there.
Neither Finn nor Rachel mentioned the song to each other at the next rehearsal, and with only a few more days before Jesse returned to clear up what was happening between he and Rachel, Finn was determined to broach the subject of her considering him again. He would audition for the role of Rachel's boyfriend if he had to. It was a part he was set on getting.
After the final dress run number of U2's One in the auditorium Finn saw his chance. Rachel was alone and about to step out into the parking lot. Reaching for her hand, she turned to smile at him, a slight pink flushed her cheeks as she met his eye.
"Can I talk to you for a sec?"
"Sure," Rachel's voice came out weak and wavery. Finn took it as a good sign.
"I have been working on a song, and I really wanted to get your opinion on it."
"Oh," her tone went flat and he could hear the disappointment in her voice. Rachel had hoped there would be more to his request than help with a school project.
Not letting go of her hand he shuffled Rachel back into the empty theatre and motioned for her to sit in the front row. As he took the stage his heart beat so hard and fast he feared it might cause him to pass out. Taking in four deep breaths and reminding himself why he was there helped him centre himself.
Saying I love youIs not the words I want to hear from you
Its not that I want you not to say
But if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words
Is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say
that you love me, yeah
Cause I already know.
What would you do
If my heart was torn in two?
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say
If i took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I Love You
More than words
Now that I've tried to
Talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is
Close your eyes and just reach out your hand
And touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words
Is all i ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me, yeah
Cause I already know
More than words
For his final verse, Finn descended the stage to plant himself into front of his audience. Finishing his song he placed a soft kiss on the back of Rachel's hand. Her breath caught in her throat and as she looked up at him she whispered "I'm sorry."
Not the words he had been looked for, Finn let her hand drop and turned away feeling defeated.
"No, Finn. I'm sorry I made you do this. I'm sorry I've hurt you this way. But, you hurt me too and I wanted you to feel some of that. We were both selfish, but I'm ready to forgive. If you are?" Looking up at him through her long lashes with a timid expression Finn's face lit up in response.
"I won't let you down again. Would you be my girlfriend?"
"Yes."
He lifted her into an overly tight embrace and as she struggled for air she wrapped her arms around his neck. A moment later she was light headed with feet firmly on the floor. Reaching up for him she locked her lips around Finn's and gave herself over to the joy of having him again. The two stayed that way for a long time as they kissed hungrily.
It was getting late and Finn offered to take Rachel home, as they walked the halls to the exit they kept a firm grip on each other. Passing the gym doors they caught the tail end of the Cheerios practice.
Santana saw them pass by as well and as she guzzled some much needed refreshment from her water bottle she ran into the hall to get a better look. Taking note of their clasped hands she knew she had a chance to have a little fun at someone else's expense; her favourite activity. Feeling in a superior mood she yelled out down the hall after them.
"Does this mean Jesse is available? Finn was such a lousy lay, I'm looking for an older man now." Her satisfaction came so easily as both turned to look at her with horrific expressions. Finn's face reddened with anger and Rachel began to sputter as she made the connection.
"I- I- I..."
"Rachel..." He turned a pleading eye to her as she made an effort to conceal her emotions. Hiding her face in her hands she ran down the hall and out the door before he even had a chance to form the words to explain. Glaring at Santana, as she twitched her slender form back into the gym; her ponytail disappeared around the entryway and he yelled out. "Thanks a lot."
TBC... maybe
End Notes: If you don't think this sucked too bad and might want to read more please review and let me know. You would never know I worked on this for a few weeks, but it's not easy to do TV or to do third person. Thanks in advance for any/all reviews. Songs: Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive, More Than Words by 2 Extreme.
