How long had it really been, since they had looked at each other as something more forbidden? Post-Moses, with the adrenaline of their survival alive in their veins, they had transformed what little they had into something sealed with meaning. He was hers, she was his, simply put. For months, a bit over 2 years, they had survived that way, living simple lives and doing their best to forget the horror. However, during that interval, she hadn't allowed herself to be so naive as to think that this was it - that this was their happy ending. That he wouldn't just end up being called away to save the world again...

No. She hadn't fooled herself into believing such bullshit. Each morning that she awoke with her arms still around his waist, with her head still tucked under his chin... she counted every such morning as a miracle of sorts. It was a feeling she kept to herself, deeming it too foolish-sounding to tell him.

That's why it didn't surprise her when he began to grow more distant towards the end, it honestly wasn't a shock. It was more of a slap in the face that she had seen coming from a mile away, and she tried her best to work herself up to the end that was sure to come. She wasn't sure how long it would keep going before their 'fairytale' bubble-like life together hiding out in Alaska would be punctured, not unlike a soap bubble. It wasn't healthy for her, mentally. She felt hope slip away with each deep sigh of his, each increased cigarette break that he seemed to require more than desire.

But they were soldiers. Soldiers didn't deserve such a security that she longed for. All she wanted was to lead a normal life. Once this time ended, she knew they'd never mesh back together quite the same way again. He could go away, as she knew he would, then come back and they could try to resume what they had... but she knew it would fail. He would give up on it, and she was pretty sure she would, as well.

It came to a head one particular night.

"Meryl," his hoarse voice murmured at her ear, which was moistened from recent tears spilling as she lay on her back. "Meryl, you know as well as I do." It cut in deeply, it stung. "And I don't want to risk your life... I just want you safe. I want you to keep going on, because there are so many things you could do..." He trailed off at that point when she released a muffled sob.

"Like what?" she demanded in a hiss.

He groaned, pulling away from her and sitting up, facing the snow-lined window. "You know I'm incapable of really settling down and having children. A family is just impossible... You could experience all that with a new man, a better man."

"But what about our 'new life'?" she croaked.

"We started it, and it just ended up that it wasn't the life we were meant for," he resolved simply. Too simply. There was such a lack of emotion behind those words, she nearly gasped. He stood up and left the room, and the gravity of her own weakness came crashing down on her as her heart sank.

That was why the day when he left, heading out on a new mission with Otacon, their goodbyes were simple and as impersonal as possible. She hugged him, tightly, an embrace she was pleased he returned. And then, looking just like the hero she always imagined him as, he trekked off in the Alaskan midnight sun.